


That Asha'man

by Lironah



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Black Tower, F/M, Female Asha'man, Spoilers from Lord of Chaos through A Memory of Light, Suicidal Ideation, asha'man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 80
Words: 140,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25593691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lironah/pseuds/Lironah
Summary: When Ashalyn followed her best friend to the Black Tower, the last thing she expected was to be mistaken for a man who could channel. Stuffed into a black coat before she could blink, she soon gets caught up in the machinations of the Black Tower's leader, Mazrim Taim. He gives her a ter'angreal which allows her to channel (albeit imperfectly) and sets her spying on the Andoran royal court.Unfortunately for Ashalyn, being a woman is no protection against the taint on saidin, and even less against being used for evil by the servants of the Shadow. And the Last Battle is coming....
Kudos: 5





	1. Black Coats

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Wheel of Time fans!
> 
> For those new to this work, it was originally posted in approximate real time on Twitter (@ThatAshaman) as something I could do creatively while my doctor and I fine-tuned my migraine treatment. As the story grew past 3000 tweets, however, it became difficult for new readers to retrieve the entire mega-thread. Here you can peruse Ashalyn's story in its entirety, now divided into chapters but otherwise edited for clarity only.
> 
> Since its serial nature allowed for very little in the way of revisions, I find myself surprised that so few errors in continuity managed to slip through—especially since my notes for this consisted of nothing more than a well-researched timeline. I consider it a successful experiment.
> 
> Happy reading!

**Danu 20, N.E. 999**

  * So, not to make anyone panic, but these guys showed up at my village today. Black coats, big attitudes. They said they were recruiting for some "Lord Dragon" who's supposed to be in ... Andor somewhere?  
  
I mean, it can't be the _real_ Dragon, right?
  * The mayor called for a meeting of elders. I tried to hide upstairs and listen but Mistress Mudsel caught me.
  * Can't find Tinya. I know she was watching the black coat guys, so I'm betting she's found some place she can listen in.
  * Hah, called it! Mudsel just kicked her out, too.
  * Ok, so quick recap from Tinya: The guys ARE from the real, actual Lord Dragon. At least, that's what the mayor thinks. Master Thass wants to run them out of town.
  * They just opened the doors. M. Thass looks like he just swallowed a whole BASKET of pickled plums.
  * Mayor says the black coat guys are the real deal. Apparently he saw the Dragon once in Cairhien. I didn't even know he'd BEEN to Cairhien.
  * I'm kind of ... freaking out a little?  
  
I mean, the REAL Dragon. I guess with all these false ones running around I had started to think there would never actually BE a real Dragon.
  * And yeah, I know they say all that stuff about the Stone of Tear, but they also claim Artur Hawkwing made Bandar Eban sink into the ground or something, so who're you supposed to believe?
  * Tinya would like me to point out that it was Falme, not Bandar Eban. Like where the heck is Falme?
  * Tinya, because she's a know-it-all, would like everyone to know that Falme is somewhere on Almoth Plain. It's not even part of a country, I guess? It's like, south of Bandar Eban.
  * The southlands are so weird.
  * Ok, will you guys help me convince Tinya that she should totally not go flirt with the black coats?
  * Oh no. She just told the short one that he's "dashing". I've never heard Tinya call ANYONE "dashing" before.  
  
Trying to decide if she's just messing with me now.
  * Apparently they're called "Asha'man."
  * Couple of the boys have already decided they're going with the Asha'man. I will NOT be sorry to see Hanled go.  
  
Fian, on the other hand, I might miss.
  * Wait, Master HARSEL is going?? The man's pushing seventy! What good does he think he's going to do?
  * Tried to convince Tinya that these Asha'man are celibate, and this guy is so NOT HELPING. They don't want girls for the Dragon's army, Tinya.
  * Ahh, I finally figured out what Tinya is doing. She thinks she can get a free ride to Caemlyn to see the sights.
  * Guess I should have listened to their speech a bit more carefully the first time. Not liking all this talk of "riding lightning" and such.  
  
Tinya thinks it's a metaphor. Because of course she does.
  * Master Harsel's grandkids are here trying to talk him out of it. I mean—good luck, you guys. You've only been trying to get rid of him since last Winternight.  
  
Yeah, I went there. Everyone knows he's allergic to ice peppers; claiming you just 'forgot' is disingenuous.
  * No no no no nnnnnnoooooo. Tinya just convinced Shorty to take her with him.
  * Tinya how can you do this to me? Who am I going to grouse to when Fergy Potts puts ants in the sugar bowl?
  * This is crazy this is crazy #ThisIsCrazy.
  * Master Harsel is definitely going. For a minute I thought he was going to convince his grandson to go.
  * TINYA DON'T GO.
  * I can't let her go alone. What if Shorty abandons her halfway to Caemlyn? Little Miss "It's Called Falme" couldn't navigate her way around a dress shop without a map.
  * Oh Light oh Light oh Light
  * Ok. Deep breaths.  
  
I borrowed my uncle's coat and a hat. Well, stole them really 'cause I didn't think he'd say yes.  
  
Got some breeches from my brother's closet. Some STANK in there.  
  
This is never going to work.
  * Ugh, how do men stand wearing pants?
  * Phew! Boss Asha'man says Shorty can't take Tinya to Caemlyn with him. Got all dressed up for nothing.
  * She's flirting with the big fellow now.  
  
Please don't say yes, boss dude. Be strong.
  * Aaaaaaand he caved. :(  
  
My life is over.
  * I'm pretty sure Shorty recognized me from earlier but he didn't say anything.  
  
Boss dude doesn't even care. He wants to get out of here with as many recruits as possible.
  * They're loading up carts with ... stuff they bought in town, I guess?  
  
So much for hoping they couldn't really make the trip.
  * I've just gotta hang out with these guys long enough to convince Tinya to head back home. A couple days on the road and she'll be crying to go home for sure.
  * Oh no
  * I can't even ... WHAT IS THAT??
  * It's like a hole opened up in the air.  
  
A HOLE. IN MIDAIR.
  * OH LIGHT WE'RE GOING THROUGH
  * Master Harsel flat-out FAINTED, and they picked him right up WITHOUT TOUCHING HIM. Tinya looks like she's about to be next.
  * TINYA YOU DID NOT JUST WALK THROUGH THAT HOLE IN THE AIR. NO NO NO
  * I'm in Andor. How can I be in Andor when I woke up this morning in Shienar??  
  
That's it. I'm dreaming and I need to wake up. WAKE UP, ASHALYN.
  * They're splitting us up. I knew these creeps weren't on the level!
  * They're putting us through some kind of "testing." Fian says it's not so bad.  
  
Hanled almost blew my cover, before Tinya shut him up. I almost wish she hadn't.
  * That was scary, but otherwise painless. They made me look at a flame burning in midair for like fifteen minutes straight. I'm not sure who made the flame, or the door in the air. I'm starting to worry that all of them can.
  * The black coats are taking Fian AND Hanled. Master Harsel and I are going somewhere else.  
  
Tinya has finally realized this is for real. Well guess what, Tinya? The time to be smart about this was back when you walked through that hole in the air.
  * She's arguing with Shorty. Someone just mentioned Mazrim Taim. I thought the Dragon was called al'Thor?
  * Another gate opened. That's what they call the holes in the air.  
  
I don't think the boss guy expected that. He's getting angry at someone.
  * Now we have to wait while all the new guys get tested. Going to try talking Tinya into going home.
  * Now there's a THIRD gate! Must be fifty guys here now. Not including the ten black coats.
  * Stupid Tinya. Stupid breeches. Stupid holes in the air.
  * Apparently she promised Shorty that she would work for him. Like laundry and stuff. She's trying to back out now that she has figured out what these Asha'man really are.
  * More of the recruits trying to back out. Apparently if you get chosen by these guys, it means they take you to BECOME an Asha'man.  
  
The rest are like, regular soldiers, I think.
  * There's a kid with long hair here who just got picked for the training. Tinya thinks he looks like me. I think he looks like he's about to wet his breeches.
  * Is nobody going to FEED us already?
  * Long-hair made a run for it and the Asha'man picked him up with NOTHING, like they did when M. Harsel fainted.  
  
Long-hair has definitely soiled his breeches now.  
  
I don't think he's the only one.
  * The smell is getting worse now. Ugh. It's like ... I don't know what. Every midden heap in the world turned over and set on fire.  
  
I'm about to toss my cookies.
  * Not midden heap. Worse.  
  
Sry can't tweet r/n.
  * Boss man and Shorty both dead. I'm hiding under a cart. Fire everywhere.  
  
I'm going to die. I'm going to be eaten by a pile of walking garbage and then set on fire by madmen!
  * Is madness contagious?
  * Sorry for freaking out there. The garbage creature is down, thanks to a bunch of crazy men with fireballs.  
  
It has to be some sort of Shadowspawn. Killed so many people before they got it down.
  * Tinya is OK. Sort of. She won't let go of me or stop weeping.
  * Long-hair is dead. This stupid Asha'man thinks I'm him. Tinya won't quit wailing long enough to help me explain.
  * They think I'm the idiot who passed the test and then tried to run. Do I look stupid enough to run from people who can make holes in the air?
  * They're taking everyone, even the guys who failed. Leaving the carts though. I don't know anyone who would want to eat that stuff now.  
  
We're going through another gateway.
  * Whatever this place is, it's not finished yet. There's a big stone wall going up.
  * They've sorted out the ones who failed and the ones who passed. All except me. No matter what I say, they all think I'm the coward who tried to run away. I don't know what to do short of taking my shirt off.
  * Which I am NOT going to do, for the record.
  * At least Tinya is staying with me. That was the point of this whole stupid adventure, after all.
  * They seem to think she's my wife?




	2. The Black Tower

**Danu 21, N.E. 999**

  * So, yesterday was a long day. After we were nearly smooshed into paste by a walking mound of sewage—still not over that one—Tinya and I were stuffed into a tiny room in what they call the "family barracks."
  * Apparently they didn't ask long-hair what his name was, but before I could make anything up, Tinya decided I would be "Dolyn." She DID give her last name, so I'm stuck with that, too. I guess Dolyn Taramar isn't so bad, but I would have liked to pick my own, you know?
  * Tinya thinks I would have picked some stupid pun like "Lait Sikir." Ok, so maybe I would have.
  * The other families in the building with us are nice, I guess. Some of them are grandparents, and I've seen at least 4 little kids running around with three different hair colors. The women got Tinya set up with some new clothing already.
  * I'm supposed to get measured for my "uniform" later today, which is making me sick to my stomach I'm so nervous.
  * Right, so forgot to mention that Tinya and I decided trying to blend in was our best chance of getting home. It's a LONG way to Shienar, but apparently the recruiting teams take gateways out there once a week or so.
  * If we can work out their schedule, Tinya figures we can sneak aboard a cart or something and get home.  
  
It's not a perfect plan, but it's better than trying to walk there.  
  
Light, my parents don't even know where I am. They're probably beside themselves.
  * So anyway—uniforms. There's no way they won't notice my ... womanly proportions ... if they starting whipping a measuring tape around.  
  
Maybe I'll pretend I'm sick from that garbage thing??



**Danu 22, N.E. 999**

  * Uniform guy didn't get around to me yet, but I had to spend all day "training." The M'Hael—that's what they call the Asha'man leader—has us doing something called the "Oneness."
  * You're supposed to push all your emotions into this imaginary flame, and then you can sense Saidin.  
  
Apparently it can take weeks to get that far, so I should have plenty of time to figure out how to hitch a ride back home to Shienar.
  * In the meanwhile, I'm learning all sorts of things. For example, the M'Hael is actually Mazrim Taim, the former false Dragon. I haven't met him yet, but he really creeps some of the trainees out.
  * Al'Thor almost never comes out here to check on us, even though it was his amnesty that brought all these men here to learn to channel.  
  
I try not to think about that part, but it's inevitable. Don't they understand they're all going to go mad?
  * I asked one of them today during training, and they figure the Last Battle is coming, and they won't live that long. I think he was actually as scared as I am.
  * Anyway, on to happier thoughts. Tinya thinks she can borrow a tape from one of the seamstresses and take my measurements for the uniform guy. I guess it's not that rare for him to be about a week behind, which says something about how many recruits we're getting in.
  * Tinya also remembered to bring money with her, so she's going to have someone make a dress to my measurements, in case we can't sneak through a gateway and end up walking home.
  * After training, there were of course chores to do. Figures. The "older" trainees get to use the Power to do theirs, but those of us who can't channel "yet" have to use our hands.  
  
I try not to think about how much of Saidin is flying around this place.



**Danu 23, N.E. 999**

  * Three days in, and it has finally sunk in how far we are from home right now.  
  
It's not just about how many leagues away we are. The people here talk differently. Think differently. The words I say don't always mean the same thing to the people here.
  * And the trees, and the birds, and even the weeds that grow in gaps and alleyways. I never thought I'd MISS the weeds we have back home.



**Danu 24, N.E. 999**

  * Still no luck on pinning down the schedule for when the recruiting teams go out. They did Cairhien two days in a row, then nowhere the next day, so I'm not convinced there IS a schedule.
  * I'll bet they do this intentionally, to keep the new guys in line.  
  
They also have pretty harsh rules about desertion. I'm worried about what will happen if I do get home, and they come looking for me. What if I can't convince them it was all a mistake?



**Danu 25, N.E. 999**

  * Fian did it today. He ... channeled for the first time.  
  
I'll never forget the look on his face when it happened. He was so happy; all the other trainees were congratulating him.  
  
It made me feel ... sad. And a little bit sick.  
  
Like finding out someone you knew had died.
  * No, that's not quite it. It's like finding out someone you knew was GOING to die—because that's exactly what will happen to Fian. Either he'll go mad and his own friends will put him down for the safety of the world, or he'll die in the Last Battle fighting the Shadow.
  * I don't know if it makes it better or worse that it will never happen to me. I feel like such a heel, because I CAN'T channel saidin. I never will, no matter how many practice sessions I endure. They will ALL eventually go mad or die, but not me. I'm an impostor, here by mistake.
  * I think Hanled gets it. I looked at him after Fian channeled that wisp of fire, and I knew he felt the way I did—minus the guilt. He doesn't want to channel, doesn't want to become an Asha'man. But he tries, because he has to. Even though he wants to go home.
  * And if he did go home, then what? He knows he can learn to channel. That's not something I knew before I came here—that some people will channel no matter what happens to them, but others have to be taught.
  * And I wonder—what would I do if I found out I could become an Aes Sedai? Would I go to Tar Valon, or would I pretend it didn't matter?  
  
...No, Hanled won't leave. I can't count on him to help me, either. It's up to me and Tinya.
  * Aside from Fian's dubious success, we also started sword training today. The sword master was appointed by the Lord Dragon himself, supposedly. In case his "living weapons" can't channel for whatever reason.
  * And I tell you—the boys playing at swords back home have no idea what it's really about. You can't just swing your sword; first you have to STAND right, which involves bending your knees until your thighs feel like they're on fire.
  * Tinya laughed at me when I said how much it hurt just to bend your knees for half an hour, until I made her try it. She couldn't even do two minutes without crying, so I guess we're lucky she isn't then one who decided to put on breeches and pretend t be a man.
  * Of course, if it were that way around we probably wouldn't be here in the first place. I have to admit I make a much more convincing boy than Tinya ever would.
  * She asked me yesterday if I blamed her for all this. And yeah, I totally do ... but if I hadn't come, then she would be stranded here alone. Maybe that garbage monster would have eaten her right along with Shorty—I don't know.  
  
I guess it's better that we're here together.
  * Whoa. The M'Hael just swung by the newbie barracks "to get a better look" at us.  
  
The others are right. He's pretty intimidating. Would it kill him to smile?
  * His buddy Mishraile, on the other hand ... WOW. I don't often go for guys with yellow hair, but that man is something to LOOK at. Mmm hmm.
  * Tinya agrees with me.



**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying the story so far, don't forget to leave some kudos!


	3. The Escape

**Danu 26, N.E. 999**

  * So. Tired. First, the obligatory saidin training. The Asha'man in charge didn't think I was trying hard enough, so he kept me an hour longer than the others. I was starting to think I actually felt something, then realized Hanled was warming my nose with the power.
  * So I decked him. Didn't even think about it; just reacted.  
  
That landed both of us with extra chores, of course.
  * AND I still had to train with Master Haslin when I was done. We did more knee-bending, and he never was satisfied with my posture. Kept telling me to straighten my back.
  * Also, my arms feel like jelly from all the forms we practiced.



**Danu 27, N.E. 999**

  * Uniform arrived today, and I have 2 thoughts.  
  
1: Breeches are a lot more comfortable when they fit properly.  
  
2: I feel like such a fraud.



**Danu 28, N.E. 999**

  * Very subdued Feast of Lights here. We don't really get the day off, but the instructors kind of let us slack off unless one of the M'Hael's minions come around.
  * Tinya did find some candles to put in the windows. And she's helping the "other" wives to bake some sweets for the children.
  * I get it. I do. No one knows whether the Last Battle is going to be next week or next year, and any day spent celebrating might be a day less to prepare. But I really thought at least this one thing would feel ... more like home, I guess.
  * On the other hand, if I keep busy enough, there's less time to spend feeling homesick.



**Taisham 1, N.E. 1000**

  * Happy Firstday.



**Taisham 2, N.E. 1000**

  * Training cut short today so the M'Hael can talk to the instructors. Guess what we get to do instead?  
  
Yup. Double sword practice. 🙄



**Taisham 3, N.E. 1000**

  * It's finally going down. Fian overheard one of the recruiters planning a trip to Shienar this afternoon.
  * Tinya got my dress back from the seamstresses. It fits way nicer than anything mother ever sewed me.  
  
Sorry, mom. Your threads are not lit.
  * In three hours, Tinya and I will be done with this farce and headed home.  
  
Or maybe my head will decorate the Traitor's Tree. (Don't tell Tinya I said that. She's done enough crying this last week.)
  * Tinya thinks I should take home the black coat and stuff as souvenirs. I'm seriously considering it.  
  
Not the uniform. Just the sword. We don't know for sure where the gateway will drop us, and while brigands aren't usually a problem in Shienar, these are strange times.
  * Might even put my uncle's coat back on for the walk home, so we appear like less of a target.
  * So we were all set to slip out and wait for the recruiting party to leave when Mishraile came by to chew out one of the new recruits. (Newer than me.)  
  
I've changed my mind. Mishraile might look like a southland prince, but he's got a heart like ice.
  * Good news though! The recruiters got held up, too—by Hanled of all people. Fian must have told him we were planning to go home, because I sure didn't.
  * So anyway, Hanled distracted them by claiming the M'Hael was looking for them, and Fian covered for us so I could change. Then Tinya and I slipped down to the Traveling yard.
  * It was weird walking around the Black Tower in a dress. I kept expecting someone to recognize me, but Tinya borrowed some powders from the Domani downstairs from us, and I guess they did the trick.
  * Although probably there are so many trainees here that nobody knows all of them on sight.
  * So now we're hiding under a tarp in one of the supply carts. I hope they ... yes, they're taking this one.  
  
Cross your fingers for me, guys!
  * I can't believe that worked. As soon as the Asha'man left the carts behind to go give their spiel, Tinya and I slipped away.
  * Not entirely sure where we are yet. Tinya thinks south of Fal Moran. Definitely more hills than home, so we voted to head south.
  * Well this is going to be fun. Tinya swears I said I was bringing the food. I KNOW I told her I didn't have room for it in the basket with my other clothes.
  * If this were a story, they'd have to call it "The Misadventures of Ashalyn and Tinya."
  * So here we are, sleeping under a hedge in the middle of ... well, what should be winter. I guess it's not as bad as it could have been.
  * The stars are nice, at least.
  * Randomly remembered something just now. So, supposedly I have a half sister who disappeared when I was just a baby. My da thinks she left because mom made her do so much housework.
  * My older sisters—the ones who remember her—say she got weird right before she left. Always going out into the woods and stuff.
  * I mean, maybe she got eaten by wolves or wandered into the Blight, but I always pictured her on some sort of adventure. Maybe hunting for the Horn of Valere or something.
  * Going to try to sleep now.



**Taisham 4, N.E. 1000**

  * Hungry. Tinya bought a pair of apples from a passing farmer, but that's all we've had to eat today.
  * Still not exactly sure where we are, but we do know we're headed in the right direction now.
  * THEY FOLLOWED US.
  * NO NO NO. TINYA RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
  * Made it to the cover of the trees, but I got separated from Tinya. 😭  
  
Please don't find me please don't find me
  * They know I'm close. They keep shouting.  
  
I think they just caught Tinya. I don't know what to do!
  * I'm surrounded. How do they know where I am?  
  
Are they using the Power right now? Oh Light oh Light.
  * They don't know exactly where I am, but they definitely have Tinya. I can hear her crying.
  * The Asha'man in charge is threatening her.  
  
What if he hurts her? Would they really do something to her if I don't come out of hiding?
  * This is so not fair.
  * I recognize that voice. That's Fedwin Morr.  
  
He says they'll set fire to the forest if I don't come out. I know he's not bluffing.
  * Even if he were, I can't abandon Tinya. She could have left the Black Tower any time she wanted, but she stayed for me.  
  
I'm going out.  
  
...If you don't hear from me again, tell my parents I'm sorry.



**Taisham 7, N.E. 1000**

  * Sorry for going silent like that. Just spent twenty-four hours in the stocks, and wasn't up to anything besides sleep after they let us out.  
  
Hanled and Fian got it, too. The Asha'man put some kind of shield on them so they couldn't channel. On me too, probably, like it matters.
  * I had no idea how much it would hurt. Like, you can rest your legs a little by leaning on the framework, but necks and wrists aren't made to support your weight.  
  
You can't really sleep, because it chokes you.
  * It gets worse, though. They've moved me to the individual barracks, and they only let me see Tinya once a day. They figure if I can't see her, we can't plan another escape.
  * I tried to convince them I'm not a man after they caught me. I think Fedwin was starting to believe me, when this kid named Bardo asked why I changed back into men's clothing after we got through the gateway. I wasn't thinking clearly enough to explain.
  * Fedwin did come by to see how I was doing yesterday during the worst of it. He said I'm lucky Mishraile didn't find me first, or it would have been the Traitor's Tree for sure.  
  
I'm not sure it would have bothered me at that point but, you know. He tried.
  * Had a good long talk with Hanled and Fian, too, but I have to go to training now.  
  
Useless, stupid, pointless training.
  * Oh, the other thing Bardo said that I wanted to smack him for was that "I wasn't pretty enough to make a convincing woman."  
  
One day, Bardo. I will have my revenge.



**Taisham 9, N.E. 1000**

  * Working me hard these last couple days, but they haven't set a minder over me.  
  
Fian says they have a way to track people with the Power. He overheard them talking about it while they were hunting for me.
  * Basically it means they channeled at me that first day (after "I" gained a reputation for running thanks to long-hair, who got me into this mess by looking like me and then dying).  
  
I am feeling Very Paranoid about this right now.




	4. The Dragon at the Wells

**Taisham 11, N.E. 1000**

  * Some kind of kerfuffle going on with Taim's people. Lot of shouting earlier, now gone quiet.  
  
The rest of us are walking on eggshells, just in case.
  * Ok, something is going down. They're calling everyone out from classes. Definite feeling of panic in the air.
  * They're asking who knows the weave for shielding an Aes Sedai.  
  
Are we under attack from the White Tower?
  * Not under attack. Good. Wherever the instructors are going, they're going by gateway.
  * Um, apparently it's not just the instructors. Fian and Hanled are receiving instructions.
  * The junior trainees are staying here? So I guess that's good for me, but I'm worried about the boys.
  * Sounds like they're almost ready for ... whatever is going on.
  * Well, there goes my day.  
  
They're going north. Almost to Tar Valon, Hanled thinks.  
  
Tinya, the queen of bad ideas, wants me to help her get through one of the gateways.
  * I told her I can't do anything that makes it look like I'm running again, but she's insistent.
  * I guess I've been thinking about myself a lot, but she's on the edge of a meltdown. Wants to get away from men who channel, at any cost.  
  
Even our lives, apparently.
  * Wasn't hard to get into the briefing area. All the instructors are going, so there's no one to look after us.  
  
We ARE going to somewhere near Tar Valon. The Cairhien road, anyway.
  * I say "we" like I've decided to actually do this thing. Light help me.
  * Mishraile just assured everyone that we're not actually assaulting the White Tower. It's a rescue mission of some kind?  
  
Not clear whether it's an Asha'man they've taken or some poor fool who got himself caught by the Red Ajah.
  * Oh no. Light no.  
  
I thought they said this guy's name was Raen or something, but Fian just told me it's Rand.  
  
As in Rand al'Thor, the Dragon Reborn.  
  
The Aes Sedai have kidnapped the Dragon.
  * I mean, what were they thinking?  
  
Did they not know he had an army of saidin-wielding lunatics??
  * Tinya is here, wearing a dark coat and my uncle's hat. I'm trying to talk her out of it, but I don't even think she's listening to me at this point.
  * We're going through.  
  
No, I don't want to go, but what choice do I have? Tinya is nearly hysterical and I can't ... I WON'T let her go out there without someone who's thinking clearly.
  * The Light burn me for a fool, but I won't.
  * Gateways are opening. I've never seen so many people channeling at once.  
  
Sound of battle coming through from the other side.
  * Tinya wants to turn back now, but they're pushing us through.
  * Oh Light, they're dying. The Asha'man are dying.  
  
There must be thousands of Aiel here. No one mentioned Aiel!
  * Was crazy for the first few minutes, but now we've circled up. Tinya and I are in the middle of a ring of black coats and all around us, fire.  
  
Fire and thunder and blood.
  * There's blood on my sword. I don't remember pulling it out. Automatic after Master Haslin's training.  
  
Aiel almost broke through but now they're being kept at bay again.
  * The world has all gone mad. There are Aiel fighting Aiel out there.
  * And wolves! Light, there are wolves attacking the Aiel too!
  * Lightning striking all around us. Knocked me over. Can't hear anything.
  * We're pushing our way to the center. Can't find Tinya. Hope she's alive.
  * Didn't even know that sort of thing could be done with the Power. If I survive this, I think I'm going to be sick.
  * We're at the wagons.
  * Found Tinya. She's bleeding, but alive. Can't hear much either, I think.
  * The Warders are running. And someone's armsmen in green.
  * Mishraile says the Lord Dragon is here. He's alive.  
  
We're circling up and the Asha'man are channeling some kind of invisible wall.  
  
Aiel still trying to get through it. Dying against it.
  * There's the M'Hael. And someone else....  
  
I think that's HIM. He has red hair, and he's tall, like an Aiel.  
  
He looks like someone has beaten him to within an inch of his life. How is he standing?
  * Not just Aiel out there. Men who look like farmers, and soldiers out of Cairhien. They're being crushed against the wall of nothing.
  * Tinya just threw up. Don't blame her. Is no one going to help those people?
  * Someone is raising a banner above the wall. Well, it's more like a dome. Can see the smoke at the top.  
  
Banner is red with a flame and a fang. I've heard about it, but never expected to see it.
  * Order has come down to raise the dome. I made Tinya hide behind the wagons.  
  
Which is where I should be, but I still have my sword. Those Aiel won't take me without a fight.
  * I thought it was bad watching those soldiers die pinned against the wall.  
  
This is worse. So much worse.
  * It's like ... a plow made of fire churning through the Aiel.
  * They're running.  
  
Of course they're running. Not even Aiel can face this rolling ring of earth and fire.
  * (That's what Mishraile called it, before anyone accuses me of waxing poetic.)
  * I think it's over?  
  
For us, it seems to be.
  * I heard the Lord Dragon order it to stop. His voice was like thunder. I'm still shaking.
  * Found Hanled. I think he might lose his arm.  
  
He didn't realize I was here. Apparently he told Tinya not to come either.
  * Wait; they're coming around and healing people with the Power.
  * Almost couldn't convince the guy this blood all over me isn't mine.  
  
Almost didn't want to.
  * I mean, I don't think I actually killed anyone today? But I definitely hurt someone. Who is definitely dead right now.
  * Hanled says his arm is fine now. I'll take his word for it.  
  
After everything I've seen today, it's hard to believe saidin can be used for healing.
  * The power that broke the world, and it just healed a man's arm.  
  
The power that turned this field into a charnel house, and it saved a man's life just over there.
  * The world is broken.
  * I think ... those are Aes Sedai over there. On their knees.  
  
Looks like they're all prisoners.
  * Some of the Aiel are on our side?
  * There are actual Maidens of the Spear right there.
  * And some other women in skirts. Pretty sure they're also Aiel.  
  
They're having a look at Tinya.
  * Who's that girl on the Dragon's arm? Was she a prisoner too?  
  
She's wearing breeches??
  * I'm one to talk, I know. But these aren't borrowed men's breeches I'm talking about. They're EMBROIDERED.
  * I want to go up and talk to her but the M'Hael is right there. Mishraile will have my nose if I so much as wink at her.
  * Uh-oh, Fedwin Morr just spotted me. Giving me the glare of a lifetime.  
  
It wasn't my idea, I swear!




	5. Aftermath

  * Was hoping we'd gate home now that the battle is over, but apparently there's work to do.
  * They've got us searching the bodies, looking for women among the dead and wounded. I don't know how any Aes Sedai could stand to hide in this, but I guess I can understand why the Lord Dragon wants us looking anyway.
  * I explained myself to Morr. I think he might actually believe me, but it's hard to say for sure. Either way, he hasn't let me out of his sight.
  * The smell is almost unbearable. This time tomorrow you won't be able to come within a mile of this place without gagging.
  * Found a man ... he'd been cut in half. I think a gateway did it.  
  
By the look on what was left of his face, the guy didn't even have time to realize he was dead.
  * After today, I understand why Aes Sedai promise not to use the One Power as a weapon.  
  
You could win any war with this. You could win, and barely take any casualties at all.  
  
We lost six or seven Soldiers today, and killed ... it has to be somewhere in the thousands of people.
  * This is wrong. The Black Tower shouldn't exist.  
  
Except it has to, because the Last Battle is coming. Light save us.
  * Sun is setting and we're still searching. Darkness isn't a problem when you can channel.
  * Sounds like they're relieving us. Finally.
  * Oh. Wow, that's ... I did not not need to see that.  
  
The men taking over the search are the Aiel prisoners.  
  
Um....  
  
None of them are wearing any clothing.
  * Tinya still won't talk to me. Just stares into space.  
  
One of the Aiel women in skirts (they're called Wise Ones?) says she's "in shock." Well yeah I was pretty shocked today but I'm still coherent.  
  
Maybe she got hit on the head by a flying rock?
  * They're lining us up so the Lord Dragon can look at us.  
  
The ones who aren't keeping shields on the Aes Sedai, anyway.
  * Now I know I'm tired. I could have sworn that man I just passed had yellow eyes.
  * Fedwin says some of these soldiers are from all the way in Mayene. And the guys that look like farmers are from some place called Twin Rivers? More of them have bows than swords.
  * Two Rivers, not Twin Rivers. It's in Andor ... someplace.
  * It's a bit surreal walking through the camp. Everyone looks at me like they're afraid.  
  
I know I'll never look at a black coat the same way again.
  * Al'Thor is here. He's not even wearing a coat; just a shirt with a torn sleeve. There's some kind of tattoo on his arm, but the ink isn't black. It looks red and gold.
  * That girl is still with him. I'm sure she was staring at me for a minute.
  * He's choosing people to go with him.  
  
...Not Asha'man, though. Soldiers and Dedicated. Mishraile and Torval are not happy AT ALL.
  * He wanted to pick me, until Fedwin explained that I was here by accident.  
  
He's taking Fedwin instead. The one guy here I actually trust.
  * Before he walked off, Fedwin told me, "If you decide to run again, make sure you don't get caught."  
  
I think I'm going to cry.



**Taisham 12, N.E. 1000**

  * Woken up twice last night because the captured Warders tried to escape. I thought for sure Mishraile was going to kill one or two of them. How can one man hold so much anger inside?
  * Those Warders, though. Some of them had broken bones after the first one, and they still tried again.
  * I'm pretty sure there are more Warders than Aes Sedai here. Are some of them borrowed??
  * We set up in a camp over the ridge from yesterday's battlefield. Can still smell it, but I think half of that is, um .... well, let's just say very few of us have had a bath or been able to wash our clothing.  
  
I won't go into any deeper detail than that.
  * Tinya still won't look me in the eye, but she has reportedly spoken a few words to the women taking care of her.  
  
I asked Fedwin if he will make sure she gets safely home before he leaves with the Lord Dragon. He said he would try.
  * Oh Light, it's High Chasaline today. How was that not over a week ago?
  * As for me....  
  
I'm not sure I can go home after seeing that yesterday. The nightmares last night were ... well, not comfortable, but less terrifying than the memories.
  * How is anyone supposed to look on the bright side after going through something like this?  
  
I mean, I'm grateful I'm still alive. And that Tinya is. And Fian and Hanled.  
  
That's all the bright side I can muster.
  * How do I go back to carding wool and spinning thread after being a part of something so terrible?  
  
I used to get through the day by imagining what the world outside was like. Now every idle thought is consumed with memories of slaughter and the world breaking apart at my feet.
  * I'm going to go find something useful to do.
  * Finally back "home." Everyone pretty subdued. Lessons cancelled until tomorrow.  
  
Personally, I have never felt so happy to put on clean clothes in my life.
  * My hair still smells like blood, even though I washed it. T_T




	6. False Dragons

**Taisham 16, N.E. 1000**

  * Haven't slept much lately. Nightmares have been ... pretty bad.
  * Yesterday I sort of exploded at the newer trainees. They were giving Master Haslin a hard time about sword training, and I flew off the handle.  
  
I told them what it was like to be on that battlefield and not be able to channel.
  * I said my sword training was the only thing that kept me and Tinya alive when the Aiel swept over us. I told them about the Soldiers who died anyway, taken by a spear even though they stood ready with the Power.
  * I told them how the Lord Dragon could channel, yet there he was caged by Aes Sedai. Helpless, until we came and rescued him.  
  
I think that got the point across.
  * They all sort of looked at me with awe after that.  
  
Very few of the trainees have actually seen the Dragon Reborn.



**Taisham 17, N.E. 1000**

  * Scary thing happened today. The M'Hael heard I went to Dumai's Wells when I couldn't channel, and came to talk to me in person.  
  
I decided to explain everything; how I only came for Tinya, and about the man who I was mistaken for.
  * He decided to have Mishraile "test me for resonance" again, right in front of everyone. But something went wrong. I was staring at that flame, and whatever resonance they were looking for ... everyone felt it. Hanled was there; the look of shock on his face was unmistakable.
  * I asked Hanled and Fian to try the test again when we were in private, and they felt nothing. Even after twice as long as the M'Hael made Mishraile wait.
  * Mishraile must have done ... something. Maybe it was because so many men who could channel were crowded around; I don't know.  
  
Except....
  * ...I'm not sure if it means anything, but the M'Hael said something as I was leaving. I think he was talking to Mishraile and the others, and it had the feeling of a private joke, even though Taim wasn't laughing or even smiling. And he looked right at me when he said it.
  * He said ... I'm pretty sure what he said was, "Let the Lord of Chaos rule." Does that mean anything to anyone?
  * Fian has been pretty much fawning over Taim since we got here, but even he got bad vibes from the whole thing.
  * Really missing Tinya today. I know she got home safe, but have no idea how she's doing now.



**Taisham 18, N.E. 1000**

  * Some fool of a Soldier prancing around in a bird mask today. A tradition from Altara, they tell me.  
  
Man looks ridiculous.
  * You know, I think I'm actually starting to like the sword lessons?



**Taisham 19, N.E. 1000**

  * Urgh. What's with all the shouting so early in the morning?
  * Holy cow. People are saying LOGAIN is here.  
  
THE Logain. As in, caught by the White Tower and gentled Logain.  
  
We all thought he was dead.
  * I didn't get a look at him before they took him in to see the M'Hael.  
  
Donalo is taking bets that he's a fake.
  * I for one hope he is an impostor. I'm not sure the Black Tower is big enough for two former False Dragons.
  * This morning's training was brutal. Instructor is convinced that I'm not trying hard enough to grasp saidin.  
  
There were ... drastic measures taken.
  * I think the bucket was the worst. I've always had nightmares about drowning. Definitely going to have some tonight.
  * Call to assembly just came in. I think we're about to hear Taim's verdict on maybe-Logain.
  * Longest. Assembly. Ever.  
  
So yes, the guy is really Logain. And yes, he was gentled, and yes he can channel again now.  
  
That discussion took like 2 whole hours by itself.
  * The rest of the assembly was about the Aes Sedai factions out there. So, this is something I didn't really get before, but the AS at the White Tower follow Elaida, who is Red Ajah—i.e. their goal is to find men who can channel and gentle them.
  * The other faction is based out of some place called Salidar, and their Amyrlin (yes, there's 2!) is named Egwain Alvaere (I know I didn't spell it right, but that's how it sounds.) She is I guess Green Ajah? Wasn't clear.
  * Supposedly the Green is all about fighting the Last Battle and stuff. And they're the ones who healed Logain of being gentled, so they're maybe sorta on our side, kinda?  
  
The last part of the assembly was how we should never ever go near any Aes Sedai without orders.
  * Except that we're also supposed to let Taim know about any rumors of any Aes Sedai who know the weave to heal gentling, which I'm not clear on how we're supposed to find that out if we can't go near them.  
  
Anyway.
  * Oh, so forgot to mention—Logain the not-gentled-anymore was promoted straight off, and they made a big show about how he's under Taim's authority because al'Thor appointed Taim directly. I think that's supposed to keep people from realizing how much they hate each other?
  * Because honestly, it was pretty obvious.
  * I stood there so long my legs got stiff, so I'm going to go practice with my sword in the training yard until I'm tired enough to sleep.



**Taisham 20, N.E. 1000**

  * Did some thinking last night about what I'm doing here. I can't channel, and can't become the weapon that everyone expects me to be, but there is something I can do.
  * The first part of training is the worst. But I'm still here, where I can help the new guys through it. Or at any rate, I can try. So that's what I'm going to do from now on.



**Taisham 24, N.E. 1000**

  * Lots of comings and goings. Half seem to be about the Lord Dragon waging a war in Illian, and the other are people looking for a bunch of deserters who left in the night.
  * Oh, yikes. They found some of the deserters.  
  
Every time they do this, I think about how that could have been my head hanging from that tree.  
  
It's very motivational, I'll give them that.
  * Took a walk to see what they have Fian and Hanled doing lately. They were working on that wall, stacking black stones up and melding them together with the Power.
  * For a minute I actually wished I could see what they were doing. Or I mean, how they were doing it I guess.  
  
It's weird how used to this stuff I am now.



**Taisham 25, N.E. 1000**

  * All but 2 of the second batch of trainees have moved up to the next stage of training.  
  
At this point I think the instructor knows I'm never going to channel, but after that show the M'Hael put on, I could probably dance naked on the wall and still be stuffed back into this coat.



**Taisham 26, N.E. 1000**

  * There's been a shift in the way things happen around here since Logain arrived. It's hard to put my finger on it, really, but he's put the life back into some of these people. He's got something that Taim doesn't.
  * I'm not saying Logain is actively looking to replace Taim as M'Hael. It's that people trust him more. They'll open up to him like they can't for Taim, maybe because he's not in that position of authority. But he also has so much experience.
  * He's got this way about him, like you could tell him anything and he'd be cool with it.
  * I'm thinking it's because he was gentled. I don't mean that it changed him physically or anything. I've seen a guy who burned himself out—it was like having a hand cut off for him. After losing something like that and then getting it back ... not much can shake you anymore.
  * It makes me chuckle to think of it this way, but he's almost got that Aes Sedai serenity thing going on.  
  
Taim definitely does not have that. With him, and his guys, there's always a hint of anger underneath, I guess.



**Taisham 28, N.E. 1000**

  * Whoa, is it RAINING??
  * Naw, that can't have been rain. Probably someone messing with the Power.
  * There it goes again. More of a mist than a rain.
  * Ok, I'm a believer. That is rain for sure.  
  
Thank the Light!



**Jumara 1, N.E. 1000**

  * Nobody's even trying to get anything done today. The rain isn't really that hard, but we're all so relieved to see it after that endless summer.



**Jumara 2, N.E. 1000**

  * Rain is pounding so loud this morning nobody can sleep. I guess we needed it, but what good will it do anyone if it washes the whole world into the river?
  * We've moved training indoors. A bit more dangerous in here, but so far none of the new guys has set anyone's shirt on fire.  
  
Which HAS actually happened before.



**Jumara 4, N.E. 1000**

  * Turned to snow late last night. These barracks were NOT designed with the cold in mind.  
  
Mishraile has had to discourage several Soldiers from tying weaves of fire in their rooms.
  * Hmm, lots of people missing this morning, though. Probably gone to Illian.



**Jumara 5, N.E. 1000**

  * They've put several people on "weather duty," clearing out the snow that fell already and redirecting the rest so it won't fall on the training grounds. Fian is surprisingly good at it.  
  
We're back to business as usual, whatever that means.



**Jumara 6, N.E. 1000**

  * Boy, that snow just keeps coming, doesn't it?



**Jumara 7, N.E. 1000**

  * Not sure when I started looking forward to evening sword training so much.
  * I guess it's the only time of day (aside from chores) when people aren't demanding the impossible from me.  
  
I think I'm actually getting good at it.



**Jumara 8, N.E. 1000**

  * ARGH. Just when I was settling into my "help the newbies" groove, the M'Hael up and decides I need "private lessons" with him.
  * Which basically consisted of me running errands for him all day. The jerk KNOWS I can't channel; I'm convinced now that he was the one who rigged the test.
  * I missed the beginning of weapons training too, running some stupid message to the Traveling yard.



**Jumara 11, N.E. 1000**

  * So, Fian ambushed me last night after the M'Hael let me go (from another pointless day of waiting attendance on him). Said it wasn't fair that Taim is giving me special treatment and not him.
  * I tried to explain that I'd trade places with him in a minute, but he didn't believe me. Accused me of sleeping with Taim (in front of several others, so that was lovely) and then tried to hit me.
  * I guess he hasn't been paying enough attention during weapons training, because I had him flat on the ground in like twelve seconds.  
  
That's when he cheated and used the Power on me, of course.
  * If Logain hadn't been there, I don't know what he might have done to me.  
  
He's not the man I grew up with anymore. Learning to channel has changed him, and not for the better.
  * I think I wrenched my shoulder when I punched him. It won't take any weight today. 😠
  * I learned something mind-blowing today. Apparently there are things called ter'angreal which can let someone who can't channel use the Power.
  * I told Hanled about the ter'angreal things, and he remembered hearing Mishraile talk about finding some for the M'Hael. I wonder where he keeps them.
  * No, I am NOT thinking about stealing one. I'm not that stupid.



**Jumara 12, N.E. 1000**

  * Logain came by during weapons training last night. Did a little sword work, but mostly I think he wanted to see how training works from the bottom up.
  * He noticed my shoulder was bothering me and Healed it, then gave me this really startled look afterward. Does a Healing weave work differently on a man than it does on a woman? Because I'm pretty sure that's what the look was about.
  * No lie; Logain has been asking around about me. I shudder to think what rumors people have already filled his head with.



**Jumara 14, N.E. 1000**

  * Well as far as I know, Logain isn't going around telling people I'm a woman. I probably would have heard about that one by now.
  * Fian has been the biggest brown-noser this week. Kissing up to the M'Hael's cronies left, right, and center. 🙄
  * His shouting at me about sleeping with Taim has gotten me a lovely reputation among the newbies.
  * One Domani guy propositioned me earlier (I'm pretty sure he was in earnest) which was flattering, but he's totally not my type.
  * He didn't press the issue, thank goodness. One advantage of wearing a black coat is that nobody messes with you unless they're willing to draw the instructors' attention by channeling.
  * I did also warn him that Fian was blowing smoke and I didn't think Taim leaned that way either.
  * There's another Shienaran woman in the camp now. Her name is Naris, and she's the wife of one of the new guys. She reminds me of my aunt Lacie.
  * Missing Tinya hardcore right now.



**Jumara 17, N.E. 1000**

  * Getting so sick of waiting on the M'Hael while his cronies smirk behind their hands at me. There has to be a better use for me than this.



**Jumara 18, N.E. 1000**

  * A few missing faces are back from Illian, looking worse for wear. Haven't got the whole story, but one of them said something about fighting people from Tarabon?
  * Um. I may have just made a rather large mistake.
  * I got fed up today and told Taim that if he had nothing to teach me, I was going to go join the scouts riding out in the woods.  
  
He didn't say anything, just stared at me until I panicked and walked out.
  * Then I lied and told the horsemaster that I had a message for the scouts from the M'Hael.  
  
...I should probably just keep riding. No telling what will happen if I go back.
  * So I found the scouts. Guess who's with them?  
  
Yeah, it's Logain.
  * He offered to show me the ropes. So now it's just me and a former false Dragon, cruising the woods with a silence weave on our horses' hooves.  
  
This is totally better. >_>
  * At least he isn't creepy like Taim is.
  * I ended up telling Logain everything. Almost everything. He's just so easy to talk to.
  * He agrees with me that Taim is up to no good, doing this to me. Offered to gate me home, but I told him I wasn't ready.
  * Came in for sword training and hooo boy did Mishraile let me have it. I'm to be punished for "insubordination" and "dereliction of duty."
  * I think it would have been a lot worse if I'd ridden in alone.  
  
Honestly the extra chores are worth seeing the look on his face when he realized Logain was with me.
  * I probably don't need to say that my "special sessions" with the M'Hael are over. (Thank the Light.)




	7. Aes Sedai

**Jumara 19, N.E. 1000**

  * We're on high alert this morning after somebody thought they spotted a Warder in the woods. Um. I may be regretting my decision to reassign myself to scouting.
  * And yeah, I was supposed to be on extra chores today, but when the news came in they put me on a horse and sent me out with the others.
  * I've been assured that my days of hauling horse manure will only be diminished if I end up dying.
  * They've paired me with a guy named Canler and some boys who just started training. I don't know what we're supposed to do if we find any actual Warders.
  * Canler figures most of us are bait to draw out any actual Aes Sedai who might be out there. Very reassuring.
  * I did NOT know that. Apparently Canler and some of the other guys figured out something like the Warder bond to link them with their wives. I'm surprised nobody mentioned it when I came in with Tinya.
  * (I mean it's not like that would have done me any good. It's sort of an advanced weave even if I could channel.)
  * This coat is way too thin for the cold. I should have worn my uncle's coat under it. >_<
  * Canler is just a fountain of information. There's tons of stuff the trainees don't hear about.
  * A second group just joined ours. I feel a little safer now.
  * On second thought, no. I do not feel safe anymore.  
  
They've joined us because they spotted something and need us to flank them.
  * Ok, Ashalyn, don't freak out. They're probably just some fool nobles out hawking a little too close to the Black Tower.
  * How far out are these guys, anyway?
  * I knew it. I KNEW we were the bait.  
  
So, we've reached the tracks the other guys found (I guess not even Warders can hide their trail in two feet of snow), and they want US to march straight along them like idiots.
  * Canler talking about the Warder bond some more to keep the new guys distracted. Apparently he knew a guy who went to be trained at the Tower but didn't make the cut.
  * He seems to think his bond with his wife is different from the way the Aes Sedai do it. Warders are supposed to get all kinds of strength and resilience from the bond, but they can also be compelled to obedience. Sounds like a pretty raw deal to me.
  * Ok, these guys are way the heck out here, but there are definitely more tracks now. I reeeeeeally hope the other group is in position by now.
  * Stuff is GOING DOWN. Will update when I have a minute to breathe.
  * So we come up on this camp and there are dudes in armor and white uniforms, and at first I'm thinking some Whitecloaks decided to dice with the Dark One as it were.
  * But no, they're Tower Guard—as in White Tower—because these gals who came down are all RED AJAH who apparently don't have Warders.
  * That seems stupid to me; that you would hunt men who could channel but you ain't got backup for when things go south. Like they totally went today (spoiler alert).
  * So we come up on them and at first they're all shouting at us and the Reds come out and start telling us to surrender. And the boys are freaking out because they've all been shielded, and Canler's yelling at me because he didn't get the memo that I can't channel...
  * ...and then the guards come up (and I guess they did have one Warder with them so they can't all five have been Red. I dunno on that point) and the boys start waving their swords around like they picked them up yesterday, which to be honest they probably did.
  * Canler wasn't much better, but I've been practicing as you know, and was holding my own against the guards. Then this Warder comes up and, I mean I knew I couldn't take him but I was like, super freaked out at this point and was just reacting.
  * I take a swing, and all of a sudden a big blast of Air hits me outta nowhere. Then Canler's all, "don't can't attack the Warders or Aes Sedai because they can't hurt you with the Power unless they're in danger." And I'm all "thanks for not telling me that like FIVE MINUTES AGO."
  * So I'm lying there in the snow in my coat that's way too thin and hoping my horse doesn't step on me, and by the time I get to my feet the others have all been caught by these guards and my sword is like, totally vanished.
  * Canler keeps his cool sort of, but the boys were pretty scared. I guess they'd never even seen an Aes Sedai before and heard all kinds of stories ... like, weird ones.
  * Anyway. I've got nothing to worry about because it's not like gentling will do anything to me, but I figured maybe if I keep a level head I can at least get the boys free. Then I remember—oh yeah, I'm not supposed to attack the Aes Sedai.
  * Who by this time is standing right over me, looking down at me with pity like I'm a bird with a broken wing, or maybe a horse she's going to put down. It was the strangest feeling.
  * That's when it gets really surreal. Because apparently these Sisters thought we were like, the ENTIRE Black Tower. They were getting ready to pack up and ride home after catching FOUR of us.
  * I couldn't help myself; I started laughing right there. I know they thought I was crazy, and like, I felt pretty unhinged at that moment myself, because I KNOW what's about to happen.
  * I'm just sorry I was too busy reeling from a punch to the stomach (that Warder was a real JERK) to see the look on her face when the other group rides in and starts shielding them.
  * It got ugly fast after that. One of our guys starts shooting arrows made of ice, and all the guards go down. Some of the horses, too. The Aes Sedai decided to let the shields go and start blocking the arrows instead, but I saw at least two of them bleeding before that happened.
  * It didn't take long before our guys got them all shielded, and then I tell you what, I have never seen such a look of terror on an Aes Sedai face before. One of them let out a scream that is going to haunt my nightmares, and another fainted right into the snow.
  * Then someone—I didn't see who—shouts "kill the Aes Sedai!" and a couple of our guys decide that's a wonderful idea. It was all Canler and I could do to talk them down.
  * It finally took us reminding them that the M'Hael had orders from the Dragon Reborn himself to "leave the Aes Sedai alone." I mean, we can't really follow the letter of that if they're trying to gentle us, but that's a line we just don't want to cross.
  * What followed that was a very, VERY long ride home. After which we had to have the same argument about not killing them all over again.
  * If you can't tell, I'm really tired right now.
  * But finally Canler suggests bonding them. He says if not for our conversation earlier he never would have thought of it, but Logain figured out how to do it the Aes Sedai way, where they can compel the bonded Sisters to obey.
  * I should mention that all this happened BEFORE Taim showed up. He was Not Happy.
  * There's more, but I need some sleep before I can process everything. I'm barely capable of coherent thought at this point.



**Jumara 20, N.E. 1000**

  * Ugh, I feel horrible. Think I caught a cold after being dumped in the snow yesterday.
  * So the ride home yesterday was not pleasant, completely aside from being chilled to the bone. Two of the Aes Sedai spent the whole time sobbing.  
  
I'd forgotten how terrifying we (by which I mean the boys) are to other people.
  * I'm so used to seeing the Power used for anything and everything I guess. And the couple fellows who went mad since I got here didn't have a chance to do much damage.
  * Then there was the whole question of what to do with them. This was before Canler's suggestion, and we're all still on edge because that Warder got away. Think I forgot to mention that last night.
  * The Dedicated argued about this the whole time back. In front of the new kids, which set a great example, I'm sure, and also in front of these five Aes Sedai who mostly put on a brave front except for the weeping ones.
  * Oh, I did find my sword eventually. So that was a lucky break.
  * The prisoners tried to ride away a few times, but they couldn't coordinate their breakaways, and all it really did was make everyone involved tired. I think if we'd been much further from the Black Tower when we started, there would have been a half dozen executions last night.
  * So we got them in, and found out that we weren't the only ones. There were at least three more parties of about the same size as ours, all brought in alive.
  * That was when it got really crazy. No one could find the M'Hael (he does that sometimes) and his lieutenants were all for axing the lot of them. If not for Canler's suggestion I think things would have gotten out of hand.
  * I wish I could have seen the weave they used for the bonding. I mean, how different it was from the one the guys use on their wives. Because, man.
  * A few of the volunteers slapped on those bonds and ordered the Aes Sedai to shut up, and they did it.
  * THAT'S when Taim finally showed up, of course. He didn't say much, just listened to the report and gave orders that the Aes Sedai be kept out of everyone's way, but I saw the look of pure murder he shot Logain for taking charge in his absence.
  * That was when we were all sent back to our barracks, so I don't know what happened since then.
  * Morning assembly update: we know they sent 50 Aes Sedai to the Black Tower. We have caught half of those. The scouting parties are out now (they let me off the hook since I can't channel) and will be back in a day or two whether they find anyone or not.
  * Meanwhile the sentries closer in are on the alert, and everyone seems to have forgotten about me again.
  * Where even is Mishraile today?
  * News just came in. They caught ALL the Aes Sedai. None of the Warders, though I don't think there were more than a couple in the first place.
  * It is very weird having them here in the Black Tower. My whole life, everyone I know spoke with awe and respect for the Aes Sedai. They were the most powerful women in the world. Maybe the most powerful of anyone. And now they're ... I'm not even sure prisoners is the right word.
  * Mishraile never did show up today. I tried to report for my chores anyway, but there are so many new guys that there wasn't anything to do. I ended up hanging out with some of Logain's friends who I met the other day.
  * Apparently you CAN heal the common cold.
  * Logain is back. He's got TWO Aes Sedai bonded to him now.
  * They had to clear out an old warehouse to put all of them in. There isn't room in the barracks anywhere.
  * What in the Light?  
  
I thought I'd check out the warehouse on my way back, but it sounds like someone's fighting in there.
  * Logain just RACED past me and went inside.
  * They WERE fighting. AES SEDAI, squabbling like village women.  
  
I think I'm going to bed before this day gets any weirder.



**Jumara 21, N.E. 1000**

  * There are Aes Sedai everywhere. O_O
  * Mishraile is once again missing, leaving me with no orders. I'm going to hang with the guys Logain is training again.
  * I talked Hanled into coming with me. He's practiced enough that he can choose what he wants to study now. Should make Dedicated any day now, they say.
  * I didn't mention it to Fian. We aren't really on speaking terms anymore.
  * A runner just came in with news that there's a claimant for the Andoran throne. Elayne something.  
  
We must be closer to Caemlyn than I thought.



**Jumara 23, N.E. 1000**

  * Adjusting to our new normal—Aes Sedai walking around like they own the place until some Dedicated barks an order at them.



**Jumara 24, N.E. 1000**

  * Still no sign of Mishraile or really anyone who cares what I do during the day. Should I go back to helping newbies, or do the scouting thing some more?
  * I feel so useless now.



**Jumara 25, N.E. 1000**

  * We had visitors from Caemlyn this morning. Rode in with fancy coats and such, and the instructors made everyone stand at attention while they passed.
  * One of the ladies in the front had on breeches like the men. Maybe it's an Andoran fashion? It's weird that I've never heard about it before though.
  * Yikes! Apparently the visitors this morning were the Lady Elayne (read: heir to the throne of Andor) and her retinue. I was this close to a future queen and didn't even know it!
  * Mishraile finally surfaced. Apparently he's been doing some kind of special training with the M'Hael.  
  
I thought he would have words for me, but he seems to have forgotten all about my punishment. Not going to complain there, but it's weird.
  * I spent my day at the weapons training ground. Master Haslin was glad to have me; said he liked having someone in a black coat as his backup to keep the new guys from shirking. Taim used to send someone down every day, but I guess he's busy or distracted or whatever.




	8. The Ter'angreal

**Jumara 26, N.E. 1000**

  * Ok, so this is weird. Someone left a ... carving? ... outside my door this morning. Some secret admirer maybe?
  * It's actually really well done. It's a seated horse, made of dark green stone with lighter specks. Fits in the palm of my hand like it was made to be held there.
  * Got a letter from Tinya today! Totally did not expect that.
  * She got chewed out by both of our families, and my brothers (even the ones who are married and moved out) were ready to ride down and get me before she talked them out of it.
  * She does want me to come home; she just doesn't think my brothers can take on the whole Black Tower. Not that they wouldn't try.  
  
Anyway, she made them promise they wouldn't try to bust me out before she would tell them exactly where it was.
  * There was also a care package bundled with the letter, but I think the merchant who delivered it pulled a fast one because this stuff looks like it's half a year gone.
  * The rest of Tinya's letter was all about how she's really really sorry she put me through this, and won't I please come home so she can stop feeling guilty about everything.
  * Not sure how I want to reply yet.
  * Ugh. The trainees at sword practice today found out I can't actually channel, and I had to call in Fian to help me. (He was closest. Not my first choice.)
  * He has really taken a turn for the worse. He set those boys down all right, and I don't think they'll disobey Master Haslin again, but two of them had to be Healed afterward. I am not OK with that.



**Jumara 27, N.E. 1000**

  * Someone pranked me this morning. Woke up with water all over the floor and bed—definitely channeled there.  
  
Weird thing is, I was dreaming about water right before I woke up. That stupid drowning nightmare again.
  * Well that is not a good feeling.  
  
One of the fresh new trainees (started channeling a week ago) started shouting about spiders in his coat and had to be taken away by the M'Hael.
  * The others were quite demoralized over it. Master Haslin gave a pep talk about how the M'Hael and Logain have both been channeling for years without going mad, but it didn't pull them all the way out of their funk.
  * And the guilt kicks in again.
  * Remember back when the weirdest thing that ever happened to me was walking through a hole in the air and then nearly getting eaten by a mound of sewage?  
  
Fun times.
  * So one of the new guys in the evening sword class used to be an instructor himself. Master Haslin paired me off with him for sparring and he taught me some new tricks—like how to disarm someone with a flick of the wrist.
  * It's um ... how to describe it? So basically you get the tip of their sword right against the hilt of yours, and then you can slam your whole blade against theirs so hard they lose their grip.
  * Dueling with swords is all about leverage, really. Even against a larger opponent (which is like, everyone for me), if you can keep the strong part of your blade (the lower half) against the weak part (the upper half) of theirs, you can pretty much control where their sword goes.



**Jumara 28, N.E. 1000**

  * I really expected some sort of trouble from the captive Aes Sedai by now. Whatever they did with the Warder bond weave, it's working.
  * I think it might be working a little TOO well, actually. There's a lot of dogs in the village—like, a LOT—and they like to mob the Aes Sedai for some reason. We've been told to keep a sharp eye out because they can't channel to defend themselves.
  * (I want to note that it was Logain, not the M'Hael, who told us to keep an eye out. Taim couldn't care less what happens to anyone but his favorites.)
  * That is the LAMEST THING EVER. Fian got promoted to Dedicated today, but not Hanled, who is WAY ahead of him in most of his studies.  
  
I call shenanigans.
  * I told Hanled about Fian's discipline of the newbies the other day, and Hanled said that's how they do things once you get past basic level training. Not only that, but some of the instructors won't allow you to be healed afterward.
  * It's no wonder the guys keep burning themselves out. 🙁



**Saban 2, N.E. 1000**

  * Ok, I'm starting to freak out now.  
  
You know that carving someone left at my door the other day? So, I guess I slipped it into my coat and forgot about it, and lately I've been sleeping in that coat (because as I've mentioned, these barracks are not cozy in the winter).
  * Well last night I had another nightmare, this time about somebody going crazy and setting the barracks on fire, and I woke up to find my coat burning where that carving was.
  * I have left it in my room, and I hope it doesn't ignite again.
  * I got Hanled to come look at the horse carving. At first he thought maybe someone had set a weave on it, but if they did it's gone now.
  * I mentioned the water thing a few days ago, wondering if it was part of the same prank. He said it's possible, but the fact that I was dreaming about water then and fire this time is weird.
  * Based on the theory lessons we've attended, it's possible that the Power could tap into someone's dreams using Spirit (remind me to explain about the five powers later, because I don't think I have yet), but all he senses in the room is a trace of Fire.
  * The other possibility (and this is a whopper!) is that this carving is some kind of ter'angreal.
  * I really think we ought to hand it over to one of the instructors. That sort of thing can be super dangerous.
  * Ick, but Hanled pointed out that we can't really trust any of them. Except for maybe Logain, but that just feels weird to me.
  * So right, the Five Powers.  
  
They're sort of like basic natural forces. Air, Fire, Water, and Earth are pretty self explanatory. A pure weave of Air can make a gust of wind, or hold someone in place. Pure Earth might shake the ground, or otherwise affect physical objects.
  * Spirit has to do with the mind, and also I guess there are worlds outside from this one that can be glimpsed with Spirit? Supposedly that's how Foretelling works.
  * I'm sure Hanled could explain better because he's actually used the Power. All I know is what I've heard.
  * No but really, who would leave a ter'angreal outside my bedroom?



**Saban 3, N.E. 1000**

  * Hanled convinced me not to hand the carving over to one of the instructors. Then he somehow talked me into messing around with it to see if we can figure out how it works.  
  
This will surely end well.
  * Well Hanled can't get it to do anything. He's channeled all sorts of things at it so far; I'm surprised he didn't break it with some of them.
  * We're giving up on it for today. Anyway, there's only so much time we can devote to "independent studies" before somebody comes looking.



**Saban 4, N.E. 1000**

  * Wow, I'm getting some man muscles from all that sword practice.
  * Also, my hands are getting calluses. Anybody got some lotion?
  * OMIGOSH. WE FIGURED IT OUT.
  * Hanled was like, "well it doesn't respond to any weaves, but we know it worked while you were sleeping next to it, so how about you hold it for a while?"  
  
And I was all, "nuh-uh, this is dumb."
  * But he made me hold it anyway, and sit there in the snow thinking about that dream I had with the fire. Nothing happened until Hanled actually wove fire to warm us up though.
  * I was there, thinking about the weave he was making that I couldn't see, and A WEAVE OF FIRE CAME OUT OF THE CARVING.
  * It didn't hurt anyone, thank the Light. Hanled said the biggest danger was from him losing control of his weave in surprise.
  * I couldn't see anything, of course. But I tried it again—thinking about a weave of fire melting the snow—and it WORKED.
  * We're going to try it with the other Powers now.
  * IT WORKS. I can't believe it. I'm ... channeling saidin.
  * Maybe that's not a good thing, now that I think about it.
  * Going to let Hanled take over for a while.
  * Now that we've figured out the trick, Hanled can use it as easily as I could. He says it's like it seizes saidin for him. Also, when I used it, it LOOKED like I was seizing the source.
  * He thinks maybe it was created for teaching?
  * Oh, I get it. He thinks it's for training a man who has a bar, and for whatever reason can't seize or weave without some sort of crutch.  
  
Around here they pretty much just beat it out of you. Ask me how I know.
  * But wait, if this ter'angreal was made for teaching MEN, that means it must be OLD. Like, thousands of years old! It totally does not look that old.
  * Again the question becomes, who left this for me? I mean, Taim and his cronies are the only ones I know who might possibly have access to ter'angreal, and why would any of them give it to me in secret?
  * I mean, I nearly burned my own house down before I figured out it WAS a ter'angreal.  
  
On second thought, that DOES sound like exactly the sort of game the M'Hael's people might play. 😠
  * Hanled thinks I should use this thing to fake channeling.  
  
Then I pointed out that I still can't SEE what I'm doing. Sure, I can think "fire" at a thing and have it burn, but it's all very basic. It would be like weaving a rug while blindfolded.



**Saban 5, N.E. 1000**

  * I know Hanled THINKS he's helping. He really does. But "hey, I figured out a weave that will let you wield saidin" is not the awesome sentence that he thinks it is.
  * Yeah, so what he's done now with this weave is made the flows visible somehow. Something about "using Air to bend light," which is ridiculous. Light just IS; how could anyone bend it?
  * Anyway. So he made it so I can see his flows as colored ribbons in the air, and MAN, they are way more complicated than I ever imagined.
  * Oh, that's even BETTER. He didn't figure out the weave himself; he asked for help from one of Logain's guys. I thought we were keeping this whole ter'angreal thing to ourselves?
  * He's trying to get me to try weaving with this thing now, and I'm like, nuh-uh. I don't want to go stark raving nuts.
  * Well that was the wrong thing to say. Sorry, Hanled. I mean, still true though.
  * He talked me into trying it.  
  
A LOT harder than it looks.
  * Face it, dude, I'm never going to be able to weave anything useful with this thing.
  * Well, Hanled FINALLY got promoted to Dedicated. About time.
  

  * Hanled joking about how now that he's Dedicated, he can order me to spend all day training with that ter'angreal (instead of just the couple hours we've had so far).  
  
Wait, he WAS joking, right?




	9. Saidin

**Saban 6, N.E. 1000**

  * Ok, so he WAS joking.  
  
Until he wasn't.  
  
Apparently Hanled talked Mishraile into letting him take over my "training," and now we're scheduled together for everything but chores.
  * Just what I always wanted—to spend my entire day with the bane of my existence. >_<  
  
I mean, he's mellowed a lot since leaving home, but he was never my favorite person to be around.
  * This is totally revenge for that "stark raving nuts" comment I made yesterday.
  * Ok, Hanled is really serious about this thing. Made me work so hard I got a headache.
  * And yeah, I know it's crazy that I'm letting him push me into this, but he made a really good point.  
  
He said, "why have you stuck around this long if you weren't going to take the chance when it came to you?"
  * And I got thinking about all the times I've been jealous of him or Fian or someone else being able to do something with the Power that was actually kinda cool.
  * And he's right. At first I wanted nothing to do with this place. Then I stayed because these guys are the only ones who understand what happened to me at the Wells.
  * But now ... I want to be useful. I feel so powerless whenever I think how the Last Battle is looming. And now I'm here, and I have a chance to become what everyone thinks I've been all along, and I'm just going to blow it off?
  * Not being able to see the flows myself is a problem, yeah. But if there's even a chance I can make a difference, my Borderland pride won't let me leave it alone.
  * Oh my GOSH that was exhausting. -_-
  * Taking a break for lunch, we noticed something that has been getting worse and worse by the day but has now become blatant.  
  
The Black Tower is divided. There's Taim's folks, and Logain's folks, and a dwindling number who haven't yet chosen a side.
  * I'd have to say I'm squarely in Logain's camp right now. Hanled same.  
  
Not because I'm all fascinated with him like some of the Soldiers, but because they people who hang out with him are ... just better people, I guess.
  * They're less willing to tear each other down than Mishraile etc.  
  
Than Fian.
  * I don't know what it says about the Black Tower that we're led by sycophants and narcissists, but it can't be anything good.
  * Logain's folks want to change that. We're not about to mutiny or anything, but ... well, we can't help feeling that the Lord Dragon would do it differently if he were here.
  * Those of us who've seen him in person agree; he doesn't do things Taim's way.
  * I really HAVE started to think of myself as belonging here.  
  
*sigh* I guess I'd better put forth my best effort this afternoon.
  * Hanled is a slave driver, y'all. Just so you know.  
  
I have such a headache now.



**Saban 7, N.E. 1000**

  * If you want to know how training is going today....  
  
Picture a basket of apples. Your favorite kind; no blemishes or worm holes.  
  
Now imagine what they look like after a horse steps on them.  
  
That's what my best weaves look like so far.
  * Well that was very scary. I did something that backfired and knocked me out for a few minutes.
  * My head is still ringing. Hanled has had me exempted from sword practice for the night.
  * Additional side effects include the fact that everyone knows I've channeled now because Hanled ran to find somebody to Heal me before I woke up.  
  
And I mean EVERYONE. Even Master Haslin congratulated me on my way to the barracks.
  * Going to bed early. If I don't wake up, I want "She channeled saidin" on my epitaph.



**Saban 8, N.E. 1000**

  * You guys are never going to believe this, but TINYA IS BACK.  
  
She must have arrived after I went to bed last night, because she was here to harass me when I woke up.
  * She says she's not leaving me alone until I agree to go home. Hung around all through breakfast telling me ridiculous stories about my brothers.
  * I told her I had to report for training and she followed me to the yard so she could stand there glaring at me.  
  
Hanled showed up late, surprised that I was there at all. I guess he thought I should take a day off after yesterday's mishap.
  * Now he's giving me these guilty looks, like it's his fault I got hurt. Well maybe it is, but it's too late to turn back, now. Everyone expects me to show some progress soon.
  * Huh. This flame and void thing really helps, actually.
  * Well that was a thing.  
  
Apparently Logain is going recruiting, and offered to get me out of here. He very rudely (no really, I can't blame him) assumed that when Hanled told everyone I'd had a channeling accident, it was a ruse to take the heat off me.
  * Anyway, the way he said it made me kinda mad, so I slipped my hand in the pocket where I keep the horse carving (NOT while I'm sleeping), and imagined a gust of wind bowling him over.
  * He dispelled the weave, of course. It barely ruffled his hair. You should have seen the look on his face though, hoo boy!
  * "I can handle myself," I said, and sauntered away. (Yeah, no. I only wish I had. My version was way less cool.)
  * Tinya, of course, called me an idiot.
  * Someday my mouth really IS going to get me into trouble, TBH.



**Saban 9, N.E. 1000**

  * It's all about to go down over in Caemlyn. Couple of rival claimants for the Andoran throne are moseying toward the city with their armies.  
  
They PROBABLY won't bother us here, but the M'Hael has sent out scouts to watch them.
  * Wait, why did nobody mention that the Daughter-Heir is also Aes Sedai??
  * Not panicking. Deep breaths, Ashalyn.  
  
So Mishraile took me aside after breakfast, and told me I'd made a "wise choice" concerning Logain yesterday. I'm not sure what he means by that, but I sure wasn't about to contradict him.
  * I mean, I guess it looked like we didn't part on friendly terms?
  * Anyway, he went on and on about how the M'Hael rewards those who are loyal to him. Sounded a lot like the recruiting spiel they gave us back home. More hints than promises.
  * I said I'd think about it, because what else was I going to say? Then as he's walking off he goes, "The M'Hael is glad that you're making use of his present."
  * He seemed to think that I should be grateful the M'Hael is taking an interest in "a Soldier who took three whole months to learn to channel."  
  
Yeah, creeped out is more like.
  * Tinya thinks maybe we shouldn't hang out with Logain's folks so obviously now that he's not here to stick up for them. I mean, I don't like it, but I can see her point.
  * Other than Logain, there's not one full Asha'man among them. I'd go so far as to say that Taim has withheld promotions from some of them because of their, er, political leanings.
  * Is that maybe why Hanled got promoted to Dedicated so much later than Fian?
  * Guys, I'm starting to worry about Hanled. :(  
  
They say paranoia and suspicion are some of the first signs, and he's been looking at me askance all morning.
  * He hasn't so much as SPOKEN to Tinya since she came back. Sometimes he'll stare right through her, like she's not even there.
  * Ok, I'll admit that Hanled is a much more patient teacher than I would be.  
  
I did manage to weave a ball of light for a minute today.  
  
Well, more like 3 seconds. But I did it.



**Saban 10, N.E. 1000**

  * So tired. Tinya kept me up half the night chattering. Was she always this noisy?
  * Come on, do we really have to work on balls of light again? Can't we get some variety?
  * Tinya, conversely, is as chipper as ever. I love you, missy, but you don't spend your days working yourself to the limit, so Kindly. Shut. Up.
  * Hey, that one lasted like half a minute.
  * So, with most people there's an imbalance in strength with each of the five Powers. Most guys are strong with Fire, for example, and weak with Air. Hanled thinks this ter'angreal is perfectly balanced though, because I'm gaining agility with both at the same (slow) rate.
  * If I stare at these balls of light for much longer, my eyes may just start bleeding. >_>
  * Ok, we've finally moved on from making balls of light.  
  
Now we're making ribbons of light. 🙄
  * Pretty sure I just fell asleep standing up.
  * Sword practice finally over. I told Tinya if she wakes me up before breakfast, I'll make HER go to lessons with Hanled.




	10. Complications

**Saban 11, N.E. 1000**

  * *sigh* More ribbons of light today. Hanled says we'll be practicing them until I can do it with my eyes closed.
  * Oh.  
  
OHHHH!
  * One of the Aes Sedai came to watch us today. I mean, it's not like we had a No Trespassing sign up on the field we're using, but I thought they were all supposed to be under close supervision.
  * She creeped Hanled out too. He didn't want her to figure out what we were doing with the weaves of light he had going to help me see my flows, so we switched to something different until she left.
  * He had me weaving flows at him, just really basic attack flows, and he would slice the weave before it reached him. He said it helped him gauge how powerful the ter'angreal was, so the afternoon wasn't a total loss.
  * The verdict: I'll never be a powerhouse using this thing, but I should be able to master most of the basic combat weaves. There's no way I'm making a gateway or anything of that caliber, unless I get reeeeeeeally good with weaving the flows. Like, master rugweaver good.
  * What was really funny though was when Hanled didn't slice my weave of Earth quickly enough and the tremor knocked the Aes Sedai on her butt.  
  
That was pretty much when she decided to leave.
  * (Thinking about it later, I'm not entirely sure he didn't do it on purpose.)



**Saban 12, N.E. 1000**

  * Logain is STILL gone. I hoped he would find al'Thor by now. I mean, uh, new recruits. Because he's out ... recruiting. >_>
  * You don't think the rumors are true about al'Thor going mad and leveling the palace in Cairhien, do you?  
  
Because that might make finding him a little bit hard.  
  
Also, there's the whole Last Battle thing. 😓



**Saban 13, N.E. 1000**

  * Oof. Today we're practicing attack weaves. Very basic ones that I can make without being able to see them, but can't aim very well yet.  
  
We be shattering rocks like crazy.
  * Don't worry though—Hanled has a shield of Air up to protect us from the shrapnel. Since Tinya REFUSES to go back to the barracks where it's safe, I asked Hanled to make her one, too. He must really hate her because it took me like 10 minutes to get him to make one. :(
  * Even then he made it like 5 paces away from where she was standing, and she had to walk to it.
  * I must have blown up a hundred rocks today. I AM A FORCE OF CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION.
  * Wow, that really does go to your head.
  * This is the power to rule the world ... or break it.
  * Back to making ribbons of light again. Ugh.  
  
I get what Hanled is trying to do here, it's just way less fun than blowing up rocks.



**Saban 14, N.E. 1000**

  * Fian came by to tweak my nose about him getting in on special lessons with the M'Hael.  
  
He seems to simultaneously think that 1: I wasted an opportunity by walking away, and 2: that Hanled is helping me fake channeling somehow.  
  
Something is wrong with your brain, child.
  * Starting to realize that what I used to see as likability in Fian was really just sycophantism.
  * Hanled, on the other hand, is rough around the edges ... well, pretty much MADE of rough edges, to be honest ... but once he sets his mind to a thing, he doesn't turn back.



**Saban 16, N.E. 1000**

  * I did it! I wove a ribbon of light without being able to see the flows! It fell apart after a few seconds, but it was there!
  * Occurs to me to wonder: can I burn out using this thing?
  * I mean, it's not really me channeling, right? So I guess the question would be, is it possible for a ter'angreal to burn itself out?
  * Hanled seems to think no. He can't make it draw any more of the Power than I can, so he thinks it has a built in limit. It's channeling past your physical limit which makes guys burn out.
  * Man, wouldn't it be great if every Soldier had one of these starting out?
  * Regardless of whether I can burn out using it, I can definitely get tired out. :P Have I mentioned how Hanled is a slave driver?
  * Keep trying to convince Tinya to take a turn using this thing, but she's too chicken.



**Saban 18, N.E. 1000**

  * That Aes Sedai is back. O_o
  * Word is that Caemlyn is officially under siege. Kind of a shame; I was hoping to get a look at it one of these days. I've never even been to Fal Moran.
  * Rather than making rocks explode without being able to see my flows, today I'm lifting them. I think this is the earliest I've broken a sweat since we started.
  * Huh. Now that I think about it, the days do seem to be getting warmer again after that abbreviated winter.
  * It's weird though. Usually you'd see new grass poking up through the dirt by now, even in the Borderlands.
  * Tinya is trying to strike up a conversation with that Aes Sedai, who is of course ignoring her the same way she ignores most of what we say to her.  
  
Leave it alone, Tinya. No need to get tied up with TWO towers.
  * Why these flows of Air gotta be so slippery?
  * That AS is chewing out Hanled for pushing me so hard. Or she's trying to, anyway. Every time she opens her mouth, Hanled blows up a rock so he can't hear her. I think her serenity is cracking.
  * That is boggling my mind. Apparently some Aes Sedai study for years to get to the level of control Hanled has in just a couple months.  
  
What do they waste their time doing up there in the White Tower?
  * The Dedicated who bonded this AS finally came to collect her. He ordered her not to bother us again.
  * Got sick of lifting rocks and decided to blow them up instead. Hanled is not amused. ;P
  * As punishment he's making me add flows of water to the ribbons of light training. By which I mean, I'm manipulating actual water with it—he dragged in a horse trough. At least I can see what I'm doing.
  * Finally broke for lunch.  
  
I'm just gonna ... lay here for a minute.
  * Whoops, fell asleep. Did I miss lunch?
  * Yay, Hanled brought me a meat pie.  
  
He says it's because he can't work me as hard if I'm hungry, but I think there's maybe just a little bit of a softer side to him after all.
  * (Plus everyone knows meat pies are my favorite.)
  * Um. Mishraile is here to see how my training is going.  
  
This is about to get awkward.
  * Hanled tried keeping me to weaves I could do without being able to see them, but Mishraile saw through it right away.  
  
Now they're arguing. Ugh.
  * Apparently Mishraile DIDN'T know about the ter'angreal.
  * If it's not Mishraile watching me, who told the M'Hael I was using it?
  * He wanted to take it from me, and was floored when I informed him this was the "gift" he referred to when passing on that message the other day.
  * He's walking away now.  
  
Hanled and I have decided to pick a new spot to train.
  * Hey, this is nice. Little spot in the woods outside the wall.
  * Okay, maybe not so nice.  
  
All this time blowing up rocks, it never occurred to me what these weaves are really for. Making a tree explode from the inside out though ... that sent me right back to Dumai's Wells.  
  
I think I'm going to be sick.
  * No way. No no no no no.
  * I can't be going mad. I'm not even really channeling, am I?
  * We took a breather after that tree, and Hanled ... he doesn't think Tinya is really here.  
  
Why did nobody tell me she wasn't real???!
  * Oh Light, she isn't real, is she? Nobody ever looks at her or talks to her but me.
  * Sorry, I'm ... gonna have to take a minute to process this.
  * I want it to be Hanled who's crazy. Isn't that selfish of me? I'd rather my ... my friend go crazy than to be crazy myself. What kind of person does that make me?
  * He's not, though. Tinya ... the illusion of Tinya ... insists she's real. But when I told her to prove it by pushing Hanled over, she threw a fit and vanished.
  * And now that I think about it, I never really see her come and go. Or sleep, or eat, or anything real. Light, how long have I been deluding myself that she's here?
  * Hanled wonders if maybe this ter'angreal is amplifying the taint somehow. Or that I somehow got it all at once in the backlash that day I knocked myself out.
  * That's when it started, wasn't it? I woke up the next morning and she was there.  
  
Light burn me. What am I going to do now?
  * I maaaay have gone a bit overboard on those trees. >_>
  * No, you did NOT see me crying on Hanled's shoulder just now. You're all hallucinating. Go away.
  * Go away, Tinya. Let me split firewood in peace.
  * Everyone clapping as I drag firewood and kindling in on flows of Air just makes all of it worse. Here I am doing basic level stuff and I already have a full blown hallucination skipping through the streets in front of me.
  * Stop flirting with people who can't see you, Tinya. You're making me blush in front of everyone.
  * I'm just gonna turn in early before I snap someone's nose off.




	11. A Sinister Conversation

**Saban 19, N.E. 1000**

  * I don't feel like going to practice today, so I'm hiding out by the M'Hael's palace. Don't anyone tell Hanled where I am.
  * Oh, great. There's some full Asha'man out here chatting. I hope they don't spot me.
  * They don't seem like they're looking for me. Just shooting the breeze. Breeze on over that way, please?
  * Yikes! Who is opening gateways way out here? That ought to be done at the Traveling ground, my dudes.
  * Okay, this is so not cool.  
  
They've all three huddled up now, but I can still hear them.
  * The one just asked for a report, and the new one—I can't see their faces I'm afraid—was all, "No good. Al'Thor's people caught both of them." And then the first guy was all panicked until the new guy assured him, "They've been dealt with."
  * I'm paraphrasing here because they're talking so fast, but the new guy said he'd killed "anyone who had their face seen."  
  
So I was all, "I gotta tell Taim about this," and then the second guy was all, "the M'Hael will not be happy," like it was his orders they were carrying out.
  * They're leaving. I think. I don't want to risk peeking out yet.  
  
Why would Taim want to steal something from the Lord Dragon?
  * I tried shadowing them to see if I could glimpse their faces. Stupid, I know. Any one of them could kill me without thinking about it.  
  
They didn't spot me though. Mishraile did.
  * He wanted to know what I was doing out there, and I panicked. Told him I'd been thinking about what he said before about Taim being able to protect me from some of "the consequences." Mentioned I thought I was starting to go mad already.
  * Mishraile said I would have to "prove my loyalty" to the M'Hael first, and that he would contact me in a day or so.  
  
What have I gotten myself into now?
  * Hanled called me nine kinds of an idiot for snooping around at Taim's place. I wasn't about to explain that I'd been hiding from him.
  * He offered to let me take it easy today, but I'm too scared. Whatever Mishraile has in mind for me might take everything Hanled can teach me.
  * Slicing attack weaves I can't see is probably the most difficult thing I've ever done.  
  
It's not really hard work, it's just impossibly difficult to get it right.
  * The other thing we've worked on today is called the Mask of Mirrors. It's actually very similar to the weaves I've been practicing lately, and involves bending light to make yourself look like a different person.  
  
Yes, light CAN actually be bent. Who knew?
  * I'm about 90% certain I'll never be able to make it work without Hanled's help, but I'm not bad as long as I can see the flows.
  * I ... I did it! I can't believe it. I finally managed Hanled's weave!
  * Actually doing something while weaving it though ... Light, but that's going to be hard. I've never split my flows that far and had anything good come from it.
  * The more complicated the weave I'm trying while using Hanled's ribbons to see them, the harder it gets. Just weaving a simple ball of light while doing it is making me sweat.
  * Light, Fian, don't startle me like that! I thought he was Mishraile for a minute.
  * Creep has been watching from around a corner for I don't know how long. I don't think he realizes I've got the ter'angreal; I'd rather keep it that way.
  * He seems convinced I'm actually channeling saidar. Wake up genius; if this were saidar you wouldn't be able to see what I'm weaving.
  * Heh. He still thinks it's a trick. Well I guess maybe it is, but it's MY trick, not Hanled's.
  * Oh, NOW he mentions he has a message from Mishraile.  
  
"Come to the M'Hael's palace an hour before dawn." Yeah, that's real helpful.  
  
He says I have to come alone. Not cool.
  * Tinya (who I've been trying to ignore but she's very persistent) thinks I should leave the Black Tower now. Trust me; it's on my wish list.
  * I've just got this feeling though ... like someone from Logain's side of the Black Tower needs to keep a closer eye on the M'Hael's men, or something really bad will happen. I don't know if I can convince Taim I'm loyal to him, but I want to at least see what this task is about.
  * If I can't handle it, then I'm done. Hanled said he's removed the weave they used to find me last time from my belt buckle. I can leave, and they'll never find me.
  * (Seriously though, my BELT BUCKLE? I could have just swapped belts with someone and been scot free!)
  * I asked Master Haslin if he knew any dirty tricks he could teach me. He said to come talk to him before curfew.
  * We didn't have long, but Master Haslin showed me some basic techniques for subduing an attacker when you don't have a weapon. Hanled was hanging around so I got to practice on him. ;P
  * I promise that nut shot was NOT on purpose. 😓




	12. Sephanie

**Saban 20, N.E. 1000**

  * There should be a word for having someone get up early and then making them wait TWO HOURS before coming to get them.
  * Oh. Tinya says that word is "hazing."
  * Just when I was sure Fian was pranking me, Mishraile finally comes out to get me. Waiting outside the M'Hael's audience chamber.
  * Ok, well that's not too bad I guess. Taim wants me to go to Caemlyn and send him reports from there.  
  
It will cut into my training time, but Mishraile assures me I can make up for it later. Bit ominous.
  * I'm supposed to come back in regular clothes after the morning meeting.
  * Wait, what?  
  
Did he really just call my name? Ok, stop pushing, people, I'm going up.
  * I can't believe that just happened. I've been promoted to Dedicated.
  * This is unreal. I can't possibly be qualified for this.
  * Hanled says that no, I haven't mastered all the weaves normally required for promotion, though he doesn't think it would take me long at this point.  
  
This is just Taim's way of saying, "work for me, and good things will happen to you."
  * Still, the feeling of walking down those stairs with a sword pin on my collar ... not gonna lie; that's heady.
  * Meeting's over. Taking off my coat feels very ... dissatisfying. Especially now with the sword on the collar.
  * Oh good, that dress Tinya had made is still in here.
  * Oh my GOSH it feels weird to put on a skirt after months in breeches.
  * Gonna need the extra thick stockings today.
  * Should I do ringlets?  
  
I'm doing ringlets.
  * I am probably the first person in the history of the world to curl my hair with saidin.
  * Oh. Hanled's here.  
  
I don't think he expected to see me wearing a dress.
  * Come on, Hanled, get to the point. I've got ringlets to finish here.
  * Um. He wants permission to bond me. Like a wife. So he can find me "if something goes wrong."  
  
What do I say??
  * You know what? Screw it. I'm scared enough that at this point I'll take all the backup I can find.  
  
He says he can release the bond later, once we don't need it anymore.
  * Clearly Hanled has never kissed a woman before.
  * (Don't look at me like that. It's the way the weave works.)
  * Now that is WEIRD. And kind of cool at the same time.  
  
I can tell Hanled is very embarrassed. After a kiss like that, I would be too.
  * I keep getting this mild feeling of admiration when he looks at me. I had no idea he thought so highly of me.  
  
There was also a flicker of....  
  
Never mind. I'm probably imagining things.
  * I don't have any of those Domani powders, so I suppose what I've got will have to do.  
  
Time to go.
  * Swayed up to that kid Bardo on my way out of the barracks. The look on his face when he realized it was me was PRICELESS.  
  
Told you I would have my revenge.
  * Mishraile didn't recognize me at first either, lol.  
  
He thinks dressing as a woman is "very clever." 🙄
  * Apparently I'm not the only one going? That lady who looks like my aunt is here too.  
  
We've decided we're going as "sisters."
  * Grr. They won't let me use my real name. Well, not my first name anyway. Mishraile thinks it's too "on the nose," whatever that means.  
  
Excuse me, Master Hoity Toity Asha'man, but I was an Ashalyn before your high and mighty Black Tower existed.  
  
(No, I did not say that aloud.)
  * I get to be "Sephanie." 🙄
  * Heh, that explains a thing.  
  
Mishraile thinks my ter'angreal is actually a plain angreal, and that I'm not strong enough to channel anything useful without it.  
  
Well he's not wrong. >_>
  * He did say that I should avoid channeling when possible in the city. Aes Sedai can't usually sense when someone weaves saidin, but if there's one thing I've learned while using this thing, it's that I should never assume that anything cannot be done.
  * Still so very weird, feeling Hanled in the back of my head.
  * Aww, I can't take my coat.
  * Everyone's here. Looks like I'm the only Asha'man going. The other guys are laborer types and a clerk, none of whom can channel.
  * Now the tricky part—getting through the siege.  
  
Yeah, you'd think it would be easy when you can just gate in, but if anyone sees us come in that way, there goes our cover.
  * Mishraile just wove a mask of mirrors on himself. He's going to accompany us partway.
  * Ok, gate is open and we're through, without anyone seeing us. The laborer and clerk guys looked pretty nervous walking through, but once Naris and I were through, they had no excuse.
  * Mishraile reminding them how much money they've been promised.  
  
Naris and I don't need reminders. We're part of the Black Tower now. No going back.
  * Oh hey, they've got a cart ready for us. At least we don't have to walk to ... wherever it is we're going.
  * It's the palace. Of course it is. Why didn't I realize Taim would be interested in spying on the nobility?
  * I refuse to believe that we're the first ones he's set doing this job.  
  
Although I guess maybe the siege has made it harder for his regular guys to come and go, so maybe that's it.
  * How ARE we supposed to report back, anyway?
  * Oh my GOSH this place is huge. I didn't get a good look at it until we were up on the hill. Makes Ankor Dail look like a collection of huts with a wall around it.
  * I don't think I've seen this many people in my whole entire LIFE.
  * Every last inch of it is FANCY. Especially up where we are now. Barely a thought taken for defense. I mean, I could probably climb that wall over there right into the palace gardens.  
  
Definitely guards on the other side though, right? I mean, even Southlanders aren't that stupid.
  * Guardsman at the gate was clearly expecting Mishraile's, um ... alter ego. Now we're waiting in a courtyard for someone called the First Maid.
  * Mishraile handed us each a small object before he left. Mine is a button. Said to hand this to whoever ends up as our supervisor, and no one else. The first person besides ourselves who touches it will believe whatever we tell them, as long as it's plausible.
  * Pretty sure Hanled doesn't know this weave.  
  
I'll have to warn him about accepting gifts from Taim's people, somehow.
  * Oh. It doesn't usually work on someone who can channel.  
  
So it's only me who has to worry about it then. :P
  * We'll receive instructions on how to send messages after we've been here a few days. Fun.  
  
Oh, here comes someone.
  * Naris gave her coin to the First Maid. Slick.
  * Not sure where the men have gone off to. We're not supposed to hang out together anyway. Naris and I are being taken to someone named Essande for our training.
  * Essande seemed very suspicious of us at first. I tried dropping my button on the ground but she didn't spot it. Finally had to go, "Oh, did you drop this?" to get her to touch it.
  * Her attitude changed immediately. I mean, I felt almost guilty doing that to her.
  * Wait, did she say we're going to be attendants for the LADY ELAYNE?
  * Naris almost panicked when Essande said she and I would be sharing a room, since we're "sisters." I assured her it would be ok.  
  
So that's a conversation I'll be having sooner rather than later.
  * She DID say Elayne. Who we're now being taken to for introductions.  
  
Please don't recognize me pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease.
  * That was mostly painless. Nobody seemed to recognize me from that ride through the Black Tower last month. I was wearing my hat that day so that probably helped.
  * That woman wearing breeches before is called the Lady Birgitte, which totally cannot be her real name. I mean, tall with that hair and a bow? Too much coincidence.
  * The one who really scared me is the "Lady Aviendha," who I swear by my hope of rebirth is an Aielwoman. She kept fingering her beltknife and making me sweat.
  * Apparently I also don't know how to curtsy properly. Essande will instruct us later.
  * The breeches are definitely an Andoran thing. We've passed half a dozen guardswomen wearing them.
  * Suffered through a fitting for our palace uniforms, and now Naris and I are alone in our new room.  
  
Hoo, boy.
  * Yeah, she didn't believe me. I wouldn't either; I am going mad after all.  
  
So I proved it to her. That was embarrassing. And also very chilly. Nobody bothered to set a fire in here.
  * Ahh, that's better.  
  
Whoops. Forgot I wasn't supposed to channel.
  * Had to let Naris try out the ter'angreal herself before she would believe me. Not a great idea I know, but she'd already seen me light the fire so I couldn't really tell her no.
  * I figured a gust of wind would be pretty safe, so that's what I told her to imagine.  
  
She figured I could fake that, and aimed a flow of water at our basin instead. Long story short, I'm now cold AND wet, but she does believe me.
  * And now holding our breaths, hoping nobody in the palace felt us use saidin.
  * Just about had a heart attack when the door burst open, but it's just Essande here to start our training. Yay. >_>
  * That lady is SCARY. Tinya cracked a joke and made me giggle while Essande was explaining something, and she smacked me with a towel. Naris got it too, for asking a question "too loudly."
  * At least all that sword practice makes curtsying over and over again way easier.
  * And here I thought I was done with people snapping at me to keep my back straight.
  * Now we have to learn how to help someone take a BATH? Rich people are crazy.
  * Essande made sure we understand that if we make her look bad, we'll be scrubbing floors on our hands and knees instead of living in 'luxury' as lady's maids.
  * Frankly, I'm more scared of what the M'Hael will do if we botch this chance to spy on the Daughter-Heir.
  * Oh lovely. Our uniforms are already done.
  * I miss wearing pants.  
  
And my sword. Definitely missing my sword right now. Essande won't let us carry so much as an eating knife into the room with Lady Elayne.
  * Have I ever mentioned that red is not my color? :P  
  
Black, on the other hand ... I was really getting used to black.
  * So when do we get dinner around here?
  * Well one thing I can say about this place is that they whip up a tasty stew.
  * And now it's time to get our "liege lady" ready for bed.  
  
Nervous? Who said anything about me being nervous?  
  
(It was Tinya. Tinya said it.)
  * I SWEAR I did that curtsy perfectly, but Essande still shot me a glare once nobody was looking.
  * Undid a gazillion buttons before I remembered I was also supposed to be listening for things the M'Hael might be interested in learning. I'm not good at multi-tasking, ok?
  * Tinya says nobody talked about anything interesting anyway. Like I can trust you, you obnoxious figment of my hallucination.
  * Apparently we don't get to go to bed until everything she wore is clean and ready for tomorrow.  
  
Come on. I've SEEN her closets. I'd be surprised if she wears this dress again this MONTH.
  * Also we had to get a bunch of things ready for a state visit tomorrow, even though the city is under siege?
  * Oh, right, gateways. Sorry, y'all, I've been up since way too dang early o'clock.
  * This bed is way comfier than the one I had in the barracks.  
  
Smells cleaner, too.
  * Nope, counting my blessings doesn't make me any less homesick.
  * First minute I've had to really think about this bond thing since the cart ride.  
  
I can tell Hanled's not sleeping, even though it's way past curfew. I think he's worried about me.
  * Y'all don't think he had any ... other reasons for asking to bond me than simple concern, do you?  
  
I mean of course he didn't. He's not really my type anyway.
  * Go to sleep, Hanled; I'm fine.  
  
(Let me sleep, Tinya, or so help me I will channel at you.)




	13. The Palace

**Saban 21, N.E. 1000**

  * Ugh, another early morning. #PleaseHaveMercy #PalaceLife
  * I take comfort in the fact that Lady Elayne couldn't possibly have had a full night's rest either.  
  
(I wouldn't sleep well if I had an army at my gates; that's for sure.)
  * One entourage successfully out the door with 3 times as much clothing as any reasonable person could expect to need for an overnight trip, and now I can finally—yeah haha you didn't really think I was gonna say "take a break," did you? #PalaceLife
  * I say Hanled is a slave driver a lot, but actually Essande could give him a run for his money.
  * Tinya hasn't shut up all day. I think the more exhausted I am, the more she talks.  
  
There's a metaphor here about methods and madness but it's beyond me right now.
  * Finally sat down for lunch with the other servants. I'm learning a few things—when I can hear them over Tinya.
  * Fortunately, everyone chalks up my being distracted by Tinya to timidity because I'm new. Hope that lasts. :P
  * Naris is good at covering for me, too. I told her all about Tinya last night and apologized in advance for her unpredictable antics.
  * Oh thank the Light. Essande has decided she needs a nap and has given us some free time while she does so.  
  
I was starting to wonder if she only LOOKED like an old woman.
  * Wow, these gardens are amazing. I didn't think these flowers would even bloom in this weather.
  * Definitely no guards, though. Oy. These Andorans are lucky that they're so far from the Blight. Trollocs would have a field day in this place.
  * Tinya get off the wall. >_<
  * Longest I've gone without channeling since I started. Well, since I started doing it on purpose anyway.
  * I want to go back to my room and just practice something, but apparently this palace is FULL of women who can channel.
  * Learned at lunch that pretty much all the Sea Folk here can. (Sea Folk are even weirder than Andorans.) And there's others too; a group called the Kin, and a handful of honest to goodness Aes Sedai.
  * Couldn't help myself. :P Practicing Hanled's weave again. At least if I get arrested, they won't find my coat here.
  * Naris caught me channeling and chewed me out. She says she can't trust me with this ter'angreal and has confiscated it. 😠  
  
Probably for the best, but I'm not going to pretend to be happy about it.
  * Aaaaand back to work—this time airing out closets and checking gowns and such for wear.  
  
I swear you could buy a village with the gems on any one of these dresses.
  * Apparently there's a particular way to put a strand of sapphires away so it won't get tangled.  
  
I apparently don't know what that way is.  
  
#PleaseDontFireMe #PalaceLife
  * There are also right and wrong ways to hang up a gown, fold linens, and walk into a room. So far, I'm batting zero here.
  * I FINALLY got the curtsy down.
  * Hey, I know that sound. Someone's practicing with swords over there.
  * Oh cool, it's the guardswomen. Which apparently ARE new, and everyone in the palace has Opinions about them.
  * Aww. :[ Naris dragged me away before I could do something stupid like ask to practice with them. She knows me too well already.
  * How the heck does anyone find a privy in this place?
  * Do we really have to practice the bath thing AGAIN?
  * This time it was Naris who made me giggle. >_>
  * In bed at a decent hour tonight, but suddenly I don't feel like sleeping.
  * I asked Naris why she stuck around when her husband decided to learn to channel. She's bonded to him, of course.
  * She said she never even thought of leaving him. That's just the sort of relationship they have.  
  
What would that be like, to have someone you would pick up your entire life for, and stay with even when he started to go mad?
  * I had to tell her why I stayed too, of course, so I explained how I ended up at the Wells. Her man never saw it; he came in some weeks afterward.
  * This is the first time they've spent so many nights apart since they were married. The bond helps, but she can tell that he misses her as much as she does him.
  * Huh. Someone just slipped a letter under the door.
  * It's from the M'Hael. Or maybe Mishraile; I haven't seen either of their handwriting.
  * It says to place the letter in a spot that will be secure and hidden from prying eyes. There's an anchor woven into the paper (man, I wish I could see it) that they can use to make a small gateway to the spot for passing messages.
  * Well at least the M'Hael hasn't forgotten about us.  
  
I'll admit I was worried that he'd sent me here just to get rid of me.
  * Naris has a jewelry box she thinks will do the trick.
  * And some fancy looking jewelry in it, wow. Naris says she was a merchant's daughter, and they were rich enough to have a couple servants growing up. That explains why she's so much better at this than me.
  * There's so much I don't know about her. ...Probably not a good thing if we're supposed to be sisters.
  * She agrees that we need to start sharing stories every night, so we'll have some material to work with.  
  
But not tonight. Definitely time to sleep.
  * Yes, Tinya; good night to you, too.




	14. Something Wonderful

**Saban 22, N.E. 1000**

  * Guys, I'm about to lose my cool. Got a MASSIVE spike of fear and dread from Hanled just now.
  * At first I thought, well maybe he's been asked to try some new weave he doesn't think he's ready for, but then Naris said she's getting the exact same thing from Venson.
  * Something bad is happening at the Black Tower, and I'm stuck here counting buttons.
  * Naris says my ter'angreal is VIBRATING.  
  
(She still won't give it back.)
  * It's not just the boys panicking. The Sea Folk, those Kin, and even the Aes Sedai are gathered at the west end of the palace grounds—wide-eyed, whispering in corners. I've seen an Aes Sedai frightened out of her wits before, and I'm telling you, these ladies are on the verge.
  * I asked one what was going on and nearly had my nose snapped off.
  * That's it, I'm going back to Hanled.
  * No no no! Why did Elayne have to come back from her trip NOW? Just a few more minutes and I would have been out of this palace and headed home.
  * Ok, ok, play it cool. Nobody who can't channel is at all out of sorts. Can't give ourselves away.
  * Of course she wants a bath. Which way were the kitchens again?
  * Dudes bring up the hot water making crude remarks about the Lady Elayne. Naris, why'd you have to take my ter'angreal?
  * Bam! Nailed one of the creeps in the back of the head with a pumice stone. He never saw it coming.
  * Oh no. That Aielwoman wants a bath, too. Tinya, please don't make me laugh; I like my fingers where they are.
  * Who knew that bath time would turn into spill all your secrets hour? The head Guardswoman is giving us all sorts of things we can report to the M'Hael. Even dropped a tidbit about some Aes Sedai in the city. He'll love that.
  * Light, that scared me! Bunch of Sea Folk just pushed their way past the guardswomen. Between being so nervous about getting something wrong and that continuous spike of fear from Hanled, I just about jumped out of my skin.
  * I tried to grab my ter'angreal from Naris, and she tried to hand it to me without anyone noticing, and I don't even know what we looked like to everyone else in the room.  
  
My money is on witless ninnies.
  * This Sea Folk lady talking about "what is happening to the west" like it's a big important deal. Wasn't everyone looking west this morning?
  * I can clearly feel Hanled to the south of me. So maybe whatever has him worried isn't at the Black Tower after all?
  * At least I got my ter'angreal back. Though if the rest of my days here are going to be anything like this one, maybe I shouldn't be trusted to carry it around after all.
  * Hmm. I think the "Lady" Aviendha can channel. When those Sea Folk burst in, she didn't go for her belt knife; she grabbed some sort of amber-colored carving.  
  
I'd bet my sword pin AND my black coat that it's some kind of ter'angreal.
  * (Tinya thinks I'd lose that bet. She thinks it's one of those "angreal" that magnifies your strength with the Power. Same difference, imho.)
  * Now would be a great time to get this place cleaned up (they've moved to the sitting room), but Essande says no. "The first rule of servanting is to never let your liege see you doing anything that isn't about themselves."
  * Naris says it's my turn to do up the Lady's buttons. I said sure; but she has to do Aviendha's.  
  
Then she pointed out that Aiel clothing doesn't have buttons. :P
  * Uh oh, here they come.
  * Well, that was an adventure.  
  
I'm sitting there doing up buttons, and Tinya keeps shouting at me that I'm DOING IT WRONG. Thanks for the vote of confidence.
  * So I finally get done and take a deep breath, and then Captain-General Trahelion comes in and says some nobles just showed up, and she's gotta change into something even fancier.
  * The joke was on Naris after all, though; Lady Elayne talked Aviendha into wearing this velvet thing with a gazillion buttons.
  * Yay, lunchtime!
  * So, Naris thought up something to help me keep a straight face when Tinya does stuff. Whenever we're eating with the other servants, we play this game called "Make Me Laugh." Last one to crack a smile wins.
  * (Tinya lost.)
  * It's gone. Whatever it is that was scaring Hanled is gone. Now I'm getting relief mixed with mild worry.  
  
Naris says: Same.
  * Keep checking that box we put the letter in, but no change. Guess they don't think we need an update on whatever it was.
  * Most of the Sea Folk cleared out earlier, but the "Kin" who are left look either relieved, thoughtful, or brooding.




	15. A Visitor

**Saban 23, N.E. 1000**

  * We were woken up in the early morning by the sound of a small gateway delivering a message. Neither of us has been able to stop crying since.
  * Naris is upset that her jewelry box was damaged—we'll have to find something bigger—but that's not the important part.  
  
Saidin is clean. The letter said everyone at the Black Tower agrees, and they've been discussing it all night.
  * The bond confirms it; Hanled and Venson are both overjoyed to the point of tears. They'll never go mad, never have to worry about killing everyone they love.
  * I'm happy for them. So, so happy. But at the same time, there is no denying that Tinya is still here.
  * I'm happy, but I'm also angry. If the taint on saidin had vanished just a few weeks earlier ... or if Taim had left that ter'angreal by my door that same few weeks later ... I would still be sane.
  * I can only take comfort in the fact that I shouldn't get any worse.  
  
Shut up, Tinya. You're not helping.
  * We couldn't keep a straight face through dressing the Lady this morning. Naris lied and said we'd just found out our favorite uncle had died, and she dismissed us for the rest of the day. Essande was less than pleased.
  * Um ... I feel like Hanled is suddenly a lot closer than he was a minute ago.
  * I think he's in the city. Naris says Venson is still far away though.
  * Naris is going to see whether she can cajole the First Maid into giving us our pay for the last couple days so she can buy "an appropriate gift for our bereaved aunt." And also a new lockbox.
  * Wait, I get paid HOW MUCH per day? And Mistress Harfor apologized when she couldn't give us MORE??  
  
Long live the Queen!
  * Hanled is definitely close. It's a good thing the palace is on the highest hill, though, or I'd never be able to find my way back after all this winding.
  * Found him!  
  
Been so long since I've seen him without his black coat that he was right on top of us before I spotted him.
  * Here I was hoping he had come to take me back for a few hours of lessons, but he's only here "on business." Which he won't talk about yet because he thinks Naris and I were followed.
  * Wow, we really are being followed.  
  
Naris thinks it's because we're newly hired and someone wants to make sure we're not spies. It will look more suspicious if we try to ditch the guy, so on with the charade, I guess. 🙄
  * Ducked into a florist shop. Naris is picking out a bouquet.  
  
Hanled leans down and says, "Al'Thor wants us to keep an eye out for a woman who killed one of his Asha'man with saidin."
  * It took me a minute to convince myself he wasn't really mad. I mean, he FEELS lucid in my head.  
  
Then the panic sets in.
  * How many people know I'm a woman? Hanled, Fian, Logain, and Taim know for sure. A few others might suspect, especially if they get thinking about that time I ran for home.
  * I'm not crazy enough to kill someone and not remember it. Am I?  
  
No, Naris would have said something if I'd gone that far off the rails. But who could it have been? What are the odds of there being TWO women channeling saidin?
  * And Eben Hopwil ... last I heard he was on the deserter's list. I'm really happy that was a mistake—Fedwin Morr was on that list too, and I always thought he was a stand-up guy.
  * The stablehand they have following us is really not very good at this. The vendor across the street is looking at him askance for standing there so long.
  * Hanled thinks I should go into hiding. Some of Hopwil's friends at the tower are the weave-first-and-ask-questions-later kinda guys, and he's really frightened for me.
  * Flowers acquired. The kid is still following us.
  * It is way harder to find a locksmith than it was to find a florist. (We've passed seven of those so far.)
  * I can't tell if my heart is racing because I might be a murder suspect, or because Hanled put his hand on my shoulder.  
  
Light, what is happening right now?
  * Finally found a locksmith. Naris is less than impressed with his lockbox designs, but thinks the craftsmanship is otherwise sound.
  * I ... think I need some air.
  * Hanled needs to get back to the Black Tower before anyone notices he's missing. He will ask the M'Hael's permission to see if he can work out a schedule for continuing my lessons. Won't be possible until I'm not being followed out of the palace, though.
  * We gave him the bouquet. Told him he can give it to Eben Hopwil's family, assuming anyone knows how to find them.
  * Good. The stablehand is following us rather than Hanled.
  * We've run that poor stablehand all over Caemlyn, lol. Naris has tons of things she wants to pick up.  
  
I've gotten too used to living in the barracks with nothing but the coat on my back, I guess. I don't even care about all this girly stuff anymore.
  * I did buy a comb.
  * Man, Naris is one sharp cookie. We came out of the milliner's shop and caught that stablehand right there peering in. Naris goes, "Hey, don't you work at the palace, too?" and recruited him to carry all her stuff.
  * This also saves us from having to ask directions back to the palace.
  * I haven't had this much free time on my hands since ... well before leaving Shienar for sure.  
  
Can't practice the sword. Can't work on my weaves. (Shouldn't, anyway.) Naris and I traded stories for a while but she started to go hoarse so we quit.
  * Bored bored bored bored bored.
  * Screw it; I'm gonna go see if Essande needs some help counting buttons or something. If I don't find something to do, I'll soon be madder than I already am.
  * Essande is taking her midday nap, but the First Maid found me some blankets to take to the laundry.
  * Hey, a library. I always wanted to read a book or two.
  * What do you think the odds are they'd let me borrow one of those?
  * There's an Aes Sedai in there.  
  
Just gonna ... slip out before she sees me.
  * Phew. 
  * So we made our first report for Taim today. Naris wrote it because my handwriting is garbage.
  * It was hard deciding what to put in. I worried that she would want to tell him everything, but she mistrusts Taim as much as I do. Half the reason she volunteered for this was because Venson didn't feel that the Black Tower was a safe place with him in charge.
  * Turns out Naris was worried that I was one of Taim's flunkies and had been sent here to keep an eye on her. I did NOT tell her what I overheard, or that I'm trying to get in Taim's good graces so I can spy on him. I might be mad, but I'm not stupid.
  * What I did say was that Taim hinted that there might be a way to keep from going mad, and that I wasn't sure that mattered anymore after today.
  * So we have agreed that the only things which we pass on will be things that his other spies will definitely also catch.
  * We send nothing which endangers Lady Elayne or the city. Nothing a Darkfriend (I really hope he isn't one, but again—mad, not stupid) or an enemy could use against her or the Lord Dragon.
  * If we feel there's no way to avoid revealing something, we either delay it or mix in false information. Any of that I told Naris to attribute to me; I have a better excuse and I'm also less expendable.
  * Naris said I'm pretty smart for somebody so ignorant. 🙄  
  
So I don't know how to fold a shirt. So what? It's not like I've ever owned more than three.



**Saban 24, N.E. 1000**

  * No news from the Black Tower today, though they definitely took our report. *sigh*  
  
The temptation to channel is so strong. I know I've never actually HELD the Power, but I was just getting to the point where I could do useful stuff with it. I want to learn more and more.
  * At least Essande keeps me too busy most days to think about it.
  * Ugh, where did those rats even come from?
  * Light, they chewed up a tapestry, too. Mistress Harfor is going to have KITTENS.
  * Nope. After five days of this, I'm still a bundle of nerves whenever Lady Aviendha is in the room.
  * Lady Elayne keeps calling her "sister." I thought at first it was something formal, like how the Aes Sedai use it, but now I'm wondering if she means it literally?
  * I've changed my mind. The Lady Elayne is much more frightening than the Aielwoman when she's in a temper.



**Saban 25, N.E. 1000**

  * Inevitable instructions arrived this morning that we're to search the Lady Elayne's apartments for important documents, etc. Coming on the same day she's going to be out of the city, even.  
  
I so do not feel comfortable with this.
  * Tried to take a look around, but Essande has kept us pretty busy so far. Probably best to try during her midday nap.
  * Going through these apartments with feather-dusters in hand, looking for anything that might be a hidden compartment or secret document repository. So far nothing. My money is on the boxroom anyway, but we don't have the key for that.
  * Lady Elayne goes into the boxroom daily, though I've never seen her put papers there. Mostly she just swaps out the knickknacks on the table in one of the sitting rooms. Apparently they're souvenirs from a state visit she made to Ebou Dar recently.
  * It's a pretty eclectic collection, though. I'm guessing they must have sentimental value or something because she'll pick one up and look at it wistfully and put it back down again.
  * My favorite is a statue of a man with a book. Something about him always makes me want to laugh.
  * Well, playtime is over. Essande is awake and raring to instruct us on the ever-important task of *drumroll* ironing pleats.
  * Since the Lady is out we can chat while working. Naris told Essande this (entirely fictional) anecdote about me falling into a river when I was little because I was chasing a lizard.  
  
I'm not that glib, but I did add a bit about getting fished out by Tinkers.
  * Might need a nap myself in a minute. Too rainy and cold to open the windows but the air in here is getting stuffy. I keep yawning.
  * All right, I'm willing to admit that I miss Hanled. Maaaaybe more than just a little.
  * Feels like he's asleep right now.



**Saban 26, N.E. 1000**

  * Why is everyone running around and shouting like the palace is on fire?  
  
It's not, is it?
  * Oh. There's an assault on the outer walls. I guess I shouldn't have expected them to sit around forever.
  * Thinking about what's going on out there right now and my hands are shaking. Light, I thought I'd gotten over Dumai's Wells.
  * Lady Elayne just got back, which would normally mean bath time, but she barely even stopped in her apartments before heading to the map room. I guess we're superfluous today.
  * Hah, should have known better. We still have to clean everything she took with her (except for what she's wearing right now, which will undoubtedly be the worst of the lot by the end of today.)
  * Ever wonder why it takes three people to take care of a Lady's wardrobe? It's because all those fancy fabrics can't just be washed with water. Some of them will shrink, or discolor, or scrubbing too hard will break off your seed pearls or fancy firedrops.
  * Dressing like a noble is more hassle than it's worth, IMHO.
  * Essande doesn't want to leave us alone in here while she naps in case the Lady finishes in the map room and needs her, so we're watching the door while she takes a nap in the sitting room. 😆
  * Old lady nap accomplished. I feel like we got away with something forbidden, lol. Like snitching pies on Sunday.
  * Now that is a woman who looks like she has earned her bath time.  
  
Actually I'm half worried she'll fall asleep before she's clean.
  * Good news is, the armies outside didn't so much as breach the outer wall.  
  
Bad news is, they'll probably try again tomorrow.
  * I know it's weird for a Borderlander to cheer on a particular contender for Southland throne, but the Lady Elayne is pretty easy to root for.  
  
When she's not suffering from one of her mood swings.
  * (I'm of the opinion that she doesn't look pregnant at all, but after having been immediately adjacent to the receiving end of that temper, I'm now a believer.)
  * Hanled's in the city again. He better not have opened a gate where anyone could see him.
  * He's definitely headed this way. Naris says she'll cover for me if anyone needs me.  
  
Now how to get out of the palace?
  * Getting out wasn't too hard. One of the guardsmen asked if I wanted an escort, which reminded me how rife with crime everyone says Southlander cities are. I told him I wasn't going far and thought I would be all right.
  * I haven't been this giddy since I was twelve. What is even happening to me?
  * It's impossible to give someone a hard time for being reckless and breaking the rules when they can tell how happy you are to see them. >_>
  * Now we're strolling arm in arm, like lovers. Because it's less conspicuous, that's why.  
  
And as hard as I'm blushing from some of Tinya's suggestions, it would look suspicious if we WEREN'T.
  * He won't tell me where we're going. :P
  * Aaaaand it's a creepy, abandoned warehouse. Of course it is.
  * I guess as places to hide the flash of a gateway go, it's not a bad pick.
  * Yay, we're headed out of the city to practice weaves. :D
  * So dark, wherever here is. What's that smell? It's like ... a little bit like fish? And salt.  
  
And there's a sound, like rushing water, but rhythmic. Waxing and waning.  
  
Wait, is that the OCEAN??
  * Oh my gosh, the ocean. I never thought I'd see it.  
  
It's so empty. And huge all at the same time.
  * There isn't a lantern or campfire to be seen the whole length of that beach. This must be the loneliest spot in the world.  
  
No better place for blowing up rocks.
  * He brought my coat! :D Oh, I've missed this coat!
  * Take that, rocks! This is how a Dedicated from the Black Tower fights!
  * Light, I needed that. Been so long since I could let off some steam like this.
  * Ok, fun's over, now down to business. I've got a lot to catch up on before I can feel like I've properly earned this sword pin.
  * Tinya knock it off; I'm concentrating.
  * Hanled is making me see how many weaves I can maintain at once.  
  
I foretell that I will sleep VERY WELL tonight.
  * I'm getting a lot better at letting my weaves go safely, without any backlash.  
  
I wonder how big a wave I could make?
  * Well, that was ... less than impressive.
  * Aww come on, Hanled. You didn't really think you could take me to the ocean for the first time in my life and then expect me to stay out of the water?
  * (I'm only wading, really. It would be hard to explain how I got saltwater on my dress when Caemlyn is hundreds of leagues from the sea.)
  * Alas, neither of us can simply sleep in whenever we want to, so tonight's training is at an end. Hanled intends to come again 3 days from now if he can manage it.
  * I made him promise to bring Naris a letter from Venson, too.
  * That's clever. Hanled opened a tiny gate to peek through and make sure the warehouse is still empty before going through.
  * I'm taking my coat back to the palace with me. I know I can't wear it but it makes me feel better to have it close.
  * I let Hanled walk me back to the palace. Yes I could take care of myself but even footpads gossip to someone.
  * Way to spoil the moment, Tinya. 😑
  * *sigh* There he goes. How am I going to get through the next three days without going crazy?  
  
Er, more crazy.
  * Yikes, I did not expect the Captain-General to still be awake.  
  
Please don't ask what's in this bundle. Pleasepleaseplease.
  * All that straight-face training did the trick. I did have to promise not to go out at night without an escort in the future.
  * Not sure why everyone keeps saying she's Kandori. Her accent's all wrong.




	16. The Angreal

**Saban 27, N.E. 1000**

  * Recited the Asha'man creed with my hand on my coat this morning. It's not the same, but I've been forgetting to do it so it's an improvement over the last few days.
  * Naris was very jealous that I got to see the ocean and will demand Venson take her there the next time she sees him.  
  
I did give her some of the shells I found.
  * Sounds like there's another assault on the walls already this morning.
  * Half of me wants to go out there and put the fear of the Light into that army.  
  
The other half knows better than to piss off Taim.
  * Really, though, I thought Andor was allied with the Dragon Reborn? Why can't she ask him to take care of this pesky rebellion for her?
  * I would ask, but I don't trust myself to talk about the Black Tower with the appropriate amount of "men who channel are scary," and "I'm totally not an Asha'man, I swear," in my voice.
  * I knew that dress from yesterday would be more than an hour of work. 🙄 At least it's just a riding dress. Not one of those fancy sapphire-covered numbers.
  * It's too bad I can't just channel it clean. >_>
  * Oh, we did get instructions this morning. I've been given permission to try unlocking the boxroom with saidin.  
  
Not sure how many days I can put off actually trying it, but the Lady isn't planning to leave the city now that the fighting has started, so that will help.
  * Oh gee, I accidentally spent all of Essande's nap time getting lost in the palace. Better luck next time, right? 😏



**Saban 28, N.E. 1000**

  * Thought for sure the fighting at the walls must have died down, but nope. Everyone's just tired of running around in a panic every time it happens.
  * Under siege is the new normal.
  * Really though I dunno what those ninnies outside the gate think they're doing, starting a war with their fellow Andorans while Tarmon Gai'don is breathing down our necks.
  * Uh oh. Essande just handed me the keys to the boxroom and asked me to fetch something from it.
  * Not as dusty as I expected.
  * More panniers full of trinkets from Ebou Dar. Knew about those.
  * Couple crates full of fabric ... the room's summer decor, I'm thinking. Nothing hidden there.
  * And found the box I was looking for. Nothing interesting in here either.  
  
Guess that was a dead end.
  * (Just wait. Next I'll get orders to search for hidden compartments in the boxroom.)
  * Rain HAS dampened the fighting a bit. Good for all concerned, as we're apparently outnumbered in here. Well, as far as fighting men are go. Lot of mercenaries on both sides, is the buzz.
  * Oh goodie, it's air-out-everything-and-check-for-moth-holes day.  
  
Not hard, just tedious. And have to make sure Aviendha's dresses (she got fancied up by the Queen of Ebou Dar, apparently) don't get put with Lady Elayne's by accident.
  * Holy cow that's a lot of jewelry.
  * Ok then. While the dresses air out, Essande is going to teach us coiffure. Naris is up first.  
  
By which I mean, she gets to do my hair up in these things. O_O
  * First thoughts: If anyone ever grants me a title of nobility, I am running for the hills first thing.  
  
Ain't no way I could sit still for this long every day.
  * Trying to visualize the sword forms I haven't practiced in like a week, but I keep twitching my fingers and getting slapped with Essande's fan.
  * It's weird having all my hair off my neck. So drafty.
  * Also, these gems are HEAVY. No wonder nobles are so stiff all the time; I'd get a kink in my neck too if I wore this every day.
  * If my aunt could see me now, she'd say I was putting on airs for sure. 😆
  * My turn will be after lunch, assuming we're not needed before then.
  * All right, here goes nothing.
  * Wait, uh ... no, that can't be right.
  * Tinya, that is so not helping.
  * Argh, how does anybody do this with only two hands?
  * Hey, I think I got it!  
  
No, wait. Hang on.
  * Nope. Starting over from scratch. T_T
  * Um, well it's staying up, but that's the best I can say about it.  
  
As if Tinya weren't bad enough, now Naris is laughing at me too.
  * After careful consideration, Essande has decided that I won't be touching the Lady's hair for the time being. :P  
  
Probably for the best.
  * Holy ... how in the Light did all these flies get inside the Lady's apartments??
  * I was so freaked out, I swatted them with Air before thinking. Thankfully, Essande wasn't through the door yet.
  * She says we have to clean EVERYTHING. Not gonna argue with her.
  * Hah, even better. She's calling in a mob of servants to clean most of it. Naris and I are in charge of the things most likely to get stolen, i.e. the jewelry casket and the Lady's knickknacks. We'll have to do the bejeweled dresses after the rest is done.
  * She made sure we understood that if anything goes missing, it's our fault.
  * I'll do the knickknacks, I guess.
  * Have already had to fend off three people who wanted to help with these. Sorry, dudes, my reputation is on the line here.
  * Yeowch! One of the little statues sent a shock up my arm when I touched it!
  * Didn't shock me the second time, but THE TER'ANGREAL IN MY POCKET IS BUZZING.  
  
I think this statue has something to do with saidin. O_O
  * Play it cool, play it cool; there are a dozen people in here right now. 😬
  * Ok, they're done. Now what?  
  
I can't keep this little statue with me, or Essande will know who took it.
  * Ooh, I've got an idea. I will slip it under the edge of this couch here, as if it rolled there, and see whether anyone notices that it's missing. I mean, there are so many things here, it's easy to overlook one, right?
  * And it's not like it's made of gold or anything valuable, like some of these are. It's just a hand-high thing made of polished wood. Not really any definable shape—just whimsical, thumb-thick loops meeting at a circular base.
  * Do you think the rest of these might have something to do with the Power, too??
  * If only Hanled were coming tonight so I could ask him about this. :/  
  
Whatever he's doing today, they're working him hard. Maybe working on that wall around the village.
  * You know, I really ought to have paid attention to these "knickknacks" before, because some of them are really obviously not made of materials I can identify. There's one that's actually hard to look at, it's such a strange design.
  * None of the rest did anything strange when I picked them up, though. the Lady is an Aes Sedai after all; most of these are probably attuned to saidar.
  * Anyway, we have dresses to clean now. :P Probably be at it for days.
  * I really really really want to go practice in the training yard. So antsy. If only I could get that Mask of Mirrors weave to work without Hanled.
  * That's probably low-profile enough to practice in my room, right?  
  
...Nobody tell Naris on me, please.



**Aine 1, N.E. 1000**

  * Lady Elayne swapped out her collection like she does most mornings, but didn't notice that the twisty carving was missing.  
  
Going to leave it where it is until tonight anyway. No need to have it on my person until I'm leaving to meet Hanled.
  * Half the guards look like they want to fall asleep at their posts. Apparently there was a fire near the granary last night.
  * Clapped my hands to wake one up, and he thanked me, lol. For sure if Mistress Harfor or the Captain-General catch them at it, they could get demoted.  
  
Probably not fired, at a time like this. They've got boys and old geezers in uniform right now.
  * Another day of cleaning dresses that are probably clean anyway. While trying not to glance toward the sitting room.  
  
Haven't even told Naris about the carving yet. Couldn't get a word in last night, and she was already gone when I got up this morning.
  * Hopefully I'll get a chance before she decides to clean under there or something.
  * Can this day end already? I want to go train with Hanled!
  * Huh. Just heard a bunch of guardsmen singing an anthem.  
  
"Forward the Lion, roar defiance at the Shadow."  
  
I like that. Maybe these Andorans aren't too bad after all.
  * Come to think of it, the Lord Dragon is Andoran, or so they say.  
  
They also say that he's Aiel, but having seen him in person I can understand why they'd think that.
  * Some particularly bad injuries coming in. They've drafted everyone who's not busy to help with bandages.
  * That motherless son of a goat just goosed me! If he didn't have so many knots of rank on his shoulder, I'd blacken his eye for him.
  * Wait, THAT'S the guy everyone says is Lady Elayne's lover?  
  
I thought for sure she had better taste than that! 😬
  * Lady Elayne is STILL in the map room directing the battle on the walls.  
  
Come on, people. Haven't you done enough fighting for today?
  * I feel so cut off from everything right now. I'm supposed to be here so I can figure out what Taim is up to, but if I never get back to the Black Tower, what good will all of this do anyone?
  * Sorry, didn't mean to get all discouraged there. Just really feeling the press of time today.
  * They FINALLY pulled back for the night. Or seem to have, anyway. Our soldiers are coming and going through gateways, which is really clever, actually. The next best thing to being in two places at once.
  * I still haven't worked out how these Kin fit in with everyone else. They seem to defer to the Aes Sedai, but Lady Elayne is the only one of those I've actually seen make a gateway.
  * Then again, the Kin seem to work in pairs or trios. Maybe they're doing that linking thing that only women can do.
  * That was the fastest bath in history. Everybody is as eager as I am for today to be done.  
  
Well, most of today.
  * Collected the twisted carving without drawing attention. Keeping it in the opposite pocket from my ter'angreal, which is buzzing faintly again.
  * Had to hand off the thing to Naris, because the buzzing got so loud. She gave me this wide-eyed look, like she thought I was stealing.
  * I guess I did steal, it actually. But I mean, I could always put it back later.  
  
Not sure if I will, but I could.
  * Hah.The look on her face when I told her it was attuned to saidin.  
  
I imagine that's what I looked like when Hanled wanted me to channel that first time.
  * He's here! :D
  * Ooh, he's not the only one. Looks like Venson came with.
  * Don't mind us, mister gate guard. Just a couple of helpless ladies' maids waiting for our escort so we can brave the big, bad Southlander city in the dark.
  * Wow, that was a little bit of a shock. Hanled and Venson showed up wearing my brothers' faces.
  * It's smart of them, really. Some of these gate guards might have been to the Black Tower on inspection duty, and it wouldn't be at all good if they were recognized.
  * But showing up as strangers might have looked suspicious for anyone watching us try to pinpoint them with the bond.
  * Hah. Hanled's wearing his black coat under that illusion. I can tell by the texture.
  * Great; Venson thinks we're being followed. By somebody competent this time; he says he wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't been holding saidin.
  * Whoever it is is too good to shake without being obvious about it. Hanled suggested we walk out the city gates, forgetting there's an army out there.
  * (I suppose he can be forgiven for that. He didn't spend all afternoon washing bloodied bandages.)
  * We figured out a compromise. I won't be able to practice any weaves tonight, but Naris and Venson can still spend some time together.
  * Naris knows of an inn that shut down when the innkeeper disappeared, but was reopened to house some of the refugees from the outer city. It's called the Queen's Blessing, so that seems auspicious. Supposedly there's some new kind of entertainment happening there.
  * Hanled is oddly resistant to the idea. In fact, he's been a bit standoffish in general tonight, but he won't tell me what's bothering him.
  * Wow, the place is bustling. Little hope of a private room, but I think we can squeeze in at a table.
  * I keep forgetting I have actual money now.
  * Wow. So Hanled is convinced that this twisted carving is an angreal. He figures it will let him hold almost twice the power he can hold normally. It wouldn't let him to toe-to-toe with someone like Logain or the M'Hael, but he could match Mishraile, easy.
  * Can't say much for the food here. Tastes a little bit off.
  * Looks like Venson is a hardcore Logain supporter. I'm trying to convince him that we can't wait for news from a guy who hasn't been seen in half a month. We've got to be making our own plans.
  * Venson is also very weirded out by the fact that I'm an honest to goodness woman. I mean, I wasn't about to lie after Naris told him we were sharing a room. That's not a good idea even when you can be completely sure of a man's sanity.
  * Hanled seems to think he's keeping the angreal. Uh, no. I have better uses for this thing. Like getting into Taim's good graces, which was the whole point of this stupid spy thing.
  * Venson is taking his side. I don't believe this.
  * I had to threaten to tell Taim he'd been sneaking out before he would give it back.  
  
Then he stormed out.
  * The entertainment is starting finally, but I just feel sick to my stomach.
  * At least Naris and Venson are enjoying themselves. :/
  * Naris thinks Hanled will get over it eventually, but she can't feel the cold fury coming through the bond right now.  
  
What if he never forgives me? What if I've broken our friendship beyond repair?
  * I have a feeling I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.
  * He's still angry. T_T




	17. Hanled

**Aine 2, N.E. 1000**

  * I'm a wreck this morning, not gonna lie. Naris told Essande I'd eaten something that disagreed with me last night and got me off work, at least for the morning.
  * Naris is the one who should be worming her way into Taim's good graces. She so much more glib than I am.
  * Maybe I'll just give her the angreal and the ter'angreal both and slink back to Shienar.
  * Argh, except I can't even leave the city without Hanled's help.
  * I didn't mention the angreal in yesterday's report. I couldn't—not until I can convince Hanled it's the only way forward.
  * I wonder if I could use this angreal to amplify what my ter'angreal can draw. If I could channel enough of the Power to make a gateway myself....
  * LIGHT, THAT WAS TERRIFYING.
  * It worked, for just a moment. Is that what it feels like to actually grasp saidin?? For that moment it was like wrestling a raging mountain of fire, and then both the angreal and ter'angreal started shaking so badly I had to drop them.
  * I think if I hadn't managed to let go, they both would have melted.  
  
And probably taken me with them.
  * I don't think I've been that terrified since that very first day, with the garbage monster. Not even at the Wells.  
  
There was a brief spike of concern from Hanled there before he went back to his angry sulk. Fine, be that way.
  * Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe if I ask one of the Aes Sedai ... but how to do it without tipping my hand?
  * Under the guise of "feeling ill," I have tracked down one of the Aes Sedai. Careane Sedai, I think her name is.
  * Left both of the ... items ... in my room. Better safe than sorry.
  * Well I won't be doing that again anytime soon.
  * I phrased my question as if I was relaying something I'd heard second-hand, about an Aes Sedai who tried to use an angreal to boost the effect of a ter'angreal and almost burned herself out.
  * After grilling me quite thoroughly for further details (I pretended I didn't know any; it wasn't hard), she admitted that when two objects of the power have a similar function, they can often interfere with one another.
  * Then she chewed me out for wasting her time and told me flat out that it was pointless for me to even go to the White Tower, since I obviously couldn't channel a lick.
  * I don't even want to become an Aes Sedai, thank you very much.
  * The real bad news, though, is that this angreal is useless to me. Disappointed, but not surprised.
  * Tinya is being an absolute pain in the neck today. -_-
  * You would think that rain would dampen the enemy soldiers' enthusiasm, but if it is, I sure can't tell.
  * All right, I'd better get out of the rain before I really do end up sick.
  * Maybe this is the life I deserve. Invisible, clinging to the wall in the fragile hope that someone will need me for more than a moment.
  * Tinya thinks I'm full of it. At least listening to her prattle on is something to do while I stand here.
  * Um, so this is ... potentially not good.  
  
Hanled is still angry—like punching stuff angry, feels like—and he just gated into the city.  
  
What should I do??
  * He's hovering outside the gates, but I'm too scared to go out to meet him.
  * He's gone home now....



**Aine 3, N.E. 1000**

  * At least Hanled has downgraded from furious to moping/worried.  
  
I keep wondering what he came to talk about last night. Should I have gone out to see him? I mean, maybe he wasn't angry at me, per se....
  * I keep getting distracted by Tinya and making stupid mistakes today.
  * Light, and here I thought I was just going crazier.  
  
Yesterday I saw this Lady in fancy clothing in the halls, and when I curtsied she vanished. Turns out I'm not the only one it's been happening to.
  * (And yes, while I theoretically am not supposed to get any crazier now that saidin is clean, that doesn't mean I completely understand my current madness.)
  * Fun. Admitting that I'd seen them too has gotten me added to the "crazy club." Well, we'll be vindicated when the others start seeing ghosts of their own.
  * ANOTHER sortie? Oy.
  * He's here. Sort of expected he would be. Hard to say exactly what he's feeling; it's a jumble, and not much of it good.  
  
Against my better judgment, I'm going out to him.
  * Hmph. Apparently he gave the guards a hard time last night. Had to talk them down before they would let me leave with him.
  * I still don't think they would have if he weren't disguised as my brother again.
  * We're walking. In silence. Whatever he has to say, he won't say it in front of strangers.
  * Nuh-uh. Not stepping through that gateway until he explains himself. This is private enough, in my opinion.
  * Yikes. Maybe I can forgive him for being so angry last night.  
  
Venson spilled the beans about my being a woman. Apparently two of Eben Hopwil's friends vanished yesterday after talking to him, and he admitted making the slip in front of them.
  * Everyone else who heard him thought Venson had taken a slight turn around the bend, if you know what I mean, but those two are out for blood.  
  
They could be in Caemlyn right now, looking for me.
  * Venson doesn't think he mentioned anything about the palace, so there's that. Still, maybe we should step through that gateway after all....
  * Not the beach this time. Somewhere forested.  
  
Light, I know this place. It's just down the road from ... yes, I see the village lights already.
  * I made Hanled promise he wasn't planning to leave me here. He was a bit shifty at first, but I'm fairly confident he'll keep his word.  
  
So, we're headed to my house first, I guess.
  * I'd forgotten how quiet home was compared to Caemlyn. Or even the Black Tower, with the dogs barking at each other all night long.
  * Looks like someone's awake. That's surprising; most days they're all asleep by now.
  * Oh man, the look on my mother's face ... I feel like such a heel for making her cry like this.
  * And now everyone's awake.
  * It's not Hanled's fault, mom. Geez. He can't even get a word in edgewise.
  * Tinya ... the real Tinya ... just tackle-hugged me outta nowhere. What's she even doing here after dark?
  * Ahh ... she's my sister-in-law now. Her mother thought she needed settling down and forced the issue soon after she got back.  
  
So, congrats, I guess?
  * Nobody believes that I'm a maid in the Caemlyn palace. I ... think I just won't mention whose maid I am right yet.
  * And now they've remembered what Hanled is. I think maybe it's time to leave.
  * They tried to keep me from leaving with him. I knew they would.  
  
I couldn't tell her I'm an Asha'man too. They would think I was delusional, which ... ok, I really gotta stop doing that to myself.  
  
Anyway, I told my mother I was going with Hanled because I loved him.
  * It just sort of came out. Did I mean it? I'm not even sure. But it startled them enough that we were out and gone through a gateway before they could stop me.
  * So, now we're at the beach again.  
  
Alone.   
  
And Hanled heard that. Yup. He very much did.  
  
Hoo, boy.
  * I asked Hanled why he decided to bond me. He says that he "cares about" me, but we both know there's more to it than that.
  * Even now I can feel him trying to suppress some deeper feeling when he looks at me. We've both been pretending it isn't there.
  * Light, now he's angry again.
  * He says, "I can't let myself fall for you, because you're crazy."  
  
That hurts. It really does.
  * It's probably a good thing nobody's around to hear me shouting at him right now.
  * Correction: nobody around to hear US shout at EACH OTHER.
  * That ... actually felt good to get it all out in the open.  
  
I feel like I might understand why Saldaeans consider shouting to be part of a healthy relationship.  
  
(It's still weird though. Sorry.)
  * He acknowledges that it's his fault I'm ... scarred ... from wielding saidin. It burns him up inside; he can't hide that.
  * There's guilt there, a big fat heaping pile of it.  
  
It's more than that, though. He's afraid because I spent my whole life telling him how much I hated him (he really was a pain in the ... you know), and it wasn't until after I started hearing voices that any of that changed.
  * In short, he thinks I only like him BECAUSE I'm crazy.
  * I told him he was a woolheaded idiot, of course.  
  
I mean, seriously. Tinya still hates his guts.
  * He apologized for coming last night while he was angry. He realized he was scaring me but didn't tone it down.
  * Yes, he was still angry at me over the angreal. He still thinks it's a stupid idea to give it to Taim. But he was also worried that in my madness I might be having trouble seeing the line I was about to cross. That I might actually be drifting to the other side.
  * I would have slapped him for that one, but then I realized he was right. I did start distancing myself from Logain's people at Tinya's behest.
  * So maybe he was a tiny bit justified in that one.
  * After that, I sort of gave him an ultimatum. I said, he's the only one who knows exactly how mad I am. Because of this bond, he can tell when I'm lucid and when I'm not. He's the only one who can keep me from doing something the old me wouldn't condone.
  * So if he's not going to step up and take that responsibility, he needs to let me go. Not just the bond, but all of it. The checking in on me, the late night lessons ... I can't do it if I know that he'll never completely trust me.
  * He says he'll give it some thought.  
  
Light, why does life have to be so complicated?
  * I'm lying on the sand staring up at the stars, wondering if this will be the last time we ever come here. Hanled hasn't said a word since then. I have no idea what he'll decide.
  * All right; it's time to go home.
  * He didn't say anything at all until we were almost to the gates. He reminded me to watch out for those two Dedicated, then leaned close and said that he would forgive me if I decided to give the angreal to Taim.
  * I wish.....
  * No. It's better not to wish too hard.  
  
Goodnight.



**Aine 4, N.E. 1000**

  * Super paranoid right now. Keeping my ter'angreal on me at all times.
  * Hard to feel like we're being useful when the news is the same every day. "3 more attacks on the walls. 2 fires put out. Rats everywhere."
  * Kind of wish I could see what the healing weave they're using on the soldiers looks like. I know the one for saidar won't do me any good, but still.
  * All right, we're doing this. A note is in the box explaining that I've found an angreal and want to deliver it in person. (Because for real, I have no idea who is checking for the messages each morning.)
  * Hanled did not visit tonight, which is probably good because I don't want him getting caught. His emotions are still muddled, but I'm taking strength from the thread of determination he's projecting at me.




	18. With the M'Hael

**Aine 5, N.E. 1000**

  * That's a first. A new message came in just an hour after the first one. Looks like I got someone's attention.
  * I'm supposed to meet Mishraile in the spot we gated into the city at. How am I supposed to remember where that is??
  * Oh wait, hah. There's instructions. #ReadTheLastPageGenius
  * Guess it's time to see whether Essande still believes everything I tell her.
  * It was way easier than I expected to get the day off.  
  
Miiiiight have something to do with that tray I spilled yesterday.
  * Bringing my coat so I can change into it at some point. The sooner the better, if I'm going to be.... Oh wait. No pants. Guess I'll need to stop by the barracks for those.
  * There's the alleyway ... they've put that cart back into it. No sign of Mishraile yet.
  * Reminds me of the good old days, hiding from Mistress Mudsel in the back of old man Korati's cart. Though usually it had a lot more hay than this one does.
  * There he is.  
  
Oh, no, buster. I'm not handing this over to you. Take me to the M'Hael.
  * (No but really take me to the barracks first.)
  * How is it that I can simultaneously miss wearing these breeches and also feel half-naked in them?
  * Breeches: check.  
Black coat: check.  
Sword pin on the collar: Heck yeah!  
  
Time to go meet The Man.
  * Oh, hi Hanled. Fancy meeting you here.
  * No no no, don't walk away. Pretend this is the first time seeing me in half a month.  
  
There you go. That's better.
  * Fist bump, and break. That looked natural, didn't it?
  * Oh, hi Fian.  
  
Eff off.
  * I've clearly been walking small for too long.
  * That's right, Mishraile; I made you wait. I'm not afraid of you anymore.  
  
Your boss, on the other hand ... deep breaths, Ashalyn.
  * The M'Hael is impressed. Wasn't sure it was the real deal until I handed it over.
  * Had to explain where I got it from ... and stress that it was unlikely I'd be able to take anything else without the Lady Elayne noticing.
  * Taim isn't TOO disappointed, because ter'angreal he doesn't know the use for are pretty useless. He'd love to deny her access to them, but based on my description of her wistful glances, she doesn't know what any of them do either.
  * Note to self: Taim does not like the Lady and does NOT have her best interests in mind.
  * Whoa, that was a shock. Taim gave the angreal back to me. Said he trusts that I will use it to "further the cause of the Black Tower."
  * I guess I can give it to Hanled after all....  
  
Wait. That not-quite-a-smirk tells me there's something wrong here.  
  
Could it be he knows I can't use it?
  * Light, he almost smiled when I told him I'd tried to use it already. He DID know.
  * Now he's giving it to Mishraile. Questioning my life choices in three ... two....
  * I'm to be granted "special lessons," whatever that means. He said to wait outside until he's ready for me.
  * Bunch of other guys coming in. Two or three dozen. Every one of them are Taim's toad-eaters.  
  
This is lovely company I've gathered myself with.
  * Folks smirking at me like they know something I don't. Whatever these special lessons are, they've had them before.  
  
I should run. I should get out right now, before I get in any deeper.
  * Hanled's out there, feeling my fear and sending back a wave of courage. I can do this. I'll stay the course. For the Light, and the Dragon Reborn.
  * The M'Hael is back. Apparently he doesn't attend most of these personally?
  * We're going into the "training space." Some kid's having me on about time passing more slowly in there. Yeah right, like even Taim could—  
  
LIGHT WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
  * It's like my connection to Hanled just VANISHED!
  * No ... no he's still there. But he's like a memory of an echo of a whisper.
  * This is terrifying. How far apart would we have to be to feel like this?
  * All right, lesson's starting. Seems pretty normal so far.
  * Taim's taken me into a smaller space by ourselves. He knows I can't channel the normal way; I guess he doesn't want the others to see.
  * I should be frightened that I'm a woman, alone in a room with a man who is definitely much bigger and stronger than me and who I definitely don't trust.  
  
I'm not. I'm frightened for completely unrelated reasons.
  * Light, he's a harsh teacher.
  * I'm sorry I called you a slave driver, Hanled. I didn't know what true torment was.
  * Time for lunch. Phew.
  * And back at it. I'll never be quick enough to satisfy the M'Hael. And every bungled weave is another bruise on my back.
  * Please can't we take a break now.
  * Phew. I have a few minutes to breathe while the M'Hael looks in on the other students.
  * That break was way too short.
  * Please just let me die now.
  * Isn't it time to quit yet?  
  
It's impossible to tell. There's no clocks, not one glimpse of sunlight.
  * Finally time for dinner. I've never been worked so hard IN MY LIFE.
  * No beds here, just pallets on the floor of the big room. Too exhausted to care.
  * Woke up to someone kicking me. Didn't see who.
  * I'm probably bleeding internally and will die before morning. Going back to sleep anyway.
  * It can't possibly be morning yet.
  * At least they're starting the day with healing.  
  
Actually, that's a bad sign. That means today is going to be just as bad as yesterday.
  * The heck? Jerk only pretended to heal me.  
  
I'm getting some jealousy vibes that I didn't notice yesterday. Probably because I was alone with Taim for so long.
  * At least we got a hot breakfast.
  * The general feeling of competition and rivalry in here is toxic.
  * Light, I hope what they told us about time passing differently here is true, or else Essande is going to have my hide for not showing up this morning.
  * On the bright (?) side, Taim might not leave enough of my hide intact for her to have.
  * Made the mistake of mentioning that I didn't get healing this morning, and now Taim is punishing the guy. I'm sitting here trying not to show any sympathy while watching, but it hurts. So. Much.
  * Have settled on "vague discomfort" as my emotional mask, because there are plenty of others wearing it.  
  
Probably worried that they'll be next.
  * I am getting better at this. Amazing what you can do when you have the proper motivation.  
  
Still not good enough for Taim, though.
  * Time for sleep again. The guys are giving me more space than before. Might be the cold-eyed look I've been practicing.
  * I hope we're not here for much longer. I can feel the darkness seeping into me.
  * Ok, now I KNOW they're getting us up eye-bleeding early. If anything can be early or late without the sun to tell you how many days have passed.
  * The guys are all pretty scruffy after going so long without a shave, so I figured I'd better blend in.  
  
I gotta tell you, I look VERY STRANGE with a five-o'clock shadow.
  * Taim has been teaching me what I guess is the perfect weave for a spy. It's basically mask of mirrors, but it's ... inverted, he calls it. Supposed to be invisible even to a man who can channel.
  * I've gotten zero comments/strange looks regarding it so far, so I guess it must be working?
  * Tinya thinks I look stupid. She has been getting more hateful and pessimistic every hour I've spent here.
  * OH THANK THE LIGHT. We can finally go home!
  * Taim commanded us not to speak of what we learned here with anyone who doesn't live in the "palace". Yadda yadda, those losers, whatever.
  * So good to be able to sense Hanled properly again. But you know what will feel even better?  
  
A bath.
  * Ugh, my room is empty. Apparently they moved my things into the palace while I was gone.
  * Hiding in Hanled's room. He's still out training, but I don't want to go back to that horrible palace right now.
  * It's cleaner than I expected.
  * Light, I didn't mean to fall asleep. I'd better get out of here before....  
  
Whoops. Too late.
  * Just as well, I guess. Hanled wants to talk to me before I head out, and here is a better place than most.
  * He kept looking at me funny until I remembered the illusion weave on my face.
  * Told him all about the three days I spent in that room, training. He didn't believe me at first; it's still the afternoon of the day I went in.
  * Then I showed him how I can weave an inverted mask of mirrors without any help.  
  
He believes me now.
  * He's always wondered why Taim's flunkies seem to pick up weaves quicker than everyone else, even when some of them are clearly morons. I guess we know.
  * Light, I did NOT want to start crying.
  * Well, that was embarrassing.
  * Even though we both knew it was a possibility, admitting that Mishraile ended up with the angreal really hurt.
  * Hanled said he would forgive me, and he's trying. So. Hard. But I think it's going to take some time.
  * Stood up to leave (I really do need to find some clean clothes), but Hanled stopped me. Said he'd made his decision, and wants to stick it out.
  * I'm glad. Regardless of what I said to him the other day, I can't do this alone. Just being around Taim and his goons ... I'm going to need something to fall back on, or that me who walks through Taim's palace will become the real me.
  * Then he kept going on about how it probably wasn't the best time to think about any romantic attraction we might have for each other, so I kissed him to make him shut up.  
  
It worked.  
  
He's still not a great kisser.
  * Then I left.  
  
Because I mean, it's not like he isn't right. If we both make it through whatever Taim's planning, and then through the Last Battle, then we can make time for "us." Until then ... we'll just have to steal what moments we can.
  * Ugh, I hate this palace. Where are my rooms again?
  * Servants bobbing and curtsying left and right. I could get used to the tables turning here, if it weren't for the looks in their eyes.  
  
Every one of them is either sly and smirking, or terrified.
  * Wow. I could fit my old room AND the one in Caemlyn into this one TWICE, and still have space left over. No wonder so many of the guys love Taim.
  * Yeah, I'm just gonna change my clothes and get out of here. This place will never feel like home.
  * I don't like it, but going to leave my coat here for cleaning. Can't risk it being seen by the washerwomen in Caemlyn, pin or no pin.




	19. Masks

  * Mishraile isn't at the Traveling ground, but there's another guy here who knows the location. Took a minute to convince him to make a gateway there.
  * Uh-oh. There's some guy hovering at the end of the alley. Did he see me come through the gate?
  * He looks kinda familiar. And ... hang on, I think there's someone behind m
  * Ow, my head.  
  
...Where am I, exactly?
  * Can't see anything, but my hands are bound in front of me. Smells like a closet?
  * I should be panicking, but I'm too exhausted.
  * Oh no. My ter'angreal is missing.  
  
Maybe I have a small dose of panic left.
  * Voices coming closer. A man and a woman, I think.  
  
Tinya thinks I should pretend to still be out cold, but I'm not in the mood for any more pretense today.
  * That got their attention.
  * They dragged me out and set me on a chair. Something binding me to it.  
  
Still can't see anything, but there's no blindfold on my face. Aes Sedai, or Asha'man?
  * Aes Sedai, but not a voice I recognize. She wants to know where that gateway I walked through led from.  
  
I went ahead and told her.
  * Ow. She did not like that answer.
  * Part of me knows the words coming out of my mouth are probably not smart words, but I can't stop myself.
  * Gonna have to do worse than that, lady. I've been training with the M'Hael all day.
  * OWWWW. OKAY OKAY, I GIVE.
  * Light. That must be similar to the weave Taim used on Mr. Didn't Want to Heal Me.
  * I know I've heard the man's voice before. Someone recent.
  * Hanlon, she called him. Doesn't ring a bell.
  * Mystery Aes Sedai is wondering why I'm taking this so calmly. I told her Mazrim Taim gave me worse just this morning.
  * Chesmal. He called her Chesmal. Didn't use the honorific though.
  * I'm pretty sure they plan to kill me. Somehow I can't dredge up any regret.  
  
Well, not much. I still wanted to teach Hanled how to properly kiss someone.
  * I flat out admitted I was Taim's spy. It probably won't get back to the Lady Elayne though. This dude keeps referring to her as "that chit in the palace."
  * Maybe these folks are on Elaida's side of the split?
  * They want to know how I pass messages. I told them I could only send them through gateways made by an Asha'man. Not a lie.
  * I also said that I used the ter'angreal to let Taim know when I had something to send. I could HEAR them backing away from it.
  * Uh. They want to know if I will send a copy of my reports to them as well as Taim. They also want the low-down on the Black Tower itself.
  * Tinya told me to ask "how much." I listened to her, for a change.
  * We've agreed upon an amount, and a method of delivery.  
  
I really hope this conversation isn't just a ruse intended to calm me down before they kill me. This guy seems pretty bloodthirsty.
  * Woke up back by the cart where I started. That wasn't all some sort of hallucination, was it?
  * Nope. My stuff is all in different pockets.  
  
And there's a LOT more silver in here than I remember.
  * I really need to quit this whole spy gig. T_T
  * First order of business: write a report to Taim that his alleyway spot is compromised. And also I'm telling him about the Aes Sedai. He can figure out what to do about her. I don't care.  
  
Second order of business: nap for a month.
  * Phew. Ok, nap is third. Change of clothes helped, but I haven't had a bath in three days, and I can smell my own stink.
  * Naris is never going to believe ANY of what happened to me today.
  * Really glad Naris came in and woke me from THAT nightmare.
  * She asked me all cheerful and stuff how my day went. I handed her the report I wrote for Taim (she'll usually rewrite them in better handwriting), and told her that was the least stressful thing I'd done today.
  * I didn't tell her about the slowed time thing. That's so farfetched that I barely believe it myself. I did say that Taim's teaching methods were even crueler and more effective than I expected.
  * The worst part? I still am no closer to finding out what Taim is up to. I might have his trust, but I don't have his ear. Not from here.
  * That ... could work. Naris suggests we tell Essande that our recently bereaved aunt would like one of us to keep her company two or three days a week.
  * We could make it the days Lady Aviendha is out with the Aiel. She doesn't usually let us dress her anyway, but Essande is very particular about that sort of thing.
  * I suggested we make it nights. Makes a better story, plus for realism Naris would have to take a turn and get some quality Venson time. It would also give me an excuse not to attend any of the "extra lessons" which are scheduled during the day. That would help my sanity a lot.
  * Yes, I do mean that literally. Shut up, Tinya.



**Aine 6, N.E. 1000**

  * Found the loose stone that Aes Sedai and her ... Warder? ... said to leave notes behind. It's on the palace grounds, which means they've already got a man on the inside. So, can't feed them too much false information.
  * I really want to talk to the Aes Sedai in the palace about this, but after that fiasco with Careane Sedai, I'm not convinced I should.
  * Also there's the high probability that if I blow the whistle on them, they'll do the same in kind.  
  
Better hold off until it's safe to burn my bridges here.
  * Essande has given the go-ahead for one of us at a time to spend nights "in the city." If Taim approves our plan, we've asked him to send Venson tonight to collect Naris, since nobody over there knows Hanled and I are a thing (and I prefer to keep it that way).
  * Looks like it's a go. Venson is in the city and approaching.  
  
Huh. This'll be the first time in weeks I've had a room to myself. (Excluding Tinya.)
  * Bye Naris. Bye Lady Aviendha. It's just me and Essande and the Lady tonight.  
  
Watch me do something stupid.
  * Stupid like what, you ask? Well, there was the time I dropped her meal tray and had to go fetch a new one, and then time I grabbed the wrong tray and had to run back, and then once I got in trouble with the Captain-General for letting someone put wine on the tray.
  * Then there was the bathwater mix-up, which I'm pretty sure was orchestrated by the porter I smacked with a pumice stone that once, but I didn't actually get the brunt of that one somehow.
  * And oh, let's not forget the fiasco with the stablehand (the one who followed us that day?) trying to kiss Naris, and ha! Naris can't stop me from talking about it anymore because she's not heeeere!
  * Then there was the OTHER bathwater mixup, but nobody got in trouble for that one because oops! Cold water + thread of Fire = hot water. Who knew?
  * (I'm hoping the Lady Elayne never finds out I warmed her bathwater with saidin. I like my head where it is, thanks.)
  * No dinner tray OR bathwater mishaps. I did almost drop a towel in the tub but I don't think anybody noticed.
  * Bit rainy so the fighting stopped right before dark. Hearing some nasty stories about the fighting on the walls, but wasn't the worst day we've had by a long shot.
  * Will be a long while before I can weave mask of mirrors without remembering Taim's torture room.
  * Look at me: I'm Naris!
  * Now I'm Mazrim Taim.  
  
...Yeah, that's way too creepy.
  * I'm Lady Elayne. So tall and blonde and perfect. Even my teeth are perfect—see?
  * And now Essande. Neat!  
  
Wait, hang on ... gotta do the shoulder hunch thing. There we go.
  * Ok, enough fun and games. Now to practice weaving without being able to see the flows. (Because if I can see them, so can everyone else.)
  * Well, that's um ... there's room for improvement, I guess.
  * Whoops, almost forgot. Need to make sure that Aes Sedai didn't weave any finders on my stuff.  
  
No way to tell if there are, of course, but I've been slicing weaves I can't see for weeks now.
  * Hopefully that got everything. Even did the coins in my pouch.
  * I actually learned the finder weave the other day. Er, yesterday technically. Doesn't do me any good, though. :/ Think you have to be able to actually sense saidin to use it.
  * Also have to practice using the ter'angreal when it isn't actually in my hand. It's easier there, but it only needs to be within a handspan of me to use it.



**Festival of Thanksgiving, N.E. 1000**

  * Not sure what to think of this morning's message. Came with a small bag I'm to hide behind that loose stone. Something metal inside. The note said I'm not to open the bag, because there's a finder in there which will attune itself to the first person who touches it.
  * I think I see what game the M'Hael is playing, and I'm zero percent sure that he has any intention to secure my cover here in the meanwhile. I need a contingency plan.
  * Naris is back. Torn between giving her the head's up and letting her stay in blissful ignorance for a few more hours.  
  
Nope. Not going to spoil her good mood.
  * I've got it. I'll make myself invisible and watch to see who picks it up. Then I'll have leverage of my own.  
  
Invisibility, FYI, is just a different application of the mask of mirrors weave. You make it look like the spot you're standing in is empty.
  * It's a bit like those Warder cloaks, though. If you move around, you're way more obvious.
  * I need an excuse to be out of Essande's sight for ... I'm not even sure how many hours. Possibly a lot.
  * Ohhh, that's it. I'll tell her I've been asked to help wash bandages again. That's perfectly feasible since they've been fighting since before first light. Taking advantage of the dryer weather today, no doubt.
  * She bought it. Now I need to actually show my face down there in case she asks after me later.
  * Basket of bandages acquired. Bit crowded in this courtyard, isn't it folks? Maybe I'll just take mine over here....
  * Ooh, hang on. If I also grab a basin of water, I can actually work on them while I wait.  
  
What? You didn't think I was some kind of layabout, did you? Waiting around is boring; would rather have something to do.
  * The walkway beside the drop point seems to be empty, but I'm not taking any chances. Don't need to be able to see what I'm doing for....
  * Whoa, that gust of wind was a lot ... gustier than I expected.
  * Pretty sure nobody is hiding around here. Have to be made of stone not to react to that.  
  
Also, there's no windows overlooking the place. Probably why they picked it.
  * Ok, washing stuff is behind those bushes, invisibility weave in place. Looks invisible from out here.  
  
Little pouch in place. Now I'll just walk casually away, then creep back around to my washing, and ... there. Best I can do; hope it's good enough.
  * Startled a bird by touching a branch. Let's throw on a silencing weave as well.
  * Blocks sound both ways, unfortunately, but I have a clear line of sight to my target, so hopefully that's all I need.
  * Has anyone ever done laundry with saidin before? I mean, I'm not ruling out the possibility, but it seems pretty edge case.
  * Tinya, you about scared the living daylights out of me. Can you at least manifest on the other side of the sound barrier so I don't have to listen to you?
  * Yeah, I guess that was too much to ask.
  * She's wearing a black coat today. 🤨 "Well, since you're not going to," she says.
  * Well that was a mistake. Now all these bandages are clean already and I have nothing to do.
  * Guess I do still need to dry them....
  * Hmm. Well that's done.
  * Bored bored bored.
  * Boredom + Asha'man = not a good combination. So tempting to play with weaves while I wait.
  * Come on. I must have been sitting here for like an hour. Just check the wall already.
  * So hungry. Wish I'd thought to snitch something from the kitchens.
  * Pansies are edible, aren't they?
  * Taste isn't bad, but not very filling. I think I'll leave the gardens as they are for now.
  * ARE YOU KIDDING ME? DOILIN freaking MELLAR is the spy??
  * The captain of Elayne's own bodyguard. Light!
  * Oh no no no no. That's why I recognized the voice of the man with Chesmal Sedai. That was him the WHOLE TIME.
  * I have to tell the Lady. But no—I can't. He'll give me away for sure if I squeal on him. Argh!
  * Ok, think. There has to be a way to discredit him without it coming back to me.
  * Oooh, I've got it. The servants' quarters are like a gossip mill. I'll just fabricate a rumor (Hallia told me that Kalland said, etc.) about him stealing from the royal coffers or something.
  * Whoops, almost forgot to take these clean bandages back.
  * Might as well do another batch, but in the main courtyard this time. The better to spread the seeds of my revenge.
  * Turns out, I hate lying.  
  
Didn't stop me from doing it. Just stopped me from enjoying it.
  * Also, Tinya is a devious little weasel, and I blame her for half of the rumors I started today.
  * Guess I'm done washing bandages. Naris came out to get me.
  * Ok, that I did not need. Naris didn't come to find me because Essande wants me. She came because she just heard a rumor that there's an Asha'man masquerading as a palace servant.
  * I swear I haven't been channeling where anyone could....  
  
Oh. That clever son of a goat. He did exactly the same thing to me that I just did to him.
  * Guess now is as good a time as any to warn Naris that we might need an exit strategy.
  * First things first. Mask of mirrors on the message box. Even if someone looks they won't find that.
  * Another weave on my ter'angreal, inverted and tied off, to make it look more like a childhood memento. Old and cracked and not as skillfully done.
  * Now, a signal for the men. Something to let them know we're in need of a gateway.  
  
We'll go with a repeated pinch on one ear. That should be hard enough to ignore.
  * Not sure when we'll have a chance to relay that to them, but it's a work in progress.
  * Naris thinks three pinches for "come to the city" and five for directly to the palace. On a repeating pattern, in case they miscount the first time.
  * She wants two to mean "I love you." 🙄 Sure fine whatever.
  * Aww. All the calluses on my sword hand are softening after doing all that laundry. Going to have to build them up all over again. :P
  * (If I ever get out of this palace.)



**Aine 7, N.E. 1000**

  * Message from BT this morning says the Aes Sedai has been taken care of, and not to worry about leaving them messages. That was quick....
  * "Taken care of." I wonder if that means Taim had someone bond her?
  * Except Mellar/Hanlon is still puttering around the palace pinching bottoms. If he's really her Warder I would expect him to be rampaging his way to the Black Tower to rescue her.




	20. Lessons

**Aine 8, N.E. 1000**

  * Today's my turn to spend the night at the Tower (ferreting out Taim's secrets). My instructions are to wait at the palace gates for "someone familiar." Hmm, I wonder who that might be. 🤔
  * Anyway, that's hours from now. Plenty to do in the meanwhile.
  * Well it isn't Hanled waiting for me at the gate. Thought it might be Fian under that illusion of my brother, but it's actually Mishraile.
  * He did have Hanled set the weave.
  * Ugh, this gateway spot is even worse. I hate to share our abandoned warehouse location, but anyone could just look right down that and see us.
  * Looks like someone tried to start a fire here since we used it last. All kinds of burned timbers. Still, even less likely someone will wander in now.
  * I suspect they were aiming at the granaries a few blocks down. Been a lot of arsons near those.
  * Gave Mishraile a bit of a shock weaving mask of mirrors to change my clothes. Can't do much to alter my appearance without a mirror, but a bit of scruff isn't hard to invert now that I've had practice, and the coat is one of the first things I memorized.
  * Drat, my skirt shows through if I walk too fast.
  * Sorry Hanled, I'd love to chat but I'm here on a mission.
  * (And by chat I mean ... other things, but alas.)
  * Some kind of meeting scheduled for after dinner. Sounds promising.
  * I so hate this place. Gonna get out as soon as I'm actually changed into my coat.
  * Or not. 🙄 Waylaid by some of Taim's cronies. They want to know why I've been getting so much personal attention from him.
  * I told them I didn't expect it to last long, but I did find him an angreal last week.
  * They're impressed that I didn't keep it for myself.  
  
I may have accidentally implied that there were more where it came from.
  * I now have three fawning sycophants catering to my every whim. But can I be trusted with this power?
  * I told them to get me up to speed on what Taim's been working on while I've been away. They are remarkably forthcoming.
  * Remind me not to leave anything important in my room when I'm not in it.
  * My, how the tables have turned. That "Mishraile" walking toward me feels an awful lot like a very smug Hanled.
  * He's got the barking orders thing down, too.
  * Ditched those losers at last.
  * Not much time before evening meal, so now that I've got Hanled alone in my room, there's only one thing to do: have him teach me the rest of the weaves I'm missing.
  * (You thought I was about to say something else, didn't you. Dirty, dirty minds.)
  * No but really though. Even if I can't weave a gateway, I'd like to know what the weave looks like. And there are some definite gaps I'd rather not ask Taim to help me fill.
  * Hanled is cool with the code we have established, and will pass it on to Venson.
  * Yiiiiiiikes. The weave for Healing is way more complicated than gateways. Probably not a thing I'll be duplicating anytime soon.
  * Plus it helps to "delve" someone first, and that's another of those things where you need to be able to sense saidin to actually use.  
  
Since you're looking inside someone's body, and all.
  * Grr. The meeting is during sword practice. I wanted to get some swings in.
  * Hanled wanted to wait until I came back, but I'm afraid someone might notice he's missing. We set aside a corner of my room as a gateway spot, so he can come and go without risking me or any of my stuff.
  * Funny story: had a guy cut off his own hand by placing a gateway wrong.  
  
He didn't think it was very funny though. Go figure.  
  
WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR GATES, PEOPLE.
  * What a colossal waste of time that was. Taim wasn't even here tonight.
  * He had Mishraile and a couple others stand in for him, and if there was anything incriminating, it was all couched in such vague language that even if I reported it to the Lord Dragon himself, he'd think I was being paranoid.
  * All right, maybe I can catch the tail end of sword practice, anyway.
  * Logain's people all looking at me askance. Trying not to take it personally.
  * At least my form hasn't slipped too badly from the lack of practice.
  * Curfew still applies to those living in Taim's palace, I see.
  * All right, let's see how effective this is. One, two, three.
  * Whoa, that was sudden. Maybe let's add in a confirmation signal. And might as well add something to indicate it's not a good time. Maybe one long pinch?
  * Maybe we could work out a sort of code using long pinches and short pinches, one pattern for each letter?  
  
...Naw, there's no way I could remember something that complicated. Better to keep it simple.
  * All right, that's enough ear pinching. Starting to give myself a headache.
  * So where to tonight? The beach? The mountains? Ooh, I've always wanted to visit the Aiel Waste.  
  
Oh. We're just staying here tonight. Fine.
  * Ok, yeah. Turns out I'm a bit behind on current events.  
  
Logain has reached the Lord Dragon and relayed our concerns, but with no result. Al'Thor "doesn't have time" to deal with it.
  * Light, that's a bit scary. Means we're on our own.  
  
Ok, well it's not like I haven't been doing what I can there.
  * Hanled has joined himself more firmly to Logain's group, gotten himself in the loop properly. He says it's been easier without me around. By which I mean, he appears to be isolated and friendless, making him for some reason more trustworthy?
  * Conspiracy logic, I tell you.
  * Whoops, someone knocked on the door asking if I had a visitor. Nope, just talking to myself, thanks.  
  
Time to practice this privacy weave some more.
  * I guess my main problem right now is a lack of direction. I don't know the right questions to ask because I've been gone for so long. Maybe Hanled could let Logain's people know he has a "man" on the inside and give me a list of topics to dig further on.
  * Better he doesn't tell anyone his source, though. Taim could have someone of his own spying on them the same way.
  * Enough business. Time for a lesson.  
  
Sorry, forgot I was wearing illusory stubble again. Much less uncomfortable than the real thing, I would imagine.
  * One lesson duly administered. Now it's probably time to sleep.  
  
In separate beds, thanks. These Southland ways haven't completely corrupted me yet.
  * All right, all right; one more lesson first.
  * (He IS getting better.)




	21. Bel Tine

**Aine 9, N.E. 1000**

  * No but really, where is Taim getting the money for silk sheets?
  * Ok, time to get my haughty on and head to breakfast.
  * Oh my gosh. Not even Lady Elayne eats like this. (Though to be fair her diet is pretty restricted right now.)
  * Honeycakes. Do you know how long it's been since I ate a honeycake?
  * Oh, haha. Apparently Andor celebrates Bel Tine a bit earlier than we do. That explains a thing.  
  
Darn it, I didn't get Hanled a gift.
  * Although nobody in the palace mentioned yesterday was Winternight, so I guess I have time to get something for Naris.
  * It's time to test my boundaries.
  * I told Mishraile I had some shopping to do before I returned to the Caemlyn Palace, and wanted somebody to carry stuff for me.
  * Then I'm all, "How about Hanled? He's not doing anything useful anymore, is he?"
  * I thought for sure I had given myself away for a second, but then Mishraile gets this smirk and jokes about turning the tables. I guess he thinks it's funny to make my old teacher follow my orders.
  * Made sure to go to at least one wrong place looking for Hanled before finding him.  
  
He was pretty surprised when I called him. Didn't fake any of the indignation when Mishraile backed me up, either.
  * He was putting on a hurt look, and I had to step on his foot before Mishraile saw it. Now he's angry, but I can't say anything until we're alone again.
  * Thought for a minute Mishraile was going to follow us until we left the Black Tower, but apparently Hanled was there to see the gate when Mishraile left to get me. Phew.
  * Now that we're private, I can apologize properly.
  * Whoops. Apparently Hanled was really looking forward to that lesson I pulled him away from. Another "apology" is in order.
  * Knew it. Nobody in the village got honeycakes, Bel Tine or no Bel Tine.
  * Ok, enough apologizing. Time to get to work.  
  
Going to wear my dress I guess. Mask of mirrors until we leave the grounds, because this persona I have to wear loves to be seen in a position of authority.
  * Mask of mirrors on Hanled's coat & pin, because same, but also this is Caemlyn we're headed to.
  * One more apology kiss, in case I need to embarrass him again on our way out.  
  
Now, surly face, Hanled. You're not going on a shopping holiday; you're being pulled away from your lessons and used for your muscles.
  * In retrospect, I suppose it was inevitable that the first sign of madness for me would be a personality fracture. I was already pretending to be someone I'm not. Now I've got 2 roles I have to play, and barely any time to be myself.
  * Sometimes I'm afraid I'll forget who the real me is.
  * All right. Goodbye Dolyn, goodbye Sephanie; it's time to be Ashalyn again for a few hours.
  * I asked a guy in Caemlyn when Winternight was for the city, and he said they're celebrating it tomorrow. So all the shops should be open. Yay!
  * Turns out I know absolutely nothing about what Hanled likes.  
  
I guess we'll just have to spend a bit more time together then. 🤷♀️
  * Now we're playing "why I always hated you." It's ... revelatory.
  * Half of it, turns out, is Tinya (the actual one). I mean yeah, she does have some obnoxious traits. I guess as her best friend I'm better at ignoring them than most.
  * There were also a number of incidents between the two of them growing up that I of course heard only her version of. Hearing his side is sort of hilarious.
  * Anyway, Tinya's presence sort of set the tone for all of our interactions growing up. I'm not saying we would necessarily have been attracted to each other if she hadn't been in the picture, but there was a definite rivalry going on there.
  * That just boggled my mind. He used to have a crush on SUZA? I don't think there's a more vapid, empty-headed girl in the whole village.
  * "Sweet?" I guess. But only by virtue of the fact that she's too brainless to think up a proper insult. Being married to her would be like marrying a Foolday puffcake.
  * Now of course Hanled gets to rattle off all the flaws I never saw in Fian. I've got most of those figured out now, thanks.
  * Naris will be wondering where I am by now. At least the rest of my gifts are easy; I don't know anyone who hates honeycakes.
  * Ended up buying Hanled a book. I had to apologize for teasing him about reading so much back home. He bought me one too; I guess I'll read it.
  * He also found me a nice bracelet. Paid with my money, since he's broke, but I didn't exactly give him proper warning. Plus, I don't know what to do with most of this right now.
  * Alas, time to put on Sephanie again.
  * If you'd told me a month ago that I would be part of a clandestine mission to sneak honeycakes to the Daughter-Heir of Andor—past an aging maid and a female Captain-General—with the help of an Aielwoman, I would have put money on Taim slipping you some "tea" within the week.
  * Couldn't resist pinching twice. >_>
  * He did it back. :D




	22. Rats in the Palace

**Aine 10, N.E. 1000**

  * Pretty subdued Winternight at the palace, given the continuing attacks on the walls. Don't besiegers take holidays?
  * Bit chilly. The rain just turned back into snow. "Winter" night, amirite?
  * So much mud getting tracked through the halls. And guess who gets to clean it off My Lady's skirts?
  * (No really I have it easy compared to the people who actually clean the halls.)
  * I keep catching one of those Kin staring at me. It's starting to make me paranoid.
  * Maybe she's in cahoots with Mellar?
  * Practicing my disguise weaves again. Would be nice if I could get to the point where I can do all of them blind and inverted.
  * Inverting is actually a bit easier than using Hanled's weave to make the flows visible. And it's a one or the other thing really—no point inverting what even an ordinary person can see.  
  
Maybe I ought to practice weaving rugs blindfolded. Seems like it would be easier. 🤔
  * Ok, enough mask of mirrors for tonight. Need to practice some of the other weaves I had Hanled show me the other day.
  * Like shielding. In case I run afoul of another Aes Sedai or something.
  * ...It would probably be easier to tell whether I was doing this right if I had someone to practice on. :P
  * Well, I suppose it's just as well that my ter'angreal cannot shield itself from the source.
  * I can shield MYSELF from the source, for all the difference that makes. It doesn't stop me from using the ter'angreal though, which is interesting.  
  
It's probably stupid to assume the ter'angreal itself can't be shielded, I'm thinking?
  * The heck is that noise in the hall?
  * Light, those rats have gotten bold, attacking one of the palace cats.
  * Poor kitty. Got a nasty bite before I fried those monsters. Now is when I wish I could manage that healing weave.



**Aine 11, N.E. 1000**

  * That creep Mellar cornered me on my way to deliver Lady Elayne's breakfast. Said to tell my "boss" he didn't like being watched.  
  
I asked him whether he meant Essande or Mistress Harfor. Thanks to Tinya, I kept a completely straight face.
  * The look of confusion on his face was priceless. Now he's going to be wondering whether it was really me he talked to before, or someone disguised as me.  
  
Best was, Mistress Harfor walked by at that exact moment and started chewing him out for harassing me.
  * I've revised my opinion that he's someone's Warder, FYI. I saw him "training" the Lady Elayne's bodyguards, and his form was so sloppy. I can't make myself believe a man could keep bad habits like that after training at the White Tower.
  * I always feel like I should be getting up to some kind of shenanigans when Naris is gone. ...Maybe I should check out the library again?
  * Hang on, I've already got that book Hanled picked out for me. Might as well crack it open.
  * This is ... actually kind of good.
  * I just fell asleep with my nose in a book. I might never live this down.



**Aine 12, N.E. 1000**

  * Practice weaves or read another chapter? Hmm.



**Aine 13, N.E. 1000**

  * Standing still, waiting for somebody to need me, and just about fell asleep on my feet. I ... may have stayed up a little too late practicing weaves.  
  
I had to read for a while first, ok? I wanted to know what happened next!
  * I think I might actually be getting faster at reading stuff. That chapter blew by way too fast.  
  
But going to sleep now because Tinya spent the whole day sharing her theories about how the book was going to end, and I do not need another day like that.
  * (Like for real; I would have been in stitches if I hadn't been waiting on the Lady. That was So. Hard.)



**Aine 14, N.E. 1000**

  * And I'm off to the Black Tower again.  
  
I almost called it "home," but then I remembered that my room is in that dreadful palace of Taim's now.
  * Surprised that it seems to be Hanled who's coming to get me this time.
  * Nope, not even you can dampen my spirits with your gloomy attitude, Tinya.
  * Yup, called it. Mishraile thought he was being clever by sending Hanled to fetch me. I just hope Hanled grumped about it enough to be convincing. He's not as practiced at subterfuge as I've recently become.
  * It's at the same time refreshing and a little bit terrifying that Hanled knows exactly how I'm feeling, no matter what face I put on.
  * Sometimes I wish that we could spend our whole lives like this, strolling arm in arm with nothing to think about but each other.
  * Hmm. Way too many people in the street in front of our usual gating spot.  
  
Doesn't look like a full-blown riot, but there's a commotion for sure.
  * Whatever it is isn't going away. We have to find some other spot to gate from.
  * Finally found a place—or we thought we had. Then a bunch of soldiers marched through to take care of that commotion, ordering everyone to go home.
  * We've got it sorted. Disguised ourselves as soldiers and marched right through, lol.
  * Mishraile not at all happy with the delay. I think I managed to convince him that I was giving Hanled the runaround. Hope he doesn't change his mind and send someone else next time.
  * Of course we're late for an evening training session with the M'Hael. Ugh.
  * I wish I could see what Mishraile was doing when he opens up the way into this place where time flows differently.
  * I thought Taim would be angry that I was late, but that cold, empty look is worse. Way worse.
  * He wanted my report in person, of course. He's been ... less than satisfied with the intel we've been sharing via our letters.
  * More grilling about where the Lady Elayne keeps her ter'angreal cache. I mentioned that I thought she kept the boxroom warded, and that since only a handful of people were allowed near there, any missing items would quickly be attributed to us.
  * He wants me to pin the blame on Naris, but I reminded him we're posing as sisters, and housed together to boot. Unlikely either of us would keep our position if one were found to be a thief.
  * I told him I could take the whole cache if he's willing to lose further intel from the Lady Elayne's private rooms. His glare just about burned a hole in me, but he said no. Phew.
  * I asked about the Aes Sedai who caught me the other day. He said it's none of my concern.  
  
Because I'm suicidal, I guess, I pressed the issue. I mean, Mellar knows my FACE. He could blow my cover at any time.
  * Taim admitted that he has opened dialogues with "one of her associates." I thought we were supposed to stay AWAY from Aes Sedai, but whatever.
  * He thinks I should HELP Mellar keep his cover? Light no.
  * Glad I could say honestly that I haven't mentioned Mellar or his Aes Sedai friend to any of the Sisters in the palace. I think Taim would have caught me in a lie.
  * Light, and now he's implying that there's a Black Ajah sister in the palace itself?
  * I almost thought Taim was going to spill his secrets there for a second, but now he's decided it's time for more of his lessons. Here we go again....
  * Much smaller group for this session than the last one. Only three of us are Dedicated. I know for a fact I'm the weakest one here.
  * Wait, WHAT? I'M supposed to teach the group today??
  * Deep breaths. No panicking. I'm supposed to teach them Hanled's weave, because it's "needlessly useless" and thus good for "training yourself to use the Power in finer increments?"
  * We're to use this weave for everything we do while we're in the training area. I guess that's one way to pawn off my training onto someone else. Make him think that weaving in a way I can see is "good practice."
  * I've gotta hand it to Taim; he's pretty devious.
  * These dudes are surprisingly bad at Hanled's weave. So used to using brute force to get things done that they've never bothered looking at more efficient ways to do things.
  * I hate that I'm teaching Taim's favorites to be more effective. Even if right now it feels like I'm making fools of them.
  * It's also a bit terrifying to finally see how much stronger they are than myself and even Hanled. I really hope Hanled hasn't reached his full potential yet because I don't think he could go toe-to-toe with any of them right now.
  * Whoa, that was a close one. Guy lost control of his weave and just about scorched the room.  
  
I learned something though, watching it happen. I wonder if I could....
  * Now that is cool. It's like a whip made of fire. I've seen swords done before, but never anything flexible like this.  
  
And it uses so little of the Power!
  * FINALLY time to sleep. I feel like we've been in here a whole day, and I was getting tired at the beginning of it.
  * Wish I could tell what Hanled was doing right now. Maybe then I'd know how much time was passing out in the world.
  * Without Taim here cracking the whip, we actually got a decent amount of sleep there.  
  
Mishraile is still pretty strict though, so onward to breakfast.
  * Light, that weave Mishraile is demonstrating looks as complicated as Healing. I doubt I'll be able to duplicate it.
  * He calls it "Compulsion." Sounds dodgy to me.
  * I'm not the only one who can't manage it. Even without using Hanled's weave they're all struggling.
  * So hungry. Isn't it lunchtime yet?
  * I'm half convinced that Mishraile doesn't expect these guys to master this "Compulsion" weave either; he hasn't dished out nearly as much punishment as usual. I think he just picked the hardest weave he knew to force us to stretch ourselves.
  * Wow, that was the least intelligent move I've seen all day. Kid with a smarmy smile tried to take out Mishraile when he wasn't looking.  
  
I think Mishraile has been waiting for an excuse to use this weave on one of us. It wasn't pretty.
  * The things Mishraile made him do....  
  
Tinya thought it was hilarious, but I couldn't watch any longer, so I ... let her out to play for a minute. I've never done that before.
  * I'm not sure how long it was. All I know is that Tinya said something that made the others laugh, and then I was me again.  
  
I think I'm going to be sick.
  * I asked Mishraile if I could be excused from the rest of the session, since I had some things to get done before I went back to Caemlyn tomorrow.  
  
He said no. Then a bit later (after he caught me arguing with Tinya) he changed his mind and let me go.
  * It's so dark and quiet. Must be the middle of the night.  
  
It feels like Hanled is sleeping, but not very deeply.
  * Please wake up. I have to talk to someone besides myself.
  * He looks so tired. Now I feel guilty for waking him.



**Aine 15, N.E. 1000**

  * So I'm a bit less of a mess than I was last night. Been a rough morning for sure.
  * I wish Hanled could have stuck around, but at least he managed to talk me down from my ledge last night. I feel like I'm such a burden on him right now.
  * He doesn't think I should go to Taim's lessons anymore. He reminded me that normal people sometimes go mad from strain, and I've been pretending to be someone I'm not for far too long.
  * I'm inclined to agree, but how do I back out now? For that matter, where do I turn if I do find proof that Taim is conspiring against the Lord Dragon?
  * Mishraile, wearing his biggest, slimiest grin as I walk to the Traveling ground with Hanled, comes up and makes the lewdest suggestion I've ever heard in my life.  
  
What did Tinya tell him???
  * I had to physically stop Hanled from decking him. Which only made him laugh harder.
  * I hate having to apologize for a figment of my imagination.  
  
(Not the fun kind of apology, either.)
  * This was a stupid idea. Why did I have to decide to visit the Black Tower, anyway?
  * Oh, THANK YOU. Hanled has some questions from Logain's crew that I have answers to. At least some good came out of this whole disaster. T_T
  * I was afraid Essande would chew me out for being so late again, but she was more worried that I'd been caught up in one of the riots that have been going on since yesterday. I told her that we did have to go around one, though I didn't mention that was last night.
  * I say riots, but they never really got to that level. Mostly it's discontent that the siege has been going on so long, and people want to get back to their lives.
  * I guess I have it easy, being able to come and go as I wish. Must be hard for those whose lives got overturned by this.
  * I missed the details, but the Lady is worried about someone named Egwyn or Egwene or something. I can't help feeling I've heard that name somewhere before.
  * Oh, THAT's right. Naris jogged my memory. Egwene al'Vere is the Amyrlin opposing Elaida.
  * I've decided not to tell Naris about the ... incident ... with Tinya last night. I'm still freaked out enough by it myself, and I don't think she needs that kind of worry in her life. Anyway, I don't think it's the sort of thing that can just happen. It was definitely a choice.




	23. Hunters and Prey

**Aine 16, N.E. 1000**

  * Tinya keeps bugging me about when I'm going to let her out to play again. I'm thinking round about never.
  * Uh, why is Hanled in the city?  
  
Did I miss a memo?
  * He's gone again. I wonder what that was about.
  * There he is again. In a different place.  
  
Maybe he's looking for a new gate-in spot?
  * He's back a third time, and coming closer now. Might as well go ask him what's up.
  * We've been slipping. Guard asked how I always seem to know that my "brother" is at the gate waiting for me.
  * I told him I'd been expecting him all day, which is sort of true, and we know each other's work schedule.
  * Hanled says he was here earlier because he was trying to bait those runaway Dedicated into coming for him. He assures me he had permission.
  * Uh-oh. One of the workmen who came in with us way at the beginning spotted them outside the palace yesterday.  
  
I guess I'll have to stop practicing weaves after dark.
  * It's the beach today. Not for practice, Hanled says, unless I want to. He noticed how high-strung I've been all day (I mean, how could he not?) and thought I needed a night out. That's sweet of him. :)
  * Turns out we both needed to let off some steam.
  * Sorry, trees....
  * It's nice to be reminded that life is more than just drudgery and pain. If we really are headed toward the Last Battle—and I have no doubts that we are—then it will be these moments we're fighting for. The quiet, personal moments that make the hard times worth living through.
  * Really need to come here during the day sometime. I mean, the stars are nice but I could use a bit of sunshine after all the rain in Caemlyn.
  * Hanled teasing me about how slowly I'm reading that book he picked out for me. I mean, the thing has to be three hundred pages long. Who could read all that in less than a week?
  * Nuh-uh. No spoiling the ending.
  * Headed home by a different way than we came. I'm disguised as Mishraile in case there's someone waiting on the other side. (Because yeah, Hanled did find a couple new spots to gate to, but he used them both today.)
  * Would be a bit easier to avoid these guys if I could actually sense saidin....
  * No ambush waiting, so that's good. Hanled's pretty sure these guys don't know how to invert a weave. Mostly it's just Asha'man rank who are taught that—which means basically just Taim's folk. Hanled says not a single Dedicated has been raised since I left who wasn't Taim's.
  * I do hope they're not watching, because there's no way I'm kissing Hanled goodnight while wearing Mishraile's face.
  * Or while he's wearing my brother's. Ick. So that will be over way before we reach the palace.
  * Where even are we? Is this the Inner City?
  * No, still the New City, but outside the Mondel Gate—that's why I don't recognize anything. We usually go through the Origan Gate.
  * This is for real the long way around.
  * Now the real challenge: can I slip into my room without waking Naris? Because I really hope she didn't stay up this late worrying about me. Sometimes she takes the big sister act a little too seriously.
  * (Oh good, she's sleeping.)



**Aine 17, N.E. 1000**

  * Well since I can't practice my weaves with those idiots in the city, might as well read.



**Aine 18, N.E. 1000**

  * Naris making me look bad by coming back so early, lol. Lady Aviendha isn't even back yet.
  * I kind of love it when she comes back from the Aiel camp and tells Lady Elayne about all the weaves she learned. Would be even cooler if I knew anything about saidar.
  * Yay, more hairdo practice. *waves the world's tiniest flag*
  * Well that one ... wasn't horrible.



**Aine 19, N.E. 1000**

  * Was that an earthquake??
  * Light, there it went again! It felt like ... like the whole world was about to evaporate! Naris is pale as a sheet; she felt it, too.
  * Nothing seems to have been damaged ... no cracks in the palace walls or anything.



**Aine 20, N.E. 1000**

  * Folks outside the gates are making up for lost time. We didn't see much fighting yesterday because I think they got shaken up by that ... reality quake?  
  
Maybe I shouldn't have given it a name. Naming it implies it's a thing that happens often enough to need a name.
  * Tell you what though; even the skeptics are pretty much convinced that Tarmon Gai'don is right around the corner after those.
  * That was ... weird. Not scary weird (like most of my life), just weird weird.  
  
So that Kin woman who keeps watching me when she thinks I'm not looking came to the servants' lunchroom. Said she wanted to know what everyone thought of a new kind of tea the kitchen was serving.
  * I mean, not a tea drinker usually but she insisted so I'm like, ok. It was kinda minty, I guess?
  * Weirdest part though was after everyone tasted it and told her it was fine, she actually looked disappointed.  
  
Maybe she was trying to convince the kitchens not to make it anymore. 🤷



**Aine 21, N.E. 1000**

  * First time I've had a chance to breathe since yesterday afternoon. :P  
  
Started when Mishraile sent someone besides Hanled to collect me, and the guy got lost in Caemlyn and then picked a fight with the guardsmen at the gate.
  * Just when I was starting to think they'd forgotten me, somebody clues me in as to what's going on. I get there just in time to break it up.
  * Guy didn't even know me on sight, almost made it worse. I managed to convince the guards he was drunk, and of course they wouldn't let me leave with him.
  * I had to disguise myself as Lady Birgitte to get through the gates. Really hope that doesn't bite me later.
  * Anyway, we get there super late, no time for sword practice or anything, because Taim's holding this meeting. I could have ditched and not missed anything though, because it was seriously pretty lame.
  * So, meeting over, after curfew, so I think, ok at least I can chat with the guys in the palace, right? But no, because Fian is there (I don't know what he did to get in with Taim and I'm not sure I want to) and comes over to grill me on all kinds of useless stuff.
  * He started of course with the "how can you channel when you're a woman," which meant I had to make us private because he wasn't doing it and there WERE still people down the hall who could have heard him.
  * I told him if he wanted to know he should take it up with Taim, and he kind of backed down on that one.  
  
Anyway, he somehow found out I'd gone home for a few hours and was asking all these stupid questions, and I'm like, how am I supposed to know what your old friends are up to?
  * So he talks my ear off until I'm ready to fall asleep standing up (I would have, too; I've gotten good at that), and then Mishraile comes over and says he wants me to find out what Logain's crew are up to.
  * Because yeah, whatever Tinya said when I let her loose, it's clearly gotten around that Hanled and I are "an item." So now Mishraile thinks I can get Hanled to spill the beans.
  * But I didn't get a chance to actually SEE Hanled, because he was off with a recruiting party. I finally get to sleep, and then am woken in the middle of the night by someone screaming about the walls melting.
  * I thought, OK, someone's cracked. But they actually WERE melting. A whole section, right in the middle of Taim's palace.  
  
I'm not gonna describe what that did to the two guys who got caught in it.
  * A couple nightmares later, the sun's up and Hanled STILL isn't back, but I did manage to get some sword practice in before heading back.
  * I get to the palace and am CHEWED OUT by the Captain-General for leaving with my drunk brother instead of a proper escort.
  * So glad Lady Aviendha came back in the middle and took my side. She made some crack about the Lady Elayne being in a temper, wasn't sure what it meant at the time but as I'm hurrying away I hear one of the Aes Sedai go, "That's what she gets for choosing a woman as a Warder."
  * CAPTAIN-GENERAL BIRGITTE IS THE LADY'S WARDER, Y'ALL. Lady Aviendha even confirmed it!
  * Anyway I didn't even get done processing that when there's fighting at the gates, and someone's going off about a battering ram, but this little slip of a noblewoman grabs me and insists I wait on her "since the Lady Elayne has no need of you right now."
  * (I mean yeah, she was already in the Map Room by then, but RUDE!)  
  
So I spent the rest of the day helping her in and out of dresses she'd ordered in the city. Didn't even get lunch! And every one of those dresses had something _wrong_ with it.
  * I grouse about the Lady Elayne's daily routine sometimes, but she's got nothing on this Catalyn Haevin gal.
  * For once I was actually glad to have Tinya there making wisecracks, and I don't even regret getting scolded for laughing at one of them.




	24. Lightning

**Aine 22, N.E. 1000**

  * Got to chat with the guy picking up our report this morning. He's actually kinda like me. Not very strong in the power, but he has a few tricks up his sleeve. Gateways, for one.  
  
Maybe I need to hang out with him sometime, see if I can pick up any tips from him.
  * Light, that gave me a start. A messenger burst through the doors to announce the fighting had got inside the walls again, and knocked the Lady's breakfast tray out of my hands. It was mostly empty, but I still have goat's milk all over my uniform now.
  * Good thing I have a spare in my room.
  * Uh, why is my door open?
  * Light, there's someone in there!
  * Not cool. This is so not cool! I've got her shielded, but it's taking everything my ter'angreal can muster, and I had to sit on her because I can't weave at the same ... hang on.
  * How did that sleep weave go?  
  
...Oh, that's got it. Phew!
  * Ok, so that Kin woman was in my room, snooping around. When I came in she tried to wrap me in weaves of Air, and also I think she shielded me, because when I used my ter'angreal to slice the weaves her eyes just about bugged out of her head.
  * What do I do now?? She knows I can channel; I can't just let her go.
  * One, two, three. Hanled, please hurry!
  * She can't be very strong in the Power; I usually see her linking with two others just to open a gateway. Also I think she must have lost saidar when I punched her in the face, because I never expected that to actually work!
  * Thank the Light; he's on his way.  
  
Uh, but now how do I get to him?
  * If she can't see she can't weave, right?? Most people don't train to weave blindfolded.  
  
Gotta be something I can use as rope here. T_T
  * Tied off the shield. Hope it lasts. Tied off an invisibility weave—it seems to work as long as I move her slowly on this flow of Air.
  * Please don't unravel. Please don't wake up.  
  
Nonono not the front gate; they still mad at "you" there.  
  
Good, he got the message. Going around the wall.
  * Up and over ... that jolt of surprise means he sees my weaves. Yes, he took them over. Phew!  
  
Now, invisibility on myself, and a staircase of air ... um, I've never done this one before. Can't see whether I'm doing it right. T_T
  * I didn't kill myself getting over. Yay!
  * Now, disguises.
  * We took her to the only spot we could think of—that burned out warehouse. Have gotten Hanled up to speed.  
  
Now that the place is soundproofed and Hanled has taken over the shield, we're going to risk waking her up.
  * Ugh, in all the commotion I forgot to change out of my soiled dress.
  * Please. Stop. Screaming.
  * Ok, now that she's stopped ... sort of stopped ... bah, never mind.
  * I think she's out of breath finally?  
  
Hopefully not too out of breath to explain what she thought she was doing in my room.
  * She keeps flinching when she looks at Hanled's black coat. Definitely knows what those mean.
  * I don't THINK she's working with Mellar? Gave me a blank stare when I accused her. I mean, she COULD be faking it, but she's no Aes Sedai.
  * Sounds like she IS the one behind the rumors that there's an Asha'man hiding among the servants. But why?
  * That ... is something I should have seen coming.  
  
She has a ring that vibrates when someone is channeling nearby. She didn't tell Elayne because she thought the Aes Sedai would take it from her.
  * So THAT'S what she's been doing. She couldn't feel the flows when I would use saidin, and guessed correctly as to why. She's been trying to pinpoint the location, but didn't figure it out until this morning.
  * My conversation with Androl this morning. Light, I led her right to me by keeping the gateway open so long.
  * Forkroot? What the heck is forkroot?
  * She was trying to drug me? 😠
  * I feel less bad about punching her in the face now.
  * Huh. The woman with the ter'angreal that can detect saidin finds it impossible to believe that there exists a ter'angreal which allows a woman to channel saidin. 🤷
  * We still haven't solved the problem of what to do with her.
  * Hanled quit scaring her. We are NOT going to leave her in the Blight.  
  
Though that might be an appropriate punishment for Mellar. Hmm....
  * And now she's melting down again. Thinks we're going to kill her "like we've been doing to the rest of the Kin"??
  * Wow, she's got some pretty solid evidence that SOMEONE has been disappearing people.
  * I asked her what excuse she has for not mentioning THIS to anyone, and she goes, "because I think one of the Sisters in the palace is responsible."  
  
So that sent an extra chill down my back.
  * I mean, I sort of knew one of them was Black Ajah? But knowing that she's actually out ... Black Ajah-ing? ... makes it that much scarier.
  * Why she thought a Black sister would employ a secret Asha'man is beyond me, though.
  * This is taking too long. Someone's going to start wondering where Hanled and I are soon.
  * I totally should take that ring of hers. For this bruise on my cheek if nothing else.
  * Not going to though. If I want her to believe I don't want to hurt her, I can't start with robbery.  
  
*sigh*
  * Someone needs to let Lady know about these disappearing Kin. I can't believe she's Black Ajah herself; with the exclusion of Mellar, everyone she surrounds herself with is good people. Lady Aviendha likes to go on in *cough* some detail about what she would do to Darkfriends.
  * Light, could she be though? Now I'm getting paranoid.
  * This gal ... Caiden is her name ... wants us to take her back to her homeland. (Assuming we really don't want to kill her.)  
  
I'm considering it. Taking her back, I mean.
  * Really though, I don't know much about these Kin, but from what I hear they're failed Aes Sedai who have been trying to hide from the Tower, and the women in charge are really strict about what they're allowed to do.
  * Kinda like the Black Tower. Heh.
  * Hanled doesn't think there are many options, but he also doesn't want to drop her in a war zone.  
  
I guess she didn't know the Seanchan are invading Arad Doman just like they did Altara.
  * Hanled thinks maybe we could leave her in ... Bear Lawn? which he says is just over the mountains from there. At least she'd be able to assess how far the invaders had come and whether it was worth trying to get home.
  * Uh, why is Hanled staring out at the street with that look of panic on his
  * They found us! NOT GOOD!
  * Finally found a place to hide. Light, that was scary!  
  
All that channeling drew the attention of those two Dedicated who think I killed Hopwil.
  * Hanled managed to send Caiden through a gateway before they got inside the warehouse, but they sliced his weave before we could follow. The building is a lost cause now, and I'm surprised they didn't draw the attention of the city guard with all that noise.
  * Good; the fire brigade is already on its way.
  * Hanled, I hate you sometimes.  
  
He wants to set a trap for these guys and try to turn the tables.
  * But where, though? Even with the fighting on the walls, there are people in the streets who might see us. Or worse, get caught in the middle.
  * All right, fine. I'm sick of having to limit my channeling to the bare minimum. Let's do this.
  * I'm now disguised as a beggar. We picked an alleyway and made sure it was empty for several streets. Hanled set some wards—not inverted. They'll know we're trying to bait them but we have some tricks up our sleeves.
  * Idiots didn't even bother trying to disable the wards before walking through. O_o  
  
They're just sauntering right down the middle of—Hanled, watch out!
  * They know disguise. Didn't spot mine though so I cut their weaves in time. Can't shield—too strong.
  * Inverted invisibility on both of us. They know we're here but can't see. Trying not to breathe.
  * Those poor guys they wove illusions on are freaking out. Gotta be something we can do to get them free.
  * They're doing something with Air and Water. Unusual for a man to be so strong in either, Hanled says.
  * Gonna call these guys Goatee and Forkbeard, since I don't remember their names. One of them started with a G? Nope, it's gone.
  * They know we're still here. At least, they think we are. Threatening to kill those poor decoys if we don't come out.  
  
Hanled doesn't know them well enough to tell whether they're serious.
  * Light, but those disguises mean they know how to invert a weave. That means they're probably Taim's—Hanled only knows it from me. They might do it.
  * Ok, new plan. I'm going out to see if I can talk these guys down. Probably not, but Hanled has my back.
  * So far so good. If they're trying to kill me, Hanled is slicing their weaves.
  * Tinya, don't even think about distracting me right now.
  * They're listening, but I'm not sure they believe me.  
  
Come on, Hanled—any time now.
  * And the hostages are free. Shoved through a gateway onto a rooftop two blocks down.
  * Where'd he get the crossbow??
  * Sike! I'm not really standing there. Bending light, baby!
  * Can't see Hanled. Or Goatee. Forkbeard hot on my tail.
  * OW! He nicked me with that crossbow!
  * Scratch one crossbow. But why isn't he attacking me with the power?  
  
And why does he keep looking up at the ... hmm. Was it this cloudy before?
  * Feels like Hanled is duking it out with Goatee. I hope he's ok.
  * Can't weave fast enough to invert my attacks. He seems to be straining to counter them all. What IS he doing with those clouds?
  * Hanled coming closer. Feels panicked. Time to find some cover.
  * Forkbeard says he's "ready." Ready for what??
  * ARGH, SO MUCH LIGHTNING
  * I can't hear! Can barely see either.  
  
NO!! Hanled, please be ok!!
  * Hanled's out cold, and I've lost my ter'angreal. Pinned down with the Power. Someone coming closer—can't see which.  
  
My parents will never know how I died.
  * Something cold in my fingers. A crossbow bolt?  
  
Light, these idiots can't see either. They don't know where I am; must have weaves of Air all down the street.
  * I see ... something green. My ter'angreal?  
  
I can't reach it.
  * Got an arm free. Weave is weakening, but they're closing in on me. Will trip over me in a minute if nothing else.
  * It's no use; I'm too far away to make it work.  
  
I think they finally spotted me.
  * Gloat all you want, idiot. You've got the wrong woman.
  * That's it ... walk a little closer. At least I can pay you back for that crossbow bolt before you kill me.  
  
A few more steps....
  * Gotch—AAAAAAH!
  * More ... lightning. Why...?
  * Hurts everywhere.  
  
Hanled. Glad you're alive.  
  
...How bad is it?
  * Light, I forgot he knew Healing. Ow. My face still hurts. A LOT. T_T
  * Ter'angreal isn't broken. Can weave myself a mirror....  
  
Oh. That's why.
  * Forkbeard and Goatee both dead. Hanled says he came to just in time to see Goatee lose hold of his weaves when I stabbed him in the foot.  
  
Huh. I thought I was stabbing Forkbeard.
  * Clouds are dissipating quickly. Much quicker than is natural, Hanled thinks.  
  
Oh right—Aes Sedai.
  * Light, how am I going to explain these scars to the Lady Elayne? She'll know I was involved somehow. And my hair ... I've been thinking about cutting it, but not crooked like this.
  * I'm going to have to walk around with a mask of mirrors on me ALL THE TIME.
  * Need to get back to the palace. My dress is ruined.  
  
Maybe if I draw Hanled a map, we can gate right to my room?
  * The weave isn't working. He says he knows this place well enough after gating those hostages to safety that it SHOULD be working.  
  
It's more like what happens when you try to gate to a place that doesn't exist??
  * Light, Hanled is hurt worse than I am.
  * He got a gateway to open on an empty rooftop in the palace.  
  
I'll handle disguises; you just focus on walking, ok?
  * Wait, the bodies ... there. Nobody will find them on that rooftop. We can take them to the Black Tower later.
  * Have disguised Hanled as an aging pensioner. I guess I'm a bit lost after coming down from the roof though. Can't find my room.
  * No, but ... the courtyard is right there, and that bush with the broken branch. Why is there a wall where my door should be??
  * Found it ... down the hall and around the corner. O_O Definitely my room. Did that blow to the head scramble my brains??
  * There's my spare dress ... and my black coat ... and the hidden box. But ... the whole thing has moved?
  * Lie down, Hanled; no arguing. And, er ... hmm. Shut your eyes while I change.
  * NO IMAGINING, EITHER! I feel what's going on in your head.




	25. Spectacles

  * Well of COURSE the Lady is on her way inside and needs me immediately.  
  
My face still stings, but I think I can cover what's left of the burns pretty easily. Will need to pin back my hair to hide how short the one side is. Can't have it hanging out through the illusion.
  * I'm going to have a nice mental breakdown about this later, I'm sure. Right now I'm having too much trouble accepting the fact that I actually survived all that.
  * Will someone please tell me where Lady Elayne's rooms went??
  * I'm not the only one confused.  
  
Also, will someone please take Ellys to her room (if you can find it)? I think she needs to lie down.
  * THAT IS SO COOL.  
  
Omigosh, omigosh, omigosh. The Lady Aviendha can identify ter'angreal just by touching them!  
  
I nearly gave myself away just now in surprise. O_O
  * I am definitely NOT telling Taim about any of this. I think Naris will agree.
  * I love it! That old man statue is full of stories, and that dagger can hide you from Shadowspawn! Every borderland soldier could use one of those.
  * Growing holes? Now that would be something to see. And a funny pair of spectacles with glass in two different colors is for....  
  
Light, tell me I imagined what she said just now.
  * I swear my heart just stopped in mid-beat. Did she really say they could allow someone who can't channel to SEE WEAVES OF THE POWER?
  * There's no way. No way she could mean saidin. And yet ... she didn't actually SAY saidar?
  * If ... if I could just ... try them out....
  * Yikes! Where did all those Aiel come from?
  * I want those spectacles, but there are too many people watching. T_T
  * Oh. The Aiel are leaving.  
  
All of them? :(
  * And Hanled's gone, too. Out into the city, for a moment, then further south. Probably stopped to collect the ... the bodies.
  * If I could just get back into the sitting room for one minute ... argh.
  * Now I'm in the sitting room ... waiting on the Lady. 🙄
  * Nnnnnooooooo she's putting the spectacles away in the boxroom!
  * Great? How am I supposed to get to them now?
  * I forgot Naris hadn't seen what those Dedicated did to my face. Gave her a shock when I dropped my weave.
  * Ugh, it really is that bad, isn't it. T_T
  * How am I supposed to sleep when the entire left side of my face hurts?
  * Light, I almost forgot about Caiden's message. Don't suppose there are any of those Kin awake still?
  * Can't sleep anyway, so might as well find out.
  * This would be easier if I knew where they slept.
  * Somehow I've found myself at Lady Elayne's room. (I really didn't mean to. I'd forgotten it was moved.) She's probably asleep by now.  
  
I just got a very bad idea.
  * Ok, we're doing this.  
  
But not as me. There are still guards on the door, so I'm going in as Essande.
  * Er, this mask of mirrors won't do anything about my voice though. Will have to do my best impression.
  * Convinced the guards to let me in as long as I don't wake the Lady.  
  
Trust me, that's the last thing I want to do.
  * It's so eerie with all the lights out.  
  
I really hope the room layout hasn't changed while I wasn't looking.
  * Light, the key. Now I wish I HAD been forced to pick the lock before, so at least I'd know how to do it.
  * She's definitely asleep.  
  
You know, it's a really good thing I'm not an assassin.
  * Silence weave around the lock. Then a thin flow of air....  
  
This would be easier if I already had what I'm here to steal.
  * Assuming they even work.  
  
I shouldn't be doing this. I should definitely wait for daylight.
  * Wait; the lock's open! Something I did worked, I guess.
  * Nothing to do but take a deep breath and go in.
  * So dark. Maybe I can risk a tiny bit of light....
  * There they are. Now to find out whether I snuck in here for nothing.
  * I see something! But only through one eye. The other side must be plain glass.  
  
Light, I can see my weaves!
  * Can't celebrate yet. Still have to get out of here with them.
  * Locking the door again was actually harder than unlocking it.
  * Oof, the table!  
  
Please don't have heard that. Pleasepleasepleaseplease.
  * I'm out. I don't think she woke up.  
  
Oh right, the guards. Don't mind me; just a little old lady who lost her spectacles.  
  
Which are totally nothing to look at. Nuh-uh.
  * Which way was my room again??
  * These things ... kinda stand out. I think they need a disguise of their own.
  * I can't believe I pulled that off.
  * This is the part where I wake up and it was all a dream, right?
  * Naris is gonna chew me out in the morning for sure, but I have a feeling it's gonna be worth it.



**Aine 23, N.E. 1000**

  * Naris didn't have to chew me out. I feel plenty guilty already.  
  
Twice now I've stolen something from the Lady Elayne. Who even am I?
  * My face hurts even worse this morning, though Naris assures me it looks a little better.  
  
Got congratulations from Taim on dealing with those deserters. No mention of Hanled but it FEELS like someone got him Healing yesterday.
  * Tried weaving invisibility on the spectacles, but couldn't see my weaves through them like that. I think there might be a way to fix that, but for now they're in my pocket—disguised in case Lady Elayne notices they're missing.
  * I really hope she doesn't. Neither she nor Aviendha thought such a thing would be of use to anyone.
  * I was also hoping I had only dreamed that the palace was all rearranged.  
  
Everyone's taking it in stride because nobody wants to think about what it means.
  * Look, I know Lady Elayne gets mood swings a lot, but y'all need to lay off her today. She just sent her sister off with the Aiel to who knows where, and she can have a good cry in her OWN ROOMS without people getting all worked up about it.
  * Also, apparently Caiden's warning was too late. Whoever has been disappearing the Kin is done messing around, and took out their leader yesterday while I was dealing with those deserters.
  * I only ever met Mistress Corly in passing, but she seemed nice. And from what I hear, she never did anything to deserve a death like that.
  * I'm starting to think maybe Lady Aviendha's way of dealing with Darkfriends is the best one.
  * Wow, is it time for Naris to leave with Venson already?
  * After quite a bit of experimentation, I have figured out how to make these spectacles invisible without also making them useless. It's actually easiest to make them part of my, um ... permanent disguise.
  * It is so, so, so much easier to weave without trying to do it blind or relying on Hanled's weave! 😭 Like, I can't even express how much of a difference this is going to make for me.



**Aine 24, N.E. 1000**

  * Got the shock of my life just now walking out through the courtyard. Thought the Kin were all weaving saidin to make gateways for the soldiers. Then I realized I was seeing their weaves through the OTHER LENS!  
  
I CAN SEE BOTH SAIDIN AND SAIDAR THROUGH THESE. O_O
  * Tinya wants to go watch the Kin weave some more. Or the Aes Sedai.  
  
Hey T, there's a thing called "work" to get done. Ever heard of it?
  * Not that I don't want to go have a look myself. That gateway weave looked DECIDEDLY different from the saidin way.
  * Watching the Kin walk around in little huddled groups makes me so angry. Have caught myself half-weaving little threads of fire all day.
  * Also, I have to make sure to keep my eyes averted around the Aes Sedai today. Would be real fun trying to explain why I was glaring at one of them.



**Aine 25, N.E. 1000**

  * The attacks on the wall have lessened somewhat since the departure of the Aiel. I don't like it. It's like they're holding back, saving their strength for something big.
  * I said as much to the Lady before I could stop myself. Essande gave me this glare, but Captain-General Birgitte agreed with me.
  * When she jokingly suggested I could help in the map room, I stammered something about repeating what I'd heard the soldiers say. I _think_ she believed me?
  * Aww, man. I could have sworn it was six days since I visited the Black Tower, but Naris assures me it's only five.



**Aine 26, N.E. 1000**

  * Hmm, Hanled is early. I hope that doesn't mean something's wrong.
  * He's not ... headed for the palace?
  * He's finally headed this way. Took him long enough.
  * He ... bought me flowers? Where did he even find them?
  * It wasn't just flowers. Apparently Hanled spent the afternoon at a jeweler's shop, and had them put one of the seashells we found on a chain for me.
  * He wanted to take me somewhere fancy for dinner too, but food is becoming an issue in the city. The granaries are full, and there's food coming in through gateways, but half of it is spoiled before it's a week old. Even the Lady has to put up with weevils in her bread.
  * Hanled says it's the same everywhere. Food is spoiling where it never did before, and nothing is growing, despite the spring rains.
  * Even the flowers only bloomed because of a weave Hanled learned from someone.
  * That makes them extra special, in my opinion.
  * We didn't go straight to the Black Tower. I wanted to show the spectacles to Hanled without anyone else eavesdropping.
  * He wanted to try them out, but I couldn't think of any excuse for him to get close enough to watch the Aes Sedai or Kin weave something, and he can already see saidin.
  * Also I wanted to talk to that Dedicated who does the gateways for messages before curfew.
  * Turns out he's on Logain's side of the split. In fact, since the Lord Dragon took so many Asha'man and Dedicated off to Arad Doman (the Aiel are there too, they say), Androl is one of the few Dedicated left at the Black Tower.
  * I warned them both that Taim wants me to spy on Logain's loyalists, and not to talk about anything in front of me that they didn't want getting back to him.
  * We briefly discussed misdirections I might pass on, but until I have proof of Taim's misdeeds, I also don't want to get caught lying to him, which makes it tough.
  * I don't know why Androl seems to trust me so much. We've only even talked the once.
  * Unless he's really another of Taim's spies, and he's trying to catch me in something himself....
  * Is that paranoid of me? It feels pretty paranoid.
  * Anyway, I asked him to demonstrate his gateways for me, to see if I could learn anything. Sadly, even with the spectacles I can't manage one on my own.
  * Androl DOES weave his gateways a little differently than Hanled does. I can't reproduce it, but it's almost like he shortcuts the weave by doing what I can only describe as waypoints.
  * Most of the ... the work, of the weave, I guess, is contained in these tiny little nodes of saidin, rather than weaving a whole curtain like most everyone else does. I wouldn't have even noticed if I weren't used to weaving threads that small myself.
  * I was excused from tonight's meeting at Taim's palace, probably so I could spy on "the leftovers," as Mishraile calls them.
  * Was hoping Hanled had a few more weaves to teach me, but it turns out I don't have the strength for the sort of thing he's learning nowadays. So frustrating.
  * Hung out in Hanled's room after that, just talking about nothing for hours. Tinya is definitely going to be a problem tomorrow.
  * She'll be even worse of a problem if I don't go to bed right the heck now.




	26. The Shadow Within

**Aine 27, N.E. 1000**

  * Go away, sun. I'm so not ready for you yet.
  * Please, no. The last thing I need is a week in the M'Hael's secret training area this morning. >_<
  * *incoherent grumbling*
  * Figures Taim would want to grill me directly about those two deserters. Good thing I asked Hanled the details of his own report yesterday.
  * Ouch. Taim knows Hanled bonded me. Or rather, he guessed correctly. Whatever the opposite of discreet is, that's what we've been.
  * A stern warning not to let my feelings for him "distract me from our cause." Thought for a minute he was going to go into detail, but alas.
  * Now he thinks I'm holding out on him because I found another ter'angreal. Never seen him angry before. Had to explain about the Lady Aviendha's talent.
  * He wants me to assassinate her. Again dodging around the why. I told him she was gone with the rest of the Aiel, and he relaxed a bit. Still terrifying.
  * I have orders to steal the cache regardless of the risk to my position. Not cool. Very very not cool.  
  
Also, if I don't accomplish it before my next visit, he'll consider me a failure and replace me.
  * No private training today. If Taim is happy about anything it's that I can carry my own weight now and don't need anyone to help me see the weaves.
  * Particularly nasty attack weave we're learning this morning. Learning by weaving it at each other and trying to slice it before it reaches us.  
  
He's definitely still angry.
  * Several people have already been injured. "So you can all practice your battlefield healing."
  * ARGH. BLOODY SON OF A GOAT.
  * Getting chewed out about not being quick enough while bleeding all over the floor. Someone heal me already!
  * Well someone sure knows how to nurse a grudge. Taim just watching; I knew he was angry at me.  
  
Starting to panic here. Even if I could weave healing, no idea whether I could use it on myself.
  * THAT WAS NOT HEALING. ARGH!
  * Stop it. Please, someone stop this. Help me! I—



#####

  * **BAM. Take that, poser.**  
  
**Burn me, I was starting to think she'd never let me out again. Freakin' baby can't even defend herself.**
  * **How do you like a taste of your own medicine, huh?**
  * **Tch. NOW the M'Hael breaks it up.**
  * **Go away, Ashalyn. It's my turn to play for a while.**
  * **Now THAT is a useful weave, heh.**
  * **I don't want to sleep. If I sleep, Ashalyn might take over again.**
  * **Whoops, dozed off there for a minute. ...Maybe more than a minute. It was a real fight to keep control when I woke up.**
  * **Time to scram, anyway. I've got me some ter'angreal to steal.**
  * **Oh, right. Hanled. Man I hate this loser.**  
  
**Although ... now that he's had some decent training in the smooch department, I might as well take advantage of it.**
  * **You know, I can sort of see why Ashalyn puts up with this guy. I wonder if I've got time to have some real fun before—**
  * **The heck was that for? Wise guy thinks he knows what's best.**  
  
**Fine, I'll go find someone else to play with.**
  * **Let me go, jerkface. Ugh, that stupid bond.**
  * **Fine. You want to play rough, I've got this new weave I learned from the M'Hael this morning. How do you like this?**
  * **OW! Think you can slap me and get away with it? Leftover trash, I'll show you what's—**



#####

  * NO! Oh Hanled, I'm so sorry! I couldn't stop her. I tried so hard, but she wouldn't let me out again! T_T
  * I'm ok. It's ok. It's me again; I promise! 😭
  * I'm never going in that place again. I don't care about proving Taim a Darkfriend anymore; as far as I'm concerned, wanting to kill the Lady Aviendha is proof enough.
  * Why is it I can never get back to the palace on time??
  * Light, I hope that works. Hanled used a weave to help wash away my fatigue.  
  
You know what, you'd better just gate me to my room in Caemlyn. Nobody should be in there this time of day.
  * Yes, I promise we are going to talk about what just happened. But not right now. Tonight, ok?
  * It DOES feel like I've had a full night's rest. I can still feel Tinya ... maybe I shouldn't call her that anymore. This ... person ... inside me is still clawing to get out. It isn't hard to suppress her, but she's definitely there.
  * I might as well call her Dolyn.
  * Tried to convince the Lady to put her ter'angreal collection somewhere safer. She thinks it's perfectly fine where it is.  
  
I was this close to pointing out what has already gone missing.
  * I had to tell Naris what happened this morning. This is the second time, and if it happens again, she's not the only person who might be in danger.
  * I've never seen anyone pretend not to be terrified of me before.  
  
It's not a great feeling.
  * Tinya ... Dolyn ... trying to pretend everything's back to normal, cracking jokes and such.  
  
It's not going to work. I know what you are, now.  
  
You're the darkness inside me.
  * Every cruel or unwanted thought I've ever locked away and hidden inside myself.  
  
That's why she gets stronger around Taim—he brings out the worst in people, one way or another.  
  
She's my ... my shadow. My own personal Shadow.




	27. A Proposal

  * Hanled gated straight to my room—with permission—and took me off to the beach for a long talk.
  * First though he and Naris talked about me like I wasn't even there. I was like, hello, I can still hear, you know?
  * I told Hanled my theory. He thinks it makes sense, and he definitely agrees that I shouldn't attend any more of those lessons. Whether that will be enough, I don't know.
  * He really thought he'd lost me this morning. I mean, so did I, so I can't blame him.
  * This isn't how things were supposed to work. He started this whole Asha'man thing understanding that he would eventually go mad and die, maybe leave a wife behind if one would have him. He wasn't prepared to be on the other end of that equation.
  * We're dodging around the point though. How do I escape now that I've gotten myself in this deep? I have a sickening feeling that Taim won't simply let me go.
  * We could just stay here, I suppose. It would be lonely on this empty strand of beach, but we could build a house, hunt for food, or maybe find a village to buy supplies from.
  * It's a bit late for planting—not that anything will grow, with the world coming to an end.
  * No, that solution is too shortsighted. We're going to be needed at Tarmon Gai'don—both of us, if we live that long. Also, if I disappear Taim will almost certainly look to Naris for answers. If we're going to run we need to account for her and Venson as well.
  * Without Naris and I, Taim won't have ears inside the palace anymore, and will almost certainly send a replacement. One who will steal the ter'angreal at the first opportunity, I have no doubt. Maybe cause other harm to the Lady Elayne.
  * There may come a time when we'll have to make a run for it, but for now the best solution I can see is to stall for time. Stall, and make plans to defend what needs to be defended.
  * Whoops, dozed off in Hanled's arms. Woolheaded idiot, letting me fall asleep like that.  
  
I really do need a proper night's rest. Haven't had one of those in days.
  * What?? He asks me this now?!  
  
After this morning, I thought for sure he'd want to dissolve the bond and go our separate ways. Now, after learning the hard way exactly what kind of crazy the taint on saidin has made me, THIS is when he asks me to marry him??
  * I can't possibly answer that sort of question right now. Go to bed, Hanled. And send me to mine, please. No, don't peek through the gateway; Naris might not be decent right now. Ok ok, a kiss first is fine. Idiot.



**Aine 28, N.E. 1000**

  * Hanled slipped a love letter to me via our morning instructions. I didn't know he could write so fancy.  
  
Naris called him "cheeky, yet adorable."
  * He says yesterday's ... misadventure ... made him think about what life would be like without me, and that he didn't think he could stand it.
  * Don't get me wrong; I love Hanled and would tell him yes in a heartbeat if things were different, but is this really the right time?
  * I mean, completely aside from this mess with Taim, the Last Battle has to be just around the corner. How can we make that sort of promise when it might mean losing each other anyway?
  * Anyway, I would love to mope around all day thinking about this, but I've got work to do.
  * Fun fact: turns out I CAN work and mope at the same time. Yay me.
  * Naris got to do the Lady's hair for the first time today (under Essande's careful supervision). I am ... not there yet, obviously.
  * I'VE GOT IT. A way to satisfy Taim.  
  
I will tell him I suspect that Elayne's cache is only a small portion of what she's hiding—that she has more somewhere else that I need to hunt down.
  * AND, I will avoid going to the Black Tower by saying I don't want to come back a failure. That was how he worded it. "Don't come back until you've got them," basically.
  * (Ok, so maybe I'm putting words in his mouth. But it COULD be interpreted that way.)
  * So weird. I knew on a basic level that saidin and saidar did things differently, but from the glimpses I've seen from the Kin and the Sea Folk (they call them Windfinders?), it's like ... like speaking a whole different language.
  * So I guess it's time to write a letter to Hanled.
  * I guess I can't really ask Naris to scribe this one for me.  
  
He's gonna laugh at my chicken-scratch handwriting for sure. >_<
  * No no no, that's all wrong.
  * Apparently I'm no good at love letters.
  * It's too bad I can't just copy this one out of the book he got me. He'd probably recognize it.
  * This would be a whole lot easier if I could just talk to him in person.
  * If only I could weave a gateway. A tiny one, just big enough to chat through—like I did with Androl.
  * Light, that weave is complicated. I only got about half of it in place before it started unraveling.
  * All right, time to buckle down and write this thing.
  * "Dear Hanled,  
  
I'm sorry I freaked out when you asked me to marry you. I guess I should have seen it coming..." No wait; that sounds too arrogant.
  * "Dear Hanled—everything is complicated right now, but I didn't mean to imply that I might turn you down."  
  
How did he put it? Oh, right.  
  
"I too have realized that there is an emptiness inside that only you can fill. I will marry you, on one condition—it won't be in secret."
  * "When the time comes that I no longer have to hide how much I love you, then and only then will we make our vows."  
  
Is that too sappy? ...I feel like it's just the right amount of sappy.  
  
"Your love forever, Ashalyn."
  * Now is when I really wish I had some blotting paper. Not 100% sure I can dry the ink without setting it on fire....  
  
Oh good. I really didn't want to have to write that again.
  * A little bit of candle wax to make it private, and into the box with the daily report. Not going to put our misdirection plan into action tonight; mentioning it this soon would only sound like an excuse.



**Adar 1, N.E. 1000**

  * Of course it's AFTER it's too late to do anything about it that I start to wonder whether I said the wrong thing in my letter.
  * Full day of meetings and wardrobe changes for the Lady, who elected to retire as soon as the fighting stopped. Pretty tired myself.
  * Not gonna stop me from practicing the gateway weave again. For a little while, at least—I'm paranoid about losing sleep now. (Which does NOT help when I'm trying to actually FALL asleep.)
  * That one ALMOST worked?
  * No good. I can't weave the strands fine enough yet. :/



**Adar 2, N.E. 1000**

  * Essande thinks I'm actually making progress in the hairdressing department.  
  
Which of course is when I almost ruin a dress by trying to clean it the wrong way. >_>



**Adar 3, N.E. 1000**

  * Well that was creepy.  
  
One of the pensioners came down to have lunch with us today. We didn't think anything of it until Suze walked in and screamed. Apparently the guy died in his rooms last week.
  * If we survive Tarmon Gai'don, our kids are never gonna believe HALF the stories we tell them about the last couple years.
  * Missing Hanled something fierce tonight. T_T
  * All right, here goes nothing. My report to the M'Hael—in my own handwriting, as bad as that is, because it feels right—says that I attempted to steal the ter'angreal but discovered some were missing.
  * I've told him to forgo sending someone to collect me tomorrow so that I can try to discover where the rest of the cache has been moved.




	28. Loyalties

**Adar 4, N.E. 1000**

  * Uh-oh. There's someone waiting at the gate disguised as my brother.  
  
It isn't Hanled.
  * Lovely. It's Fian.  
  
Was going to tell him there'd been a mistake, but he's not here to collect me. He's here to weave a finder on the ter'angreal in Elayne's rooms, "so we can track where they're going."
  * I should never have mentioned to Taim that I couldn't use that weave myself.
  * Now I get to twiddle my thumbs while we wait for it to be late enough to sneak back into the palace. >_<
  * I see. Fian volunteered for this because he thinks the reward of helping me claim a bunch of ter'angreal is greater than the risk of getting caught.  
  
I told him that's all well and good, but I'm the one at risk here.
  * I also said I'm 100% sure that he'll keep anything from the cache that he doesn't feel like handing over.
  * "Wouldn't you?" he says.  
  
I suppose I might, if I thought I could keep track of more than 2 ter'angreal at once. Still kind of nervous after that angreal incident, honestly.
  * All right, everyone who needs to be is probably asleep now. Fian better know how to make a proper gateway.
  * Heh. It's smaller than the ones Hanled makes.
  * I guess I'm in charge of disguises again.
  * So there you go, Fian, one door guarded 100% of the time by at least two people. How do you expect to get through that?
  * No, they're not going to let me in at night. I'm not even supposed to be in the palace right now; people saw me leaving.
  * He thinks he can make a gateway from this dark corner straight into the sitting room. I guess it's close enough it might work.
  * No no no, you idiot—never weave a full-size gateway until you've taken a peek with a small one first! It's a good thing I can see his weaves now, or he might have sliced the furniture. Good luck hiding that one. :P
  * I really wish they had sent Hanled for this part. *sigh*  
  
Of course, if they had sent him, we could lie about weaving the finders anyway.
  * Of course he doesn't know how to pick a lock either.  
  
...You do KNOW the finder weave, right??
  * All right, unlocked. Now wait there while I—  
  
FIAN YOU IDIOT! GET IN HERE RIGHT THE HECK NOW!
  * Please don't wake up please don't wake up please don't....  
  
Aww, fish guts.
  * Don't you dare try to weave a gateway in this tiny space!  
  
And also, stop talking. I can't weave a sound ward or I won't be able to tell when she's gone back to sleep.
  * No you may NOT dig through the panniers in the dark. If you can't weave your finders without moving anything, then you'll just have to wait.
  * Oh no—she's getting dressed. O_O  
  
Good job, Fian. She's probably going to search the whole apartment now.
  * Well she's not searching the place. But she is definitely not going back to sleep, either.
  * Now she has midnight visitors?? I'm not getting any sleep tonight, am I.
  * Oh no. Another Kinswoman has been killed. 😭
  * And now there's an Aes Sedai in here. What next?
  * Fian, so help me, if you touch my bottom again I'm gonna shove you right through this door.
  * Light burn me; is half the palace awake tonight?  
  
Now it's the head clerk and some guy he brought in.
  * Shut up, Fian; I'm trying to listen!  
  
You shut up too, Dolyn.
  * Something about Mellar.  
  
She had him followed?
  * And now she's moved to the larger sitting room. I think. Why is she so interested in the Aes Sedai he hangs out with?
  * All right, it's now or never on those Finders, Fian.  
  
Uh, where are you going?
  * Enough spying, you idiot! Lady Birgitte could come in any min— Eek!
  * That's it, I'm done for. Master I-don't-know-the-meaning-of-clandestine is standing in the doorway, with my invisibility weave on him because he's hopeless and didn't think to do it himself.  
  
All he has to do now is sneeze.
  * OF COURSE the Aes Sedai Mellar hangs out with is Black Ajah. O_O  
  
And I was in their HOUSE. Just kill me now.
  * About time, Fian. Now weave those finders before something else goes wrong.
  * ...And we're out. Finally. Fian tried to gate us straight back to the Black Tower, even though I can't show my face unless I bring the ter'angreal. Had to make him drop me back where we started, on the roof.
  * Hope I don't give Naris a start when I walk in wearing her face, heh.
  * Time for some hardcore Zs.



**Adar 5, N.E. 1000**

  * Um, where is Lady Elayne?  
  
Don't tell me she went out wearing that plain old riding dress? In the middle of the night, to catch some Darkfriends ... oh no.
  * I haven't seen the soldiers this panicked since that first attack on the walls. Does no one know where Lady Elayne is??
  * Word is, the Aes Sedai who went with her are DEAD. ALL of them. Nononono this can't be happening.  
  
Hanled, I need you!
  * There's soldiers gathering in the courtyard. The Kin are with them, and the Sea Folk. There are gateways being made ... I think it's a rescue party.
  * Hanled's up to speed, and we're disguised as soldiers. This is probably the stupidest thing I've done yet, but here goes nothing.
  * I HATE LIGHTNING.  
  
There's too much to cut every weave. If we can at least stop it from hitting the Captain-General....
  * What WAS that weave?? Like a line of silver fire ... the people it touched just EVAPORATED.
  * There's a ... wagon? That must be where they've got the Lady. Captain-General Birgitte is fixed on it like an arrow about to loose.
  * That new guard captain, Guybon, is riding straight at the one making the silver fire. He's either a Light-blinded idiot or the bravest man I've ever seen.
  * YES! Silver fire lady is DOWN. Almost all of the lightning has stopped.
  * She's there! She's alive. And still in that dress—I KNEW it. :P
  * Just my luck. One of the Black Ajah prisoners knows my face.  
  
I mean, yeah I'm in disguise, but what if she squeals on me?
  * Would be really great if we could slip away now, but apparently Arymilla's armies have broken through the gates. Hope you've been practicing your swordplay, Hanled.
  * That is a LOT of soldiers. Flashing back to the Wells already.
  * Another downside of disguising ourselves as soldiers: I have no idea what any of these formation calls mean. T_T
  * Hanled has NOT been practicing the sword properly.  
  
Really hope nobody notices that armor of Air he's put on himself.
  * Ooh, that's clever. He's put up a weave that slows arrows as they fall through it. Subtle yet effective.
  * Someone calling for "quarter." That means they surrender, doesn't it?
  * OW. Didn't even notice that cut until I stopped for breath.
  * We weren't even in the thick of things for more than a few minutes before the flow of battle cycled us out. It isn't pretty, but it was nothing compared to the slaughter at the Wells.
  * Oh my GOSH, were they really that stupid? The opposition leaders were in the middle of that, and now they're our prisoners.  
  
The siege is over!
  * Wait, does this mean Elayne is Queen now?  
  
Hanled thinks no. Just because the House heads are prisoners doesn't mean they have to declare for her. Good point.
  * Um, Hanled, I know you want to Heal people, but stick to those who aren't conscious, please??
  * Yes, yes, you can make an exception for me. Smart aleck.
  * Definitely time to slip away. The streets are empty enough after the fighting that nobody will notice a gateway from a secluded alley.
  * Can't help but wonder what happened this morning. I HEARD the Lady say there were only two Black Ajah at the house Mellar took me to, but there are way more than that headed to the prison and the graveyard. Where did the others come from?
  * Wait. Did Fian tell the M'Hael what we heard? I know Taim was communicating with that lot. If he warned them she was coming for them....  
  
Light, that means it's my fault the rest of the Aes Sedai are dead. Fian would never have been there if I hadn't lied. 😭
  * I have to know. Hanled, I need you to grill Fian when you go back to the Black Tower. Find out what he told Taim.
  * Now kiss me and get out of here so I can get changed. The Lady will be returning any minute.
  * I sliced all the finder weaves while Essande took her nap. I also spilled out the panniers and left the door unlocked. If the Lady doesn't put her collection someplace safe after this, I'll have to do it myself.
  * Man, I expected Hanled way earlier than this. I had about given up on him.
  * Fian is with him. Why?
  * I see.  
  
Turns out Fian did in fact report to Taim, who then left in a hurry. Fian has every reason to believe he got off a message to the Black Ajah in time for them to turn the tables on Lady Elayne.
  * Thing is though, Fian didn't have "helping Darkfriends" on his agenda when he reported, because clearly he hasn't been paying enough attention to the guys he's kissing up to.
  * So he panicked, just about fled the Black Tower after Hanled clued him in. Hanled barely managed to talk him out of it.
  * I can work with this, I think. The Lady hasn't checked the boxroom yet, that I'm aware, but if I say she discovered one missing and moved them all, I can set Taim running on a wild goose chase.
  * Hanled doesn't think that will work, because Fian doesn't have a spy's constitution. Burn me but he's right.
  * Maybe the better plan is to say that the Lady removed the finders and hid the cache. I'll have to come up with a plausible reason for her to have done that though. 🤔
  * I've got it. We'll say that Fian pocketed her favorite piece, and after she noticed it was missing, she thought to check for traces of saidin, because, um ... there's a new weave for that. Plausible enough, I hope? So now she's on the alert for Asha'man spies in the city.
  * That leaves Fian on the hook for the theft, but I think the safest course is to hide him somewhere anyway.  
  
I mean, the guy is practically in tears, he's so terrified. I think he'll be better off if we get him out of here.
  * He asked how I can stay calm, knowing Taim is a Darkfriend or at bare minimum works with them.  
  
I said, I don't have any other choice. Ever since that day I caught Taim plotting to steal from the Dragon Reborn, it's been keep a level head or lose my head for good.
  * Fian thinks I'm brave. I'm sorry, but if you think this is bravery maybe don't go back home to the Borderlands. I'm just doing my duty, which is a thing he really ought to have paid more attention to growing up less than twenty leagues from the Blightborder.
  * Ugh, Dolyn is getting more obnoxious by the minute. I'm sorry to make you do this yourself Hanled, but I lost too much sleep last night. Make sure you leave a nicely obfuscated trail in case Taim has someone who can read residues on hand.
  * The startled look on Fian's face when Hanled kissed me goodnight was priceless. Maybe he'll learn to quit taking things at face value.  
  
Or maybe not. Who knows?
  * Writing a vitally important, lie-filled letter to a power-hungry sadist while I'm already tired is not how I hoped this night would end.  
  
Sorry Naris, I'll handle this one. You can go back to sleep.
  * I've given Naris permission to throw me under the wagon if things go south. Maybe one of us at least will get out alive.



**Adar 6, N.E. 1000**

  * No mention of the botched mission or Fian's disappearance in today's instructions. Sometimes this one day time lag is so frustrating.
  * On the other hand, the longer I can put off actually following any of Taim's orders, the better.
  * FINALLY she noticed the mess in the boxroom. She thinks one of the Black Ajah broke in to look through it, or maybe a Darkfriend on their orders. She IS paranoid enough to move the collection, thank the Light.  
  
Unfortunately, she also noticed the missing angreal and spectacles.
  * It's so weird not being under siege all the time.  
  
Hopefully we'll get more than a couple days of it before this OTHER army shows up. Nobody seems to know what that one's going to do.




	29. Long Live the Queen

**Adar 7, N.E. 1000**

  * Fian's name added to the deserter list this morning. As expected, but still hurts. Half expected mine or Hanled's to be there too, but Taim seems to be buying my lies for now. He wants to know if I need any help tracking down the cache. Not sure how to answer that yet.
  * Oh hey, there's a messenger from that other army this morning.
  * Essande has decided we're well enough along in our training that she only needs one of us at a time from now on. Naris took the morning shift and I'll take the evening.  
  
Er, what am I going to do with all this extra time??
  * I guess there is one errand I really ought to run.
  * I THINK this is the way to the cells?
  * I doubt they're going to let a maid down there to gawk at the prisoners, so let's go with a Guardswoman disguise.
  * Mellar sure knows some words. Yikes.
  * Yeah, shut up, loser. I'm here with a message.
  * Made sure no one else was watching, then switched to my "Dolyn" face—with the beard. That got his attention.
  * He thinks Taim is going to spring him. I told him the M'Hael can't make any moves for a few days because the Lady is on the alert, but told him to wait patiently. He bought it.
  * He did threaten to reveal me if I didn't get him out, and I told him good luck with that. Showed him a few of my best disguises and told him I wear a different face every time I turn the corner.
  * And now it's time to get out of here before someone realizes he's quit swearing.
  * In the clear. Phew.  
  
I guess if I needed any more proof that Taim is a Darkfriend, then I got it. Problem is, no one knows how to find the Lord Dragon, except for Logain, who almost never shows up anymore.
  * I wonder if Hanled can slip away for a few minutes. I really need to keep him in the loop.
  * He's coming. :D
  * Not sure how I feel about him being able to weave a gateway straight to my room. I mean, it's definitely convenient....
  * No, I did not summon you just for a mid-morning smooch. I've got stuff Logain's faction needs to know.
  * Now we get to help the Lady get all fancy for meeting with the remaining House heads. I do love this green one she has.
  * Uh, where am I?  
  
Did the hallways move again??
  * They did, ugh. I hope my room hasn't moved again; it was a real pain getting our message box sorted out after last time.
  * Everyone waiting on eggshells to hear what the House heads are saying to the Lady in the Grand Hall. They asked for safe conduct, which makes it sound like they're planning to fight. Probably dropping terms of surrender right now.
  * They're coming out. One Lady storming off with a scowl as thunderous as the rain outside.
  * The rest are ... heading to the Lady's apartments? Wait, what just happened?
  * One of them must have declared for her! That's ten then.  
  
Light, ALL of them declared. Except the one who left in a huff.
  * I guess this means I get to play fetch for the rest of the afternoon.  
  
Not that I'm complaining. This is WAY better than another siege.
  * I helped a Daughter-Heir put on this dress, and now I'm helping a Queen take it off. Guess I don't need to put THAT on my bucket list.
  * Is it weird that my mental picture of a queen was always some frumpy old lady in a fancy hat?



**Adar 8, N.E. 1000**

  * Oh my GOSH I've never seen Caemlyn so fancied up. I guess you don't get to crown a Queen every year.
  * Whoops, in all the hubbub over the coronation, I forgot to check the message box this morning. Better slip back to my rooms now, before I'm needed for something.
  * The answer I left last night about whether I needed help was a definitive no. I cited Fian's bungling and the near-disaster when Taim sent someone I didn't know to collect me from the palace. It's a very delicate situation, and I can work best if given time to do it right.
  * NOOOOOOOOOO please someone tell me I'm reading this message wrong. No no no no no!
  * Mazrim Taim ... wants me to assassinate Queen Elayne.
  * What do I do? I can run, but then he'll just send somebody else to do it for me. Even if I stay here, there isn't a single Dedicated in the Black Tower who can't match me for strength. I can't protect the Queen by myself!
  * Wait—there is ONE Dedicated weaker than me. Androl, the guy who picks up my messages. Maybe Logain's loyalists would help me?
  * If I can't get help from them ... I'm going to turn myself in. Captain-General Birgitte needs to know about this threat.
  * You know, I was really hoping to enjoy myself a bit today. >_>
  * Pomp, ceremony, and a threat of assassination looming unseen by any eyes but mine. Yay.
  * At least somebody busted out the good wine.
  * Normally I burn these notes as soon as I get them, but as ambiguous as this one is, it's still proof of Taim's intentions. If I could get it to the Lord Dragon somehow, maybe it would make a difference.
  * It really was a nice party.
  * Trying to stall for time by promising to do the deed after I investigate one more lead on the ter'angreal cache. Claiming to have pinpointed them in the west wing.



**Adar 9, N.E. 1000**

  * Woke up super early to have a chat with Androl, only to find Taim has not only replaced him, but he's started picking up my nightly messages a few hours early so he has time to reply.
  * The good news is, he seems to care enough about the ter'angreal cache that he's given me a grace period of a few days while I investigate my "lead." Then he goes, "my patience is not endless, and your punishment for failure will be swift and irrevocable."
  * Guess what, you traitorous pile of goat-leavings; I'm not going to fail you. I'm going to DEFY you, and also let everyone know what a murderous Darkfriend you are.
  * (It's just too bad I haven't figured out how to do this without also dying.)
  * Ok, so this morning's agenda:  
  
1—Clue in Naris that I've got plans concerning Taim that she does NOT want to know the details of. Plausible deniability and all that.  
  
2—Let Birgitte know somehow that Taim has Elayne in the crosshairs.
  * Maybe a written note for #2. Pass me the paper?
  * How's this sound?  
  
"Mazrim Taim has sent his hounds after the Queen. Be wary."
  * I like how I've slipped in the implication that there's more than one "hound." Because even if I'm the only one with orders right now (which I find improbable), you can bet my brother's borrowed britches he'll send more once I don't do the job.
  * Ok, enough self-congratulation. Time to decide how to deliver this.
  * Drat, she's already left her quarters. Did she even sleep?
  * Not likely she'll get much sleep after I deliver this. Burn me, but why didn't the Lord Dragon assign the Lady an Asha'man bodyguard?
  * I could disguise myself as one of the other palace servants and say I was given the letter by a stranger.  
  
No, but then what if she decides to interrogate whoever I duplicate later? She'll know there's an impostor in the palace somewhere.
  * Though I guess it's not a bad idea for her to be alert for that sort of thing....
  * Eh, I'll just put on Hanled's face.
  * The height might be a problem ... better make sure no one touches me.  
  
Now to find a willing messenger.
  * There we go—the Guardswomen practicing in the courtyard. One of them will know how to find her.
  * Why am I not delivering this in person? Uh....  
  
Because I don't have time to go traipsing all over the palace looking for someone who doesn't have an office. There we go.
  * Now for a suitably expeditious retreat ... done. Nix the disguise, and a backtrack to make sure they took me seriously.
  * They're opening it??
  * Shyeah, you BETTER run. Reading someone else's letters. 🙄
  * Mischief managed.  
  
Whoops, nearly forgot to put my face back on. Scars have faded a lot, but my hair is still short on the one side.




	30. A Dance

**Adar 10, N.E. 1000**

  * Was afraid to look at this morning's message, but there's nothing terribly new in there. I know I can't expect that to be the case for much longer, though. Not when he knows I can literally reach out and touch Queen Elayne several times a day.
  * In some ways I hate all this extra free time, because it leaves me with too much time to think about what Taim will do when he finds out I've been playing him.
  * The Captain-General definitely looking more paranoid than usual today, but whenever Queen Elayne asks why, she puts her off. I guess she's got too much on her plate and Lady Birgitte doesn't want to add to it?
  * Today we're packing up for a round of state visits, which she'll take Naris with her for. Lady Birgitte seems reluctant to stay here this time, but at the same time in a hurry to see her off.
  * It does make sense. She can't know that Taim's would-be assassin is right here in this room hearing the entire agenda. Keep the Queen moving, give nobody advance warning to send off a message, and there's less chance of Taim getting anyone close to her.
  * Off they go.  
  
It'll be weird having the room to myself on a night when Naris isn't off with Venson.
  * Essande will expect me to be out with my "aunt" tonight. I hope Hanled actually comes to get me. It feels like we haven't had a proper conversation in over a month.
  * Light, I haven't even finished that book he got me at Bel Tine. I've been so flustered with the corridors moving and all the ghosts, and don't even get me started on the half-spoiled food every other night or so.
  * And that's the last of the chores we need to do before Queen Elayne gets back. Essande votes we take a few days off.
  * Guess I might as well explore the city now that it's not under siege.
  * Making a guess as to which gate-in spot Hanled will choose tonight. Will be nice if I can actually be here waiting for him for a change.
  * Either I guessed wrong, or he's got a new one. He isn't far though.
  * Just leaped into his arms like a silly village girl. Don't even care right now. I need someone to hold me.
  * Let's go somewhere quiet. Somewhere I can forget for a minute that the future of a nation hangs on my ability to pull the wool over Taim's eyes for another week or so.
  * How long ago was our first visit to this beach? It feels like years. Not even sure it's been two months yet.
  * Kind of ... unloaded on him there. I mean he needs an update, but oof. I can feel the weight I just put on his shoulders.
  * Things are bad at the Black Tower, too. Taim's crew outnumbers the loyalists who were left behind when the Lord Dragon absconded with the rest, and the balance is sliding ever more in Taim's favor. Hanled says folks he would never have expected are turning their coats.
  * Taim has set three different people hunting Fian, but he was still safe the last time Hanled checked on him. I didn't ask where he was; I can't trust myself not to spill the beans if Dolyn comes out again.
  * I didn't really expect Hanled would know how to get this letter of Taim's to the Lord Dragon. Light, I want to be done with this charade!
  * I am so tempted to say hang it all, let the Queen fend for herself, and vanish into the night. I mean, what can I do? I can't stand against whoever Taim sends in after me. Hanled might, but he's still barely in the top third as far as strength in the power goes.
  * All right, no more negativity. Let's talk about something happier.
  * The house we want to build when this is all over—there's a good place to start.  
  
It'll be a farmhouse, of course; none of that city life for us. Though I could see clear to being NEAR a city, I suppose.
  * You want HOW many kids? ...I'm sorry, my love, but unless you plan to bear a few of them yourself, I'm going to draw the line at five.
  * Where to build it? I mean, it doesn't HAVE to be in the Borderlands. I'm growing quite fond of Andor; maybe we could check out things around Whitebridge.
  * Visiting our families wouldn't be hard—just a quick hop through a Gateway. They'd be fine with Hanled channeling by then; eventually everyone will acknowledge that the taint on saidin is gone, and the title of Asha'man will be as prestigious as that of Aes Sedai.
  * I'll be a celebrity myself, of course. No longer hiding who I am, I'll reveal that I'm a woman right after I earn my Dragon pin. That'll shock the socks off a few people.
  * Queen Elayne will pardon me for lying to her, and acknowledge that my presence kept Taim from sending somebody worse to spy on her. Who knows; maybe the Lord Dragon will commend me personally for protecting her?
  * This is my fantasy, Dolyn; I can put in anything I want.  
  
No, we do not need a harem.
  * Can't stop yawning, but I don't want to head back to that stuffy little room in the palace yet. Can we sleep under the stars tonight?
  * I guess we will need blankets. Shall we grab some via gateway?  
  
More than one, you big lump. We're not married yet.



**Adar 11, N.E. 1000**

  * I've got sand EVERYWHERE, lol. Next time I sleep on a beach, I'm bringing a tent or something.  
  
Also, show me that weave you used to keep away the bugs last night. That sounds super useful.
  * Home? Heck no; I'm off for the next day and a half, at least. I could use some breakfast, though.
  * I guess ocean fish don't like shallow water. Good thing I've got a hairbrush made of Air, because I think we're going into town for our meal.
  * Where to, though? I've been all over Caemlyn.
  * Oh, now THAT's an idea I LIKE.  
  
Tear is totally the Lord Dragon's domain. It wouldn't be at all surprising to run into the man himself. AND we could have ocean fish for breakfast.
  * I did not think Tear would smell this bad. Bit muddy, too.  
  
We're on an adventure.
  * It is Very Weird walking arm-in-arm down a city street with a properly accoutered Asha'man and not having anyone freak out about it.  
  
Don't get me wrong—we're drawing eyes. But those eyes acknowledge our right to be here.
  * I almost want to go back to the palace and grab my own coat and pin, just to feel what it's like.  
  
Naw. This is better.
  * No, not that one. I don't think I could eat in a tavern that smells THAT fishy.
  * This one's much better.  
  
And there's a Gleeman practicing in the corner. I wonder if we could get him to play this early?
  * Hanled, let me handle this. You're frightening the poor tavernkeeper to death with that coat.
  * There we go, goodman. The scary Asha'man is waaay over there, not even looking at you.  
  
We'd like the fish.
  * He wants to know how I can flirt with "a man like that." I told him it's hard not to fall for a guy who can take you all the way to Tear just for breakfast.
  * Mmm, spicy.
  * Hanled's worried that someone will notice he's gone, but I asked the Gleeman if he'd play one dance for us first.
  * He's MUCH better at dancing than he used to be at kissing.
  * All right, you're right; it's time to get back home. I would love to look around for the Lord Dragon, but no one has seen him in a while. If he were this easy to find, Taim wouldn't be going crazy searching for him.
  * Straight to my room, please. I really need to freshen up.
  * Uh-oh. Hanled is definitely getting reprimanded right now.
  * He's sending me "totally worth it" vibes through the bond, but that doesn't stop me from feeling guilty. Did I really need a fish that badly?
  * The beating is finally over. Now it feels like he's in the stocks. 😭
  * I can't share his punishment with him, but I can do my own sort of penance. Not going to eat again until he's out.  
  
"Take what you want, and pay for it," as they say.
  * Freshened up, but there's nothing I can do for this dress I slept in from here. Might as well wash it myself, since I have the day off.
  * Guardswoman in the hall looked at me funny when I came out. Is my disguise in place??
  * No, it looks fine. Maybe she just has indigestion.
  * Is she following me?  
  
No, that's a different one. Man, I'm getting paranoid.
  * Definitely not paranoia. I'm surrounded. The Captain-General is marching up toward me.  
  
Uh, hi?
  * Under arrest??  
  
LIGHT, SHE KNOWS!
  * Keep calm keep calm keep calm. Wait for your chance to run.
  * That corridor there leads to the open courtyard. Five more steps ... and, GO!
  * OOF! That Kinswoman was waiting for me! If I can just ... Light, where's my ter'angreal?
  * Must have left it in my dirty dress. Dropped that back there. I could reach it ... if I weren't ... so very ... sleepy.




	31. Unmasked

  * Hnnng, where am I?  
  
Oh. It's a cell.
  * Well I guess I saw THIS coming.
  * What did I do wrong? How did I slip up?  
  
Like it matters. I'll probably be executed soon.  
  
Hanled, I'm sorry.
  * Footsteps coming this way. Will they take me to the hangman right away, or wait until Queen Elayne gets back?  
  
I wish I knew how long Hanled would be in the stocks. T_T
  * It's Captain-General Birgitte. She wants to know how long I've been spying for the Black Tower.  
  
I don't think playing dumb will get me anywhere; I just want to know how she figured it out.
  * Ahh. The spectacles.  
  
Somebody spotted me wearing them before I put my disguise back on the other day. She had people waiting to question me, and when I came back via gateway instead of the palace gates, I blew it.
  * She thinks she'll catch Hanled when he comes to collect me? Good luck with that. I've seen how weak these Kin are.  
  
Oh. I guess she COULD speak to the Aes Sedai in the city.
  * I told her Hanled isn't the one who takes my messages; he's just my fiance.  
  
Huh. I expected more of a reaction than that.
  * Light, there's no help for me, is there? She found the letter in my pocket; the one I was trying to take to the Lord Dragon. Fat chance she'll believe me on that one.
  * Called it. >_<
  * She wants to know how I planned to assassinate Queen Elayne. She doesn't know I can channel.  
  
Well, that I COULD channel if I knew where my ter'angreal was.
  * Light, somebody needs to warn Naris.
  * All right, fine. You want to know what Taim's been up to? Better hold on tight.
  * And she doesn't believe me. Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the time-warping chamber.
  * She said something about "a conversation with Master Lounalt," and then left.  
  
One a scale of "meh" to "kill me now," how worried should I be??
  * I'm really not as upset about this as I thought I would be.  
  
Don't get me wrong; I don't WANT to die. It's just that I've known I was GOING to for so long that it's a relief to know it's finally over.
  * And I am really, REALLY glad that I don't have to lie to people anymore.
  * The screams from the next cell over are less than comforting.  
  
Is that Mellar?
  * The screaming has stopped. Two guards at the door to my cell.  
  
They're ... a lot bigger than Hanled.
  * There's my things through that door! The ter'angreal, still disguised as an old wooden thing.  
  
It's no good. I'm too far away to use it.
  * Creepy old guy with a bunch of tools I don't want to know the purpose of. I have a feeling I'm about to, though.
  * Guy seems to think he can scare me into talking by explaining what everything does. Just get on with it, please.
  * Or ... not? Now they're taking me back to my cell.
  * No, not to my cell. Lady Birgitte wants to talk to me again.
  * I swear, I'm not holding anything back. I'm the only assassin Taim sent, that I know about. Only way he's going to send another is if he doesn't hear back from me soon.
  * I begged her to get that letter to the Lord Dragon somehow. Now she thinks the paper itself might have a trap woven into it.  
  
I told her to use the spectacles (they fell off my face somewhere; I assume she has them), but she knows about inverted weaves and isn't buying it.
  * Same questions over and over. I swear I never even contemplated murdering Queen Elayne. Taim really hasn't sent anyone else, that he's told me. No, I didn't share her agenda with him. I haven't even told him she's out of the city; I forgot to send a message last night.
  * Now she "knows" I'm lying, because I came home with an Asha'man. Back in the cell I go.
  * Chained to the wall this time. High up, so I can't sit down.  
  
This is not good.
  * Dolyn standing in the corner, hungry-eyed, waiting for me to get tired so she can come out and play.
  * I guess we get to find out how good I've gotten at sleeping on my feet.
  * Hanled worried about me. Wish there were some way to warn him not to come. There's no way to tell how many Aes Sedai the Captain-General recruited to catch him; I know there were a good half dozen in the city at last count.
  * That's assuming he can even get away. Taim might have someone watching him, even after he's let out of the stocks.
  * It's a good thing I have so much practice standing in place, between the morning meetings, the sword training, and all the waiting on the Queen.
  * Yay, my dinner has arrived.  
  
The guard set it on the floor just inside the door, and smirked as he walked away.
  * I've decided I'm not cool with this after all. Not because I was actually planning to eat it, but because I'm sitting here suffering for Mazrim Taim's crimes. If the Queen executes me when she returns, that bloody Darkfriend still gets the last laugh.
  * So cold. And my arms are really tired of sitting in this position.
  * If I could just ... shift the chain, a little bit....  
  
Ow ow ow, no that way is worse.
  * Shut UP, Dolyn.  
  
Ugh, she won't quit singing. Badly.
  * Need to think about something else. Maybe if I meditate, it will be almost as good as sleep.
  * Flame and the void. That muted her a bit. Now imagine a weave ... something complex, I think. Let's go with a gateway.
  * That helped. She's down to a whisper.  
  
Now, how did the saidar version go? Something like this?
  * Stupid rat eating my dinner.  
  
And oh look. He brought friends.
  * Would be really great if I could weave a thread of fire and scorch them out of existence.
  * Aww, so close. Tried to smack one of them with my shoe, but missed.  
  
And now my foot is cold. So that backfired.
  * Don't take a dump in my ... oh, gross!
  * Stupid rats. Stupid Dolyn. Stupid me forgetting my stupid disguise.
  * Please. Stop. Singing.




	32. Deserters

**Adar 12, N.E. 1000**

  * I think I was actually asleep there for a while, but then it got too cold.  
  
Is it morning yet? It's too dark down here to tell.
  * Also, I really need to pee. T_T
  * They finally let Hanled out of the stocks. Feels like he's sleeping.
  * I c-can't s-s-stop shivering.



  * Must have ... passed out. Woke up with a bucket full of washwater in my face, arms numb from fingertips to shoulder.  
  
Lady Birgitte tried to ask me a question but I couldn't make my tongue work.
  * She finally let me out of the chains. I don't think I let Dolyn out either. Would rather freeze to death than let her out.  
  
Ahh, my arms are like fire!
  * Just gonna ... lie here some more.
  * Why is my face so hot when the floor is so cold? Heh. It's kinda funny, if you think about it.
  * Hanled...? You can't be here. The Aes Sedai will hang your head on the Traitors Trow. Tratiers Tree. Ugh, my tongue is broken.
  * Did you buy my other shoe?
  * Light, it's a good thing Hanled knows Healing. So lightheaded still. And HANGRY.
  * Yeah, um ... I don't think I should try walking any time soon.
  * I can't believe I didn't even last one night in that dungeon before getting delirious with a fever. I'm such a wuss.
  * Hanled points out that we did sleep on the beach the night before. He's not feeling so great himself.
  * Apparently Lady Birgitte was bluffing when she said she would have Aes Sedai watching for Hanled. He practically walked in the front door, half-panicking when I didn't respond to his ear-pinch.
  * That's not good. It's been two days since I sent a message to Taim; he has to have realized my cover is blown by now. If there's no Aes Sedai in the city that Queen Elayne can trust, then she'll be an easy target for Taim's next assassin.
  * I need my ter'angreal. And some paper ... definitely a change of clothing. Grab me those and get back to the Black Tower before Taim decides that you've....  
  
Oh. 
  * Hanled's name was placed on the deserter's list the moment he came to save me.  
  
The Captain-General was probably already looking for someone to heal me. She wouldn't have let me die before extracting all my secrets.
  * Well that's it then. The time has come to cut our ties with Taim and make our stand against him.  
  
Now, get me my coat from the palace, please.
  * I've been thinking about how to stand up to Taim with my meager ability. I've realized I can't—not by myself.  
  
I need help. Hanled, first off. Fian, if he's willing. But it's time to show the Captain General my hand.
  * Heh. My hand is shaking pretty badly right now. I probably ought to have had Hanled write this, but I'm mostly done already.
  * Here goes: "Meet me on the roof of the narrow southwest tower. Bring whoever you need to feel safe."  
  
Now put that where my ter'angreal and such were, then take us there.
  * Light, it feels good to be back in my black coat again. I don't even mind the breeches anymore. Definitely have missed my sword.
  * Still pretty weak-kneed. I'm just gonna ... sit right here. Hanled, you stand behind me, but let me do the talking.  
  
Yes, her name really is Birgitte. You'll see.
  * I could literally eat horse right now and not even care.  
  
Patience, Ashalyn; your appetite is what got you into this mess.
  * Maybe I SHOULD have grabbed a snack at least. Won't do me any good if I pass out before she gets here.
  * Too late now. There are archers gathering on the other towers.  
  
Hanled, you've got a shield of Air up, right? I can't see without my glasses.
  * Here she comes. Pair of Guardswomen in front of her; whoever they are, they're very brave. One of the Kin trailing behind. Well at least she came.
  * First thing out of the Captain-General's mouth, "So you're a man?"  
  
Why does EVERYONE think that as soon as I put on pants? Is my face really that unfeminine?
  * No, I'm not a man, but I am an Asha'man. It's complicated. Yes, this is who I've been from the start. Yes, I was spying on you for Taim, but only so I could spy on Taim for the Lord Dragon.
  * "Did the Dragon Reborn send you?"  
  
Yeah, I wish I could say that he did, but no. I sent myself.
  * Also, we're technically deserters, so it would be great if nobody told Taim we're here.
  * Why am I still here? Simple. Taim doesn't give up once he sets his sights on something, and he wants Queen Elayne dead. Why now instead of before her coronation, I don't know. But you aren't equipped to face him.
  * We ... aren't really equipped either, but we're better than nothing. We might at least see him coming. If the Queen will have us, we'll swear to obey her second only to the Lord Dragon himself.
  * *sigh* I knew this would be a hard sell.  
  
She doesn't think Queen Elayne will go for it. She refuses to be seen accepting the Lord Dragon's help, and setting herself publicly against Mazrim Taim will be even worse.
  * Burn me, I wanted to be done with secrecy, but fine. What if we stay here as bodyguards, but unknown to the Queen? I can't think that the Lord Dragon would leave her undefended if he knew Taim's intentions.
  * She's considering it, "but only because of the warning."  
  
What warning??
  * Ahh, I should have realized. She only came up here because my handwriting was the same as that first note I sent her. Which is the reason she ended up suspecting me in the first place, so it's about time that good deed stopped biting me in the ... you know.
  * She wants to have the rest of this conversation somewhere more private. Works for me; those archers are making me nervous.
  * As much as I enjoy having people stand in awe of me, let's not go parading through the palace in our black coats. How's brown sound to you, Hanled?
  * Eek, I knew I should have eaten first. Those stairs nearly did me in.  
  
Lady Birgitte apologizes for my dinner being delivered improperly. It wasn't her idea.
  * Bread and broth never tasted so good.
  * Here's what we've worked out so far. Hanled and maybe Fian join the palace staff as porters, or possibly guardsmen once the Captain-General evaluates their swordsmanship. I remain in my current position as maid slash bodyguard, only I report to Lady Birgitte instead of Taim.
  * That's not enough though. I generally only spend a small part of my day actually with Queen Elayne. I would be in a much better position to protect her if I could leave the palace when she does.  
  
Maybe as a Guardswoman?
  * Yes I can use a sword. I'm better than Hanled at it, thanks.
  * Conditions: we don't ask for special treatment. Nobody knows who we are except the women who have already seen our faces. I wear a disguise when performing guard duty, so Queen Elayne will have no reason to question my presence there.
  * We don't channel unless absolutely necessary—yes she's heard that saidin is clean but doesn't care. We're hiding from Taim as well.  
  
And we show her who the other Black Tower spies are so they can be dismissed or misdirected, as she sees fit.
  * We find out some way to make the Black Tower think we're dead. An execution notice should do the trick, as long as the right people hear about it.
  * Hmm, we may need to add Venson to our list. If Taim suspects I'm not dead, or even if he doesn't, he'll want to coordinate the next steps through Naris.
  * And finally, we swear by our hope of salvation and rebirth to follow the Guardsman's oath in every way which does not interfere with our duties to the Dragon Reborn.
  * Regarding the ter'angreal cache—the Captain-General will ask the Lady Elayne to place inverted wards on it when she returns, citing another attempted theft. Hanled will also place wards. I may continue to borrow the spectacles, so long as I'm guarding the Queen.
  * I must also seek out every opportunity to return the male angreal I stole, as long as it doesn't threaten my cover here.
  * I'll relish that one, to be honest.
  * We're sworn in, and Hanled is going to talk to Fian. I'm to show the Captain-General how we usually send messages.
  * I told her I was grateful for the chance to make up for working for Taim all this time. She's like, "oh, you'll make up for it all right."  
  
So yeah, she's still upset at me. But I can deal with it.
  * So my punishment/excuse for "Sephanie" to spend so much time with the Guardswomen? I get to clean their uniforms. :P
  * The story is that I "volunteered" by playing a prank on the laundresses. So I have a reputation—as an excuse for someone to keep an eye on me while I work.
  * That someone will either be Caseille or Deni, who are the only ones who know that I am also *drumroll* Ashalyn Sarako, Guardswoman trainee.  
  
That's right, I finally got my name back. (Sarako is Fian's last name, and he'll be my cousin—assuming he comes back with Hanled.)
  * I would really prefer to be Ashalyn Amaru, but we're going to need some wedding vows before that happens. >_>
  * So for my disguise, I'm going to impersonate Fian's little sister, except I'll be older and keep my actual scars. I've kind of grown attached to them.
  * Hanled is back. He feels ... optimistic. I don't get that from him very often.
  * Fian IS with him. Looks a bit the worse for wear, but aren't we all after yesterday?
  * The Captain-General wants to know how much we trust him.  
  
Hmm, well we trust that he's not a Darkfriend. The way he went pale when he found out he'd helped the Black Ajah was pretty convincing.  
  
I don't know if we'd trust him not to run at the first sign of trouble.
  * So Fian gets to be a porter. He'll also take the night watch to feel for channeling in the city. Hanled has the day watch. Since I can't sense it but can at least counter weaves I can see, I'm the last line of defense.
  * The Captain-General is sufficiently impressed with Hanled's swordsmanship that he can be a Guardsman. I mean I guess he did handle himself all right in the fighting at the end of the siege.
  * Oh, did I forget to mention we were there? You're welcome, by the way. Some of that lightning was aimed at you.
  * I did not get these scars at that battle. They were definitely from lightning, though.
  * No, they aren't from Dumai's Wells, either. I'm surprised she knows about that.
  * We failed our first test, lol. All three of us saluted wrong. Gotta practice the Andoran way, not the Asha'man way.
  * Deni Colford thinks my life story might make a good Gleeman's tale. I told her ditto, 'cause dang, have you met the woman?
  * All right, back to cleaning coats for me.
  * Deni—yeah, she's my minder tonight—asked me why I was crying. (It's been a long day, ok?) I said it was such a relief to finally have people besides Hanled who knew who I really was. It's been almost half a year since I could just be myself.
  * This is something I never thought I would be doing—sitting in the palace gardens with Hanled.
  * I mean, there are at least 2 people watching to make sure we behave ourselves, so it's not exactly private, but it's still something we've never really had before.
  * Hanled wants to know if this fulfills my requirements for a wedding.  
  
I don't know, honestly. It's definitely a whole lot closer to what I had in mind.
  * I want to say yes, but I also don't want to make any decisions before I know how things are going to shake out.
  * I guess we still have a curfew. Captain-General Birgitte's orders.  
  
Some things never change. 🤷




	33. Expendable

**Adar 13, N.E. 1000**

  * Bit disorienting waking up in a different room. Not as much privacy in this one; have to share it with three other maids. Naris will be housed somewhere else, assuming she passes Lady Birgitte's inspection.
  * Reporting for duty with Hanled makes everything else worth it.
  * Captain-General wants to know whether we know any weave which can disrupt saidin gateways from being made inside the palace grounds—or better yet, the city.  
  
That would be nice, wouldn't it.
  * Hanled thinks he might have one that can at least detect them, but he's not sure it can cover something as large as the palace.
  * Hang on—what if we used Androl's anchoring method? We lay down the important parts of the ward at specific points, and then link them together with a thinner thread of saidin?
  * We have permission to try it.
  * A weave for detecting an actual gateway seems to be too hard for Hanled or Fian to spread out so far, but since gateways (except Androl's) use a tremendous amount of the Power, Hanled thinks he can set the wards to trigger at a certain threshold instead.
  * He wants to set the limit at the maximum amount of the Power I can channel. Still plenty of deadly weaves which use less than that, but at least it won't trigger from my mask of mirrors that way.
  * The Captain-General grudgingly approves.
  * She didn't want me using the Power at all when I'm within reach of the Queen, but I pointed out that even if I cut my hair and tried to cover up my scars with makeup, there's no guarantee that she won't walk past me when I'm ... heh. When I'm in my "Ashalyn" disguise. :P
  * The palace-sized ward SEEMS to be working....
  * Looks like it will only trigger once. Will have to be reset each time.  
  
Hanled has exempted a corner of the grounds from the weave—a spot behind some trees where we can make a small gateway without dismantling the ward.
  * Now for some kind of signal to alert those of us who can't channel when the ward triggers.  
  
How about a thunderclap? Light knows weirder things than a thunderclap without lightning have been going on these days. Most people will simply shrug it off.
  * Well that's done. Now it's back to cleaning uniforms for me, and Hanled and Fian need their orientation since they've never worked here before.
  * Naris and Queen Elayne are back; I can tell by all the noise in the corridor.  
  
I'm ... not allowed to greet them. Lady Birgitte wants to interview Naris before I talk to her. She has one chance to give the same story I did, or we're both off to the gallows.
  * They're taking forever. T_T
  * Finally my turn. I'm being escorted by two guards and a Kinswoman who is definitely strong enough to shield me (and knows how to do it properly).  
  
I'm thinking that's a Bad Sign.
  * Naris tackle-hugged me on her way out. She has her own escort.  
  
At least she doesn't hate me now.
  * And the Captain-General has on her scary face. Clearly I did something wrong.
  * Ahh. She wants to know why I didn't mention Dolyn.  
  
It's very simple, actually. I promised I wouldn't expect her to go easy on me, and complaining that I need to get a proper amount of sleep to keep the voice in my head from taking over sounds too much like an excuse.
  * I can handle her, really. I kept her inside when I was in the dungeon, and I really don't expect my duties to be as strenuous as that was.  
  
Yes, she's more annoying when I'm tired, but she has only ever gained control while I was in Taim's torture—I mean training—room.
  * Since I don't plan to ever go back there, I don't believe it will be an issue.
  * ESSANDE put in a good word for me? Since when did I ever do anything that impressed HER?  
  
Oh. She said I "always do more than my share of the work." What can I say? I hate leaving a job half done.
  * I ... I passed.  
  
She's sufficiently convinced that I had plenty of opportunity to assassinate Queen Elayne after Mazrim Taim's order (but didn't), and also that I did my best to protect the ter'angreal cache. She'll allow us within sight of the Queen again, with supervision.
  * Dang it, I did the wrong salute again.
  * Lady Birgitte wants to know if there's any chance we can continue making false reports to Taim. I doubt it; it's been 3 days since I last reported, and she claims there was nothing new in the box when she checked it. My name is probably on the deserter's list by now.
  * Venson will know for certain when he comes to pick up Naris tonight.
  * All right, there's work to be done, and past time we got started on it.  
  
Essande giving me an earful for "pranking the Guardswomen." So she doesn't know.
  * Naris is freaking out because Venson isn't headed for the palace yet. She says he feels frustrated and angry.  
  
No need to panic yet. Maybe he just earned extra chores.
  * (Is what I told her, but of course my brain is trying to decide what the worst case scenario could possibly be here.)
  * They DID send someone to pick up Naris. It isn't Venson.  
  
The guards have been instructed to say they can't find her.
  * We need to make a decision NOW. If Naris goes in, she can claim I simply disappeared while she was out of Caemlyn. BUT, if Taim doesn't believe her, then we have two of ours trapped there instead of one.
  * Lady Birgitte says she already sent a messenger to the Black Tower informing Taim that his spies have been executed.  
  
Light, she doesn't know. Asha'man BOND their wives, like Warders. If anyone is watching Venson, they'll know it's a lie!
  * There's no way to get a rider there in time to stop the messenger. They might already have reached the Black Tower. This was not on my list of worst-case scenarios!
  * We have to get Venson out of there. One of us can gate in, find him before Taim gets the message and decides to have him watched.
  * Fian says "not me." You weren't ever an option, thanks. Hanled wants to go, but he's the strongest of the three of us. If Taim does send somebody else, we need him here.
  * No but listen. I'm the expendable one here. I can't even sense saidin. If I don't come back, our defense strategy will take a hit, but not a large one. Plus, I'm the best at disguises.
  * Hanled says he'll let me be the one to go, but only on one condition. If we get Venson out and I come back alive, he wants a wedding. No more putting him off.  
  
All right, it's a deal.
  * Pending the Captain General's approval, of course?
  * She doesn't see any other choice, so it's a go.  
  
Hanled, I need help choosing a disguise. Someone who's been out of the Tower for a while, and doesn't have any friends he left behind.  
  
Preferably someone kind of short?
  * Bardo is perfect, lol. xD
  * Uniform and sword for realism ... oh. I still need to cross the courtyard. There now I'm a Guardswoman.
  * We're really doing this. Deep breaths. Naris, I promise I'll get him out somehow. Hanled, how about a kiss before I toss on my final disguise? You're welcome.  
  
Lady Birgitte, it was nice working for you, and if I don't come back alive, please go easy on Hanled and Fian for me?
  * On my own. Again. Hopefully for the last time.  
  
I think the Black Tower is this way?
  * Walking toward the unmistakable sound of rocks exploding. #BlackTowerLife
  * My heart wants to pound right out of my chest.  
  
Uh, hi guys. Was just out ... taking a leak.
  * Venson's room should be in ... that building.  
  
Black Tower has never felt like enemy territory before. Not even at the beginning.
  * He's not here. Do I wait, or go looking for him??
  * If the messenger is here already and Taim is interrogating Venson ... there's nothing I can do if that's the case. I can't just wait though.  
  
Where would I be right now if I were him?
  * Right. I would be at the Traveling ground, waiting for Naris to appear.  
  
Bingo!
  * I know you have like zero friends, Bardo, but what did you do to piss Venson off??  
  
Come on, man. I've got news about your girl. Just step this way a sec.
  * Little farther ... no, I'm not going to prank you. It's me, Ashalyn.  
  
Never mind what happened to my face. Can we go somewhere private?
  * On second thought—it's actually your fault my face is like this, so thanks for being such a loudmouth.
  * Just get in here.
  * So here's the deal. A messenger is about to arrive from Caemlyn with news that Naris and I have been executed for treason. No, it doesn't matter why. Look, will you shut up for once?
  * Point is, Taim will know it's a lie because you're not over here freaking out. We need to get you out of here.
  * Yes I know my name's on the deserter list. That's because Mazrim freaking Taim wants me to assassinate the Queen of Andor.
  * That's why we need you. We're fortifying the city in case he sends someone else to do what we wouldn't.
  * What do you mean, "won't come?" Naris is waiting for you!
  * Oh for ... you think your head is any less likely to end up decorating the Traitor's Tree if you stay here? I know how you are at keeping secrets!
  * Ok, that's actually a really good point. It WOULD be nice to have someone here who can keep us informed.  
  
But it's still a terrible idea!
  * Someone at the door. Disguise time.  
  
It's Mishraile. That messenger must be here already.
  * Venson is ... actually not a bad actor. He grabbed Mishraile's coat and demanded to know why Naris is terrified out of her wits.  
  
(Although she probably is terrified out of her wits. For him.)
  * Mishraile was surprised she isn't dead already. Venson was all "say what??" and opened a gateway outside Caemlyn from right here in his room. About cut Mishraile's foot off.
  * Now we're chasing him. Because Mishraile outranks Bardo, and he said to.  
  
Mishraile caught him. Got him shielded—must be using that angreal to be so strong.
  * This has all gone horribly wrong. Unless ... no, Venson's gone crazy! He's ... actually convinced Mishraile that he felt Naris die. I would believe it myself if I didn't know for a fact that Birgitte wouldn't do such a thing.
  * "I'm the one who was supposed to die." Ouch.  
  
I take back everything I said before; Venson could get a job as one of those "players" the Queen has been hiring recently.
  * Watching that was ... traumatic.  
  
I think it's time for me to slip away. By which I mean, inverted invisibility weave, baby.
  * Just give it up, Mishraile. Bardo isn't here. (Seriously.)
  * Eek, that weave-slicing trick almost got me. Another couple inches and Venson's whole charade would have been for nothing.
  * Patience, Hanled. I have to wait for Mishraile to give up and go home.  
  
With Venson, who is still weeping inconsolably. And who I promised to bring back with me. ARGH.
  * All right; NOW I need that gateway.
  * Naris is still here, and in one piece. Venson almost had ME convinced.  
  
I'm sorry, I couldn't make him come. I did make it in time—barely.
  * He does know to come to the Palace if things at the Black Tower go south. No, he uh ... didn't chicken out. What are you talking about? He just thinks we'll need advance warning if Taim decides to come for us.
  * We don't have an established way to send messages, but hear me out. I had this idea forever ago about how we could make a code with short and long ear pinches.  
  
Can we work out the details during dinner? I'm starving.
  * Naris gonna need extra hugs tonight.  
  
I'm sorry. I really did try.
  * Hanled wants to know whether this counts as far as our agreement earlier, since I didn't actually bring Venson out.  
  
It counts. I came back alive, so it counts. Unless Naris has an objection? No?  
  
Looks like we're good.
  * I guess I have a wedding to plan.  
  
This is so surreal.
  * (No idea when I'm going to find time to plan it, when I still have all these dresses the Queen took with her to get clean and aired out.)




	34. Guardswoman

**Adar 14, N.E. 1000**

  * My Guardswoman uniform is ready. I don't get to wear it yet, though. The Captain-General still doesn't trust me.
  * I get that running when she caught me was not a great look. Maybe that was the wrong move, but I came back of my own free will to do a job nobody EVER asked me to do.
  * If I really wanted to assassinate the Queen, I could have grabbed Hanled or Venson or even Mishraile, and done it before she ever got back to Caemlyn. But I came to YOU, Lady Birgitte, because I want to HELP.
  * ...She has conceded the point. I can put it on tomorrow; it would be suspicious if I quit before all these uniforms were clean.
  * Lucky Hanled, lol. His watch post is up in the tallest tower—best view in Caemlyn. The thing even has a roof, so he's in the shade most of the day.
  * He doesn't feel TOO bored; I'm betting he's already made friends with his minders.
  * The Captain-General's cover story for Hanled and Fian is really quite clever. They and their minders are part of a new squad called the Skywatchers. The supposedly keep an eye out for things like Draghkar and those flying Seanchan whatsits.
  * Fian's part as a porter during the night watch is as a lamp-lighter, in case the watchers see anything and need to run a message downstairs. There's three other towers doing the same thing, just without any undercover Asha'man.
  * We finished working out our code for Naris to communicate with Venson sans gateways. Rather than short and long pinches we decided to go with left-side, right-side, to make messages quicker.
  * Naris will try to deliver the key for it later today, after her shift as tirewoman is over. Hanled will take her closer to the Black Tower and see whether Venson will follow the bond to her.
  * We think it's unlikely that he will be able to get away today, since they'll have him on suicide watch after her supposed execution. We'll keep trying until we get it to him.
  * Hanled wants me to learn the code too. *sigh* Guess I have some studying to do.
  * Naris waited as long as she could on the other side of the gateway, but Venson didn't come.  
  
I mean, we didn't really expect him to, but it's still a bummer.
  * If I could pay Taim back for just one thing, it's what he's done to Naris and Venson. They never wanted to be part of his games. That is literally why Venson sent her to Caemlyn.
  * I need to keep my face in check. Essande thinks I'm upset because the Captain-General is punishing me.



**Adar 15, N.E. 1000**

  * The Captain-General kept her promise. I'm in my new uniform, wearing my new face, starting my Guardswoman training. I'm trying really, really hard to remember that I'm here to protect Queen Elayne, but I've been admiring them from afar for so long that it's hard not to be giddy.
  * Hanled, up on his tower, is amused that I'm so ridiculously happy right now. I caught him watching me, so I know it's me he's laughing at, lol.
  * I don't think I've ever been this happy. Like, I know Taim will come for us soon, and Tarmon Gai'don is right around the corner, but I'm doing the things I love again, with people I care about, and I feel like I can make a difference.
  * If I die tomorrow, my one regret will be that I didn't make it to my wedding night.  
  
(Which IS tomorrow. But like ... at the end of it.)
  * We're having it at the Queen's Blessing, which is sort of an in-joke, since Essande and the Queen are the only people in Caemlyn who I care about that won't be there.
  * Essande DOES know we're attending a wedding in the morning—"our friend Ashalyn's" wedding. She's ok with covering any wardrobe needs the Queen has during the day, so long as one of us is there at morning and evening. Naris says she'll cover both, AND do my hair. She's so sweet.
  * The one thing I'm suuuuuper nervous about is inviting our parents. If Taim is looking for me and Hanled (and Fian), he could very well have our village watched right now.
  * I'm thinking we'll pop in, have everyone grab their feastday clothes, and find them rooms in the city for tonight. There's a lot that can go wrong with that plan, but it minimizes the time we spend in a place anyone will look for us.
  * Planning my wedding like it's some kinda heist. Heh.
  * Wow. I wouldn't call myself "out of shape," but it has definitely been too long since I had a proper training session.  
  
Good news is, my form hasn't slipped in the interim.
  * I finally got the salute right. 😆
  * Still can't reach Venson, but Naris says he's fine. Anxious, and sometimes she feels him hamming it up for someone, but otherwise unharmed.
  * Mission Pick Up the Parents is a go. We've got our rooms paid for—good thing I've been saving up—and we're Skimming from here because Hanled doesn't want to spend all night learning the room.
  * I've never done Skimming before, so this is exciting.
  * It's so ... empty. Endless blackness, going on forever in all directions.  
  
Forget exciting; how about terrifying?
  * WE ARE NOT BRINGING MY PARENTS BACK THIS WAY, THANKS.
  * Feet on solid ground again. No sign of Taim's goons that we can tell. Onward to Hanled's house.
  * Yes I know I'm being a chicken by not going to mine first. Deal with it.
  * We're in the door. Hanled's mom is making such a fuss over both of us.
  * ...Apparently my folks have been giving them grief over what I said during our last visit. This might not go as well as I hoped.
  * They said a couple guys showed up looking for Hanled yesterday, but didn't look like they expected to find him here. Hopefully that wasn't a ruse.
  * I know you haven't talked to your parents in forever, but we need to hurry this up.
  * I hope my parents will take the news half as well as his are.  
  
It's not a very STRONG hope. In fact, I fully expect them to freak out.
  * Get your parents settled into their room and then come find me.  
  
I think there will be less noise at the door if I go in disguised as Tinya. Just in case anyone's watching.
  * That's assuming it isn't Tinya herself who opens the door, of course.  
  
Huh, they didn't even lock it. Fine then; I'll go in and wake them as myself.
  * No, you're not dreaming. I'm here to invite you to my wedding.
  * This is not open for debate. I'm getting married tomorrow and I want you to be there.
  * Please dad, just get your things. T_T
  * And now everyone's awake. Hanled, just hang out for a minute while I get them calmed down.
  * No we can't just have the ceremony here. I have friends in Caemlyn who I also invited.  
  
It's all set up already; please just grab your nice coat and I promise to bring you all back in the morning.
  * All right, fine. We'll go have it without you.
  * Well that didn't help a single bit. Dad thinks I'm bluffing, mom is crying, and my brothers are making such a ruckus I had to toss up an inverted sound ward so they couldn't wake the neighbors.
  * Will all of you just shut up for a minute!
  * You think there's something wrong with Hanled because he can channel saidin? Well guess what—so can I.  
  
That's right; I'm an Asha'man. Since apparently none of you can deal with that, I'm going back to Caemlyn without you.
  * They're ... not following me out.  
  
I think I scared them too much weaving that illusion of my black coat.
  * I ... never mind. Just take me home.  
  
Maybe they'll forgive me someday.
  * Of course I'm crying; I just scared the living daylights out of everyone I love. Er, besides you.
  * I'm not up to walking back to the palace right now. I might as well sleep at the inn; I already paid for the room.
  * All right, you can gate me back if you insist. I guess I did leave my best dress at the palace.
  * All that arguing wore me out, which is just as well since Dolyn is making fun of me for thinking I could get them to accept Hanled. Odds are 50/50 I'll cry myself to sleep anyway.




	35. Ashalyn Amaru

**Adar 16, N.E. 1000**

  * So.  
  
It's the big day.  
  
Nobody told me it was supposed to feel this intense.
  * Don't know what to do with myself for the morning so I'm helping Naris after all. Captain-General Birgitte (she doesn't actually LIKE being called a Lady, but Essande drilled it into us) demanding a breakdown of everywhere we plan to be today.
  * Hanled won't tell me all of it. O_o Made me leave the room while he told her.
  * We made short work of the morning's chores, and Naris borrowed the spare hairdressing set from Essande. Hanled says I can use his parents' room to get ready; they're out exploring the city.
  * Guys, Naris is amazing. She figured out how to do up my hair so it completely hides the short bits. And most of my scars, too. 😍
  * Hair done, all dressed, final bits handled with mask of mirrors (I'm not vain; I just don't want to explain about my fight with those Dedicated today). Hanled is back from ... whatever errand he was running that he wouldn't tell me about.  
  
Time to get this show on the road.
  * They're ... they're HERE?  
  
My family is HERE! Oh Hanled, I LOVE you!
  * So are Deni and Lieutenant Caseille, and Kinswoman Sumeko (is that the right title?), plus both of Hanled's minders (sorry I don't know their names). It's not as many people as I'd hoped to have at my wedding, but it's definitely more than I was expecting.
  * There's also a few bemused inn patrons, which I don't even mind, and ... someone else coming in the door...?  
  
It's the Captain-General. O_O
  * "I can't miss the wedding of one of the Queen's own bodyguard," she says, right in front of everyone.  
  
Both of my parents' jaws just about hit the floor.
  * The officiator tried to hand his job off to the Captain-General, lol. She was all, "I'm just here to watch."  
  
I guess you can't have everything, right? 😆
  * (Of course, if we're talking EVERYTHING, I suppose it would be the Queen officiating. Or maybe the Lord Dragon.)
  * About time Hanled started feeling nervous.  
  
Omigosh I'm getting married.
  * Hanled's worried that he doesn't have his vows MEMORIZED?  
  
(Naris, you have my notes, right??)
  * I only stuttered twice.  
  
Now that the embarrassing part is over, all we need is to jump the broom.
  * Uh, nobody brought a broom. I guess they don't do that around here. 😆  
  
There we go. The cook found one.
  * And that's it. We're married. I thought it would feel different, lol.
  * "Mistress Amaru." Hmm, I love it.
  * The reception is in there? How are we going to fit all these people inside ... oh. There's a gateway. To the beach! :D
  * The Guardsmen doing a double-take on the way through. I guess they aren't as used to walking through gateways as the Queen's bodyguards are.
  * I've never even SEEN some of this fruit Hanled found. No wonder he was jumping everywhere this morning.
  * The Captain-General didn't come through, sadly. She does have a city to run.  
  
And I guess someone had to make sure nobody who wasn't supposed to walked through that gateway.
  * My voice is going to be completely gone by the time I finish telling all of my brothers what I've been up to the last five months.
  * Hanled has started sending people home already. Normally we'd party for the whole day, but most of them didn't get a chance to feed the chickens or whoever before they left.
  * Tinya got left home to milk the cows, which is a shame because I really wanted to introduce her to Naris.
  * Party has pretty much wrapped up now. It's just my parents and his parents giving their "life advice" talks that I can tell Hanled is only half listening to. The other half feels like it's distracted with, um ... thinking about me.  
  
Simmer down, love. We'll get to that part soon.
  * They FINALLY left. I was starting to think that was gonna go on forever. :P  
  
Now Sumeko is taking our minders home so we can have some officially sanctioned alone time.
  * First order of business: finally going swimming in that ocean right there.
  * Yikes, what IS that thing? It's like a purple spider but huge and spiny with these great big pinchy claws on the front?
  * Hanled wonders if they taste good. No thanks; I do not want to eat a giant purple spike-spider!
  * I am pretty hungry though. Let's go see what those birds (What did Caseille call them? Galls? Seagalls?) have left us from our wedding brunch.
  * All that swimming wore me out. What do you say to a nice siesta?  
  
Hah! He brought a tent!
  * Layered blankets are much more comfortable to lie on than sand.
  * How was the rest of it?  
  
...I really don't think that's anyone's business but ours.



**Adar 17, N.E. 1000**

  * While it would be nice to stay here forever, we should probably head back while they're still serving breakfast.
  * Fian didn't break anything while we were gone, so that's a good sign.
  * Unexpected side effect of joining the Guardswomen: I end up all sweaty by the end of training. Have to wash up before I switch to Sephanie mode.



**Adar 18, N.E. 1000**

  * Lost a bit of sleep this morning because Fian sensed someone channeling in the city. They never came close, that he could tell.
  * Far enough away that it was probably a gateway, for him to feel it at all. Doesn't mean Taim was up to anything, but we still haven't reached Venson so every instance is a potential danger to us.
  * I really thought we would be able to reach Venson today, but he signaled Naris not to come (using the old signals). I guess he wants to play it safe, and of course he has no way of knowing we just need to get the one message through to him.
  * Hanled keeps trying to have conversations via the new code while we're working, but I'm nowhere near as proficient with it as he is.
  * I'm like, look Master My-Job-Is-Literally-to-Stand-Around-All-Day, I'm sorry that you're bored enough to have mastered the cipher already, but my workload doubled the minute I quit working for Mazrim Taim. Please be patient.
  * Today I found out that married couple quarters in the palace do exist.  
  
...If I didn't have to pretend to be two people, it might be something I could look into. :P
  * Seriously though, why can't Queen Elayne just have one or two officially sanctioned Asha'man bodyguards? Why does she have to be all "oh, I can't let a man help me rule my country, even if he is the Dragon Reborn?"
  * (I'm grouchy today, if you can't tell.)




	36. The New Normal

**Adar 19, N.E. 1000**

  * Boy that sun isn't planning to come out at all this week, is it?
  * I mean, couldn't it at least rain, if it's going to be overcast for this long?
  * Oh. My. Gosh. Naris has taught Venson the new code WITHOUT EVEN SHOWING HIM THE CIPHER. She says she kept repeating the letters in alphabetical order until he figured out what she was doing. O_O
  * He says a bunch of Red Ajah sisters showed up at the Black Tower yesterday, demanding to be allowed to bond Asha'man.  
  
There is so much that's crazy about that statement that I honestly don't know where to start.
  * (By crazy I mean the Red Ajah are crazy, not Venson. I'm pretty sure he's fine.)
  * The Captain-General is really distracted by something today. The look on her face reminds me of ... well, of me moping around after Hanled, actually. You don't think she has a secret beaux, do you?  
  
Yeah, it's definitely not that.
  * My ears are going numb from practicing the cipher. :P
  * All right, I'll share it. But only if everyone promises not to mock my penmanship.  
  

  * Arrows show which side, circles mean both at once. A long tail means a long press. Messages start and end with ><><, which the receiver can also use in the middle of a message to ask someone to repeat a word.



  * I dunno how useful that will be to anyone who isn't bonded, but there you go.
  * Hanled thinks I'm crazy to organize them this way, but grouping them by mouth shape helps me remember. Like T and D are together, S and Z, K and G, P and B, F and V. Say each sound with its pair and you can kind of get what I mean.



**Adar 20, N.E. 1000**

  * We're settling into our new normal—even saw Fian joking with his escort today. I feel at the same time like this is the life I've always wanted and also that we shouldn't get too comfortable here.
  * Hanled says to enjoy it while it lasts, and he's right, of course. There's no use worrying about problems we don't even have yet. We've earned a breather.
  * Venson says he went to confront Taim about Naris, because that's what would be expected of him, and Taim blamed the whole fiasco on my being careless, and that I "got what I deserved" from it. So either he thinks I'm really dead or wants Venson to think it.
  * Taim did seem pretty put out that I not only had "failed" but that Queen Elayne is now on to him. Venson thinks he also sounded distracted, like the whole matter was just a sideshow to something more important.
  * For that, I half wish myself or Fian was still on the inside, listening. But even if we did know what he was working on next, we still haven't found a way to reach the Lord Dragon.
  * Logain was apparently there at the Black Tower, but he left in a hurry before Venson so much as saw him. Maybe Androl and them got some intel to him; I don't know.
  * It irks me that we have to ask permission to have some alone time at the beach.  
  
Hanled, on the other hand, is glad that we CAN ask for permission, since he used to have to sneak out. 🤷♀️



**Adar 21, N.E. 1000**

  * I think the Captain-General is finally starting to trust us? I dunno. She just seems more relaxed around Naris and I today.



**Adar 22, N.E. 1000**

  * And I can't seem to do anything right today. Didn't finish cleaning the uniforms but was still late for training, and of course the ONE I didn't get to was the Captain-General's. Hoping this hasn't put me back to square one.
  * To top it all off, I have LOST the book Hanled got me, and I still have like 5 chapters left. 😭
  * Now Essande is trying to teach me to do hair again, and I'm so flustered I'm forgetting everything I already knew. It's a good thing she seems possessed of endless patience today.



**Adar 23, N.E. 1000**

  * So Hanled asked the Captain-General when she was going to stop running me to the point of exhaustion.
  * She tried to go off about trust and responsibility and such, but then he was all, "well what happens when Taim does decide to attack, and she's too tired to channel straight."  
  
That's MY man, right there. :)
  * So now I'm only responsible for my own uniform, plus those of my escort. Also, she cut the rest of my training short since it's obvious to everyone that I already know how to use a sword, AND I get to sleep in tomorrow so I can start actual guard duty shifts tomorrow night.



**Adar 24, N.E. 1000**

  * So much for sleeping in. The beds in this room are all triple occupancy, and someone forgot to fix the schedule. Palace needs a new wing or something.
  * They found me an empty bed finally, and I'm trying to fall back asleep. Wish me luck.
  * Did manage to sleep, despite interruptions and Dolyn being her usual obnoxious self. Hopefully I got enough to make it through both of my duty shifts today.
  * Starting my very first guard duty shift outside the Queen's quarters. Hard to believe that 6 months ago I thought I would spend my whole life carding wool and milking cows.



**Adar 25, N.E. 1000**

  * Shift went pretty great. Got to know some of the other Guardswomen better. Hard to talk about myself without spilling details that shouldn't be widely known, but I managed.
  * Once again they didn't have a bed ready for me though. Waiting while the First Maid looks into something more permanent.  
  
Meanwhile, Dolyn is trying to sing all our favorite songs backwards.
  * It's actually really good timing that I started my night shifts yesterday. They don't observe Tirish Adar here in the Southlands, and I was starting to worry about how I would manage it.
  * I learned last night that most Andorans don't even KNOW about Adar's Vigil. I might as well drop some info right here.
  * So, the story goes (and there's like 3 versions of it but I'm condensing) that Adar was a Borderland soldier born before the Trolloc Wars.  
  
Rumors were starting to come in that there was some Serious Stuff going on in the Blight, which had never been a huge problem up until then.
  * Adar's liege lord didn't believe the rumors, despite the proof Adar and his companions brought back from the border. He sent out a hunting party which included his lady and Adar's betrothed. (Or his lover, according to one version.)
  * Adar promised his betrothed, Ashalyn (yes, I'm really named after her; no, I'm not making this up—you can ask Hanled) that he would watch for her, and wouldn't sleep until the hunting party came home.
  * Most versions say he didn't actually sleep for the whole fifteen days. The version I believe says he took the night watch and his brothers covered the morning so he could sleep.  
  
When it became clear that the party was overdue, Adar gathered his companions, against the lord's will.
  * They were planning to set out in the morning, but Adar held one last vigil—and that's when he saw the Trollocs pouring southward. He roused his companions and saved the city.
  * The story goes that he later overthrew his liege lord and became king of Elsalam (which is where Arafel and Kandor are now). He never found his betrothed, or the lord's wife.
  * (And yes I know there's a version which says Ashalyn returned to him three years later, on the eve of his wedding to someone else, but that's the romantic version told to six-year-olds. It didn't happen.)
  * Ok, storytime's over. They finally found me a room.
  * It's ... tiny. But really close to the Queen's chambers. Convenient.  
  
Hanled's clothes are in the dresser already?? Somebody loves me!
  * Yay for no more nights in a tent on the beach (I was really starting to worry that we'd draw Taim's attention doing that) or finding a room in an inn for an hour!  
  
Though I will miss that beach. That was our first date.
  * Ugh, that was not enough sleep. Hopefully this won't happen again though.  
  
Oh, and Hanled swapped shifts with Fian so we can still spend our free time together. :D (And because he'd feel weird not observing Tirish Adar.)
  * Fian doesn't care about it, which really shouldn't surprise me. If I hadn't MET his family, I would almost think he wasn't Shienaran in the first place. Not an ounce of Borderland pride anywhere in that man.
  * Shut up, Dolyn. We are NOT pranking Fian, or anyone in the palace for that matter. I've already got a reputation, thanks.
  * THAT WAS A THUNDERCLAP.  
  
Did someone just weave a gateway into the palace??
  * I want to run and ask Fian or Hanled what they felt, but if it's an attack then I need to stay right where I am.  
  
Hanled was asleep when it happened (he's easing into the shift change right now) but I can tell he's awake now.
  * Light, I hope it wasn't just Fian being stupid with some weave.  
  
On second thought, I hope it WAS Fian being stupid.
  * Sky is overcast (like it has been for over a week now), but not stormy. Pretty sure it was Hanled's ward and not actual thunder.
  * Here comes the Captain-General to speak with the Queen. Didn't even glance in my direction, which either means she's that good or her news doesn't involve saidin.
  * She says there's no sign of damage from whatever caused the thunderclap, and wants to know whether Queen Elayne felt anyone channeling when it happened.
  * The Queen says there's always someone channeling saidar in the palace, and it was probably the Kin going overboard with something to do with damane. She wants Captain-General Birgitte to remind them to be more careful.
  * She DID glance at me on her way out. Not like, a significant glance though.  
  
At least I don't think it was significant?  
  
...What if it WAS significant, but I just misread it??
  * Hanled says "Calm down." I think that was what he said. (I'm getting better, slowly.) He feels wary, but not alarmed.
  * I haaaaate waiting. -_-
  * Slipped out to collect the Queen's dinner, and got the news from Hanled. It was definitely a gateway, but he thinks whoever made it got spooked by the thunderclap. He has reset the wards but wants me to screen any visitors the Queen has today.
  * By which I mean I'm to check for inverted disguises by using a weave slice on everyone I meet.
  * I'm paired up with Lieutenant Caseille tonight, and she has some HILARIOUS stories to tell.



**Adar 26, N.E. 1000**

  * Uneventful night (except for those stories—remind me to tell you some of them later). Nobody coming or going except Naris and Essande so far. Haven't seen the Captain-General yet this morning which is unusual.
  * Of course I checked to make sure they really WERE Naris and Essande.
  * Hang on—has Birgitte been in there ALL NIGHT??  
  
She really DOESN'T trust me, does she.
  * Or maybe she does now? She apologized for doubting me, and says I don't have to clean uniforms anymore.  
  
I said I need to at least clean my own, as an excuse for "Sephanie" to have free access to "Ashalyn's" quarters.
  * While I was sleeping, Venson reported that Taim has halted all recruiting missions. Says he doesn't have enough Asha'man left to teach and guard the wall after the Lord Dragon sent so many of them to hold back the Seanchan.
  * Venson says Taim's people are still coming and going freely though, and that 4 different deserters have been caught in the last week.  
  
I'm glad they waited until I woke up to tell me, because I'm really quite nightmare prone lately.




	37. A New Friend

**Adar 27, N.E. 1000**

  * And I'm awake. Not sure how Hanled can sleep through the middle of the day; it's too hot for me.  
  
Guess I ought to go get caught up on palace gossip. Been so busy I'm feeling out of the loop.
  * Nothing new, sounds like. Bunch of mercenaries causing trouble; they're supposed to stay outside the city but there's always a handful of them getting drunk at one tavern or another.
  * Also people still trying to set the granaries on fire. Much good it's going to do anyone now the siege is over. Only a Darkfriend would set fire to his own city's food stores.
  * I kinda wish there were five of me so I could try to catch the creeps.
  * Starting to wonder if posing as a Guardswoman was the wrong move. Sure it gives me an excuse to keep watch over the Queen, but what if Taim has people out in the city? They CAN come and go without gateways, now.
  * I know it's just me being paranoid and that I really am in the best possible place right now, but all the waiting is grating on my nerves.
  * All right, time to see if I can catch a few more Zs before I take over from Naris.
  * Palace is so eerily quiet at night.
  * Aaaand here come the ghosts. >_>
  * They're probably not dangerous.  
  
Except for that one which was.  
  
Better to keep your distance. And also, don't talk to them.
  * Hanled has a message for me. Wish I had some paper to jot this down on.
  * Something about the sky ... the moon shining? That'd be a sight. I can't see any moonlight through that window down the hall though.
  * Missed the middle part. Hope it wasn't important....
  * C-A-N-N-O-T  
  
C-O-M-P-A-D-E  
  
No wait that was an R not a D.  
  
T-O  
  
Y-O-U-R  
  
E-Y-E-S  
  
What does that have to do with ... oh. He's writing me poetry. That's so sappy. 😆
  * Now he thinks I'm laughing at him, and wants to know if I can do any better.
  * R-O-S-E-S A-R-E R-E-D  
V-I-O-L-E-T-S A-R-E B-L-U-E  
Y-E-S I-M A W-O-R-S-E P-O-E-T T-H-A-N Y-O-U.
  * He's definitely laughing at that one.
  * Uh-oh. He was laughing and then he got all serious and alert and stuff.
  * Chill just ran down my back, too. The gal I'm paired with tonight is oblivious though. I'm probably imagining things.
  * It's gone, whatever it was. Hanled seems to have relaxed, too.
  * He says he didn't feel anyone channeling. Just ... something weird.
  * Dolyn getting on my case about losing that book. I feel bad enough about it already, thanks.
  * And now she's shrieking. How am I supposed to hear anything over that?
  * WHAT IN THE LIGHT?
  * He's not moving. Oh my gosh, did I kill him??  
  
Where did he even come from??
  * I swear I didn't mean to! I didn't even see him walk up, just did my weave slice for like, NO REASON, and then I felt such a rush of EVIL from where Dolyn was standing that I lashed out without even thinking!
  * This gal didn't see him either. What in the what??
  * There's almost no blood. Whoever this guy is, he looks like he was dead BEFORE I hit him??
  * Captain-General is here. I'm going to be in so much trouble. 😭
  * A Gray Man??  
  
Light, I was in so much shock I didn't even think about that. That's so creepy!
  * Hanled is on his way. Good. I think my hands are shaking too much to send a message.
  * Light, we're lucky to be alive. Hanled thinks I sliced some sort of ward that was hiding the thing. Except we did both feel it at first. So did the Captain-General. Wait, why?
  * Why could some of us sense it but this gal ... Connah, that was her name ... didn't feel a thing?
  * Oh right—the bond. I'd heard Warders and Aes Sedai could sense Shadowspawn, but it never occurred to me that my bond to Hanled would grant me that sense.
  * If the Queen hadn't been asleep, she would have sensed it too. And probably reacted quicker than I did. Thing was almost on me and I still didn't see it until I'd killed it!
  * Hanled and the Captain-General all cool and collected, like they've seen Shadowspawn before. Well maybe Birgitte has, hanging out with Aes Sedai, but if Hanled has so much as smelled a Trolloc, I'll eat this fancy coat.
  * Hanled thinks this was for sure Taim's work. There's way more saidin residue here than my weave slice should have left.
  * And whoops, Connah was not in on the whole Asha'man in the palace thing. It's a good thing Hanled tossed up a ward against sound BEFORE she started panicking.
  * She IS still a Guardswoman, so her panic looks a lot like ... well, mine. She's gonna have a little sit-down with the Captain-General, just as soon as our replacements arrive.
  * Hanled and I get to look around and try to find whoever set that ward. They've got to be close; probably outside the gates or they would have just come for the Queen themselves.
  * Oh that's nice. "Maybe it was one of the Forsaken, and not Taim at all." You really didn't have to bring them up! 😭
  * Like, I'm scared enough of Taim as it is. The Forsaken are just so far above him in scariness that I'm gonna check out right now, before I start hyperventilating.
  * Walked around the entire palace TWICE, but still didn't find any more traces of saidin. If there was someone here, there's no way to tell.  
  
I think it's about time we go report, either way.



**Adar 28, N.E. 1000**

  * A new mercenary army appeared outside Caemlyn last night, out of nowhere. Very suspicious. I wouldn't be at all surprised if this Red Hand gang had something to do with that Gray Man.
  * It's my night off from guarding the Queen's door, which makes me a little nervous after last night's near-miss.
  * I do need to keep up with my sword training, though. Quick reflexes don't mean much if my muscles aren't used to moving that way.
  * Connah giving me some serious side-eye. Was hoping she'd come over and talk, but I guess she's still a little freaked out.
  * Haven't had much chance to chat with Deni or Caseille since the Captain-General decided I didn't need a minder, either. Feeling a bit isolated again.
  * You know what—I'm just gonna go over and talk. If she wants to leave, fine whatever. At least I can say I tried.
  * Well she's not walking away. I can't get her to give me more than a one-word answer on anything though.
  * So you don't want to talk. Fine. Wanna spar instead?
  * That's a yes. :)
  * Ow. Light, she's good.
  * So far I haven't so much as landed a hit.  
  
She's landed plenty, though. Gonna have a bruise.
  * "Are you really a woman?"  
  
Hey, that was five words in a row!
  * Is this why guys are always wrestling and stuff? Bonding by beating each other up?
  * Ow again.  
  
On the bright side, she's now convinced I AM a woman.
  * I'd give my left eye to be half as fast as she is.  
  
No, hang on. It'd have to be my right eye; I need the left for weaving saidin.
  * Finally she let me have a breather, lol. I suppose I asked for that, offering to spar after I got in a lucky shot on that Gray Man and showed her up last night. (I'm still not over that, either, to be honest.)
  * She doesn't believe I learned to fight at the Black Tower. "What would guys like that need swords for?"
  * She didn't know about shields. It's weird being the one who knows more about the One Power than someone else.
  * Now she wants to know why I didn't use any of my "tricks" while sparring.  
  
First of all, that wouldn't be fair. Second, that defeats the point of practicing. Third, we're not exactly alone out here, and most of what I know how to do is sort of obvious.
  * The question is getting me thinking, though. IS there a weave that I could use while fighting that wouldn't be obvious? Maybe something to make me faster?  
  
It's worth looking into.
  * Or maybe ... there was that weave of Hanled's that slowed down the arrows. I could use something like that to make my opponent a little bit SLOWER.
  * She thinks I ought to practice it.  
  
On someone other than herself, of course. Which I get, because I used to be that way.
  * I said I'd have to have the Captain-General's permission anyway. Even an inverted weave has a chance of being detected if I do it wrong.



**Saven 1, N.E. 1000**

  * Uh-oh. Essande is retiring (again). I have one week to actually get good at hair-dressing.



**Saven 2, N.E. 1000**

  * Yay more hair practice.  
  
I know it sounds like I hate it, but actually the thing I hate is that I'm so bad at it.
  * I need like, three extra hands. Or maybe if I could use saidin to hold all the extra strands out of the way.
  * Paired up with Connah again for guard duty. Thought maybe we could chat while we're both here all night, but she's like, "talking is a distraction."
  * Maybe she thinks if she pays enough attention she'll spot the next Gray Man?  
  
(Light, I hope there isn't one of those.)
  * Also, she's onto Hanled and my code thing, and says it's—you guessed it—a distraction.  
  
Joke's on her though; I've still got Dolyn to listen to all night long. 🤷♀️



**Saven 3, N.E. 1000**

  * Got Connah to spar with me again tonight. She did NOT go easy on me. I'm learning, though; definitely made fewer mistakes than last time.
  * She doesn't really talk about herself. I mean, that's a common theme among the Guardswomen but she's almost as closemouthed as Lt. Casseile.
  * Unlike most of the others, she does seem to be Andoran. I mean I'm not a perfect judge of the accent, but when she does talk it's always Andoran cities she mentions.
  * She thinks a lot of things I say about living in the Borderlands is hogwash, so she clearly hasn't gone much north. Also doesn't seem to know much about farm life.
  * For example, she asked me how to tell a mule apart from a horse the other night and I'm just like, you look at it?
  * Also when I told her a story about Tinya getting chased off Mudsels' farm by a rooster, she thought it was the stupidest thing she'd ever heard. So clearly she's never tried to dodge a belligerent bird while juggling an apron full of eggs.
  * Those things can PECK, man. Once I caught up our LITTLE one to clip his wings, and he took a chunk out of my face. No lie.
  * (I really was asking for it, putting my face that close to his beak. So he got to live to adulthood.)



**Saven 4, N.E. 1000**

  * More state visits coming up tomorrow. Naris is going for sure, but the rest of the roster is still in debate.
  * I'll probably end up stuck here training under Essande, though not sure whose hair I'll work on with Naris gone. Fian is ... definitely not going. I imagine it'll be Hanled going with the Queen, which is no fun for me but he is the most logical choice.
  * Yep, I was right. :/ Hanled's going, Fian and I are staying. The Captain-General is being very practical about it; I'm staying because Fian will listen to me and because I can get a message to Hanled instantly if there's trouble here.
  * Yikes, what was that shriek?? I think it came from outside?
  * Deni says it's just an owl. Light, but that was blood-curdling.
  * Andoran birds, man.



**Saven 5, N.E. 1000**

  * Hanled and I both down sick today. Probably the one that's going around. I guess it's Fian going after all, because Hanled's healing skills aren't up to the challenge.
  * Ugh, what time is it? I feel like I slept for a week.



**Saven 6, N.E. 1000**

  * I know I'm supposed to be resting, but I'm sick of sitting around. Maybe a walk in the gardens.
  * Yeah I'm about over this. Not up to my usual double shift, but I think I'll hike up to the tower and hang out until dusk. Or until Fian shows up I guess, but they're not expected back until tomorrow.
  * There is a LOT of saidar being used down there. Like, not a large AMOUNT, but lots of different places. Every few minutes I spot someone weaving.  
  
It's almost like being in the Black Tower, only with a lot less machissimo.
  * I get that the Kin can't really go back to Ebou Dar, with the Seanchan and all, but are they just gonna hang out in Caemlyn forever? I don't even know.
  * Hanled took over from me (not that I was much use up there) but I told him if he needs to switch up before dawn to just wake me up because I am for real going to just crash right now.
  * Oh, hi Connah.  
  
No I'm not slacking off. I traded shifts because I was sick all yesterday and now I'm going to bed.
  * That's lovely. Connah decided to tell me this creepy story about how a man was found completely drained of blood in the city this morning.
  * First of all, even if that's true, did you have to tell me RIGHT before I go to bed?  
  
Second, I've finally found someone Dolyn actually likes. 🙄



**Saven 7, N.E. 1000**

  * Well, I didn't dream about blood-sucking monsters.  
  
I dreamed about trying to get all the chickens in before a cyclone hit.
  * They were having none of it, for the record. All roosting up on the hill behind the house. Finally I was just like, forget y'all.
  * You know, when I stop worrying about watching out for Taim's cronies for a second, this view is really something else.
  * They're back!  
  
I think. Saidar gateway in the courtyard, anyway.
  * Yes, it's them. Here comes the Captain-General.
  * Is Fian coming up here to take his post, or...?
  * Aight, I'm just gonna head on down and find him then.
  * Fian is in the doghouse, apparently. He tried to use saidin to do his cover job (as a porter) and almost spilled the beans.  
  
So he's back to needing minders now, and incredibly not happy about it. :P
  * I have zero sympathy for him, really. Couple of babysitters is the least of the punishments at Captain-General Birgitte's disposal.
  * Anyway, I've got half a zillion dresses to clean, so he'll have to figure out his own stuff.



**Saven 8, N.E. 1000**

  * On duty with Connah again, and this cat comes up and starts rubbing my legs. Pretty little thing; gray with white around her eyes like a Domani lady's makeup.  
  
So of course I lean down to pet her, and Connah pulls out her "distractions" lecture, like always.
  * And I go, "you're just jealous that she came up to me and not you."  
  
She denies this, of course.  
  
So then I bet her she couldn't get the cat to come to her.
  * Should have seen the look on her face when she was trying to decide whether she cared more about ignoring distractions than winning the bet.  
  
Which was itself a distraction, so I win, lol.
  * In the end she took on the challenge. I stood there watching guard while she tried everything she could think of to get that cat to come to her.  
  
She doesn't know much about cats, either.
  * I gave her a few tips, because it was just too painful; to watch, and she coaxes the cat over. Leans down to pet it. And the thing SHRIEKS and jumps a mile high, like she tried to skin it or something.
  * She didn't even do anything wrong, that I could tell, but somehow she spooked it so bad it kept on running until it was out of sight.
  * Connah of course accused me of setting her up, and I was laughing so hard that I almost couldn't breathe, which further convinced her.



**Saven 9, N.E. 1000**

  * Wow it got cold all of a sudden. I mean, this would be about right for the middle of Saven in Shienar, but here it's a pretty noticeable cold snap. Will be stoking the fireplace tonight.
  * Fat chance of it getting warm again soon with that endless cloud cover.  
  
Sometimes people mention seeing ... shapes ... in those clouds. Like twisted faces.
  * Sorry, I'm not trying to give anyone nightmares.
  * Lady Dyelin has come with some papers from the other nobles. Going to be another late night, I'm thinking.
  * The Queen is NOT happy with their contents.  
  
I'm not actually IN the sitting room, so no idea what they're about. I can definitely tell from here though.
  * Well that's a rare sight. Master Norry never comes to the Queen's chambers unless he has something interesting to say.  
  
Er, hang on.... Yep, it's really him. Carry on.
  * Nope, sounds like it's all as boring as ever.  
  
...What? It's not eavesdropping if you're SUPPOSED to stand beside a door and listen for someone to call you.
  * Now she's laughing, but I missed whatever it was that was funny.
  * Something about ... a TA'VEREN? And claiming the throne of Cairhien.  
  
So this coming week should be a lot of fun.



**Saven 10, N.E. 1000**

  * Connah being totally merciless during training tonight—no doubt getting me back for last night's cat incident.
  * I asked around, and apparently that cat won't let anybody touch her. Like, at all. Guy who told me thought I was flat out lying when I said I had pet her.
  * Ok so that was SUPER WEIRD. The visitors the Queen has been so excited about? I tried my weave slice on them, like I'm supposed to, but the flows just ... melted? ... when I did it on the one with the hat.
  * Then Hat Guy looks around with a frown, like he FELT my weave. I tried to tell Lady Birgitte, and she was all, "I know," and said not to worry about it.
  * So now she and the Queen are in there talking with a guy who maybe might be an Asha'man in disguise and also an old dude with a mustache who Essande says used to be Morgase's court bard.
  * Apparently Hat Guy is the leader of that Red Hand Band which appeared in the middle of the night. There's TONS of rumors about him flying around the city.
  * One of them says he slew a Fade barehanded, which is certainly a thing an Asha'man could do. Also there's tons of stories linking him to the Lord Dragon.
  * Naris has heard a different version of the story, that says it wasn't barehanded, just buck naked.  
  
Thank you for that mental image, Naris. >_<
  * Which of course reminds me of the time I asked Naris how she and Venson were dealing with not being able to kiss each other and stuff. She told me it wasn't a problem because of the bond.
  * And I'm like, well that's something I didn't need to know, but then she goes into detail and I'm all TMI, NARIS. THAT WAS TEE EM EYE.




	38. The Raid

**Saven 11, N.E. 1000**

  * The Queen is MAKING ter'angreal. O_O
  * Essande made me practice the same three hairdos over and over until my fingers ached. Hope nobody needs me to actually use my sword tonight because ow.
  * The bright side is, I actually got to practice on somebody with hair like the Queen's and OH MY GOSH is it easier to work with than Naris's. So I passed her test and now she can retire (again) and I'm going to be spending a lot less time as a Guardswoman soon. :/
  * The Captain-General wants to talk to me in private. Am I in trouble??
  * Oh good. She just needs my help to test something out.  
  
She wants me to use saidin on her? Nothing dangerous, she says.  
  
Ok, I can handle that.
  * WHOA. The flows just melted, like my weave slice did on Hat Guy (I knew his name yesterday, darn it.)  
  
So THAT'S what the Queen has been making all day!
  * It's a fox-shaped medallion. Guy reminded me of a fox, come to think of it. Something about his smile.  
  
Now she wants me to try weaving while wearing it.
  * I guess ... going to take off the spectacles just in case. Never know what might happen while trying to use three ter'angreal at once.
  * Hmm, that was a whole lot of nothing. Can't seem to use saidin at all while holding this other one.  
  
The Captain-General is disappointed. Something about "imperfect copies"?
  * She's glad to know that the medallion can stop saidin as well as saidar (which I'm sure the Queen tested earlier) but it's apparently useless to someone who can channel.
  * Still, super useful for someone who can't. It would be awesome if all the Guardswomen had them. Then I'd have a lot less to worry about where Taim is concerned.



**Saven 12, N.E. 1000**

  * Training with Connah again. Usually I have to go find her but she actually sought me out tonight. Maybe she doesn't think I'm so annoying anymore?
  * Still not going easy on me though. Ow.
  * She gets on my case for being predictable, but I think I'm starting to get used to her patterns, too. I can almost—OW. OH LIGHT, THAT HURTS!
  * MY KNEE. I THINK SHE BROKE MY KNEE. ARGH!
  * NO OF COURSE I'M NOT ALL RIGHT.
  * Hanled can't do anything for it. Says it's too far beyond him. Someone please tell me Sumeko is back?? 😭
  * All he can do is block some of the pain. Still enough of it that I couldn't pay any attention to the weave he used.  
  
I'm not ... I don't think I'll be walking on that until I can find someone to heal it. I mean, like EVER.
  * Sumeko isn't back yet. T_T
  * Captain-General chewing out Connah something fierce. Light, I know she couldn't have done that on purpose, but could she at least pretend to be sorry about it?
  * Connah gets dungeon duty for a week. Doesn't seem all that put out about it.  
  
I'm off duty until Sumeko gets back. Hanled is carrying me to our room. It still hurts. So. Much. 😭



**Saven 13, N.E. 1000**

  * Can't sleep anymore. Hurts too much, and Hanled's sleep weave came unraveled. Not something I can weave on myself because I can't tie it before it takes effect.
  * He did show me the one that dulls the pain. Thankfully it's not complicated and I can use it on myself. Probably couldn't if I weren't weaving with the ter'angreal, but lucky me. >_<
  * I could wake him up I suppose, but he was still up all night.
  * Light, I can't even look at it. 😭  
It's all bruised and crooked and makes me sick to my stomach thinking about it.  
  
Hanled said if I don't get it healed properly soon, it won't matter.
  * If I were in Shienar, I'd send somebody to the glacier to chip me some ice. Harder to get ice here, but I wonder if I can....
  * There we go. Froze some of what was in the washbasin.
  * I've never frozen something before. I guess anything can be a learning experience if you're paying enough attention.
  * One thing I'll never forget is how Connah baited me into overextending this leg in the first place. T_T
  * Someone knocking on the door. Sorry Hanled; I can't answer it myself.
  * It's a Healer from the city. Regular, old-fashioned kind. No idea who would have sent her when there's an Aes Sedai in the palace, but I'm not going to be rude and send her away.
  * Ahh, it was Essande's idea. Still taking care of me even though she's retired.  
  
Well I guess if I never walk again that's definitely a problem for her.
  * Hanled and this lady talking show about bones and tendons and such and I'm seriously in too much pain to understand any of it.
  * NO YOU ARE NOT CUTTING OFF MY LEG.
  * Hanled sent her away. She wouldn't go without a promise to call for her if I changed my mind.
  * As distressing as that was, Hanled thinks he understands what he needs to do. He can't heal it, but thinks he can move all the pieces of bone back where they're supposed to be, and that at least it won't hurt as much if he can do that.
  * I'm terrified that'll just make it worse, but I do trust him. If he says he can do it ... well what other choices do I have?
  * Yes, you may ABSOLUTELY weave sleep on me before you start. 😭
  * Nrgh. >_< Pretty sure that hurts worse than before.  
  
...It's not crooked anymore, though.
  * Oh. OH that's better.  
  
I didn't tie off the pain numbing weave. Now that it's in place again, I can barely feel it.
  * Hanled says I can't move it. Like, at all. He's not good at healing bones, and he's afraid if I move they'll get all out of place again.
  * He did get rid of that nasty ugly bruise though. That deserves a proper kiss.
  * Well I'm awake and can't move and Hanled is asleep again, and now of course I'm crazy bored. I wish I hadn't lost that book. 😢
  * Naris came to visit. Yay!  
  
...Or not? Her face says she has news.
  * Venson says Taim is planning something. Messengers going in and out a bit. So that's just perfect. 😒
  * There has to be a way to ... ow. OK, not that way.
  * That's just great. No way to know what he's up to, but if there's even a CHANCE he's coming for the Queen soon, that's exactly when I DON'T want to be laid up like this.
  * Worse news—the Queen was told that one of her Guardswomen blew out their knee last night and needs healing as soon as one of the Kin comes back from wherever they've gone.  
  
Which means Ashalyn is off the hook, but Sephanie isn't.
  * Naris thinks she'd be OK with my disguising her as me.  
  
That will probably work, but the Queen is having some of the nobles over tonight, which means she'll want to change into one of the tricky dresses before dinner. So I'm going to owe Naris for this one.
  * Getting drowsy from the herbs that lady made me drink, but I'm afraid I'll move around too much if I sleep. T_T
  * I wonder if I could splint it in place with Air....  
  
Ok that MIGHT work. Either way, I'm checking out for a while.
  * Wow, that stuff put me OUT. I can't tell what time it is with the rain, but my instinct says the sun is going down soon.
  * Hanled is awake, so I can't be off by much.  
  
He's going to go see whether Sumeko is back yet. And also find us some dinner.
  * She's not back. :/  
  
On the bright side, dinner smells like it hasn't spoiled at all.
  * I thought this was water, but it tastes more like weak tea. Kind of a minty.... HANLED DON'T DRINK ANY MORE OF IT!
  * No no no! Hanled, please wake up! T_T
  * I can't move. What do I do??
  * Gotta tell someone. Fian should have come looking for Hanled by now. I hope they didn't get him, too!
  * Got my leg braced with Air. Maybe I can make a crutch ... Light, I'm still so groggy from those herbs.  
  
Crutch of Air is doable, but looks too obvious. Will have to weave an illusion on it.
  * I'm going to need more clothes than just my shift. But which?  
  
Guardswoman, I think. Which means I need another mask of mirrors weave. This is going to tax the limits of my strength.
  * Walking like this is so exhausting. Still haven't found Fian OR the Captain-General. That play the Queen was watching ended some minutes ago, but Casseile says Birgitte left the palace with Hat Guy way before that.
  * At least I've got Casseile to hike the stairs for me.
  * Naris found Fian—asleep on the stairs. His minders are out cold too, not sure from what.  
  
This has to be Taim. Where is he going to strike from??
  * Nobody knows where the Queen went after the performance. Someone heard her sending orders down to the dungeons?  
  
Light, the prisoners!
  * Connah! Have you seen the Queen? I think she might have gone down to ... what are you doing?
  * "I was hoping I would get a chance to kill you??"  
  
Connah, I thought you were my friend! Or at least almost one?
  * I don't want to fight you! Please, put that sword away and help me!  
  
It can't be her. It's someone in disguise as ... Light, it's really her.
  * She's fast. Way faster than I remember! Even channeling I can barely fend her off.  
  
Trying to goad me into going on the offensive. Connah, I don't want to kill you. 😭
  * Somebody help! For the Queen, and—oof!
  * I'm on the ground. Couldn't maintain my crutch through all that. Now she's standing over me calling me a weakling. She doesn't get it. How easily I could kill her with saidin. I can't....
  * She's done gloating. Her sword is coming down. Connah, I'm sorry!
  * I froze her. Took all the heat from her body and sent it into the flooring.  
  
Light, she's so cold. And so hard. Who knew that the human body would freeze exactly like ice?  
  
Oh, Connah! 😭
  * There's the Captain-General. No, I'm fine—go help the Queen!
  * Maybe if I ... if I warm her back up, maybe she's still alive?  
  
It's no good. There's no pulse.  
  
Light, I've finally done it. I've killed someone with the Power.
  * Was that an earthquake??
  * She's alive!  
  
Not Connah. The Queen. Captain-General Birgitte is half-carrying her, and she's bloodied, but she says she's been healed.
  * I told them Connah was killed by the intruders. I couldn't tell them the truth. That Connah was a ... a Darkfriend. That she tried to kill me.
  * I think Birgitte knows anyway. The look of pity on her face....
  * Someone finally came to take the body away. I let them help me to my quarters.  
  
Hanled is still asleep. If I knew anything about healing, maybe I could wake him.
  * Yes, I'm talking to Dolyn. She doesn't have much to say, and I'm sure none of it would be helpful anyway, but I have to talk to someone.  
  
Is everyone in my life going to turn out to be a Darkfriend?
  * At least I know Hanled serves the Light. I would know, otherwise.  
  
Wouldn't I?
  * Naris is back. She looks exhausted.  
  
She says Melfane (that's the Queen's midwife) has ordered bed rest for a week. So whatever happened to her, it must have been pretty serious.
  * Connah did this to my knee on purpose. I can admit that now. She or someone with her must have put forkroot in our drinks to keep Hanled and Fian from interfering.
  * I wish I could say that she failed, but two of the Black Ajah prisoners escaped, along with Mellar. So they could be back.
  * I can feel Hanled trying to wake up. Maybe some water to the face ... sorry, love.
  * It's too late. They played us all for fools.  
  
At least I have someone real to talk to about it now.




	39. Grief

**Saven 14, N.E. 1000**

  * NOW Sumeko is back. She'll get to me sometime before lunch.
  * Hanled went out to check for residue before he went to sleep. He says they definitely arrived by gateway. Somebody dismantled the ward, which means they have to have known exactly where it was set. Connah or someone else must have watched him make his rounds.
  * Sumeko is here. She's surprised at how well Hanled put my knee back together, but admits that the day and a half wait has limited what she can do with it. I'll probably get aches in it when it rains, yadda yadda.
  * That's ... well that is much better. A bit stiff. But I can walk again, which is what matters.
  * Sumeko has clearly never been hugged by an Asha'man before.
  * Queen Elayne is very saucy about being confined to her bed. 😆 Also, she definitely doesn't know what some of those curse words mean.



**Saven 15, N.E. 1000**

  * Dolyn is being particularly cruel today. She keeps reminding me of all my conversations with Connah, wondering how I could have been stupid enough to think she liked me.
  * I should have guessed what she was when Dolyn said she liked her. Dolyn never likes anyone. Shouldn't that have tipped me off somehow?
  * The heck was that noise?? Not a thunderclap ... sounded like a building collapsing or something.
  * Fian says that thump earlier was the test of some kind of new weapon that doesn't use the Power.  
  
Like he'd know.
  * So much for having less work to do with the Queen restricted to her bed. I must have hauled two dozen books to and from the library today.
  * It is REALLY fascinating watching her try to make ter'angreal, though. I don't understand any of what she's doing, but I AM learning things about saidar that I didn't know before.
  * Deni and Lieutenant Casseile have taken over sparring with me during training. Neither is as good as Connah with the sword, but they have other things to teach me.
  * The first is how to deal with the death of a comrade in arms.  
  
Mostly you deal with it by hitting things until it doesn't hurt so much.
  * I couldn't help it. They were talking about how she died honorably serving her Queen, and I told them what really happened.  
  
They got real quiet after that. Probably afraid of me now.
  * We've gone back to hitting things.
  * Deni says I shouldn't mourn a Darkfriend. But Lt. Casseile gets it. Having someone you trust, who was a mentor to you, turn like that ... it cuts worse than steel.
  * Light, I hope neither of them is a Darkfriend.  
  
I think that's the biggest wound Connah left in me. The fear of trusting people.



**Saven 16, N.E. 1000**

  * Who's knocking? It can't be afternoon yet, can it?
  * I guess I'm getting up anyway. The Queen has decided that she's going to the wall to see some kind of demonstration, bed rest or no bed rest. The Captain-General would like me there in Guardswoman attire, as a precaution.
  * Hanled says he might as well join us. :)
  * She's got them carrying her on a portable bed. That's one way to keep an oath, I guess. :P
  * We're going all the way to the east wall, sounds like. This should be fun.
  * Wow, those clouds are creepy today.
  * Ok, well so far we have an Illuminator and some kind of really long bell laid on a cart. I can't hear what they're saying about it from here, and really too busy looking around for threats. I CAN pay attention when it's important, Connah.
  * Oh hey, it's Hat Guy.
  * OH MY GOSH, THAT WAS LOUD.
  * They're loading another of ... whatever those are. O_O
  * I was looking straight at it when it loosed this time, and I SWEAR there wasn't anyone using the Power over there. Not saidin OR saidar.  
  
I can't believe Fian was right.
  * Thing took a chunk out of the hill both times! Not as efficient as a good RREF (Rolling Ring of Earth and Fire), but man.
  * An Illuminator made those. I'd heard fireworks could be dangerous, but ... wow.
  * I guess we're done?
  * Been worrying about what happened the other night. Aside from the whole Connah thing.  
  
Someone knew we were here. Hanled, Fian, and I. Someone who can channel saidin.
  * I have to conclude that Taim knows we're here, and that we're simply low priority to him. Not worth the trouble.  
  
How long until we are?



**Saven 17, N.E. 1000**

  * Well those nightmares were no fun. :P
  * Is it me, or are those clouds ... darker than yesterday?



**Saven 18, N.E. 1000**

  * Clouds are definitely darker. And roiling, like an eerily silent thunderstorm.
  * Venson says (via Naris) that Taim has restricted all comings and goings from the Black Tower. She keeps trying to convince him to get out of there, but he's convinced he can ride it out. :(
  * I hate thunderstorms. Always takes me back to Dumai's Wells, among other things.
  * Still pouring, which means no training in the courtyard. I keep flinching every time lightning strikes. Not just because it might be an attack from Taim's camp.  
  
Hanled's nervous, too.
  * I wonder if there are any indoor training areas we could use?  
  
I'll bet Lieutenant Caseille would know.
  * Just so happens there are a couple. This one's full of training dummies.
  * Er, I didn't realize the Captain-General would be here. Now I'm super nervous.
  * Oh hey, there's a whip in here. Always wanted to try one of those out.  
  
Just not in front of my boss. >_>
  * Ahh, whatever. I'm doing it.
  * That's a lot harder than it looks. Also, ow.
  * Ok I think I figured out how to not hit myself with it. Mostly.
  * Captain-General wants to know what I hope to gain by practicing with this. Might as well show her.
  * Set one practice dummy on fire, and froze another one. What really surprised me though was what happened when I tried it with Air.  
  
First one I tried was a little slow, so I made the flow thinner. Like REALLY thin, just to see how fast I could go. Cut clean through the thing!
  * And yeah, I know I can set things on fire without a whip, but y'all don't understand how truly weak in the Power I am. If there's anything I can do to minimize the amount I need for an attack while still doing lethal damage, I'll take it.
  * Turns out, using my arm to deal some of the force makes a lot of difference.



**Saven 19, N.E. 1000**

  * Just when I thought that storm was about to take a turn for the worst, it just kinda ... evaporated?  
  
I mean, it's still cloudy, but not creepy cloudy like yesterday.




	40. Hope Returns

**Saven 20, N.E. 1000**

  * Officially back on day shift. Have been given permission to use the training room whenever it's empty, as long as I don't break any more training dummies.
  * Um, why is everyone running and shouting?
  * So much light coming from the courtyard. Is something on fire?  
  
I don't smell any smoke?
  * IT'S THE SUN! THE SUN IS OUT!!! 😮
  * Light, I was starting to think we'd never see it again!  
  
Hang on ... there are still clouds over there. And on that side, too.  
  
Lemme climb the tower a sec.
  * It's a circle. A perfect circle empty of clouds, centered on the palace. But what is causing it?
  * The Light has returned to us.  
  
Come at me, Taim! Today, I can do anything!



**Saven 22, N.E. 1000**

  * No fair. Sumeko gets to go help Hat Guy catch the blood-sucking Shadowspawn which has been killing people in the city, but I have a cover to maintain.
  * Not saying I think it would be fun; I just feel underutilized lately.  
  
And OK, maybe it's not a good idea to be using saidin out in the city right now.



**Saven 24, N.E. 1000**

  * Look out, world; Queen Elayne is back on her feet.



**Saven 26, N.E. 1000**

  * That was a rough couple of days. Nothing new or exciting, just ... well I think Queen Elayne got caught up on an entire week of stuff in only 2 days, so everyone's a bit worn out.
  * Oh, Sumeko did say they'd killed the blood-sucker whatsit. She called it a golem or somesuch.
  * I think things have finally calmed down enough that I can take a well-deserved....  
  
Ah, nuts. Hanled just felt someone channel out in the city.
  * Wake UP, Fian.
  * That's everyone. All the guards who know who we are, plus Sumeko and a handful of other Kin. I hope it's enough.
  * Fian staying behind with the Captain-General in case this is a distraction to leave the Queen exposed. No idea what Birgitte told her was going on.
  * Approaching the building the channeling came from. Hanled thinks whoever it is is still holding saidin. If he can feel it from here ... Light, I hope it isn't Taim.
  * Have the building surrounded. It's one of those little palaces on the hill just below the Queen's. Hanled's going in the front while I cover the rear. No way to stop them weaving a gateway out—at least until we can see them—but it's all we've got.
  * Light, Sumeko feels someone channeling saidar inside, too. Maybe this isn't such a good—  
  
Too late. Hanled's gone in. He feels focused, and not nearly as afraid as I am.
  * We're going in too. No time to waste. Nice work on that door, Su.
  * I hear shouting. This way!
  * I think Hanled's arrived. Surprise ... something hit him. One more door, and—  
  
Oof!
  * They shielded Sumeko, but not me. I freed her and knocked the lady out. Su got the guy behind the door. Almost to Hanled.
  * Room is full of black coats. Three or four, and some shawls, and Hanled strung up with Air, talking to....  
  
Light, it's LOGAIN!
  * I have never saluted so quickly in my life. Please don't kill me, we're on your side!
  * Prove it, he says. Come on, look at these uniforms. Do you think the Queen of Andor is working with Taim?
  * I knew I should have actually changed into my Guardswoman uniform instead of just using mask of mirrors over my maid's dress.  
  
Well, it's not like they actually have me shielded. How do I look in black?
  * Hah, now he recognizes me.
  * Logain wants to know why he can't make a gateway to the Black Tower itself.  
  
Uh ... what?
  * Whoa there, Sumeko. I dunno what beef you have with Logain's Aes Sedai, but you should probably cool it for now. We're outnumbered.
  * I swear we had no idea that the Black Tower was blocked from gateways. We've been on the deserter's list ever since we found out Taim was a Darkfriend.
  * Yes I have proof. I'm not going up against the M'Hael over a vague suspicion.
  * Can everyone release the source now? Please?  
  
Thanks. 
  * Uh, someone should probably let the Captain-General know that the Black Tower is NOT about to descend upon the palace.
  * Logain kicked all the Aes Sedai and guards out so he could talk to Hanled in private. For a second he looked like he was about to oust me too, but he looked at my (illusory yes, but still earned) sword pin and let me stay. Thanks.
  * Well that's absolutely peachy. I finally have a chance to show the Lord Dragon proof of Taim's betrayal, and he ... already knows about it. He sent Logain and company to deal with it.
  * Hang on though; we can still help. We have a man on the inside.
  * Logain trying to give us orders, and I suddenly realized ... we're under his command, now. Our oath to Birgitte was that we would obey her until the Lord Dragon sent for us. If Logain was sent by the Lord Dragon....  
  
I guess my days as a bodyguard are over.
  * Or not? Hanled convinced him that Queen Elayne is important to the Lord Dragon, and she's still in danger from Taim.
  * Or maybe it was the sky that convinced him. He says it's been clear like that wherever the Lord Dragon goes lately, and part of why he came here is that he Traveled outside the Black Tower and could see from there that it was also clear over Caemlyn.
  * I did have the satisfaction of telling him that our messenger (Naris) was not under his command, but that I'm sure she will cooperate if he asks politely.
  * Headed back to the palace with one of Logain's guys (he's in disguise of course). This is surreal.
  * We have actual ORDERS. Orders to do what we've been doing, for now, but ... it feels so nice to be official again.  
  
I'm not going to completely relax until my name is officially off the deserters' list and Taim is dead, but it's a start!
  * Welp, the Captain-General is Not Happy. We convinced her it was in the Queen's best interests to stick around, but she was this close to taking the spectacles back.
  * She is also not comfortable giving Welyn (the Dedicated Logain sent with us) unrestricted access to one of the Queen's tirewomen. Myself or Hanled are to be present at all times when he's speaking with her.
  * I guess actually it will be Hanled most of the time. One of us (meaning Naris and me) needs to be in the Queen's chambers in case she needs anything. Bah.
  * Hanled says Venson couldn't make a gateway from inside the Black Tower either. Welyn left to report back to Logain, but left orders that one or the other of us is to report to him each morning and evening.  
  
I guess we forgot to mention Fian was with us. Will need to remedy that.
  * Still mulling over everything Logain said earlier. The thing about the clouds breaking wherever the Lord Dragon is bothers me the most. I mean, not "bothers" like I'm worried or anything, just that I can't stop thinking about it.
  * Clearly the Lord Dragon isn't here in the palace—not if Logain has seen him elsewhere. The only time the clouds have returned here was when the Queen went out to the wall yesterday. The circle ... followed her.
  * All I can think of is that they've both come up with a weave that pushes the Shadow back. But if Elayne is renewing the weave every morning or whenever, she's inverting the flows because I've never seen her do it.
  * Also if she is then she hasn't told the Captain-General what she's doing because Birgitte seems as ignorant of its cause as the rest of us.
  * Speculating won't get this dress clean.
  * I volunteered to make the evening report since I'm usually up so late anyway. The Captain-General gave me an escort, but of course they had to stay outside.
  * Now I'm waiting for Logain, which I'm sure is his payback for busting in on them earlier.  
  
He should know better than to gate this close to a palace owned by an Aes Sedai.
  * Apparently this place used to be owned by a VERY rich merchant who followed Logain back when he proclaimed himself as the Dragon. Guy was killed by a mob, but nobody told his servants about it. They just kept running things, waiting for him to come back.
  * They were QUITE freaked out when Logain showed up, but it looks like he's got them calmed down. Mostly. They're a bit relieved to see my Guardswoman uniform.
  * Sorry, my dudes, this one's just a cover. Here's my true colors.
  * Sometimes I feel like I've spent more time wearing an illusory black coat than a real one. :/
  * I HEARD THAT. I swear if one more person makes a crack about how they "knew" I was "really a man...."
  * Logain wondering why I showed up so late. Well sorry, but I'm only the Queen's personal tirewoman. I rarely go to bed before she does.
  * Welyn giving me some serious side-eye. No, I'm not going to explain.
  * Logain kicked Welyn out. Wants to know what's really up with me. How I can channel saidin when he KNOWS I'm a woman.  
  
I guess I am explaining after all. :P (Just not to Welyn.)
  * Logain agrees that Taim is a jerk for giving me this ter'angreal. Not that I think I would do anything differently if I had it to do over again.
  * I apologized for lashing out at him that one time. Even if it was what put me on Taim's scent in the first place.
  * I told him there's still people loyal to him inside the wall. Venson, though he pretends to play both sides. Androl and his group. Most of the new recruits.
  * Er, Logain really wants my spectacles. I told him they're on loan from the Queen—via the Captain-General—and not mine to give.
  * I guess I'm leaving now.



**Saven 27, N.E. 1000**

  * Hanled says Logain's group is scouting around the Black Tower today, looking for a way in that Taim doesn't have covered. Good luck with that.
  * If they do find one, I expect they'll want us to join them in retaking the place. Preparing some alibis in case we need to be out of the palace for a while.
  * Logain didn't manage to scout the whole wall before someone spotted them. They're going back tomorrow, and want Fian to join them. :P Hanled will split the night shift with him tonight, so at least he won't have to start out exhausted.



**Saven 28, N.E. 1000**

  * Sounds like Logain was NOT happy with Fian's performance today. He INSISTS that it be Hanled or I going tomorrow.  
  
I'm really not clear on what exactly we'll be doing; I'm sure they must have finished scouting today.
  * So Hanled and I have decided to plan as if we're making an assault on the Black Tower tomorrow. If not, then great, but ... it's something that should have happened months ago.
  * Somehow I can't make myself believe that everything might change tomorrow. We've grown so comfortable with our life here, we're starting to forget how many people would rather see us dead.




	41. Return to the Black Tower

**Amadaine 1, N.E. 1000**

  * Sent Hanled off to meet with Logain. If I'm lucky, I'll get a head's up before they go anywhere. Right now though I've gotta pretend like everything is peachy and fine.
  * Currently waiting for the Queen's midwife to finish up her morning checkup. Pretty sure no village woman ever had a midwife weigh them every morning. Or even visit, for that matter. #PalaceLife
  * Been so distracted the last couple days that I forgot to mention—Prince Gawyn showed up the other day. I never even got a good look at him before he left again.
  * I DID get a glimpse from across the courtyard once, but all I could tell was that he walks like a Warder. They say he's Warder-trained, which is unusual for the Southlands.
  * Naris is clearly distracted by something. I had to do half of the hair ornaments myself.
  * She says Venson is on edge. Arguing with someone.
  * Naris? What is—NARIS, calm down! You're scaring people!  
  
Sorry, she just, er, saw a ghost. Nothing to see here.  
  
Light, I'd better take her to my room.
  * Naris, slow down. I can't ... Ok, Venson is in trouble; I get it. Can you be more specific, though?
  * This is not good. Very very not good.  
  
Whatever they're doing to Venson, he's in too much pain to talk to Naris about it. They must be on to him.  
  
We've got to get him out of there, NOW.
  * I think I can catch up with Logain; Hanled at least hasn't left the city yet. I just need to find....  
  
Deni! Will you let the Captain-General know we have a situation? Tell her to consult with Naris; I need to reach our mutual friend in the city.
  * Fian, wake UP. I know you're tired, but it's an emergency.  
  
At least you don't have a taint-induced hallucination waiting to take over when you're low on sleep. Now man up and get dressed.
  * Deni says the Captain-General is busy escorting some old friends to see the Queen, but has given us both permission to go.  
  
Hang on—I'd better grab my black coat. You too, Fian; I'll weave us a disguise for the walk out.
  * Darn it, Hanled is moving. We'll need a gateway to catch up now.  
  
Not until we're OUTSIDE the ward, dummy; if this is a diversion, that might be the only warning Captain-General Birgitte has.
  * Guess I could have given Hanled a hint of why we were coming, heh.
  * They're disguised as a merchant caravan. Clever, but leans a bit heavily toward women with all of their bonded Aes Sedai. If any of them have riding skirts to change into, I could ... no?  
  
Will have to go as is, then.
  * Logain says Fian is my responsibility. As in, if he can't keep his mouth shut, it's on me. :P  
  
Otherwise, the plan isn't changing much from what they have already.
  * Really though, those Aes Sedai would be better off disguised as washer women looking for work.
  * So the plan is pretty straightforward, really. We get up to the gates and Logain's folks all link with their Aes Sedai to overpower the gate guards. Then we go looking for Taim. Hanled, Fian, and I will go in disguise and search for Venson, since we can't link.
  * We're going in through one of the gaps in the wall. Welyn saw a couple of people we can disguise ourselves as, and Taim's main crew still goes in and out through the gaps to stretch their legs or whatever. Since it's only 3 of us, should go unnoticed.
  * I've never actually walked from Caemlyn to the Black Tower before. Every minute we take is another in which Venson might break and tell Taim everything. It's cold of me to think that way but that's really the most important factor here.
  * Hang in there, Venson. We're coming as fast as this cart horse can walk. :/
  * Oh good; now that we're past all those mercenary camps, Logain has decided we'll use a gateway to shave a league or so from our walk. Still need to walk the last mile or two though. Taim used to scout pretty far out, and I'm sure he hasn't changed his mind about that.
  * Whoa, trippy. I've never watched someone weave while linked before! It's like ... like the weave is more COMPLETE, with saidar filling in holes that I never realized were there before.
  * Time for Hanled, Fian, and I to split off. Fian knows which gap we're going for; just have to keep him from panicking on our way in.
  * Disguise time.  
  
Hopefully none of the guys we're disguised as are on the wall watching. >_>
  * So here's the plan. Fian, you've been inside Taim's palace before, so you're with me. Hanled, you check out the outer buildings in case they have him there. Also, if you spot Androl or anyone, then send them to help at the gate.
  * Time to go in.  
  
Good, we passed the walls without comment.
  * Strong feeling of déjà vu right now.
  * Unchallenged up to the palace. Man, this place feels empty.  
  
Hopefully that will make a difference in our favor. Even if there are a lot of Taim's favorites here, they're no match against a linked....  
  
No. No no no no. Not good.
  * That was one of the Black Ajah who escaped the dungeons. There are women who can channel here.  
  
Women who can link.
  * Play it COOL, Fian. Straight face. Now, someone has to tell Logain before it's too late.  
  
Hanled's closest. If I can remember that code ... "Warn Logain; Black Ajah here." Please make it in time!
  * Argh, does this place not have a dungeon or something? That seems so out of character.
  * He's not here. Not unless they've moved him into the speedy room, in which case I don't think I can reach him. T_T
  * Hanled says there's a commotion at the gates. He didn't get there in time to stop it.  
  
Come on Fian, we have to help!
  * No no no. The guys we're disguised as are both between us and the gate. Back away. Quickly!
  * Hanled's out. He says Logain and some of the others got away, but half of the rest are missing.  
  
They've jumped back to Caemlyn.
  * Don't panic, Fian. Breathe. Now, I'm going to change our disguises, and then we're going to see if there's anything we can do. Come on; strut.
  * Hard to see what's going on. Wait ... there's something. They've got people with sacks over their heads. I can't tell who they've caught.  
  
They're headed toward the unfinished section of the palace?
  * They're not letting anyone follow. Claiming they've caught some thieves who tried to leave with Black Tower goods.  
  
Fian, can you slap an inverted finder on one of them from here?
  * It's no good; we're not getting through until the crowd disperses. Just hunker down and wait.  
  
If we're lucky, they'll lead us right to Venson. If we're luckier, they'll quit torturing Venson and focus on these new guys.
  * Sorry, I'm just being pragmatic. More people to interrogate means maybe a little longer before any one of them breaks.
  * I was right. Hanled says (via Naris) that they've eased up on Venson. He wants me to get out now, but I won't do that to Naris. I left him behind once; I'm not doing it again.
  * Crowd has dispersed. Now if Fian would stop arguing and lead the way, I could find out where they've taken everyone.
  * This is ... really creepy. Footprints lead into the construction site, straight to what looks like a tunnel entrance. Two guards standing watch, pretending not to be.
  * Time to take risks. Fian, you get to be Mishraile. I'll go as Taim. Chin up, put on a sneer. No, you cannot back out now. You're the only one who can follow a finder.
  * Good thing there wasn't a password or something. And also that Taim or Mishraile hasn't already gone in today.  
  
Where to?
  * Voices up ahead. I think we've found them.
  * Some kind of cells, scraped into the dirt. I think ... yes! There he is!
  * As it happens, I have been practicing my lock-picking.
  * All right, Fian—time to get out of here.  
  
I said go. No, I'm not coming with you. I'm going to give you a head start before I open any more of these cells.
  * Good luck, Venson. Here; have a disguise. I know this guy came down here a few minutes ago.
  * Now that I'm alone, my heart is pounding in my chest. How long should I wait?  
  
How long CAN I wait?
  * Tied off a mask of mirrors making it look like Venson is still in there. Hope it's enough.  
  
Now on to the other cells.
  * Looks like they've caught several Aes Sedai—one of them Logain's—and two of his Asha'man.  
  
They're asleep ... but not shielded?
  * Light, it's forkroot. There's nothing I can do for forkroot. :( No choice but to get out of here before someone spots me.
  * Argh, there's someone coming. If I can squeeze against the wall and make myself invisible....
  * Come ON, move past me already. T_T
  * Urk. Inside that black cloak ... it has no eyes! Can't move ... can't think ... did it see me?? Light preserve us, a Fade in the Black Tower!
  * It walked on past. It's just through that door ... Light, I thought I knew what terror was. I'm still afraid to breathe.
  * Have to get out. Have to ... which way was the exit?  
  
I think ... I hope it's this one.
  * Dead end. Don't panic; at least I know it's not that one. Um. I'll need a disguise once I'm out into the daylight again. Not Taim—he'll probably be here any minute. Someone else.
  * Nensen. I saw Nensen come this way. Light, please let this be the right way!
  * Someone coming again. No sweat; I'm just an everyday Darkfriend who knows there are Fades in the foundation of Taim's palace. I can just idly step past....
  * It's that Black Ajah lady again. No big deal. Nod and walk on.  
  
Why is she looking at me that way??
  * Oh it's because she's being followed by NENSEN. THE REAL NENSEN IS HERE AND HE SAW ME AND HE'S PANICKING.  
  
I'M SURROUND—AAAAAGH!
  * Let me go! It's a mistake, I'm one of Taim's Asha'man! Tell him....  
  
Oh no. He's here.
  * Thought ... I was dead back there. He took my ter'angreal ... shoved me in a cell. Let Nensen shove some forkroot down my throat, for appearances? Gave instructions to double the guard and enact a password protocol.  
  
Then he promised when he came back he would teach me pain.
  * Hanled ... I'm sorry. I don't think I'm walking away from this one.
  * Someone down the hall screaming. I know that voice ... that's Welyn.  
  
Light, how long until it's my turn?
  * Hanled says ... he says Venson escaped, but Fian hasn't returned. Venson lost track of him inside the Black Tower, and kept walking until he was out. I haven't seen Fian brought in here, though. Where is he??
  * Venson is telling Hanled what happened to him. If I'm translating right ... Venson decided to spy on Taim in the hope that he could get some good intel for Logain, but it backfired.
  * Thing is, they weren't torturing him for information. They had him in a room with thirteen Myrddraal and thirteen of Taim's Asha'man, weaving something through them at him. He says ... he says he could feel the Shadow inside him, trying to choke out the Light.
  * Hanled wants to know exactly where I am so he can rescue me. The lovable fool.  
  
Don't you see that's exactly what they'll be expecting? Taim might even make it easier to get inside the grounds just so he can catch Logain when he tries to rescue his Aes Sedai.
  * Light, how can one man keep screaming for that long?
  * He finally stopped, but it was so abrupt. Did they ... is he dead, or...?
  * Someone coming. Several someones. Please, Light, don't let it be my turn.
  * It's ... it's Welyn! So he is alive. Are they putting him back in a cell?
  * No, he's ... standing there laughing at something Nensen said. Like they're FRIENDS.
  * Oh, I get it. They're playing a cruel joke on his bonded Aes Sedai. Not-Welyn called her Jenare.  
  
I didn't realize there was anyone else awake in here. Did they run out of forkroot?
  * Jenare has figured out it's not him. She's shrieking, making sure everyone else hears her.  
  
We get it, Jenare. They're creeps who like to use disguises.
  * They're dragging her from her cell. I hate that I'm glad it isn't me. Not-Welyn pretending to be upset that she won't come with him willingly. Cut it out, creep; you're not fooling anyone.
  * They've started. Not-Welyn standing there flinching, like he's actually feeling ... no. No, that can't be the real Welyn. He would never ... never let anyone do that to someone he's bonded to. And his eyes....  
  
Taim, what have you done to him!?
  * Welyn, why won't you fight them? I know you love her! I've seen the way you look at her, the Light help you both! WHY?
  * He looked right at me, eyes as empty as a broken vase. He said, "It's the only way. You'll see, once they show you the truth."
  * I've learned a valuable lesson today. There are worse things Taim can do than torture and kill me.  
  
He can force me to turn my loved ones over to the Shadow.
  * Hanled? Are you listening?  
  
I need you to promise me something. When they take me ... when it's my turn ... promise me you'll release the bond.
  * I've seen what they did to Welyn, and I don't want you to feel that.  
  
No please, just listen. One of us has to survive to fight Tarmon Gai'don. You can't throw your life away seeking revenge—and I don't want you to feel me die.  
  
I can't let them do this to you, too.
  * Now he wants to know what they did to Welyn, but I can't tell him. If he knows, he'll hold out hope that I'm still alive ... but it won't be me. I'll be a shell; a creature of the Shadow living inside my dead face. It's better for him not to know.
  * Burn me, why didn't I hide a knife or something sharp in my ... well not my boot; they took those. But someplace. The heroes in the stories are always hiding knives in their boots or stockings or whatever. Anything to deny the Shadow one more soldier.
  * Just because I didn't expect anyone to feed me doesn't make the hunger any better. Someone did stop by to dose us all with forkroot, so at least I won't die of dehydration before Taim gets to me.  
  
Really think I'd prefer that, come to think of it.
  * It's gone quiet again. Never thought I would prefer the sound of screaming to silence. Who's next?
  * Out she comes ... being dragged, and weeping. They didn't break her.
  * The rest filing out. Black Ajah, and ... no. Dreadlords, all of them.  
  
Looks like whatever they did to Welyn and Jenare, it takes a lot out of them. Maybe they're done for the night?
  * Maybe Taim will forget about me until morning....  
  
Yeah I knew that was too good to be true.
  * AHHH!  
  
Can't ... give in to the pain. Have to ... face him on my feet. 
  * This ... isn't so bad, really. Not compared ... to what I know he's capable of. I guess ... he wants me lucid enough ... to answer questions.
  * He wants to know ... if I intended to betray him all along, or if ... I just did it because I failed.  
  
I tried so hard ... to spit in his face. Mouth is too dry.
  * I told him the Lord Dragon knows what he is now. Who he serves.  
  
He laughed.
  * He says I'm lucky that what they did to Welyn ... can't be used on me. Or maybe unlucky. Because now he has no excuse ... not to torture me until I die from the pain.
  * Now he says he'll talk to me in the morning? Isn't he going t—AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
  * Son of a goat ... tied the weave.... Hurts too much to see. Oh Light, the pain!  
  
LIGHT, PLEASE HAVE MERCY AND LET ME DIE.




	42. Sleepless

**Amadaine 2, N.E. 1000**

  * Am I dead? Suddenly the pain ... stopped. Where...? Still in a cell. Weave must have ... come untied. Maybe now ... I can ... sleep.
  * Please, can't you let me sleep?  
  
Ugh. I've changed my mind; I hate the taste of forkroot.
  * What time is it? Did Hanled...? No, he's still here in the back of my head. Told you not to hold on to me through the pain. Stupid.  
  
No but really, what time is it?
  * He says morning. Still no sign of Fian. Meanwhile the Queen has had all kinds of visitors. Her brother (the other one), that Lord with the yellow eyes who I met at the Wells, even her mother, back from the dead after all this time.
  * A shame. I really would have liked ... to meet Queen Morgase. I wonder if that will cause problems now that Elayne has been crowned? Not my concern anymore.
  * Someone in there screaming already. Probably what's-her-face. Jenare. Doesn't matter. I'm sure I can sleep through it.
  * Or not. Is that ... is that FIAN coming in with Mishraile? Light, did they turn you that quickly?
  * His eyes ... it looks like him. Now he's apologizing?  
  
Fian, no. How could you give in to the Shadow? Wait, apologizing for what? WHAT DID YOU TELL THEM, FIAN?!
  * Mishraile saying I don't need to be Turned because the Shadow is already inside me waiting to come out. No. Fian, please tell me you didn't!
  * Mishraile ... weaving something. Can't see what, but feel it taking hold of me. His lips moving.  
  
"Don't sleep," he says.
  * It's Dolyn. They're trying to make Dolyn come out. She's already here, clawing for control. All she needs is for me to lose my hold on her.
  * Mishraile says he has a "parting gift from M'Hael." What does tha— AAARGH! NOT AGAIN!
  * Think ... I'm starting to get used to this. Either that ... or Mishraile doesn't ... weave it right.  
  
Have to get word to Hanled ... about Fian.
  * No good. He can't sense it ... over the rest of my pain.  
  
Must be ... something else I can do.
  * Pounded my knuckles raw ... but I think he got it this time.
  * Found ... something they missed. Seashell necklace from Hanled.  
  
Think I can file the edge ... make something sharp enough to end this.
  * Burn you Taim, why did you have to come back now?
  * "Kneel, and the pain will stop."  
  
I will never kneel to you! Bloody Darkfriend!
  * Must hold back the rage. Can't let Dolyn win! Just have to hold her ... until he's gone. Until Hanled lets go. PLEASE, LET ME GO!
  * I'm not talking to you, Shadow-sworn filth! Go bathe in your own excrement!
  * HANLED PLEASE!
  * He's ... he's finally gone. Now I can....  
  
No, you can't take that from me! Burn you Taim, let me die!
  * I'm sorry ... I can't hold her back any longer.  
  
I've failed. Everything I've ever done ... ended in failure. And now ... I've....



#####

  * **I'VE WON. BURN YOU ASHALYN. BURN YOU TAIM. I'LL KNEEL, YOU FLAMING SON OF A GOAT-KISSING SWINE.**
  * **YOU SAID IT WOULD STOP IF WE KNELT.**
  * **I'LL GROVEL. I'LL KISS YOUR FEET. I'LL....**  
  
**I'LL BRING YOU LOGAIN!**
  * **Shut up, Ashalyn! We're only here because you're too chicken to do what needs to be done!**
  * **That's right, cry! You're never taking control of me again. You heard Mishraile—we can't sleep now. We're Compelled to stay awake for the rest of our miserable life. Haha!**
  * **Burn you, Taim! You can't leave me in here. I said we would serve you!**
  * **Hey—I'm still hungry in here!**
  * **Finally he comes back.**  
  
**All right, all right, I'm kneeling.**
  * **He wants to know how he can trust me not to turn on him.**  
  
**Hey, as long as you keep me from sleeping, I'm yours. I'm sick of being stuck inside someone else's head.**  
  
**Shut up, Ashalyn.**
  * **He says I'm not to call him Mazrim Taim anymore. He's just "M'Hael"—the newest of the ... of what he calls the "Chosen." Burn me, I'm standing in the presence of one of the Forsaken.**
  * **Fine, I'll grovel, if it keeps me alive. I'll even follow his orders. ...For exactly as long as it takes me to kill him.**
  * **Ashalyn acting like she's surprised. Of course I hate him. I AM hatred. All the hatred and rancor you kept buried inside.**
  * **So let's talk. You want Logain; I can get him for you.**  
  
**Yes, I know Fian told you where he was staying. I also know he was long gone the minute he lost a man inside these walls.**
  * **You don't even know, do you? That you've got his favorite Aes Sedai in that cell over there. She's all you need.**  
  
**Turn her? ...Sure, that might work, but he could simply release the bond to prevent you from tracking him. What you need is for her to think she escaped.**
  * **So here's what you do. Stick Gabrelle in your torture chamber, but pull her out before she breaks. Play like something's come up, then "forget" to dose her with forkroot.**
  * **I'll tell her I saw the way out when I came in to rescue Venson. It's even the truth. Let her weave disguises on us and slip out—she won't know she's supposed to have a password.**
  * **She'll take me straight to Logain, but you'll have someone shadowing us, someone who will watch her weave the gateway and match it exactly. You'll also slap finders on both of us in case she's smart enough to invert it.**
  * **There's one hitch. I'm not strong enough to disable Logain myself—assuming I am allowed to channel again, Great One—so I'll need something. A ter'angreal, or an object with a trigger weave placed on it. Something which can shield or incapacitate him when he touches it.**
  * **Don't fool yourself into thinking ... sorry, I misspoke. Don't allow yourself to be tempted into using Welyn for this. I barely know him and I can see that he's ... different. Logain will know with a glance—probably Gabrelle will, too—that there's something wrong with him.**
  * **Use me. Let me make up for Ashalyn's defiance in protecting Elayne. Let me prove that I'll never serve the Light again.**
  * **He bought it. Good. Now I just have to wait while they soften up Gabrelle for me.**
  * **Hang on Ta— I mean ... Great One, if I might be permitted ... a meal?**
  * **That was ... a definite maybe on the meal. I'd better not hold my breath.**
  * **Bread and water. Typical.**  
  
**Looks like Gabrelle got it, too. Apparently she has to be off the forkroot for Taim's whatsit to work.**
  * **No, I am not going to call him M'Hael or Great Lord in our head. I might go with "Almighty Poser," though, if I can remember not to say it out loud.**
  * **They're taking her in. Finally. 🙄**
  * **As much as I would hate to let Crybaby take over again, this whole no sleep thing is really distracting.**  
  
**What I need is a way to get her out of my head, permanently.**




	43. The Waiting Shadow

  * **Aren't they done with her yet? I thought the idea was to NOT turn her first?**
  * **Oh good, here she comes. Never thought I'd see an Aes Sedai blubber like that.  
  
No, I don't feel bad for her. Shut up. **
  * **Now the ruse begins. Some probably-fabricated commotion down the hall. I hear Nensen complaining that he's sick of holding her shield, and where's that forkroot tea?**
  * **Here comes someone with a wineskin. Are we ... not doing my version of the plan, then?**
  * **Ok, maybe? He's all, "Tie her shield off and get out there. I'll get to her in a minute."**
  * **I hear ... a lot of muttering and swearing.  
  
Oh, he's dropped the wineskin. Now he's running off for another one. **
  * **Wish I could see how loose the knot on that shield is. Knowing these idiots they've barely tied it, and she'll be suspicious.**
  * **On the other hand ... how long is it gonna take her to break through that knot? I'm already climbing the walls with boredom here.**
  * **Boredboredboredbored.  
  
Hey Ashalyn, snap out of your funk! I need someone to torment.  
  
Well that's lame. She's not even coherent anymore. **
  * **I think she's almost through the shield. Can hear her muttering to herself.**
  * **Gotta practice my lines. "Please, let me out! If you help me, I'll show you the way out! Light, have mercy!"  
  
Um, that's definitely not right. Burn me, but I had it earlier. **
  * **Hang on—I'm still missing something. Nobody has brought me anything I can use to subdue Logain. In a minute it's gonna be too late for....  
  
Blood and ashes; she's out. **
  * **Now she's checking the other cells—finding what Ashalyn did. They're all still drugged.  
  
Hey, I'm awake! Let me out and I'll—oof. **
  * **Oh, that's right. These "Lightfriend" types are all about helping each other for nothing. Ashalyn, you should have reminded me about that.**
  * **All right, well it's time to improvise.  
  
Not that way! It's a dead end. **
  * **This one. But be quiet; there's guards at the end of it.  
  
No, like ACTUALLY QUIET! Chatterbox. **
  * **She ... killed the guards?? I thought Aes Sedai couldn't ... oh. Darkfriends. Taim's gonna....  
  
Hang on. I know those faces—those are servants from the palace.  
  
I am actually a little bit impressed by Taim's deviousness there. **
  * **She wants me to handle the disguises. Uh, sorry lady but I can't actually channel anymore. Taim ... took that from me.  
  
Don't look at me with pity! You have no idea what I'm about to do to you.  
  
Flaming Aes Sedai. **
  * **Phew. For a second there I thought maybe she didn't know mask of mirrors.  
  
Now, hurry to the wall. There's a gap—right there. **
  * **They're not going to let anyone out this time of night without questions. Can you invert an invisibility weave?**
  * **Oh for crying out ... you just, make the light bend AROUND you instead of changing your appearance.**
  * **Apparently that's too complex a concept for Miss Prissy Pants.  
  
Fine; make us look like we're part of the ground. You CAN do that, right? **
  * **Now CRAWL, lady. Crawl like your life depends on it.**
  * **I think someone spotted us. RUN!  
  
Also, trying weaving a gateway! I don't care where—if it works, it works! **
  * **Phew. Can't believe we made it.  
  
No, like I really can't. This gal makes Fian look competent.  
  
If Ashalyn were awake she'd probably make some overly detailed explanation about how they're not trained as weapons, blah blah blah. **
  * **How do these little girls expect to fight Shadowspawn if they're afraid to get their hands dirty?**
  * **Uh, where are we going, anyway?**
  * **SHADAR LOGOTH? What in ... in the Light possessed you to Skim to Shadar Logoth??**
  * **It's "safe" now? What do you mean by "safe?"**
  * **Ok, fine, whatever. Shadar Logoth it is.**
  * **You sure we're there? It looks almost as black through that hole as it does in here.  
  
All right, I'm coming. **
  * **So now what? We're just gonna sit here and wait for Tai— I mean Logain to find us?  
  
Ok then. 🙄 **
  * **You don't want to, like ... go to where he is, at all?  
  
"No, in case we were followed."  
  
Ok I can play the waiting game if I have to. ...Probably. **
  * **So, uh ... you Red Ajah, or what?  
  
Brown. Huh. What exactly made a Brown decide to come try to gentle the ENTIRE Black Tower? **
  * **Hey look at that; I got her talking about herself. I knew this small talk stuff couldn't be that hard.**
  * **Now how do I get her to shut up? Yawnsville, seriously.**
  * **I don't look so good? Well duh. I just crawled out of the same prison you did.  
  
Sleep? Heh. I don't think I'll ever sleep again. **
  * **Now she thinks she's upset me by reminding me that I've been "burned out." Seriously, just take your empathy and shove it up your— Hey, what's this?**
  * **Ugh, it's a skull! I was sitting on somebody's rotting skull!  
  
Trolloc, by the looks of it. Wonder how it got here. **
  * **Ok, uh ... so, I'll take the first watch I guess.**
  * **Even though you've probably been sleeping for like, a day and a half, now.**
  * **I'm fine, I promise. Just don't want, uh ... nightmares.**
  * **Burn you Mishraile. You couldn't have ordered me to like, "sleep no more than two hours a night," or "sleep only long enough to keep Ashalyn at bay?" Did it have to be none at all?**
  * **What're you doing up? I told you I'd take this watch. ...Almost dawn? Why, I'm not tired at all. You might as well catch a few more Zs.  
  
No really, you don't need to weave sleep on m— **




	44. Homecomings

**Amadaine 3, N.E. 1000**

  * **Ugh, why do I feel like I've been hit by a ... yikes, I've been asleep! How long?**  
  
**Well I still have control, so at least it wasn't THAT long. Stupid Aes Sedai. Do you realize what you could have done??**
  * **Now I've gotta deal with Ashalyn whining at me again. Why did I ever think she was an interesting conversationalist?**
  * **Hey I thought this was Shadar Logoth? All I see is a big stupid lake.**
  * **Gabrelle is all "I don't remember you being this pessimistic."**  
  
**Well excuse me. I've only lost my ability to channel, then been locked in a cage for I don't even know how long, then when I finally think I'm free I get stuck on the shore of Lake Logoth waiting for your man friend.**
  * **If you want me to be all smiles and sunshine, you'll have to ... uh, definitely not put me to sleep or remove this Compulsion which I am totally not going to tell you about, actually.**  
  
**Some food would help. And clean clothes.**
  * **Come on Ashalyn—you're the nice one. Help me out here.**  
  
**Fine, be that way. Stubborn little crybaby.**
  * **What is it? Did you feel ... he's coming closer, isn't he?**  
  
**About flaming time.**
  * **I still have no idea what the plan is. Do I just ... follow them until Taim catches up?**
  * **Here they are. They look almost as battered and sorry as we do.**
  * **Wow, Logain is cold. Gabrelle wants him to rescue the others, but he's not listening—even after she explained what happened to Welyn.**
  * **Opening a gateway to ... somewhere.**  
  
**Hang on, whose footprints are those over there? We never....**  
  
**There's another one. There's someone here, invisible, trying to get through the gate while walking slow.**
  * **Idiot. Taim, you really picked some losers, didn't you?**  
  
**Fine, whatever. "Oh I'm sorry, I think I dropped something in these bushes."**
  * **Getting closer ... don't walk into Mezar, you idiot ... and he's through.**  
  
**"Lol, it was in my pocket the whole time."**
  * **Well, this place is ... quaint. No idea where Invisible Man got to, or what his game is. Guess I'll just keep people distracted.**
  * **Yikes, he's right behind me. Sorry—just a spider crawling down my collar.**  
  
**That voice ... it's Mishraile. He says "Distract Logain and I'll handle the rest."**  
  
**Son of a goat still has that angreal I stole, doesn't he?**
  * **Distract him with what? All I have is this sword I took off one of the dead servants disguised as a guard.**
  * **It's going down! Gateways everywhere. Whoops, did I just stab Gabrelle? Mistakes happen. Hurry, heal her!**
  * **And, BAM—it's over. Looks like we won.**
  * **You know what's fun? Taunting someone who's bigger, stronger, and could kill you with a thought—if he wasn't wrapped in Air from head to toe and shielded.**
  * **"You know he's going to kill you if he ever gets free."—Ashalyn the loser.**  
  
**Yeah, good luck with getting out of the Black Tower, Master failed false Dragon.**
  * **"Or they could Turn him and you'll be licking his boots."**  
  
**SHUT UP, ASHALYN.**
  * **All right Mishraile—I'm coming. And I can talk to myself if I bloody well want to.**
  * **It's weird that Taim's palace suddenly feels like home.**  
  
**Oh, we're kneeling, now?**
  * **Mishraile glossing over the part where I saved his bacon.**  
  
**At least he gave me some of the credit.**
  * **Taim sent away everyone but me. I hate lying with my face to the ground, so I can't see what he's doing.**
  * **He says I have exactly one more chance to serve him. Failure or betrayal means death. Duh.**  
  
**He also warns me not to let anyone try to remove Mishraile's Compulsion weave. "Maybe Semirhage knows how to do it safely, but no one else in this Age does."**  
  
**Yeah, won't be asking her.**
  * **So am I getting my ter'angreal back, or...?**  
  
**Oh. Mishraile has them.**  
  
**I have twenty minutes to get cleaned up and eat, then we're off to do something in Caemlyn.**  
  
**Really? Does it have to be there?**
  * **My old rooms, which Ashalyn never appreciated. What's this on the desk...?**  
  
**Oh, it's that book she wouldn't shut up about. Haha! Left it in the Black Tower like a dummy.**
  * **Might as well just chuck it in the fire.**  
  
**Oh, you don't like that, do you? Maybe I'll toss it in one page at a time, as your punishment for keeping me locked up this long.**
  * **No time for it now. Where's my lunch?**
  * **Oversalted beef never tasted so good. Now, where to?**
  * **Traveling ground? ...Hang on, we did come back via gateway. Is it back on, now?**  
  
**Ahh, the barrier requires a "key." Which he's not going to teach me because I can't weave a gateway anyway. Tch.**
  * **This ... this is Caemlyn, but....**  
  
**Everything's on fire. Where's the royal guard?**
  * **So that's what a Trolloc looks like when it's alive.**  
  
**No I'm not scared of them. Shut up.**
  * **I could take that, easy. No I will not prove it. They're on my side.**
  * **So what exactly is our objective, here? Looks like most of the fun happened already.**
  * **The granaries—of course. Yes I know where they are. I'll take Dobser to the one on the hill; you three split up and take the others.**
  * **Burn me, where did THEY come from? Dobser, watch—**  
  
**Too late; he's out cold. Eat fire, peasants!**
  * **That was ... pretty weaksauce. Ashalyn, stop fighting me! I've got people to slaughter.**
  * **Gah, never mind. Time to disappear.**
  * **So very tempted to take them all from behind, but I'm worried about Ashalyn trying to wrench control from me again. Burn that chit Gabrelle for thinking she knew what was best.**
  * **Found the granary. Didn't find Dobser. I think he slunk away while I was waiting for that ragtag to clear.**
  * **Surprised it didn't burn down already. Half the buildings on this street are gone.**  
  
**Whatever. Mishraile will send someone else when Dobser fails to come back. I'll just find me a cozy spot and burn some pages while I wait.**
  * **Gonna take this nice and slow, so you can watch every second. Whoops, there goes the title page.**
  * **Eh, this is no fun; she's already read these ones. Maybe I'll start at the back.**
  * **What's this clipped to the last page? A letter?**  
  
**Oh, it's a sappy love letter from Hanled. How nauseating. Though he was always pretty good at—**  
  
**Quit fighting me. You know you can't....**
  * **Stop it. I'm not letting you back out. You can't....**  
  
**I ... burn you, Asha—**




	45. A Taste of Command

  * ARGH! And you can stay there, you nasty piece of work!  
  
Light, I'm back. I don't know how long I can hold her, but I'm back.  
  
Hanled, where are you? 😭
  * The palace. Have to get to ... but I can't leave the granary undefended. Where did those armed townspeople go?
  * If I can climb this ... there! Now to get their attention.... I think that did it.
  * Not going to even try talking to them in this coat—not after what they did to Dobser. Guardswoman disguise time.
  * Er, let's add back some of the dirt and soot. Too used to weaving it nice.
  * Not a soldier among them. Just blacksmiths and tradesmen with clubs. Light, Mishraile will eat them for breakfast.  
  
But so will those Trollocs, if they keep puttering around the city. Might as well let them do some good before they die.
  * All right, listen up, folks! The Shadow wants this granary and everything in it. I want it defended until I get back with more help. Got it? Good.
  * Bite me, Dolyn. I don't care what Taim's going to do to you. When he kills us, I'll be laughing. You know why? Because it means I'll finally be rid of you.
  * Might as well weave some nasty surprises for anyone who attacks this position with saidin. I can ward an area this small, I think.  
  
Bless you, Androl.
  * The palace is ... well it's still standing, for now. And I don't see anyone channeling, but it's completely surrounded.
  * Hanled, please don't be dead!  
  
No, can't think that way. Dolyn gets stronger when I do. It's not just a lack of sleep that draws her out ... it's despair. As long as I can hold on to hope, I can keep her chained.
  * There are Queens' Guards in there—I see red uniforms. Light, those Trolloc hordes are terrifying. How can I even face that?  
  
But I have to. There are people I love inside. Some of them HAVE to be alive.
  * Have to find where they're weakest ... there. I don't have much power, but I learned something recently. With a thin enough thread of Air, I can kill a hundred Trollocs before they ever see me.
  * It's working. I'm cutting through them! Through steel and flesh alike.  
  
This is what I was made for. All those months of sweat and pain ... I am death walking.
  * That ... was exhausting. Can't hold my illusion—those men on the walls already know what I am. Hope none of them decide to shoot me.
  * Thank the Light—Deni! And one of Hanled's former minders. Where is he? ...And where is Queen Elayne?
  * Gone, before the burning started. Naris and Venson, too? ...Good.  
  
No, I don't have another of those in me just yet. And I'm not very strong—can't make a gateway.
  * Sorry. Just ... give me a few minutes. Any chance of a bite to eat? That's OK. A glass of water will be enough.
  * Deni says it's time to abandon the palace. They were only here as a distraction—under Captain Guybon's orders. There are a lot of servants and pensioners trapped in here, though. We need to get them out safely.
  * I'm sorry, the ... the rest of the Black Tower isn't coming to save us. In fact, if you see a black coat outside these walls, RUN.
  * Wait, why am I in charge? Deni, you have seniority over ... ok, fine. But only until we're clear of the city.  
  
Then I want every one of our non-combatants armed with something.
  * Practice swords, chair legs, empty bottles—I don't care. Anything to keep a few more inches between you and them.
  * Now how to get them out? ...There—the southwest corner. That's the shortest distance between the palace and the edge of the city. No targets to interest the Trollocs, either.
  * Wall, shmall—I'm an Asha'man, remember?
  * Everyone ready? Good! Now, fall back from the far wall; I want those Trollocs to break through there and leave this end undefended. I—  
  
Oh. Hi Essande. I can explain, but not right now.  
  
No, is ... is that really important right now??
  * Yes, I lied to you. Now get back in line!  
  
I can't believe that worked.
  * Cutting through a pace-thick wall of stone is a LOT harder than decapitating Trollocs. Where is Hanled when I need him?
  * There. Go! The Lugard gate is open—everybody run!  
  
Oh no you don't. Deni, watch my back! I've got some coleslaw to make.
  * Where did that Fade come from?? DENI, WATCH OUT!  
  
Burn you! BURN YOU, SHE WAS MY FRIEND!  
  
Just. BURN!!
  * Can't ... won't leave the body for Trollocs to eat. Gotta get her out ... thanks. No, keep going—all the way into the trees there. Stay under cover.
  * Can't carry her any further. Have to bury her ... won't take long.  
  
Now, that rock. I'll carve her name. Someone should come back and do it properly, if we survive.
  * Goodbye, Deni. 😭
  * Yes, this is far enough for now. They can't run any farther, and I don't think we're being followed. Now you, what's your name? Miniver. Ok, Guardsman Miniver—you're in charge from here.
  * No, just listen. I've barely slept in three days, and I'm holding onto sanity by a thread. I need you to take these things, and keep them out of my reach.  
  
Now, tie my hands—as tight as you can. Do it, NOW!
  * You can't give these back to me, or even let me know where they are, until I've had some sleep. No matter what I say or do. Got it?  
  
Good. Now, break's over. Let's get walking.
  * Look, if you get a chance, tell somebody to go back to the south granary. I left some guys there.  
  
That's ... all I've got. I'm about to get scary.



#####

  * **BURN YOU, ASHALYN. Burn you all. Let me free! Give me my things, or I'll see you all in a Trolloc cookpot!**
  * **Ugh, what happened? My jaw feels like someone tried to unhinge it. Oh, right. It was probably that guy who hit me after I told him he would look better strung up for the ravens. Heh. Good times.**
  * **Wow Ashalyn really wore herself out keeping me under that long. More fun for me.  
  
Hey guy ... uh, Miniver, right? I've been asleep, so I'm good now. You can untie this. **
  * **No really—it's me, the nice one.  
  
...Where are you going? **
  * **Essande. Scrawny old ... I mean, I'm so happy to see you! Surely you'll tell this nice man to let me go—  
  
Ow! What was that for, you wretched....  
  
Ahh. Ok, I see what you did there. Clever. I'll just have to make sure I GUT YOU SLOWLY AND STRING YOUR ENTRAILS OUT TO DRY! **
  * **You can't keep me tied to this tree forever! I'll get free, and when I do, you'll all regret you ever saw me!**
  * **Well that's great. Ten paces from a creek, and I've pissed them off so badly there's no way they'll get me a drink if I ask them.**
  * **Oh but look—what a kind, gullible soul. Thank you for the.... That's not water. I know this taste. You're trying to drug me, but it won't work! You can't make me drink that!**
  * **Urg! I guess they can make me drink it. Phaw! My tongue's falling asleep already. What was in ... that stuff....**  
  
**Kill you all ... soon as I ... wake up.**



#####

  * Hmm? We're moving. Who is carrying....  
  
Hanled! Light, how did you find me without the bond?!
  * Of course he wove finders into everything I was wearing. 😭  
  
No, I'm all right. I'm me again, but.... Oh Hanled, I lost Deni! A Fade killed her right in front of me.
  * But that's not the worst of it.  
  
Dolyn took over. Like I always knew she would. She ... I ... betrayed Logain to the Shadow. Mazrim Taim has him imprisoned in the Black Tower, and it's all because of me!
  * No—he won't just kill him. Taim is Turning people to the Shadow. He did it to Welyn ... that's why I couldn't let you come for me. I knew he would Turn you, too.
  * Light, the granaries! I left men defending one of them, told them to wait until help came, but I couldn't get back to them.  
  
I see. I knew when I gave the order that they probably wouldn't succeed, but ... I guess that's one more failure to add to my list.
  * We have to get that food back. Our armies are counting on it to get them through Tarmon Gai'don.  
  
I guess it has started, hasn't it? Who would ever have thought Caemlyn would be among the first cities to fall?
  * I have a plan ... half of a plan ... for how to get it back. But right now, I'm sorry, but I need more sleep. You'll have to use a weave on me; Mishraile did something to keep me from being able to sleep.
  * You need something from me, first? Ok, but make it quick, I'm still pretty—mmmph!  
  
Yes, that IS better. How I've missed having you in my head! 😂
  * Goodnight, my love. I'll never let you go again.




	46. Compulsion

**Amadaine 4, N.E. 1000**

  * Waking up in a strange place for the third morning in a row.  
  
I guess this is our life, now. Caemlyn is gone. I watched the palace burn as it vanished into the distance. The Black Tower is enemy territory. Maybe someday that won't be the case, but for now, we live in a war camp.
  * Does anyone know where Essande went? I feel like I need to apologize for yesterday.  
  
She evacuated to Mayene with the rest of the civilians? Well that makes sense.
  * Captain-General! I'm so glad to see you again! Can I hug you?  
  
Right, you're in uniform. Sorry. Permission to give a full report?
  * Hanled is jealous that I killed a Fade, and he hasn't so much as seen one yet.  
  
I'm sure you won't envy me for long. That was terrifying.
  * So that's where we stand. We completely muddled the liberation of the Black Tower, and there's no telling how many of our own Taim has turned already. But maybe—just maybe—I can get our food supplies back. Will you hear me out?
  * My plan is this. I will need some of our current supplies—I know we can't afford to lose any more, but it's a gamble with hundredfold returns or better. I take the supplies on foot, arrive at the Black Tower, and explain how I got separated from Dobser.
  * If Taim believes me (and doesn't murder me on the spot), then with some luck I should be able to learn where he has taken the rest of our supplies.
  * It's imperfect, incomplete, and incredibly risky, but I'm willing to walk back in there if you ask me to.
  * She says she needs to think about it. I hope she makes her decision soon, because the longer I wait, the less plausible my excuse will be.
  * You know what—I'm just going to pretend she'll say yes and get ready. Some extra mud and scratches on my boots and a few more tears in my clothing—to make it look like I walked all night. Plus I guess I'll have to undo my morning wash ... oh well.
  * Here comes Hanled, feeling glum.  
  
She said no, didn't she?
  * Oh. He's disappointed because she said yes. I guess I'll forgive him.
  * Supplies are gathered ... some good stuff in there. There's no half-empty bags padded with wool, are there? Good. I want my head on my shoulders for as long as I can keep it there.  
  
All right; let's do this.
  * Hanled says he's coming with me, and won't take no for an answer. Fine, but you need to stay outside the wall, and well-hidden. Ready with that gateway?
  * Oof, this cart is heavy.  
  
Yes, by all means, help. Just make sure you step in my bootprints.  
  
It's probably just as well that I have really big feet.
  * I think we're nearly there. Time for final preparations.  
  
Your sword pin? Why would I need.... Oh. That's actually a really great idea. Thanks.
  * Now quit pushing. If I need help from here, I'll use the Power.
  * Wait, do I look tired enough? Better rub my eyes some more.
  * About time someone spotted me. I can see the wall already.  
  
Quit shouting at me and help me drag this thing to the gates!
  * Hanled, what are you doing? I thought we agree you were staying OUTSIDE the gate?? Please don't spot him. Please nobody spot him.
  * What took me so long? I'd rather give that report to M'Hael, if you don't mind; I'm tired and I hate repeating myself.
  * Fine, I suppose Mishraile will do.  
  
Don't touch that! I stole it myself and I want all the credit!
  * Hanled is going to get us both killed. Relax, he says—from wherever he's gotten off to.  
  
I can't relax, ok? My fate rests on my ability to explain why I was missing for a full day.
  * At least pretending to be Dolyn shouldn't be hard. Just gotta act tired and angry.
  * Oh, and lots of cursing. She loves her curse words. 🙄
  * Mishraile. About time you showed up. Do you know how long these morons kept me waiting?  
  
Bite me. You might be a full Asha'man, but if I hadn't stalled for you at Lake Logoth, you'd have had a really hard time getting through Logain's gateway without being spotted.
  * Great, he's buying it. Now, challenge his gaze ... not too long—I'm angry that you're stronger than me but I'm not stupid enough to start a fight. That's it.
  * Can it, Dolyn. Of course I know what I'm doing. You learned every trick you know from watching me do it first.
  * Here comes the moment of truth—can I explain why I didn't help Dobser take the south granary?  
  
Tch. It really was too much to hope that the loser got himself killed yesterday.
  * Dobser? He was exactly zero help. Got himself knocked out by some morons with clubs who couldn't even channel.  
  
(That's good. Mishraile didn't know how Dobser got that great bloody knot on his head. Healed by now, more's the pity.) 
  * After he panicked, I got to the tower and found it defended. Didn't get a good look at the guy, though I guess his hair was cut like Fian's. I can't imagine HIM turning traitor, can you?
  * Had to retreat, but then I realized Hanled was in the palace. Wounded, or he'd have made mincemeat of those Trollocs.  
  
How did I know Hanled was there? Are you really that thick?? The M'Hael figured out we were bonded MONTHS ago!
  * Anyway, I pretended to be his ally, got the fools guarding the palace to load up the last of their goods in sacks, and then slaughtered them to a man once they'd carried it all outside the walls for me.
  * Would have made them bring it all the way here, but they weren't interested in going south.  
  
As for Hanled, I tortured him until he released the bond, then pulled his heart out through his chest.  
  
It was messier than I expected.
  * The bodies? Naw, you won't find them. I made sure we had a fist of Trollocs on our tail, to keep everyone nice and distracted. Though I did pull this off his collar as a souvenir.  
  
(Thank you, Hanled.) 
  * Nuh-uh—that's my trophy! You can have the stuff in the cart—as long as you tell Taim ... sorry, M'Hael ... where they came from.
  * Wow, the Captain-General gave me the good stuff. Couple bottles of wine, lots of salt pork, and ... are these STRAWBERRIES? Who on earth got STRAWBERRIES to produce this year?
  * Now the moment of truth. Will Mishraile give up the location of the stolen supplies?
  * Yes! "Put it with the rest," he says.
  * We're ... not headed to the Traveling ground?  
  
Oh no. No no no no.  
  
They're keeping it all HERE. On the Black Tower grounds.  
  
There's no way we're getting that much food out as long as the gateways won't work. 😧
  * See, Hanled? This is why I wanted you to stay OUTSIDE. Now we have no way of updating Birgitte on what we found.
  * I've had a meal and a wash, and Hanled STILL isn't back. What IS he doing out there?
  * (Yes I know I could ask him. He seems pretty focused though and I don't want to risk distracting him.)
  * He's on his way here. I think. Coming closer, at any rate.
  * Here he is. He's disguised as some Dedicated I haven't met. And also, soaking wet. He says it suddenly started pouring.
  * He's been out trying to find his old contacts, but couldn't get any of them alone. Even Androl's place was empty.
  * I found some of Hanled's old contacts.  
  
They live in Taim's palace, now.
  * No one has seen Androl since last night; I overheard some woman asking after him and some of his friends. They're not in the tunnels I was held in, because those collapsed—also last night. Mishraile is blaming a construction accident.
  * Hanled finally admits that his coming in with me was a mistake. He's going to try slipping out in the morning, if the rain holds, and head back to some place called Merrilor. (That's where he left Naris and Venson.)
  * I wanted him to leave tonight, but he pointed out that I won't get any sleep without his help. I had to concede.
  * For now though I need to go mingle. Too many people think I'm dead, and I wouldn't want that kind of confusion on the battlefield.
  * Looks like there's a total information lockdown in here. No one seems to know that Caemlyn is on fire ... well, that it WAS on fire before this rain started.
  * There were so many people dead in the streets. I dreamed about them, while I was drugged. Horrible nightmares I couldn't wake from. Even children....  
  
You know what? I'm not sure I'm all that tired yet. Gonna go practice with my sword.
  * This is the first time I've actually used this rain shielding weave. Never could use it in Caemlyn, even when it would have been useful.
  * Oh! Master Haslin. I know it's past curfew, but I ... Oh. He knows all about Taim's favorites and their flouting of the rules.  
  
Also, he's surprised to see me alive.
  * Look ... I feel like you're loyal to the Lord Dragon, so I'm going to tell you something straight up.  
  
Get out of the Black Tower. All of this tension ... it has to come to a head soon. Get out, if you can, and take anyone you care about with you.
  * Don't go to Caemlyn—it's not safe there. Head to Whitebridge. Don't use the roads, and don't trust anyone in a black coat that you meet out there. Not even me. I'm ... not completely sane anymore. But I guess you knew that.
  * I should ... I should go inside now. I shouldn't be seen talking to you.
  * So many new corridors since I was last here. I'd better explore them all; no telling when I might need to know my way in and out.
  * Hey, you ... what was your name ... Dessin. Does the M'Hael still do those special training sessions?
  * "Not since three Dedicated disappeared into the training room and never came out."  
  
Oof. Glad it wasn't me.
  * Though I guess that explains why Taim isn't using that place for Turning....
  * What am I doing? I need to get back to Hanled. I should go to sl— ...To slee—  
  
Burn me, I can't even think it. This could be bad.
  * Oh hey, a balcony.  
  
Is it my imagination, or does the rain just ... stop a few miles past the wall??
  * Hanled ordering me to come to bed. Ok, fine. I can do that.  
  
In fact, I can't seem to NOT do that. Even with how squirrely my thoughts went when I tried to remember the way, my feet keep moving.  
  
What the heck?
  * I didn't want to come, but here I am. Why didn't I want to come?  
  
...It's because of Mishraile's Compulsion. I couldn't walk here because I knew you would weave sleep on me.  
  
Not until you ordered me to. How did you do that?
  * You ... you used that other version of the bond weave, didn't you?? The one Logain and the others use to keep their Aes Sedai in line?  
  
Burn you, you horrible, wonderful, clever idiot of a man.
  * Where am I going? Uh ... I'm not sure but I think I'm about to turn you in. Don't try to stop me, or I'll scream for—  
  
That was close. Hanled, you have to get out of here before I do something to give you away. Your bond is stronger than Mishraile's Compulsion, but only just.
  * "Don't betray me." Well I suppose that could work. I would still feel so much better if you were anywhere but here.  
  
Also, you'd better not take advantage of me with this. Just because we're married doesn't mean you can make me do anything you like.  
  
Good. Just so we're clear.
  * Hey if you're gonna do the thing, then could you do it soon because I feel like I'm talking a mile a minute right now.
  * "Lie down and sleep until dawn."  
  
You know that's really not the best way to phrase it, because what if someone came in and caught me sleeping, and ok I guess I'm just gonna lie down in my clothes and boots and everything and just kinda ... shut my eyes, and....




	47. Traps to Spring

**Amadaine 5, N.E. 1000**

  * Wow, it is actually the crack of dawn, isn't it? I had no idea I could tell such a thing while sleeping.  
  
Hanled is off somewhere, asleep himself. I'm glad he got out. Guess I'll have to wait until he wakes up to ask how.  
  
...Nice of him to take my boots off for me.
  * The longer I'm awake, the angrier I am at Hanled. He had no right to do that to me. To use the modified bond weave like I'm some sort of stranger. I'm not some puppet on a string; I don't deserve to be manipulated by him OR Mishraile.
  * I mean, I know WHY he did it. I get it; I do. Part of me wants to be grateful, but the rest of me.... I mean, he didn't even ask. The fact that he didn't trust me enough to even ask permission is what hurts so much.
  * It's time for morning orders. I'd better get out there before someone misses me.  
  
At least I don't need a weave to make myself look tired. My eyes are plenty red already.
  * Never seen so many people promoted to Dedicated in a single day before. Light, not in a whole week. Taim is really gearing up for something.
  * Now he's moved on to Asha'man promotions, which is also a very large list....  
  
Uh, which seems to have MY name on it??
  * "Dolyn Taramar, who slew not one, but three deserters from the Black Tower."  
  
I could kill Taim right now. Just walk up there and weave fire at his face. Fifty-fifty odds he'd take SOME damage before he killed me.
  * Come on feet, MOVE!
  * I couldn't do it. I wanted to, so badly. But looking into his eyes as he pinned the dragon on my collar ... he knew.  
  
He was DARING me to make a move.
  * I'm a coward and a failure.
  * This is all wrong. I don't deserve to wear the Lord Dragon's sigil on my collar—I've failed him so many times.  
  
I have to leave it there, at least for now. If I take it off, Taim will know I've turned on him.
  * Hanled's trying to tell me about his night, but I'm too distracted to pay attention.  
  
And too angry.
  * He's noticed I'm ignoring him. Now he's just repeating the same two words over and over.  
  
..R-R-Y ... I-M ... S-O-R-R-Y.  
  
You'd better be.
  * Fine, I'll listen again.
  * He says ... he watched someone weave a gateway from the Traveling Ground, hoping to figure out this "key" Mishraile mentioned, but it didn't work. Even when he wove the gate exactly the same way, from exactly the same place, it failed.
  * He ended up slipping out through someone's gate and went to report to Captain-General Birgitte. She's in Braem Wood somewhere with Queen Elayne.
  * I should be out there, fighting Trollocs with them. We ALL should be—every loyal Asha'man, right down to the new recruits.  
  
If only I could figure out how to get them there.
  * Here comes trouble. Blond, incredibly handsome trouble.  
  
It's not fair for Mishraile to look that attractive.
  * You know what? I'm gonna mess with him. What use is this Dragon pin if I can't get a little payback with it?
  * Hey there, Mishraile. Looking sharp.  
  
You know, I'm in the market for a new boyfriend—you know, since I murdered my last one. You once made a suggestion about a certain ... technique ... that he and I could practice. Care to try it out with me?
  * Hahahaha, he still thinks I'm a man. The look on his face was priceless.  
  
That's right, loser. Keep your distance—I might have cooties.
  * And, that feeling is less than good. Dolyn complimenting my technique.  
  
I don't need your input, you insidious wretch. Pretending to be you is hard enough already.
  * Mishraile says Taim wants to know if I'd enjoy training the new recruits, since I used to have such a good rapport with them.  
  
It's tempting. It really is. But there's no way this isn't a trap.  
  
It's always going to be a trap.
  * "You think I have the patience to deal with a load of sniveling recruits? I've been awake for five days straight, in case you'd forgotten. Oh, that's right—I have YOU to thank for that."
  * Did that sound cranky enough? I feel like it could be a little more cranky.  
  
I'll just add some curse words.
  * Mishraile set me clearing the rubble from the collapsed tunnel. He didn't say what happened exactly, but his little hints lead me to believe that someone tried to free Logain and failed.
  * There's a buzz around the Black Tower that Logain is supposed to appear today and announce that he and Taim have reconciled. I have to believe that Logain is still holding on.
  * Burn me, there HAS to be something I can do to stop Taim from Turning him. It's my fault he's here. If I can just make that right somehow....
  * I've got something. An idea ... maybe it won't even work. But Taim needs thirteen Asha'man/Aes Sedai for his twisted Turning weave, right? Thirteen is a LOT when they need to be channeling constantly. I'll bet he has to regularly swap them out and let them rest.
  * What if I gave him a distraction—something to diffuse his strength so he can't spend as much on Turning? Even if I can only slow him down a little ... there are so many innocents trapped inside the Black Tower. Some of them are no more than boys. I don't want to see them hurt.
  * Hanled ... I need your input.
  * What does Taim want besides Logain? I can think of a few things. Queen Elayne and Lady Aviendha dead. Probably can put the Lord Dragon on that list, as well as anyone he's friends with. Also, angreal and ter'angreal.
  * Maybe we can fabricate a rumor ... no. It has to be stronger than rumor. I'll have to lie, which I hate doing but there's nothing about this job that's easy.  
  
I will tell him that I have pieced together some clues about Elayne's ter'angreal cache.
  * But where to send him? It needs to be some place he can't search easily or quickly—a place he won't run into any of our allies.  
  
Maybe something abandoned, like a ruin.
  * No, not a specific ruin. A ruined city, but I won't tell him which one. He'll have to split his search efforts.
  * How to sweeten the pot? I've got it.  
  
We'll tell him Lady Aviendha was sorting them, and that she stored the ones that use saidin in a specific place, for the Lord Dragon to retrieve them at his need.  
  
He'll practically be salivating.
  * Hanled approves, and will begin setting traps in all the ancient cities he can think of. He believes he can recruit Venson, and maybe some of the Lord Dragon's Aes Sedai, at this Merrilor place.
  * I told Hanled he'd better not order me to sleep tonight. If I disappear EVERY evening, Taim might get suspicious. Plus, I need to do some snooping.
  * Headed to my audience with Taim now. Pretty much scared out of my mind right now but I'm starting to get used to it so there's that.
  * The trick is to pretend everything's fine and that you absolutely believe you'll come out of it alive.  
  
It gets easier with practice.
  * Could that door shut any MORE ominously? Geez.
  * I think he bought it? Told him I'd overheard someone mention "saving the best ones for al'Thor" after "my alter-ego" tricked Queen Elayne into moving the ter'angreal. Then I said Hanled mentioned something about the ruined capitol while I was "torturing" him.
  * Told him it took me a couple days to piece those together with some of what the other palace folks had said, but that I now believe the "Aiel girl" was sorting them out and has hidden the best of them in a ruined city.
  * I said Hanled thought he could bribe me by offering to show its location, but I figured he was making it up. That now I wish I'd kept him alive a little longer, even if it meant having to listen to his endless whining.
  * YES, he did buy it. He's ordering this Black Ajah lady to organize a pair of search teams. Reluctantly, and hating every minute of it, but I see the greed in his eyes.
  * I'm to join one of the teams, "as a way to make up for your previous defiance."  
  
I was afraid he might say something like that.
  * I really expected Mishraile to be on one of these teams. Too much to hope for, I suppose. With that angreal I stole, he's too useful for Turning people.
  * Smaller group than I had hoped for, too. And mostly made up of women ... Taim doesn't want anyone keeping what they find for themselves, I think.  
  
Aw nuts, I think I recognize one of them.
  * Falion, her name is. She was in the dungeon with Mellar.  
  
Has a pretty nasty reputation, even among the Black—so I hear.
  * She's leading the second group. I'm leading the first. That one I honestly did not see coming. I have two Soldiers and two Black Ajah in my group.
  * All right, let's get this farce on the road. Does the M'Hael have any opinions on where we search first? No?
  * Guess it's up to me, then. I have it on good authority that Queen Elayne was on friendly terms with the uncrowned king of Malkier, so it's off to the Seven Towers for us.  
  
Yes, I know that's in the Blight. I'm Shienaran, you moron.
  * I always wanted to see the Seven Towers. Thought it would be important to visit the Blight at least once in my life, so I knew for myself what we were fighting. Plus it's super dangerous there, so maybe we can whittle down Taim's numbers a bit. Three birds with one stone.
  * You there, Aes Sedai—what's your name?  
  
Chai? Let me guess—brown Ajah? Yes, of course; I meant before your coming out. Can you weave a gateway, or not?
  * Looks like she's the only one here who can. Ok, nobody let Chai Sedai (wait, are we still using those titles, or have we moved on to "Dreadlord?")—nobody let this woman die. Unless you want to walk back to Andor, anyway. You decide.
  * Hanled says I feel like I'm having way too much fun with this.  
  
Look, it's Tarmon bloody Gai'don out there. We've gotta take joy in the little things.
  * Ugh, what's that smell? Anyone know a weave to make rancid air breathable?
  * Maybe—just maybe—we should have waited until daytime to search this one.
  * Now I know some of you idiots are Southlanders, so listen close. Once we walk through that gate, you don't make a SOUND that you don't have to. We go in, search for evidence that someone was here, and get out as soon as we've found the cache.
  * It is SO nice seeing the looks of fear on these Shadowsworn losers' faces.
  * Go easy on the lights, you guys. Some things in the Blight give off light, but there's no need to go crazy.
  * Yeah, I have no idea what that scream was. I was a farmer not a soldier.  
  
Hah, they thought I knew my way around up here. Now they're even more scared.
  * There's a lot of ground to cover so we'd better split up. Chai, you're with me. You three, go that direction.  
  
Because I said so, that's why. If you're afraid, maybe you should try to link. You do know how, don't you?
  * Chai thinks I can't see the little breadcrumb trail she's leaving with saidar to show the way back. No reason to let on. Good idea, though, really. It's a shame I can't kill her.  
  
Or, well I could actually, now that I think about it. Hanled would come get me.
  * I'll leave it as a last resort. She's pretty strong ... way stronger than me; I saw how much of the Power she wasted weaving that gate.
  * Walking through these ruins makes me feel sad. Every child in the Borderlands knows the story of Malkier—betrayed by Darkfriends and swallowed practically overnight by the Blight.
  * I didn't know until recently that her king was still alive. A Warder, according to Queen Elayne. That certainly suits a king of Malkier.
  * Whoa, stop there! I just saw something moving in the water. Maybe we should— RUN!
  * You're not ... much of a fighter, are you?
  * Well that slimy arm thing crumbled our bridge before I sliced it to ribbons, so let's try something different. Can you weave a gateway up to one of those towers?  
  
I mean, if I were hiding something up here, I'd want a nice, obvious landmark as far away from that lake as possible.
  * Watch your step. I don't think this stone is as stable as it looks.
  * She wants to "test for resonance" which I'm kinda half sure I know what she means, but I don't care enough to ask. Test away.
  * Light, that is a LOT of saidar. Hmm? Oh, nothing. I just wondered whether we could see the others from up here.  
  
(They definitely know where WE are. Yikes.) 
  * So that's her trick; she's using an angreal. It's in her pouch—I see her clutch it unconsciously whenever she weaves.
  * I can't resist that target. But how to separate her from it? There. That loose brick above us. All it needs is a little nudge....
  * Look out, Chai! Oh dear, I guess my weave was too slow. Sorry about your shoulder.  
  
Healing? Yeah, I'm no good at that. More of an illusions person. Speaking of which, whoops—you definitely did not see me cut your purse with Air. Because it's invisible now. And in my pocket.
  * That looks pretty bad; why don't you sit here while I find the others? Maybe one of them can Heal.
  * There—I see them. I'll just go—  
  
What do you mean, Taim told you not to let me go anywhere on my own? I'm going to throw a little tantrum now and show you how angry and stuff I am about it.  
  
Hanled is right. I AM having way too much fun.
  * Fine, miss I'm-not-Brown-Ajah-I'm-Black, we'll waste some time hoping they wander up here. That was the whole point of this adventure after all—wasting your time.
  * Oh no—we're not going to do the small talk thing, are we?
  * Wow, that's petty. She joined the Black Ajah because the Green snubbed her when she wanted to join them. Keeps making a point of how she "always wanted a few more Warders."
  * Now she wants to know my story. Fine, if it'll keep you distracted.  
  
I joined the Black Tower to serve the Dragon Reborn. Then I started channeling and went quite mad. Now the old me is just an annoying voice in my head who sometimes pops out and murders Darkfriends.
  * I think she has decided NOT to ask if she can bond me now.
  * Sounds like the others are in trouble. Should we weave ourselves a gateway and go help them?
  * Uh, slight miscalculation on my part. She can't actually weave a gateway without this angreal.
  * And now she's using that weave to search for it.  
  
She's on to me!
  * Oh no you don't. I can slice them as fast as you can weave them, Sister. Don't like that, do you? Well, I hate you, too. Here's a special weave I invented the first time I killed one of you murderous Darkfriends!
  * You're getting better, I see. But you still haven't learned to watch for falling rocks!
  * Have her shielded ... finally. I think she must have lost saidar when it hit her.  
  
Almost a moot point, since I think she's going to finish bleeding out in a minute.
  * She's still conscious. Saying something. "I thought you Borderlanders would take a dagger's wound to avoid harming a woman."  
  
Now see, that's a part of my story that I left out. I AM a woman.
  * She's dead. Had to make sure. Not going to bury her. She doesn't deserve the last embrace of the mother.
  * ...Not sure I can find my way down off this tower.
  * Yeah, those stairs are trashed. Too much rubble for me to move.  
  
I guess I'm making myself a ladder of Air and climbing down.  
  
On the outside of the building. Where anything that's out there can see me.
  * Sike. I am a master of illusions. I am one with the wall.  
  
But I'm still going to move quickly. Word is more than just Myrddraal can sense you channeling in the Blight.
  * I think the others were ... this way.  
  
There you are. Well, there two of you losers are, anyway. Where's the other guy?
  * Tentacle thing? Yeah that's what got Chai, too. Knocked half a tower down on her. Nothing I could do.
  * Angreal? Uh, I don't know anything about it.  
  
Maybe that's the thing she was worried that she'd dropped into the water?
  * All right, stop panicking. We are NOT stranded. Assuming you two got that link figured out?  
  
Oh great. They're strong enough linked, but neither of them knows the weave for Skimming.
  * Good thing for you I was paying attention. Watch close—it's like that, only with a lot more of the Power in it.
  *   
Phew.   
And yikes. I'd forgotten how terrifyingly empty this place was.
  * I was planning to try to get this angreal to our side somehow, but it occurs to me that I don't trust anyone at the Black Tower. Maybe it's safer if I just ... there. Into the black.
  * Quick report to Hanled ... no, you promised you wouldn't make me sleep tonight. I'm holding you to it.  
  
Hmm? Sorry, just itchy ears. You both might want to bathe when we get back, to make sure you didn't get anything corrosive on you.
  * Look at them fret. That's priceless.  
  
Now, out of darkness into ... more of that pouring rain.




	48. M'Hael's Anger

**Amadaine 6, N.E. 1000**

  * Taim wants our immediate report. When does HE sleep, anyway?
  * Uh, he looks furious. And the room is filled with other Asha'man. Maybe it's time to run a—   
  
ARGH! Pinned against the wall. Shielded, can't breathe. Taim coming close—does he plan to kill me with that knife??   
  
"I see you've been sleeping," he says.
  * Dolyn being real helpful, supplying me with excuses I can't USE because there's a flow of Air wrapped around my throat!
  * Looks like ... the other group ran afoul of Hanled's traps. Good riddance. I can die happy, knowing I've killed not two, but SIX of your lackeys!
  * Air! Oh, sweet air! Aren't you going to—   
  
Ahhh! He ... he pinned me to the wall with that dagger and some kind of weave. Straight through my shoulder! Can't move a muscle except to breathe.
  * Says I'm too valuable to kill, especially now that he's down by so many men.   
  
I knew I should have killed them all and let Hanled come collect me. T_T
  * Can feel the blood trickling down from my shoulder. He might not intend to kill me yet, but he clearly doesn't care whether I'm in fighting form. 😭
  * He has ordered two men to watch me at all times, to make SURE I don't sleep, and that no one frees me or removes my shield.   
  
He still needs Dolyn for something. But what?   
  
And how am I supposed to stop him from getting it??
  * Taim finally had someone heal me—with this dagger still pinning me to the wall of his audience chamber like some kind of trophy.   
  
I'm hungry, thirsty, and I can't stop shivering. Hanled is going mad with worry, and I can't even move to tell him what happened.
  * At one point he did loosen the weave which held me still, but when he realized I would rather kill myself than stay his prisoner, he put it back in place. If I had been cleverer, I'd have waited until he was gone to try that. Too late, now.
  * He also slapped a low-level pain weave on me. Enough to make me sweat and writhe. I guess he doesn't want to distract the people coming to visit him with my screams. Just wants them to see me—to know what he'll do to them if they fail him.
  * I might consider it a fair trade if I could hear what they were talking about.   
  
No, Taim will never trust Dolyn Taramar again. Nor should he.
  * Dolyn screaming for me to let her out. Would it be so bad to give in?   
  
No—I can't think like that. Every second I can hold her back is one more in which Taim can't use her.
  * Hanled keeps trying to lift my spirits by telling me how the war outside is going. I'm trying to ignore him. The more I know, the more Taim will know, in a day or an hour or however long I can keep it together.
  * If I close my eyes, I can almost see what Hanled is doing. He's close—fewer than twenty leagues from Caemlyn, I think. For a while he was walking. Then a brief fight; he was grazed by a spear or a sword or something. Now it feels like he's waiting in ambush.
  * It's been a while since he had time to say more than a few words to me. I'm trying to send encouragement back, but my strength is waning. Taim knows how to make twelve hours feel like an entire week of pain.
  * It doesn't hurt so much ... if I think about something else. The woods back home. Walking through Caemlyn with Hanled. Our wedding day, and how he talked my parents into coming even though I thought they wouldn't.
  * Then there was that night at the beach ... when we slept under the stars, the ocean coming in and out to lull us to sleep, and the dew on my face in the morning....   
  
Light, don't think about water. Thinking about it only makes me thirstier.
  * Almost ... lost control just now. Come on, Ashalyn. FIGHT HER!
  * I ... I can't....   
  
I'm sorry.




	49. A Conversation with Mishraile

  * **...you. I hate you. I ... HATE YOU, MAZRIM TAIM! LET ME GO. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO HOLD ME LIKE THIS!**
  * **You there, pair of fools! Tell him I'm ready. Tell him I'll do his dirty work this time—whatever it is. But after that, I'm DONE WITH HIM. YOU HEAR ME, TAIM?!**
  * **I SAID I'LL DO IT SO GET ME DOWN ALREADY.**
  * **About time. Now someone heal me! I can't even swing a sword properly like this.**  
  
**I SAID HEAL ME, YOU—**  
  
**Oof!**
  * **ARGH! I'm sorry—I'll kneel! Great Lord, please let me serve you!**  
  
**It's just the rage. She holds it in so well, feeds me with it. I can't help but let it out!**
  * **No, no—I didn't sleep willingly! That old wretch Essande drugged me, and Gabrelle with her weaves, and then—**  
  
**Erk. Burn that Hanled and his loathsome commands. I'll get him. I'll throttle him in his sleep!**
  * **Taim won't tell me where we're going, AND he took my ter'angreal. Burn him!**
  * **My things ... why is my room empty?! I'll not be caged like a dog!**
  * **Argh! Burn you, Ashalyn. Wake up so I can swear at you!**
  * **That fool Hanled thinks he can control me with his coded messages. Well guess what—I'm not listening to you anymore! I won't decipher a bloody word!**
  * **Shoulder still twinges after healing. Burn him. As if the knee weren't bad enough. And you call this a meal?!**
  * **What is this? I'm not putting on THOSE! Whose uniform IS that, anyway?**  
  
**The WHITE Tower??**
  * **This ... actually could be interesting.**
  * **Tch. Dressed like a servant again. Thought I was done playing dress-up.**
  * **So, what's the mission? Murdering Aes Sedai? Crumbling the Tower's foundations?**  
  
**Item retrieval. Meh.**
  * **And thanks to Ashalyn, this time my babysitter gets to hold onto my ter'angreal. (The one that lets me channel, not the spectacles. Those I can keep—for now.)**  
  
**Worse yet, Taim paired me with Mishraile this time. He'll be a lot harder to give the slip than that other guy.**
  * **Hang on—why is the M'Hael coming with us if we're only after some trinkets?**
  * **Huh. Apparently Taim gave something to al'Thor when they very first met, but locked a finder on it so he could retrieve it one day. Our job is to get him close enough that he can pinpoint its location and steal it back.**
  * **He needs me because some of the Aes Sedai have ter'angreal which can detect inverted weaves. I'm the only one who can weave disguises with a small enough amount of the Power that it will be dismissed as background noise from the ongoing war effort.**
  * **So, some generic faces to start with. Tar Valon has folks from everywhere, so let's get as much diversity as we can without sticking out.**
  * **Couple of Tairens, a Borderlander or four, some Andoran ... maybe one Cairhienin.**
  * **And now we're gating to ... a boat?**  
  
**I suppose going straight the city itself WOULD be pretty stupid.**
  * **What a bunch of klutzes. Can't even take over a weave without losing it.**  
  
**Two of them got chewed out for trying to reweave their own disguises. Taim says he'll demote every one of them if they channel strongly enough to get us caught.**
  * **They all SEEM to be holding onto the disguises themselves now. Taim handled his own—I guess he doesn't trust me. Go figure. He's also disguised himself as a Lord, not a servant. Ego much?**
  * **That is a BIG CITY. I mean, I've SEEN Caemlyn, but WOW.**
  * **Orders are to carry this ship's cargo to the White Tower, then rendezvous at a building nearby. My job is to memorize the faces of enough actual servants and guards that we can go wherever we need to inside.**
  * **Refugees crammed in here tighter than a barmaid's bodice. How are we even supposed to reach the bloody place?**
  * **Bit clearer now. Most of the traffic looks official.**  
  
**Still plenty of ragamuffins lining the storefronts. Lazy cowards. Pick a side and fight!**
  * **I have to admit, this place is everything the stories said it was and more. Like, how do you stack stone that high even WITH the Power, let alone get it to stay there?**
  * **I guess they'll open the gates for just about anyone in a uniform, won't they?**
  * **I do have to say, that among all the things that Ashalyn has hidden from the world and packed into the corner of her mind that turned into me, there isn't an awful lot of fear in here.**  
  
**Despite this, being inside the actual White Tower is very intimidating.**
  * **I'm not the only one feeling it.**
  * **All right, enough gawking. I've gotta match builds for nine different guys here, plus me. Time to start memorizing faces.**
  * **Time's up. I didn't get as many as I need, but there weren't that many to choose from. Some of these guys might have to deal with being thicker or leaner than their disguises. I DID get enough to match heights, I believe.**
  * **So where is this building we're supposed to meet at? Taim said it looked like some kind of bird or something.**
  * **Oh, I see it. A sort of blue owl thing.**  
  
**Hang on—has anyone seen Dobser??**
  * **Please tell me that son of a goat's backside is lost in the city, and that he did NOT decide to wander around inside the White Tower alone?**
  * **There's Taim.**  
  
**Uh, so I've got some bad news for you. Remember how I managed to lose Dobser in Caemlyn because he was such an idiot? Well, you're never gonna believe this, but....**
  * **Taim has sent two people out to look for Dobser. I refreshed their memory on what his new face was, on the off chance that he wasn't stupid enough to drop his illusion.**
  * **The rest of us ... of them ... are to get some sleep, except for Mishraile who has guard duty.**
  * **Oh yeah. Taim also said that whatever he's looking for is a few levels up, but he couldn't pin it down before it moved again. He believes someone is carrying it around.**
  * **Um, stupid question, probably, but ... why are WE doing this infiltration thing instead of asking the Black Ajah to do it? There ought to be plenty of them in there, right?**
  * **Ahh ... apparently the new Amyrlin got hold of a fairly comprehensive list of their membership and ousted them all. Which I guess is why there's so many hanging out in OUR Tower.**
  * **I guess I might as well stand watch since I've got nothing else to do. Can't channel unless I can get my ter'angreal back from Mishraile. Crybaby would probably borrow a sword and practice or something, but she's a loser with stupid hobbies.**
  * **Mishraile's looking out the other window, and he goes, "So you're a woman, huh?"**  
  
**I did kind of spill the beans earlier.**
  * **I told him he'd better not let on or the M'Hael will have his ears for a necklace. For some reason Taim enjoys letting people believe a lie.**  
  
**Not in character at all, I know. 🙄**
  * **He's like, "I guess that's why this thing doesn't work like an angreal." Gimme that—**  
  
**Urgh. So close.**
  * **"You don't look like a woman." THAT IS IT. MURDERKNIFE IN THE BACK FOR YOU.**
  * **"Did you mean it when you said—"**  
  
**Nope, you missed that boat just now, hotcakes. Don't even talk to me.**




	50. The Other Tower

**Amadaine 7, N.E. 1000**

  * **Still no Dobser. Mishraile is concerned that he's been caught and will give us away.**
  * **He has picked his two least favorite Dedicated from the group and sent them in to look for him. The rest of us are to hold here until we get further word.**
  * **This is just the pits. I finally get to come out and play, only to have to SIT AROUND WAITING FOR STUPID DOBSER!**
  * **I'm done here. I'm going out for a walk.**
  * **Don't even try to stop me, Mishraile. Tell me you're not bored out of your mind?**
  * **Sleep? Don't talk to me about sleep. You got six hours at least.**
  * **Quit following me. Where am I gonna go? I can't even channel right now, let alone weave a gateway.**
  * **I'm "crazy" to disobey the M'Hael? Did you even think before those words came out of your mouth?**  
  
**What about you? You were an Asha'man before I was even recruited. Don't tell me you don't have any crazy going on.**
  * **"An advantage to serving the Great Lord?" What's that supposed to mean?**  
  
**Hang on—I remember you mentioning that before. That Taim knew a way to shield someone from the taint on saidin.**
  * **Sounds like it wouldn't have worked for me anyway. But the most hilarious part is that the old me would never have taken advantage of the very thing which might have kept the new me from existing.**
  * **Shut up. I can laugh if I want to.**  
  
**If you're worried about people staring at us, maybe you should hand over my ter'angreal so I can weave us some more appropriate disguises.**
  * **How about this? Do I look like a woman now?**  
  
**Hah. No you're right; that dress will draw way more attention than the uniforms. How about something like....**  
  
**There. Now we're a Lord and his Lady out for a stroll.**
  * **My real name? ...If you mean the name of the crybaby whose head I live in, it's Ashalyn Amaru.**  
  
**Yeah, she married that freak. Can you believe it?**
  * **You can call me whatever you want, I guess. She used to call me Tinya—that's a friend of hers from home. Lately she just calls me Dolyn.**
  * **Don't you dare call me Ashalyn, though.**  
  
**And also, just because we're strolling arm in arm right now, don't think you're getting any. I'm not THAT easy.**
  * **Hey, I'm hungry. Buy me lunch.**  
  
**No not from that one. Stuff on that vendor's tray smells like it's been in the dungheap for a week.**
  * **Mishraile thinks we'd better head back in case they've found Dobser.**  
  
**Fine. At least I got to stretch my legs.**
  * **The look on the others' faces when we walked in in disguise was priceless. You could tell they were trying to decide whether they could kill us without using more of the Power than they're allowed to.**
  * **The short one was all, "Did the M'Hael send you?" and then Mishraile goes, "What, don't you recognize us?"**
  * **They all did a double take when I dropped our mask of mirrors, and someone made a snide comment about Mishraile, which was so ironically spot on that I couldn't help laughing.**  
  
**That's when he took the ter'angreal back. Jerk.**
  * **Our guys finally back from inside the tower. They didn't officially find Dobser, but word is someone decided to open one of the wine casks we were delivering last night. At least that's what they figure.**
  * **All they actually found was a servant's uniform next to the empty cask, and all the corners of the room full of beetles. The uniform COULD have been Dobser's size.**
  * **What do you want, Mishraile? ...No, I wasn't sleeping. I just shut my eyes for a minute.**  
  
**Burn me, WAS I asleep? I'd better not do any more sitting down.**
  * **M'Hael is finally back from ... probably watching his other goons trying to break Logain. I dunno. I feel like he'd be in a better mood if they'd done it, more's the pity.**
  * **WHAT?! Why do I have to stay here while the rest of them gad about the White Tower?**  
  
**Shut up, Mishraile; nobody asked you.**
  * **I'm FINE. Do I not look like I'm fine to you?**  
  
**Yes I know I haven't had any sleep in days. THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.**
  * **ARGH. Fine, have a disguise. This one was probably a captain or something; I don't know his name.**  
  
**Good luck stumbling around in there, fools.**
  * **And STILL Mishraile gets to sit here babysitting me. I'm getting sick of looking at his chiseled jaw ... and his well-turned calves ... and you know what maybe tonight won't be all that bad after all.**
  * **Go back to sleep Ashalyn. Burn me, she has to wake up and be obnoxious NOW?**
  * **I'm falling asleep. I can't fall asleep. What's with your stupid Compulsion weave? I've only been awake ... how many days is it? I'm not sure I remember.**
  * **Quit reading that book and talk to me so I can stay awake.**  
  
**What are you reading any—**  
  
**Hey! That's MINE. Give it to me; I need to burn it.**
  * **I don't want to let you read it first. Give it to me or I'll leave. I'll walk right out that door and shout that there's an Asha'man hiding in here. Good luck stopping me without channeling.**
  * **Why do I care so much? Because it makes her mad when I ruin stuff Hanled gave her. I love making her mad.**
  * **Who are you calling a freak, freak? Never mind. I'm going up on the roof to pace. It's too stifling in here.**
  * **Go away, Hanled. I couldn't remember that stupid code right now if I wanted to.**
  * **Gotta stay awake. Gotta stay awake. Burn this stupid body and its treacherous need for sleep!**
  * **Wow, that's a long drop. Didn't look so high from street level.**
  * **Stay awake. Ow! Stay awake. I need something to DO. Flinging pebbles at passersby, maybe. Any pebbles on this roof?**
  * **Hehehe, she didn't even see it coming.**
  * **I'm out of pebbles. Or at any rate, it's too dark to find more.**  
  
**Also, I think someone called the watch.**
  * **Why did the sun have to go down? Gotta ... keep walking. That'll do it. Can't fall asleep if I'm walking.**
  * **I was wrong. Nearly took a tumble off the roof.**  
  
**How am I going to last another night?**
  * **Just gotta move faster. Stupid roof. Why can't you be wider?**
  * **Bad move. Now I'm out of breath ... and seeing things.**
  * **Ashalyn, get off that ledge. You're making me dizzy.**  
  
**Jump? No, I'm not going to jump. I'm not suicidal, unlike you.**
  * **"You can't fall asleep if you're dead."**  
  
**Oh no. She has a point. Burn you Mishraile for Compelling me not to sleep. It's the only way out. The only way to obey.**  
  
**Stop laughing! You don't want to die either, or I wouldn't be trying so hard!**
  * **On the edge. If I fall asleep here, I'll fall. Maybe that way, maybe this way. Whoops—now I'm definitely going to fall that way. Burn you Mishraile! Burn you Taim!**
  * **Burn you ... Ashalyn. I guess ... you ... win.**
  * **Oof.**  
  
**Wha...?**  
  
**You caught me. What did you have to catch me for? Can't you see there's no other way to not fall asleep?**
  * **This is YOUR FAULT! Why won't you let me free? Burn you. Let me go, Mishraile. I have to jump!**
  * **Not that weave. No! Don't you make me slee—**



**Amadaine 8, N.E. 1000**

  * **Where...?**  
  
**Right. How long was I out? I'm still me, so it can't have been too long.**  
  
**Four hours? ...I could do four hours a night, if you'll take off this stupid Compulsion weave.**  
  
**Yeah I should have figured that was too much to ask.**
  * **Come ON, Mishraile. Do you really want me jumping from rooftops every few days or so? Take it off!**
  * **"I think M'Hael would rather you died than risk losing six people every time you sleep too long."**  
  
**Ok I guess he does have a point.**
  * **I need you to promise you won't do that again then.**  
  
**No, I'm serious. If I think you'll put me to sleep, I'll start avoiding you like I did Hanled. It's your own fault.**  
  
**Yeah I'm not sure I believe you yet.**
  * **That was much more convincing. In fact, I might have to start believing you care about me now.**
  * **Aw, nuts. They're back, from what sounds like a completely fruitless night.**  
  
**Whoever has the MacGuffin didn't come back here last night. Taim is going to take half the team to scout out the other location.**
  * **Which means ... YES! I get to go into the White Tower proper, finally.**  
  
**I know just the face. Mousy little servant girl I saw the other day—completely ignorable.**
  * **All these dudes wanting to be the big buff Authority Guy, but I know the trick to being TRULY invisible.**  
  
**I mean, nobody even looks at servants. Their mind goes, "oh, servants" and suddenly it's like people aren't even important enough to have names.**  
  
**And yes, even I've done it.**
  * **Not sure what's worse; the headache, or Ashalyn clawing for control this morning.**
  * **And we're in. Mousy girl's name is Brinda; I've already gotten her in trouble for being in the wrong place. Hehehe.**  
  
**Got her supervisor's name and face, in case I need it.**
  * **First order of business; find a better place to gather up than the one Mishraile picked.**
  * **I didn't expect this place to be so ... empty. There are Aes Sedai here, and Warders, but I've only ever seen them walk to and from the Traveling ground. And there's none of the students ... the novices and Accepted, I think they're called. They're all gone somewhere.**
  * **Downside of disguising as actual people is you're never sure whether the guy you're looking at is your buddy or the real one.**
  * **No, that's definitely not Mishraile. Doesn't walk like him.**
  * **Got the gang all together in an empty storeroom. Thought about stealing some bedding for the others, then realized I didn't care.**
  * **I did snitch enough food for everyone, but only because I knew they'd make me go back for more once they saw me eating.**
  * **Waiting around while people sleep is LAME. Time to go exploring.**  
  
**Can't take my ter'angreal without waking Mishraile, but if I can just get close enough ... there. Now I look like Tinya.**
  * **I think I hated all those curtsying lessons even more than Ashalyn did, but they DO come in handy. Now to grab an armful of linens from the laundry, and voila. I can go anywhere I like without being questioned.**
  * **Uh, Mishraile ... what are you doing walking around without a disguise? I thought you were sleeping!**
  * **No, I'm not trying to jump off the White Tower. I'm just getting a feel for the place.**  
  
**Well if you're going to follow me around, at least let me put your illusion back on you.**
  * **Hmm, I like your real face better.**
  * **So ... do you want to make out, or what?**
  * **Urg, go AWAY, Ashalyn. I was just starting to enjoy myself.**  
  
**And now Hanled, too?**
  * **Not listening. Can't understand you, Hanled. Hmm hmm hmm hmm.**
  * **QUIT TRANSLATING, ASHALYN. I don't want to know what he—**  
  
**"Don't touch him?"**  
  
**YOU JUST HAD TO GO RUIN MY FUN!**
  * **What's wrong? You're not the only one who did something to me is what's wrong. No, I can't talk about it; that's part of the problem.**
  * **On the other hand ... it's not "betraying" Hanled if I kill him myself, is it?**  
  
**Mishraile—I need a gateway.**
  * **Well no, probably not from here. Should be easy enough to cross one of those bridges, though.**  
  
**Come ON; the M'Hael isn't coming back until morning. He'll never know.**
  * **This has to be far enough from the Tower. Everyone's asleep; just Skim us to the Braem Wood.**  
  
**No I don't know exactly where. Just ... pick a spot.**
  * **Ick, I hate this part. So dark and empty.**
  * **Whoops—we came out in the middle of a Trolloc encampment. Quick, weave us some black coats!**
  * **That's right—we're with you folks. (Ugh, what IS that smell!) Come near us and you're fried.**  
  
**I don't think they're buying it. Another gateway, quick. A bit north, I think.**
  * **That's definitely closer. One more, about the same distance, but lean east this time.**
  * **That's close enough. Wouldn't want to gate right into their camp.**  
  
**I don't know whose. The Queen of Andor, for all I know.**
  * **He's on the move, coming closer. So much hope in his precious little heart. It'll feel great when I crush it.**
  * **I don't ... I can't see him. Can you?**  
  
**You'll know him when you do.**
  * **He's here. He's hiding behind a weave, but I know he's close. My ter'angreal, quick!**
  * **Gotcha—**  
  
**No! He dodged it. Mishraile, don't just stand there!**  
  
**A gateway? Stand and fight, coward!**
  * **Quick, before he moves again—he's headed....**  
  
**Where did it go?? The bond got all ... fuzzy or something. Can't feel anything through it!**
  * **ARGH! Burn Hanled for being too clever!**  
  
**No, it's pointless to try tracking him now. Take us back before someone notices we're gone.**




	51. The Flame and the Fang

**Amadaine 9, N.E. 1000**

  * **All right, WHO wove sleep on me? Mishraile, was it you? Quit smirking; I know it was.**  
  
**No? Jokan, you did it, didn't you?**
  * **Come on, you guys, don't you know you're playing with balefire here? Ten minutes too long and I'll murder all of you in YOUR sleep.**
  * **Taim is back. He believes the items he wants are being carried by the Amyrlin herself, or maybe her Warder. So that's fun.**
  * **He showed us what they look like—he's made copies to swap them out with once we get close. They're hand-sized disks, one half black in the shape of the Dragon's fang, the other half a white flame of Tar Valon.**  
  
**He keeps calling them "keys," but he won't say to what.**
  * **He's off again to watch for a chance to take her in the field. We're to be on alert for if she comes back here to sleep or whatever.**
  * **The Amyrlin is back! I heard someone say she's taking dinner in her study.**  
  
**Time to move, boys.**
  * **Jokan says he couldn't get near her study. Guards and Warders everywhere. I could try to get in, but I have a better idea.**
  * **Mishraile—I need the fake disks and my ter'angreal. Don't question—there isn't time.**  
  
**Slap a finder on me if you must, but keep it small and make sure to invert it. If I'm right, I'll be in close proximity to her in a very short while.**
  * **Now let's see if we can't get Brinda in trouble some more.**  
  
**"Please, kind sir, I've been asked to take this firewood up to the Amyrlin's sleeping quarters, but I can't remember where they are?"**
  * **He doesn't know either. Lot of help you are.**  
  
**Maybe this lady will know.**
  * **There we go.**  
  
**Looks pretty boring in here. Like somebody moved in but never finished unpacking.**
  * **Now to start a fire....**  
  
**Uh, I'm too tired to remember how to do it the flint and tinder way. This bodes ill for the plan I have worked out in my head.**
  * **Yes, the fire is being built in the fireplace. I'm only a pyromaniac when it's profitable. Or fun.**  
  
**In this case I'm going to be in the room I'm lighting it in for a while. So, less fun.**
  * **Now to pick a corner that nobody might accidentally walk through ... or you know what, I'm just going to hide under the bed. It's one of those fancy ones suspended on springs.**  
  
**Ooh, it's comfy.**
  * **And because some people are as paranoid as me, an inverted invisibility weave.**  
  
**I mean, there are perfectly legitimate reasons for her to look under her bed. She might have dropped a stocking or something.**
  * **Burn me I forgot to eat before I climbed under here. At least I remembered to use the privy.**
  * **Someone coming. Is it her?**  
  
**Nope, just a maid come to turn down her bed.**
  * **More footsteps. A man's boots. Her Warder?**
  * **YIKES, there really is someone as paranoid as me. If I hadn't been all the way against the wall, he would have smacked me with his sword!**
  * **I think maybe he's even MORE paranoid than I am.**  
  
**Come ON, there's no one hiding in her chest of drawers!**
  * **FINALLY he lets her come in.**  
  
**Ooh, nice riding boots. I gotta get me some of those.**
  * **Uh, why did nobody mention they were married?**
  * **Crisis averted. He thinks she hasn't been getting enough sleep. And SHE thinks HE is getting less than she is.**  
  
**Guess what? You both lose that contest.**
  * **Took them long enough to notice the fire.**  
  
**That's right, open the window to cool the place off.**
  * **He's worried about leaving it open. Sorry buddy, trouble's already inside; she just needs an escape route.**  
  
**Wait, she called him GAWYN? As in GAWYN TRAKAND?**
  * **I smell an opportunity here. I mean, I was already thinking about killing the Amyrlin. If I can get Elayne's brother at the same time, that would be priceless.**  
  
**Gotta make sure she has the things before I strike.**
  * **Now the important question: how long will it take an exhausted Aes Sedai and her Warder to fall asleep?**
  * **For her, apparently not long. She's already breathing evenly.**  
  
**Really can't figure out HOW she can sleep with him shifting around so much, but she did it.**
  * **All right this is getting tedious. Going to risk a little weave on him....**  
  
**That did it.**
  * **Now where might she have put....**  
  
**Oh. Of course she did. She's still wearing her belt pouch. In her sleep.**
  * **Don't wake up don't wake up don't wake up....**  
  
**Got it open. And ... YES! There they are!**  
  
**She's got them wrapped up like they're fragile or something. Hope they don't break in my bag.**
  * **This ... what is this? I can feel something coming from them. Like the taint on saidin. It's pulsing ... wants me to break it. So tempting ... Taim doesn't need these that badly, does he? Could just do it ... myself....**
  * **WOAH there! She's fighting me ... never felt her push this hard! Doesn't want me to break them. Trying to unravel my weaves....**
  * **Gotta move ... before she gets the upper hand. In the bag—wait; gotta close the other one back up. Losing my grip ... burn whoever made me sleep this morning!**
  * **Through the window, out onto the ledge. Lost all my weaves, but got her under control.**  
  
**Burn me, that's a long drop.**
  * **Weave of Air ... have to make it to that next window. Trying not to scream—Ashalyn trying to wake someone. Since when did you have this much fight in you?? Barely made a peep all day!**
  * **Next room is empty; thank the Great Lord.**  
  
**...I think I'll leave these disks in the bag until I've met back up with the others. No telling what she might try.**
  * **Mishraile ... no, I wasn't trying to give you the slip. You really have zero chill.**  
  
**Yes, I got them. Would you take this already?**
  * **Time to scram, folks.**  
  
**Quit your grousing; we're out of here. Also, you're welcome. Now you can go wreak death and destruction yadda yadda on the forces of the Light like you always wanted.**
  * **YES I'm sure I got the right ones. Touch them, if you dare. Don't tell me you can't feel that?**
  * **They're drawing attention, moving that fast, but I can't make myself walk any slower.**  
  
**Mishraile, you can NOT let anyone weave sleep on me tonight. I'm not even kidding; she came this close to blowing the whole thing.**
  * **Through the gates; nobody looked at us twice. Back at the bird place.**  
  
**Now what? Should we wait here for Taim, or take these on ahead and leave a messenger?**
  * **The others get to go on ahead, but Mishraile will stay here with the disks and wait for Taim. Oh, and me of course. 🙄 Since Mishraile isn't supposed to let me out of his sight.**
  * **So long, losers. Go kill some Aes Sedai for me.**
  * **I think I'm starting to hate nighttime. Too much waiting and not enough doing. Mishraile, what would you say to—**  
  
**Urk!**  
  
**What ... are you doing? I can't ... can't breathe!**
  * **Let go! Ahh! I thought we had ... a thing going on there!**  
  
**"The M'Hael said to kill you once we were finished here?!" I'll kill him. I'll....**
  * **Oof!**  
  
**A gateway? You're not going to—**  
  
**No, don't leave me alone in the middle of who-knows-where!!**
  * **Well this takes the whole flaming cake!**
  * **I guess I'd better start walking.**




	52. A Truce and a Revelation

**Amadaine 10, N.E. 1000**

  * **I'm going in circles. Burn ... everything! Just bloody burn it!**
  * **Hang on—I recognize this place, now that the sun is ... up there, somewhere.**  
  
**I think this is Braem wood.**
  * **That's just peachy. Dropped into a war zone wearing a white uniform, with no ter'angreal and no idea whose side I'm on.**  
  
**I hope you're happy, Ashalyn! We could have lived the good life in Taim's palace, but you had to go and ruin things!**
  * **Trollocs!**  
  
**I don't think they've spotted me. They're alone—just two opportunists wandering the woods.**
  * **They're walking on past ... no. One of them lifting its nose. It caught my scent!**
  * **I'll never outrun those things. Time for a bluff.**  
  
**Hey, goat-face! Take me to your boss. I have a message for them.**
  * **He's not buying it—or maybe just can't understand me. In which case I'd better ... RUN!**
  * **All that training would come in handier if I had a sword right now!**
  * **Now there's more of them coming from the other direction. I'm surrounded! I—**  
  
**Hang on, those are HORSES! Help! Watch out—Trollocs!**
  * **I'm saved. But by who? Whose men are you?**  
  
**Goldeneyes? ...Sounds familiar.**
  * **Never mind the uniform. I've been a prisoner ... stole what I could find and made a run for it.**
  * **Now I just have to come up with a good story before I reach this Lord Whatshiseyes.**  
  
**I guess the real question is, where do I want to go from here? The Black Tower is a bust. Caemlyn is gone, home is boring, and Hanled is out here somewhere. (Probably. Still can't pinpoint him.)**
  * **Where can I go that I won't end up as some faceless refugee forced to work for my bread?**  
  
**Ooh, I've got it.**
  * **Here he is. I ... I recognize this guy. He was at the Wells! I really hope he doesn't remember me....**
  * **Please, my lord, I'm just a poor novice who's been lost for days in these awful woods. The Black Tower kidnapped us, you see, and—**  
  
**Lying? How does he know I'm lying?!**  
  
**Lying AND crazy? How dare you!**
  * **Ashalyn, you could have chimed in there somewhere!**
  * **He's got an Aes Sedai. Get away from me! I don't need your healing!**
  * **What ... is this? Not healing. All my fatigue ... going away. You can't do this to me. Don't....**



#####

  * Light, what was that weave? Thank you, Aes Sedai. I think I've got control of myself for the moment.  
  
Yes, I'm quite mad. I'm sorry for the inconvenience. No, by all means—leave me tied up. No telling what I might do. Thanks.
  * Dolyn ... we need to have a talk.
  * This Goldeneyes has a pair of Asha'man with him, too.  
  
Hang on, I know that face. Grady—that's your name, isn't it? You went with the Lord Dragon after the Wells!
  * You're still loyal to him, aren't you? Thank the Light!  
  
Listen, do you know that weave the Aes Sedai used on me just now? The one which heals fatigue? ...Could you teach my husband how to weave it?
  * Yes, he's an Asha'man. A Dedicated, last I knew. Light it's good to be back among friends!  
  
No seriously, the rope is there for a reason. There was an accident with a ter'angreal, you see.
  * My husband is Hanled Amaru. He's not in the Black Tower—I think he's in these woods, possibly with Queen Elayne's contingent. Taim has him listed as a deserter, but it's Taim you need to worry about. He's got Logain—he's trying to Turn him to the Shadow!
  * Light, you have to believe me! Find Hanled—he'll tell you everything.  
  
I know. I know we're in the middle of the Last Battle, but will you try? Please?
  * It's funny; I can still feel how tired I am, deep inside. I definitely still NEED to sleep, but my tongue won't move when I try to ask someone to help me. I can't even tell them what's wrong, because they might do something about it.
  * I'm pretty sure that only a Darkfriend could have come up with a weave like this Compulsion thing. There are so many unintended consequences.
  * Anyway, Dolyn. Back to you.  
  
You screwed up—big time. I'm not talking about stealing from the Amyrlin, or deceiving Logain, or any of the nasty things you've done or thought about doing since you took over.
  * I'm talking about how you let Taim use you.  
  
You played right into his hands, knowing full well what he was going to do to us. Don't pretend you didn't; it's exactly what you'd have done in his shoes. This one's on you.
  * So here's the thing. I'm willing to work with you, maybe even help when you're in the saddle, but you have to promise me one thing. That no matter which of us is in charge, we'll be actively working to destroy Taim and everyone who works with him.
  * All right, fine—we'll give Mishraile a pass. What he did was only twenty percent selfish.
  * No, we are NOT going to run away. Suck it up and show me a little of that rage you think is so fashionable. Taim played us. And we're gonna make him pay.
  * It's Hanled ... I can feel him again. He's close.  
  
And he's not happy.
  * Light, this is hard. The last time I saw him was when Dolyn tried to kill him.
  * That is, of course, not what it must have looked like to him.
  * "Where's Mishraile?" Yeah that is definitely not a good start.  
  
Hanled ... I've done some despicable things in the last few days. Not all of them while Dolyn was in charge.
  * I murdered an Aes Sedai ... never mind that she was Black; that was murder. Five more of Taim's are dead because of me, but now Taim thinks I'm dead, because Mishraile took pity on me. We won't let him use us again.
  * Don't hate Mishraile too much. We heard you—we didn't let him touch us. Dolyn wanted to, but you stopped her. So thank you.
  * Light, how I've missed being in your arms! 😭 It's ok. You don't have to forgive us. I'll understand.
  * Are you sure it's all right to untie me? ...Did you learn that weave I asked Grady about?  
  
Oh, he already knew it. Now that you mention it, I think I remember you using it on me once before....
  * I know. I can feel it ... if I don't get some actual rest, using that weave will eventually kill me, like a horse run to exhaustion. I'll try to pace myself.
  * "Stay close to me." Oh, Hanled, I could still kill you for adding the extra bit to our bond without asking. But you're right—it's the safest way.
  * Grady is back, with that Goldeneyes fellow. You remember him, don't you Hanled? He was at Dumai's Wells. He led that army against the Aiel to rescue the Lord Dragon.
  * They want to know what's happening at the Black Tower. That's right—Grady's married, too.  
  
When I was last there, a few days ago, Taim was still keeping things close to the chest. Light, they didn't even know about Caemlyn, and that's just two leagues away.
  * It all depends on whether they've Turned Logain. Most of those left inside will listen to him. I don't think that there's much hope he's lasted this long, but Taim has been ... distracted, lately. Either way, I don't think he wants a fuss.
  * The gateways? I heard someone say you can only get through the barrier with some kind of key. Whether that's an object or a weave, I don't know. But the barrier stops just outside the walls. It's still possible to get close.
  * Lord Perrin ... that's what Grady calls him ... thinks he might know how to get rid of the barrier. He's given Grady permission to try to get through on foot until he can look into it.
  * I don't know what help a noble can give us, but Grady believes in him. Anyway, he doesn't look like the kind of guy who makes promises he can't keep.
  * Evacuate to Whitebridge? My lord, please—I know I didn't make a very good impression when your men brought me in, but I ... left some things at the Black Tower, and I mean to retrieve them. If anyone can keep me safe and sane, it's Hanled.
  * We have permission. Now I just need something better to wear.  
  
We'll go with breeches. It's harder to weave an illusion over a dress, and let's face it—Hanled isn't as good as I am.
  * I don't suppose anyone has a spare sword?  
  
...The balance could be better, but it'll do.
  * Grady keeps looking at me sideways. I know what he wants to ask, but we'll have that conversation later, when we're not in the middle of a war camp on the move.
  * Oh, this guy's coming too? What's your name? Neald. Good to have you.
  * Don't gate too close; Taim has people out in the woods.  
  
It's STILL raining? ...Hanled, would you be so kind as to ... thanks.
  * All right Grady, spit it out.  
  
Yes, you did see me wearing a black coat at the Wells. It was all thanks to a colossal joke on the part of Mazrim Taim, which I'm going to turn back on him as soon as I get my ter'angreal back from wherever Mishraile put them.
  * So does anyone have a plan, or is that my job again?  
  
For the record, Hanled is on the deserter's list and I'm supposed to be dead—twice—so this plan had better involve disguises for us.  
  
Yeah it's a long story. TLDR; Taim's a Darkfriend.
  * Ok, well that ... is a plan. Grady and Neald go in without us because they've been on assignment and have legit excuses to not know any of what's going on. Then we make our own way in if we can.
  * I don't like it, but it has merits. For one, if they're checking for inverted disguises at the gate, the two of them are better off without us.
  * But Grady ... you need to insist on seeing your wife before you let them take you anywhere else. Remind them that you've bonded someone and they won't want to risk her stirring up trouble. Neald ... you also should make sure there are people who know you're back.
  * Unless I've been lied to, they can't Turn someone who can't channel. Watch out for the Asha'man they have Turned ... they just seem like empty shadows of themselves. If they've done it to your friends, you'll know. Beyond that, better safe than sorry.
  * You can't trust anyone inside who wears a dragon. I'm sorry, that's just how it is. As for people I know can be trusted ... the innkeeper I think, and maybe Canler if they haven't gotten to him. Some of the new recruits.  
  
I know, it's not a lot.
  * Oh and maybe the swordmaster, if he didn't get out when I told him to.
  * Once you're in, you'll have to make a judgement call on what to do next. If there are enough still loyal to the Logain, maybe you can free those Taim hasn't Turned yet. If Logain is theirs already.... Well, the Lord Dragon will need to know.
  * So, Hanled ... you were awfully quiet back there. What is it you're afraid I won't like to hear?
  * You don't think I should go in at all, do you? Well you do have a point. But without my ter'angreal....  
  
Oh. I see. You want me to sit out the rest of this fight.
  * I know you don't trust me—no, you don't have to sugarcoat it. You won't ever trust me unless I can get Dolyn out of my head. She tried to kill you—I was there.
  * But I'm not letting you go in there alone. You're all I have to hold on to, and if you die in there fighting Taim and his cronies ... well then burn me if I'm not going to be right there making them pay for it.
  * How about a compromise? You call the shots this time. You decide whether we fight here or somewhere else. Whether we go in, what we do there, how we do it. I'll follow your lead.
  * Waiting it is.  
  
I never was very good at this part.
  * So ... tell me how the war is going? Did you kill any fades yet?
  * Two? So you're up by one then.  
  
No, don't tell me about strategy. Dolyn and I might have worked out a truce, but I haven't tested her on it yet.
  * They've given up on the city, then? I suppose that was probably for the best. By the time I saw it.... Well, let's just say I don't think there was anyone left to save by the time you got there.
  * Wait, Cairhien? Elayne was crowned queen of Cairhien, and I missed it?  
  
I hope Naris got in on that, at least?
  * The rain finally stopped. Probably means we'll have to start worrying about Trollocs soon.  
  
Sorry, the last two weeks have been really hard on my optimism.
  * What do you mean it's only been one week??  
  
Light, I'm so tired. Dry the ground out for me? I need to lie down. Even if I can't sleep, it's way past time for a rest.
  * Hanled? ...I have something I need to tell you.  
  
I stole something from the White Tower. Something important. I don't know what they were, exactly, but I think ... I think we did something terrible.
  * Do you remember how I got us into this mess? I overheard people talking about stealing something from the Lord Dragon for Taim. I think those are what we stole.
  * Holding them in my hands, I felt like if they were to break, then the entire world would follow.  
  
I don't think Taim has good intentions for them.
  * No, I'm not asleep. I was pretty zoned out, though. Was kind of nice to be able to think about nothing for a couple hours.  
  
Hey, do you need a turn?
  * I know you're worried about me, but you'll be no use to anyone if you're exhausted, too.  
  
Here. Take my sword, put it out of my reach. Now wrap your arms around me and sleep. I won't be able to move without waking you up.
  * You did set up some wards, didn't you? Sorry; I can't see them.
  * Oh Hanled, how I envy you—being able to channel whenever you want to.
  * He's asleep. Breathing down my neck with that funny little half-snore of his.  
  
I wish there were stars. Those brief days before the end started, we could actually see them at night. They felt precious. Each one like a tiny jewel we might never see again.
  * Trying not to worry about Grady and Neald. Not because I shouldn't, but because I don't want it to seep into Hanled's dreams.  
  
Light, I hope they got inside ok.
  * More, I hope they can get back out again without ... well, without becoming like me. It seems like every time I go in there, I come out with fresh scars.
  * Now Hanled's tensing in his sleep. Sorry. I need to think of happier things.




	53. Liabilities

**Amadaine 11, N.E. 1000**

  * Hanled, wake up. Someone's coming.  
  
Shh. Hand me my sword?
  * Over there. See those bushes moving?  
  
Yes I'm sure it's not a squirrel. I heard him cough.
  * You go that way, I'll come around behind. Ready?
  * Light, it's just a boy!  
  
What are you doing out here, kid?
  * Grady? Oh, you're Grady's son? I had no idea he had kids.
  * Bless him. He sent breakfast.  
  
And a note, looks like.
  * He thinks he can get us in through the wall. Gadren here is to get "lost" picking berries, and Grady will come out looking for him. We're to be ready to slip inside while everyone's distracted.
  * Might as well help the kid fill that basket. Assuming there's anything to find out here.
  * Not a berry to be found. No chestnuts or acorns. Hardly a bird or squirrel anywhere.
  * I knew it was bad, but this ... the world is dying. Hanled says it isn't dead yet—he can see life when he grasps saidin—but all I see is the dusty ground, the empty trees, and those black and silver clouds with their half-seen faces.
  * I wonder, how can it get worse than this? Then I remember the darkness creeping out of those disks I stole for Taim.  
  
And suddenly, I know what they are.
  * "The Dark One and all of the Forsaken are bound in Shayol Ghul, beyond the Great Blight, bound by the Creator at the moment of Creation, bound until the end of time." The end of time. The Last Battle. It's right there in the catechism.
  * Taim called them keys. But a key can't be used if it's broken. They're not keys; they're the locks. The ... the seals, binding the Dark One in Shayol Ghul.  
  
I gave Taim the means to free the Dark One.
  * Hanled, what have I done?
  * It's time to get ourselves positioned to slip inside the Black Tower. Past time, really. But I can't make myself move.
  * Every time I go in there, something terrible happens. I wanted to free Venson, and ended up imprisoning Logain. I thought I could retrieve Caemlyn's food supplies, and came this close to setting the Dark One free with my own two hands.  
  
What if I do it again?
  * I can't do it. I can't risk something even worse happening because I was arrogant and careless.  
  
You're right; you can't take me inside. Order me to wait for you. I'll stay out here where I can't hurt anybody else.
  * Look, stop arguing and go, before you miss your window. You know I'm dead weight in there. A liability, since I can't weave anything on my own. If I'm out here, you won't have to worry about me.
  * Finally convinced him to go in without me. He didn't like it, but I can feel how angry he is with me, still. I think he needs the time alone.
  * Of course now that they're gone I remember I haven't eaten anything since morning.  
  
Not my smartest plan.
  * Feels like he's not even halfway there yet, and already taking it slow. Must have run into the search party.
  * I guess I'd better find some proper shelter before it gets dark. Going to be a long, hungry night, especially if I can't catch anything to....  
  
Hang on, what's that smell?
  * No, it's not anything I'm smelling. It's more like a FEELING of something foul. Reminds me of ... of the Gray Man in the palace!
  * Shadowspawn—it has to be. But where? How close do they have to be for me to feel them like this??
  * I can't leave this spot without an order from Hanled. Light, what was I thinking, staying out here?? Hanled, I need new orders! Hurry!
  * He's given me permission to follow, and he's coming back for me. Why does everything I do always turn out wrong?
  * I hear voices ... the search party. I can't let them see my face, either. What a mess!
  * That feeling getting stronger. The voices ... those aren't Asha'man; they're Trollocs!  
  
Light, don't move! Have they caught my scent?
  * There's more of them. An entire fist—not just stragglers. No Fade, thank the light, but that won't make any difference if they're tracking me.
  * I'm surrounded. They're definitely following someone's scent, but not mine.
  * They're almost past. As long as none of them turns around—  
  
Too late. RUN!
  * At least I have a sword this t—  
  
Ahh! And they have spears! Since when do Trollocs use throwing spears??
  * Hit my leg. It burns! Have to keep running. Seem so much bigger when you can't channel at them.
  * Closing on me. Not going to reach Hanled in time.  
  
Burn me for a stupid fool. And burn me if I'm doing to die running! Take that!
  * Oof! Swatted my sword away with its bare hand. Think I heard it crack. Then it knocked me so hard I'm seeing stars.
  * Now it has my leg. Dragging me. Not even going to kill me first. There goes every ounce of pride in my swordsmanship I've ever had.
  * Stupid Trolloc. Should have killed me.  
  
Hear that sound? That's the Black Tower coming for you.
  * I'm loose! Think it took a fireball to the face. I can't see straight.
  * Hanled still not close. Must be the search party.  
  
Ahh, hot tree shrapnel! Mind your aim; I'm not a Trolloc!
  * You—  
  
I know you. Canler, isn't it?  
  
I'm wounded, but I can walk. But Canler—please, don't let anyone see my face. Taim thinks I'm dead; if he sees me he'll kill me himself.
  * I know you think I'm one of his, but I'm not! Not anymore. Please; I can't channel right now. If you're still loyal to the Lord Dragon—if you ever were—weave me another face before anyone else sees me!
  * Bless you! Thank you, er, Asha'man I've never met, for saving my life!  
  
Has anyone seen my sword?
  * Well it's not broken.  
  
I doubt it will ever be straight again, but it's not broken.
  * More coming now. Some have never seen a Trolloc, dead OR alive. Most of these are dead.
  * There's Hanled. I think; he's wearing someone else's face.  
  
Why sure, friendly Ashy man, I would love to let this other strange Ashy man help me to walk on this wounded leg. How very kind of him to offer.




	54. Resistance

  * Who would have thought it would be this easy to walk back into the Black Tower? All it took was a Trolloc spear in the leg and a guy I barely know deciding to trust me.
  * Mishraile barely even glanced at me. More concerned with making sure everyone who went out comes back in again.
  * No, not the Barracks, Hanled. The inn. I'm just a traveler caught on the road; nobody worth looking twice at.
  * THAT'S the face I'm stuck with? ...I think I need to have a talk with Canler.
  * Yikes! What is Mishraile doing here? Is he on to me??
  * Looks like he's clueless. Wants me to keep my mouth shut about what I saw outside the walls. I hope that I put on an appropriate level of indignation before capitulating.  
  
And also that I managed to disguise my voice well enough. >_>
  * Hanled says he'll be disguised as Neald from now on, and that the real one has gone back to Lord Goldeneyes. Grady also slipped out, with his family.
  * Grady didn't have long to chat with Hanled before leaving, but says Taim wouldn't let him talk to anyone while he was here, and is having "Neald" watched (like I probably am now) to make sure he keeps his mouth shut. So Hanled won't be up here in person much.
  * Went down to the common room. Tried to pretend I was intimidated by all these black coats. Was easier than I thought it would be; half the ones in here are Taim's.
  * The rest all want news. I gave what I thought I could get away with. Started off talking about Elayne claiming Cairhien; made up a bunch of stuff about that. (Yes I'm still sore that I missed it.)
  * Then told them I'd been threatened against saying more and begged them to please not get me in trouble with "that Misherel fellow."  
  
They left me alone, but I could see they were chewing on that.
  * Here comes Canler. Making the rounds, not looking at me. Now he's stopped at the innkeeper. Quite a lot to say to her, I—  
  
Oh. I'm supposed to join him, if I'm reading her look right.
  * Most of Taim's left after that group who were talking to me did, but still a few left. Um ... I've never flirted with a woman before, but it's the only excuse I can think of.
  * She laughed at my stupid joke. So did Canler. I feel like that means they're on the same page here.  
  
Here goes nothing.
  * First things first—Logain. Is he...?  
  
No one has seen him. Light, I can't imagine anyone holding out that long. Hope he's not dead.
  * Sounds like everyone's on tenterhooks over Taim promising Logain would show up half a week ago.
  * What about Androl?  
  
Missing? That's not good. And he's not the only one.  
  
Who have we got left that are loyal to the Lord Dragon?
  * Ouch. Canler has given up on al'Thor. Says he's loyal to Logain because he's seen Logain.  
  
Fine, then. Who can we trust not to roll over for Taim if we decide to put up a fight?
  * ...That's it? But they're nothing but boys, every one of them!
  * By the way, Canler, this face?  
  
Ahh. Well I guess it's pretty good for your first attempt. I'll live.
  * You heard me right. I can't channel right now—not even a lick. Maybe I can get it back, but ... say, you don't know anyone who can remove a Compulsion weave, do you? Sorry. I had to ask.
  * Things you need to know. Taim is a Darkfriend. Claims to be one of the Forsaken—a new one—and I think I believe him. He has Myrddraal inside the Black Tower, warded so none of us can sense them.
  * He has Logain prisoner. That's on me. I don't know where exactly, but my guess is he has more than one tunnel under the foundations for the new wing. The one he held me in has collapsed.
  * Finally, the Last Battle has begun. I hope you didn't have many friends in Caemlyn, because—  
  
Oh, hello Master Misherel! I wasn't doing no harm, I swear. I was just telling this fine young man how grateful I was for him saving my life this afternoon.
  * Why, if I was a mite younger, I might even sign up with you lads. Don't know if I've got the stuff these days, you see.
  * To bed? Why that's a right wonderful idea. These old bones could surely use a rest.  
  
Well then, I'll be seeing you, Master ... Canler, wasn't it? Fine young lad. Sure to make something of hisself. Goodnight Masters, Mistress.
  * ARGH, stupid Mishraile. He's definitely got someone watching me. Also keeps looking at me sideways, like he's trying to puzzle something out.
  * Coming back here was pointless. There's no resistance to Taim's rule. If we could free Logain somehow ... but we don't have any idea where he is, we're all being watched, and I can't even channel.
  * Hanled thinks I should quit being all mopey. He was very careful not to make it an order though, so I don't see how he thinks I can.
  * Someone at the door ... the innkeeper. Wants me to follow.
  * Canler's here, too. Assures me the coast is clear. We're headed to ... his shop, I guess?  
  
Any chance we can get "Neald" here to join us?  
  
Hang on—I think he's headed this way on his own.
  * This place is pretty crowded. I REALLY hope Canler knows what he's doing.
  * Wants me to talk to them. No, not yet. Wait for Hanled. Yes, I know he's on the deserter's list. I would be too, if Taim knew Mishraile hadn't killed me.
  * He's here; will someone let him in? Thanks. Now better ward the place against eavesdroppers.  
  
Oh. It already is. I'll shut up now.
  * Hanled going over most of what I didn't get a chance to tell Canler and the innkeeper. These boys are having a hard time swallowing it.
  * They want to know why they should trust a deserter over Mezar and Welyn, who were known allies of Logain. Figures.  
  
Fine. Hanled; let them see who I am.
  * That's right—you know my face. I stood in front of you not a week gone when Mazrim Taim awarded me the Dragon pin.  
  
Whoops; that was a thing I forgot to tell Hanled. On purpose. Sorry, Hanled.)
  * I've been in Taim's councils, spying on him, since the day I earned the sword pin. I've done some things I'm ashamed of getting there. One of those, burn me for a fool, was letting Logain fall into his hands.
  * Mezar and Welyn, and their Aes Sedai, are no longer your friends. I've seen the torture pit where Mazrim Taim forces men and women who can channel to the Shadow. He has Logain there right now, using his every resource to Turn him.
  * Logain is running out of time. It might already be too late, but we have to do something. I have to do something. The Last Battle has begun, and the world needs the Black Tower to do what it was created for—to fight Shadowsworn like Taim in the name of the Lord Dragon.
  * ...I really hoped for a more enthusiastic reaction than that.
  * Light, you can't just give up without a fight! Taim's cronies are out there right now, looting and burning and killing loyal Asha'man all along the Blightborder! The world needs us!
  * Canler, not you, too? ...Yes they're boys, but they're also Soldiers. Every one of them can channel more than I can right now, and I'm still willing to go face Mazrim Taim, on his own turf, if there's even a LICK of a chance of freeing Logain.
  * So that's it, then. You're all just going to give up and wait until it's your turn to go down in that pit to have your soul cored out of you one bit at a time?
  * What ... whose voice was that?  
  
Was that ANDROL?
  * He's still alive. Whether Logain is or not, Androl is still alive and fighting. The weakest of us all, and he's STILL FIGHTING. Are we going to sit here and let the Shadow take him?
  * Good. Now if someone will lend me a sword, it's time to take our friends back!




	55. The Battle for the Black Tower

  * Wait—hold here. Hanled and I will try to take the guards without alerting anyone else. Follow on a twenty-count. On my mark.
  * Looks like these guards are the real deal. Don't have to feel bad about stabbing them in the back.  
  
Metaphorically. Because really it's just easier to approach from the front.
  * Taim should really not have taught one of us to invert an invisibility weave. Eh, Hanled?
  * I got him to smile. First time he's smiled at me since Dolyn tried to kill him.  
  
Come on, everybody down! Split up—shout if you find them.
  * Over here! You go help Androl; I'll work on these locks. Maybe one of these prisoners is still strong enough to help us.
  * That's Androl. He's free! Light, but there are so many of Taim's. How can we possibly....  
  
A gateway! He wove a gateway! Are they working again??
  * He ran! Taim chickened out and ran!
  * But where is Logain? Is he...?  
  
Safe, Androl says. But in no shape to fight. Light, so many of ours are down.  
  
And more of Taim's coming! Hanled!
  * Androl, we need Logain where people can see him. I don't care if he can't fight—there are more of Taim's coming from the palace, and they'll have us all if we can't rally the rest of the Black Tower!
  * The gateways ARE working! Everyone, out! All they have to do is collapse the tunnels on us. Get out before they have the chance!
  * Androl, can't you...? All right, leave him. It's too dark to see, anyway. I have a better idea.  
  
There's the barracks. Hanled, it's time to wake them up.
  * Asha'man—to arms! For Logain and the Lord Dragon!
  * They're taking up the cry. It's working!
  * We've cleared the grounds, but the palace is holding. Push! Don't let even one of those bloody Darkfriends escape. For the Lord Dragon!
  * They're running. Don't let them run! Every one we fail to fell will slay a thousand men who can't channel before they die!
  * Master Haslin—I told you to get out! I guess it's just as well. Plenty of run-of-the-mill Darkfriends in here. Light, I'm exhausted.  
  
Dolyn, I feel you champing at the bit there. Can I trust you off the leash?



#####

  * **Oof. She just ... let me out? Like that? What a sucker!**  
  
**Just kidding. I suddenly remembered how much I love killing stuff. Hahaha!**
  * **This is for serving Taim. This is for letting him torture us! And so is this! And this! And that!**
  * **Aww, they're all down.**  
  
**Playtime is over already? Oh, hi Hanled. Don't mind me, just—**  
  
**All right, all right! But I get to come out longer next time. You hear me Ashalyn?!**



#####

  * Thanks for the refresh. Yes, I know it was risky. Should have given you the head's up first. Sorry.
  * How does it look? Did we ... did we win?  
  
Good.  
  
...How many did we lose?
  * Light, you'd better get out there and start healing. Is there anything I can do to help?  
  
Sure, I can carry water. I still know how to work with my hands.
  * No, not the barracks—bring the wounded in here for healing. There's more light.
  * Taim's audience hall is about to become a triage center.
  * We did it. I didn't expect to walk in and begin a full-scale battle in the Black Tower.  
  
Or maybe I did, and that's why I was afraid.
  * The morning is soon enough to decide whether I did the right thing this time. For now, there is work to be done.




	56. The Reckoning

**Amadaine 12, N.E. 1000**

  * Total dead: two hundred sixty three Asha'man, including Dedicated and Soldiers. Seven Aes Sedai—ours and theirs. Some two hundred civilians, including servants, wives, and craftsmen.  
  
Burn me, that's a heavy toll.
  * The wounded are more, by about twice that. Every available healer is working and exhausted, but Hanled thinks we won't lose any more today. I hope he's right.
  * Those who can't heal are digging graves. Even with the Power, it may take days.
  * Found my old uniform in my room, but haven't put it on. Hanled says he'll keep an eye out for my ter'angreal as they search Taim's palace, but it's a big place, and he can't do it all himself. No guarantees.
  * Still maybe a hundred of Taim's unaccounted for. Some of those were gone before the fighting started; others fled by gateway or might have been dropped through Androl's holes. Did you know he can weave a horizontal gateway?
  * Henre Haslin accounted himself well, taking out a Dedicated and two Soldiers before he died. He proved his own words—that a man with a sword could kill someone who could channel if he were quick and they were unprepared.
  * Despite the losses, we're counting it a victory. The Black Tower is ours. I know we can ill afford to be resting while Tarmon Gai'don rages north of us, but at least we're unified now. Androl, Canler, and Emarin have taken charge while Logain recovers.
  * Androl says that might take a while.
  * What's this? ...Under arrest??  
  
Well yes, I wore the Dragon pin before the fighting started, but I'm the one who....  
  
Light, Gabrelle. It's good to see she wasn't Turned, but it's really inconvenient that she remembers I stabbed her.
  * All right—all right! I'm not going to fight you.  
  
Hanled, stand down. I probably deserve this, and worse, for the things I've done. Let them take me.
  * And, back in a cell.  
  
Honestly it's kind of a relief. Nobody here is going to torture me, and if Dolyn gets out she can't hurt anyone. They'll probably even feed me.
  * Double handful of Taim's in the nearby cells who were captured instead of killed in the fighting. I wonder what will become of them. I worry that keeping them shielded indefinitely will waste resources that we could be spending to fight Tarmon Gai'don.
  * I DO get lunch! Sweet!
  * You know, as prisons go this one is pretty posh. I get a pallet on the floor, a chamber pot, and even a tiny sliver of daylight through the window.
  * Looks like Hanled finally took a break from healing to come visit me.  
  
He feels exhausted.
  * So ... I guess there's a lot of things we still haven't hashed out. Where would you like to start?
  * I sort of took over again last night, didn't I? After I said I wouldn't. Sorry.  
  
I'm glad things turned out all right, but ... I mean, maybe it didn't have to go down like that. I don't know.
  * The Dragon pin ... right. Taim gave it to me after I helped him capture Logain. Dolyn was ... not nice about that.  
  
The official story, of course, is that I earned it for bringing down three deserters. One of which was you, and the other two were mostly your doing.
  * So really it ought to have been you getting that pin. Which is part of why I didn't want to talk about it.
  * So ... where do we stand, exactly? As ... as a couple?
  * He ... he dissolved the bond.  
  
And then wove it again. The right way. Oh Hanled, I could kiss you! That is, if I weren't already kissing you.
  * But what if Dolyn gets out again and I do something worse? I mean, Mishraile escaped. What if she does something ... inappropriate with him?
  * Hanled says he'll take equal responsibility for Dolyn's actions, since it was his insistence that I learn to wield saidin which created her in the first place.  
  
Ok, I guess that's fair.
  * As for Mishraile ... Hanled says that if he takes advantage of me while I'm not in my right mind, he'll simply kill him and restore my honor. Problem solved. 😆
  * The guard wants to know why Hanled is channeling in here. Hanled's all, "it's just a little something to keep Taramar sane. He's a much nicer person when he's sane."
  * He says he'll also talk to Androl about getting me released—if that's ok with me.
  * YES. I mean, it would be nice to bum around in a cell while everyone else is busy dying to save the world, but it's not really me, you know?
  * And yes, I'm afraid of what Dolyn might do if I can't keep her under control, but the fact that YOU believe in me makes it that much easier to believe in myself again.
  * Androl is here.  
  
Light, he looks exhausted. I can only imagine what he's been through since Taim imprisoned him.
  * He says that Hanled explained about my madness, and about all the things I've done to make up for helping Taim capture Logain. He understands. But he won't set me free.
  * Gabrelle has told the story of my betrayal to half the Black Tower, and most of them agree that I can't be trusted. Canler will vouch for me, but other than Hanled, he's the only Dedicated who will. Androl thinks it's better for everyone's peace of mind if I stay in here for now.
  * I told him that I understood, and asked if he would convey my apology to Gabrelle Sedai.
  * Now who's coming to see me? It's not Hanled.  
  
Light, it's Gabrelle. And she's furious. Yikes!
  * She's all, how dare I try to apologize to her for what I did??  
  
Not sure whether I'm supposed to apologize for apologizing, or what. I'm thinking maybe keeping my mouth shut is a better idea.
  * Look, I wasn't in my right mind, all right? I can't undo what I did, but that doesn't change the fact that I wish it hadn't happened.
  * She says I could never understand what she went through.  
  
Oh, you want to bet? You folks, you break once and that's the end of it. Me, Taim had to break every single time he wanted to use me. So yeah, I think I know how the last week has been for you.
  * That shut her up. For like, half a minute, and then she stormed out saying something about putting me down like a rabid dog.  
  
So that ... happened.




	57. A Second Chance

**Amadaine 13, N.E. 1000**

  * Bad news arrived with my breakfast.  
  
Logain is awake and responsive ... and has ordered all of the captives to be executed at noon.
  * I can feel Hanled outside; they're not letting him in.  
  
Light, I thought I was prepared for something like this. Turns out, you never are.
  * I can't stop shaking. The other prisoners making a ruckus in their cells, but I've got nothing to say. I know I deserve it, for everything Dolyn did.
  * Gabrelle has the right of it. No telling when I might bite again.
  * Hanled still can't get through, but says he'll appeal to Logain on my behalf.  
  
I can't bring myself to tell him it's useless. He didn't see the fury on Logain's face after Dolyn taunted him.
  * Feels like he's getting chewed out pretty hard. Hanled, don't argue! I don't want you caught up in this, too!
  * He says they have him shielded until the executions are over.  
  
There went my last hope of getting out of this alive.
  * Great. Looks like the only thing Hanled accomplished was to get the executions moved earlier. They just dragged the first one from his cell.
  * Hey you ... Garwin, isn't it? ... I need to speak to Androl before my turn comes.  
  
No, I'm not going to beg for my life. Tell him Taramar has important information about Taim that he'd rather not let die with him.
  * There goes the first one. I can hear everyone cheering.
  * Now the cell next to mine. Androl, please hurry!
  * There goes the second one. Guards are coming for me....  
  
No, they passed over me, went to the next one.  
  
Figures Logain would want to save me for last.
  * Androl—thank the Light.  
  
I'm sure Hanled would have gotten around to telling you this eventually, but he'll be in no shape to remember once I'm dead. Stubborn fool probably won't even release the bond, so if you'd have someone keep him from hurting himself, I'd appreciate it.
  * No, that's not important right now. I need to tell you about Taim.  
  
First of all, Caemlyn's granaries. Taim had us loot them and locked it all up here in the Black Tower. That food needs to go to the army, and to the refugees heading west to Whitebridge.
  * Second ... I stole something for Taim. I didn't know what they were until later, but Androl ... I think they're the seals to the Dark One's prison. If Taim hasn't broken them yet, it's because he plans to save it for the worst possible moment. Some has to stop him!
  * I can't tell you more, except what they look like. They're three black and white disks, shaped like the Banner of Light—with a flame beside a fang.
  * Androl thinks he remembers seeing them, in a pouch on Taim's belt. Bragging about it to some Aes Sedai.  
  
If only I'd thought about it when we stormed the tunnels. I'm sorry.
  * He says he's sorry he can't get me free. When Logain heard my name, he started raging about how he wants to kill "that twelve-faced so-and-so" personally.  
  
It's all right Androl—I understand. Logain has the right to do whatever he wants to me for what he suffered.
  * Do me a favor—don't let Logain know it was me who told you about the seals. He'd only think it was another trap, and the world can't afford for him to ignore it.  
  
Thanks. Yes, that's everything I know.
  * There goes the last one, in chains. Androl escorting him. I have until I hear the cheers, and then it'll be me walking up those steps.
  * I can't ask Hanled to let me go. I know it's selfish, but if I can't hold him one last time, then feeling him through the bond is the next best thing.
  * There go the cheers. I hear the guards coming for me.  
  
Suddenly Hanled feels far away. Good—I don't want him to watch.
  * Hang on—except if he can suddenly weave a gateway, does that mean he's fr—  
  
AAAH, the floor is gone!  
  
Oof! Light, that really is as terrifying as it looks!
  * Androl?!  
  
Where are we? Why did you change your mind?
  * Hanled! Oh Light, it's good to hold you!
  * Androl says this place is called Kore Springs. He'll be sending food and supplies here as soon as he gets Logain's permission, and wants us here to distribute it.
  * But why? Knowing how badly Logain wants me dead—and how much reason he has to want it—why spare me?
  * Trainees? ...What trainees?
  * Light, I'd all but forgotten. Back before I could channel, I did mentor some of the new ones. Every one of whom vouched for me to Androl.  
  
I knew it was weird that you trusted me, way back when I was still playing spy for Taim.
  * Androl says quite a few Dedicated defended me to Logain this morning as well, claiming it was my voice shouting the call to arms that woke them.
  * He seems to think if I give it enough time, Logain will eventually calm down enough to listen to reason.  
  
Yeah, I don't think I'm interested in testing that theory, but thanks.
  * Androl expects he'll be up to transporting supplies by sometime tomorrow. Until then we'll have to determine how best to make ourselves useful.
  * Now he's awkwardly trying to ask how long Hanled and I have been bonded.  
  
Androl, you might as well know—I'm a woman. I can't actually channel without some things Mishraile took from me when....  
  
Wha...? Hanled, how long have you had those?!
  * Yesterday?? And when were you planning to tell ME about it?
  * If you'll excuse us, Androl, I need to give my husband a long ... and thorough ... talking to.
  * Hah—finally! Androl was all, "I wondered why you never seemed to need a shave."
  * Well, now that THAT conversation is over, let's see what we can find in this place.  
  
Er, Hanled—would you grab my uniform from the palace? I imagine it's still where I left it.
  * That's better. Just one little detail to fix ... there.  
  
Hanled, you deserve this dragon pin more than I do. Hold still! You're better than me at everything but illusions. In a perfect world, it would have been you climbing those steps, not me.
  * Oh, quit making a fuss. I'll bet Logain has half the Dedicated in the Black Tower promoted as soon as he approves it with the Lord Dragon. You know Taim has been holding them back because of who they were loyal to.
  * Now for that look around.  
  
I think this place was abandoned in a hurry. No people here, but plenty of stuff.
  * Hanled—since you officially outrank me again—where do you think we should start?
  * Some wards—good point. We don't know where the battlefront is.  
  
That should be our next priority, probably.
  * Seems like gateways will be the best way to accomplish that, so I'll have to let you take care of that. Meanwhile, I'm going to see how many carts and wagons I can find in the fields.  
  
Why are you laughing at me?
  * Light, I really can't help taking charge, can I?
  * Hanled thinks we're just ahead of the Andoran army, so we shouldn't have to worry about Trollocs yet. I didn't find many wagons, but I'll bet if we follow the road a ways in each direction, we'll find some farms and such.
  * Hey, a horse!  
  
Here, Bessie. I have a nice, uh ... illusory carrot for you.  
  
Gotcha. Sorry it's not real. You'll forgive me, wont you?
  * Been forever since I rode bareback.
  * Big old building up ahead. Looks like some lord's manor.
  * Couple of half-loaded wagons by the gate, complete with horses.  
  
Ho, the manor! Is anyone home?
  * More than just food in these wagons. I think someone is helping themselves to the lord's silver dishes.  
  
Hey, horse, how would you like to be invisible for a minute?
  * Those aren't manor folk. Look more like farmers to me.  
  
All right, time to interrupt this party.
  * Hey, why aren't you folks gone? Don't you know there's an army of Trollocs marching this way?
  * Ahah. I know who these guys are. Every village has them—the skeptics, who won't believe a thing unless it profits them personally.
  * I think y'all better move on. I'm commandeering these wagons in the name of the Lord Dragon.
  * They're laughing at me. Think it's hilarious that a lone rider would dare challenge them.  
  
You folks have no idea what a black coat means, do you?
  * I see your pitchfork and I raise you ... a sudden gust of wind. Whoops.
  * He gets it. The rest of them don't. Guess I need to be a little more obvious.
  * Now they're running.  
  
Thanks for the horses!
  * All right, let's see what we've got in here. Fancy junk ... more fancy junk ... the lord's wardrobe.... All of that goes back in the house.
  * Casks of ale ... tempting, but I doubt we'll need them.  
  
Here we go: the larder. Dried fruit, salted meat—this guy knows how to prepare for the long haul. Some fresh; if it's not spoiled, Hanled and I can have it for supper.
  * That'll about fill one of these wagons by itself.  
  
Now there's just one more thing.... Yes! A saddle! Looks like military grade; perfect. And bridles over here ... hope he'll forgive me for taking one.
  * And a farrier's kit. I THINK I remember how to shoe a horse ... might as well tuck that into the saddlebag.
  * All right, horse; time to head back.  
  
You need a name. How about Rahien? I read in a book that it's supposed to mean "dawn".
  * Oh yeah—found you a carrot.
  * Looks like Hanled has company. Hope it's friendlier than mine.
  * Nice! He found an advance scouting party and invited them to help clear some buildings.
  * They have dire news. The forces of the Light have been pushed back from Tarwin's Gap ... Shienar is being emptied in advance of their path.  
  
Hanled—what about home??




	58. Fires

  * Hanled thinks we've done everything we can here to prepare for Androl's drop tomorrow. If we leave now, we'll still have light enough to see what we're doing.  
  
We're going home.
  * Come on, Rahien; it's just a gateway. Easy does it.
  * Hanled wants to know why I didn't get him a horse. Sorry—I figured someone would need to drive the wagons.
  * No point wearing someone else's face here. Everyone knows my voice. Light, this is bound to get awkward.
  * Looks like the battlefront hasn't made its way here, yet. Everyone seems quiet, but tense. No one has recognized us, yet.
  * And of course it's Mudsel who recognized me first. Screaming at me for scandalously wearing men's clothing.
  * Will you just tell us where the mayor is, already?  
  
Visiting his brother's farm. Wonderful.
  * I remembered this place being closer.
  * Are you sure you've never been there, Hanled? Because we've already lost most of our daylight....  
  
Well, at least we can Skim back. ...Or do you think that'll freak out my horse?
  * I FINALLY see the farm. Giddap, Rahien.
  * Going to learn from experience and weave myself some illusory riding skirts.  
  
Ho, the farm! Is the mayor here?
  * Out they come. Don't look at me like that, Hanled; we'll find you a horse soon.
  * Mayor Kikosa; why hasn't the village been evacuated? Don't you know there are Trollocs coming?
  * Waiting until after Sunday ... wait, tomorrow is Sunday?? I had no idea.
  * Burn me, don't you know it's Tarmon Gai'don out there?  
  
Never mind my language. Haven't you seen the sky? How can you celebrate when the world is ending?
  * Hanled, back me up here. These ninnies see a skirt and think I can't talk sense.  
  
(No I do not think showing up in breeches would have been better after all.) 
  * Light, the sky. Hanled—look!  
  
I thought all that smoke was some farmer burning brush out of his irrigation ditches.  
  
It's not. The whole countryside is on fire!
  * Wait! Don't run for the village—we can take you straight there. Gather everyone in.  
  
Mistress Kikosa, do you have a horse Hanled could borrow? Yes, and tack too.
  * Good idea—we should send riders to call the neighbors in. They'll have to make their own way to the village, though. There isn't time to wait!
  * Hanled doesn't think he can cram everyone here onto a skimming platform. We'll have to make short hops—might as well stop at some of those farms we passed.
  * Oh for crying out ... walk through the gateway, already! It's not going to hurt you!
  * Hanled, leave them. They should have time to walk, if they're quick about it.  
  
You and you, run to the farms north and south of here. Make sure they've seen the fire. Tell them they have ten minutes to join us before we make another hop.
  * Hanled thinks he should Skim down to the end of the East Road while we're waiting for these to gather.  
  
Are you sure? If you tire yourself out too much, we won't be able to pull everyone in.
  * All right, take some runners with you. You, girl—you look brave. Can you ride?  
  
Get up on this horse and go with Hanled. Be careful with him, he doesn't belong to me.
  * What? Am I an Aes Sedai? Light, no. I'm an Asha'man. Huge difference; way cooler.
  * Here's Hanled. And here come the farms from north and south.  
  
Hey, who told them they could bring their sheep?!
  * No sheep through the gateway; it takes too long!  
  
All right fine—run them to the village on foot. We'll see what we can do once we can make a proper gateway.
  * How many more hops do you think we'll have to make? Is this the last one? Ok, good. Between the shouting and the smoke, I don't know how much longer my voice will hold out.
  * Everyone, listen! When you go through this gateway, you'll be right outside the village. Tell everyone you see to gather on the green with all the food they can carry!
  * Sounds like the village is already aware of the fire—and panicking. Hanled, do you know that voice-amplifying trick Taim uses?  
  
Ow, that was loud. But hopefully effective.
  * I'm going to run down the road to my family's farm. Mayor Kikosa—will you make sure everyone understands they're to gather on the green? I don't trust certain people to listen to Hanled.
  * Oh. Thanks for the gateway. I'll be back soon.
  * Of course there are no lights on. This is my family we're talking about.  
  
Now let's see if I've got that weave down ... can't make it as loud as Hanled but there aren't a bunch of people to shout over, here.
  * They're all wasting time with candles. If I can make some balls of light at the windows ... there.  
  
Get out of the house! Hurry, there's a fire in the woods!
  * Yes, it's me. No, Aunt Magin—you may not bring your rocking chair. Only what you can carry, and head to the village!
  * Never mind what happened to my face, da. Tinya, what are you staring at me for?  
  
My sword pin? No no no, don't freak out now!
  * She's all right, Daved. Just ... er, fainted. Here, I'll help you carry her.
  * Uh, I take it I'm going to be an aunt again?
  * And of course they're all arguing with me. Come on—it's only half a mile! Just walk!
  * Sound of horses behind us ... one of them is my horse. Light, you're done already? Good work!
  * Here Daved; help her up on my horse. I've got her.
  * Sorry Rahien; I know you're tired from all that running. We'll take it at a walk, is that all right?
  * Burn those clouds. Even with the flames reflecting off the bottom, it's too dark. Have to drop my mask of mirrors to weave enough lights for everyone to see by.
  * No, I'm not a....  
  
You know what? Whatever makes you happy. Sure, I'm an Aes Sedai.
  * Hanled. Is your family awake? Good. We should start ferrying people south, if you're ready. How about the Tar Valon road, just north of the city?
  * Go through the gate. Through the gate, all of you!  
  
Burn you, it's not just a forest fire! That's the armies of the Light, burning it ahead of a force of hundreds of thousands of Trollocs!  
  
It's Tarmon freaking Gai'don, so GET THROUGH THAT GATEWAY!
  * This is totally not how this went when I pictured it in my head.  
  
Do you think I should scare them through? I could weave the illusion of a couple of Trollocs....  
  
No you're right. They'd almost certainly scatter.
  * I guess we'll have to hope "slow but steady" does the trick.
  * Hanled, how did that refresh weave go? No, don't weave it on me, just show me. I think it's simple enough I can use it on you.  
  
Feels like that took the edge off his exhaustion, at least.




	59. Sunday

**Sunday, N.E. 1000**

  * Still people coming in from the farms, but they've slowed to a trickle. Hanled is making them wait until he has a good number before opening a gateway.  
  
Hey—I told you; no sheep until all the people are through! Take them back to the green!
  * Fire is nearly to the village now. Hard to breathe for the smoke ... still had trouble keeping people from wanting to go back for this, that, or the other, so we've changed up our gateway location a few times.
  * Been a few hours since anyone new reached the village, but we're scouring the road south for people who ran before we had a chance to gather them. Have found a few dozen so far.
  * Hanled, stop. You're coughing like crazy, and I can feel how exhausted you are. If we make another trip, you might not have the strength to get us back.  
  
I'm sorry, but it's time to quit. We can't help anyone else.
  * Come on, back to the others. Lie down and breathe for a while.  
  
Light, I wish I knew healing.
  * Can someone bring Mother Dukati? He's been breathing smoke and ash all night!
  * Here Hanled, drink this. Now rest. Just because I can't sleep doesn't mean you shouldn't.  
  
I'm fine; I promise. I can weave this on myself.
  * Could y'all give us some space? I'm starting to feel uncomfortable, here....
  * You've got to be joking. It wasn't kidnapping! Your homes are ON FIRE.
  * It wasn't set by US! Mayor Kikosa—tell them about the messenger. Didn't you have warning that this was coming?
  * Mistress Mudsel, Hanled isn't any madder than you are! (And quite a bit less mad than I am.) Saidin isn't tainted anymore. That's Tar Valon down that hill. Ask the Aes Sedai!
  * All of you, BACK. OFF. Hanled isn't the only one here who can wield saidin. You want him, you have to come through ME!
  * That's right; listen to Tinya. I'm one of them.  
  
If you don't want to find out how mad _I_ am, you'll bring me my horse and leave us bloody alone!
  * Burn me. Burn me, I can never go home after that. Not even if they rebuild. Who needs them, anyway! Idiots, all of them! Enjoy your Sunday, you bunch of jerks!
  * 😭
  * Ma ... da ... you shouldn't be following me. Didn't you hear? I'm mad—the taint got to me before it was cleansed.  
  
You ... want to help? But you're not soldiers. It must have been forty years since anyone so much as SNIFFED a Trolloc in our village.
  * All right—I admit we do need willing hands to distribute the grain we liberated.  
  
Tell you what; gather everyone who wants to help here in this copse, and we'll come for you when we need you.  
  
Hanled, are you up for another gateway yet?
  * Da, keep this spot clear. I don't want to hurt anyone when we return. I love you, too.
  * Looks like Androl hasn't sent anything here yet. Go sleep. I'll keep watch for it.
  * I know I said I was "keeping watch," but I'm still exhausted. I'm going to do my watching from under a hat, lying on the seat of this wagon with my eyes shut. It might not be sleep but it has some of the same feeling.
  * Fun fact: You can dream without actually being asleep. Or even shutting your eyes, if you're tired enough.  
  
Granted, these dreams were mostly Dolyn berating me for skimming too much cream off the milk, but I think it helped?
  * Anyway, I'm pretty sure that sound was Androl dropping a bunch of stuff through a gateway, so I need to go wake Hanled up again.
  * Wake up, sleeping beauty.
  * Androl isn't kidding around; these buildings are filled to the rafters. I think we need bigger wagons.
  * Messenger just came in, sent by the advance scouts we talked to yesterday, with bad news.  
  
The army isn't coming this way. They've turned east, planning to force the Trollocs to fight their way across the Erinin.  
  
We're on the wrong side of the river.
  * Maps. I need a map.  
  
Hanled, will you open a gateway to the lord's manor, a few miles down that road? If anyone has a library, he would.
  * Then see if our parents have gathered up anyone who would be willing to take a message to Androl. We need this lot moved, and quickly.
  * Library, library ... there!  
  
Now where on earth have they stored the maps?
  * Here we go. Northeast Andor and west Cairhien, showing both rivers. Hanled, I'm ready for a return gateway.
  * Hanled brought back more people than I expected. Better armed than I expected, too.
  * Hey, it's my favorite messenger. How would you feel about a visit to the Black Tower?  
  
That's my girl. Don't let them push you around. Remember—you're there on official business.
  * Drat. Androl says he doesn't have enough strength to move what he already deposited. He will drop some tomorrow across the river, but we'll have to move this lot by ourselves.
  * Hanled thinks he can move the wagons through a gateway, but only if we're quick about it. He's never made one that big before and isn't sure how long he can hold it.
  * Wagons are full. Get those horses moving! We may only have a few seconds once the gateway opens; I want them already at a trot!
  * And ... they're through! Clipped a couple bits of wood off the back end, but the important thing is that it worked.
  * Hanled thinks he's rested enough to make another gateway. I'm going through this time; someone needs to organize the other side.
  * This is no good at all.  
  
You can't drop your loads there; there's an army crossing in a few hours! Move it away from the road!
  * I see them!  
  
Well, not the army itself, but the signs of it. A perfect circle in the clouds, moving closer.  
  
That can only be Queen Elayne!
  * Hanled's gateways are getting smaller; he's pushing himself too hard. Take a break, please!
  * Might as well take my own advice. Dolyn is getting more insistent that we do something interesting.
  * Sorry, D—there's no enemy to fight here. Can't have you picking your own targets yet.
  * Where is that smoke coming from? I don't know if it's wise to set up camp before we know how long we're going to be....  
  
Light, the bridge. Someone is trying to burn it before they get here!
  * Got the fire out, but I can't see who set it. There's no one hiding up here unless they're very good at dodging my weave slice.
  * Another fire over there. Definitely weaving saidar. But where is she hiding??
  * There—under the bridge! She's in a boat, tethered to the central pier.  
  
And she saw me. Yikes!
  * Not very strong with Fire. Passable with Air, but she doesn't know how to use it as a weapon. Too bad she can't see this lesson!
  * Missed her; got her boat. She's in the water ... somewh—  
  
Ahh! Now I'm in the water!
  * Almost lost my spectacles. River didn't look nearly this fast from the shore! Can't even see the bridge anymore.  
  
I do see her though—clinging to half her boat. Not for long!
  * Burn her—she sliced my weave. Hard to channel while swimming; she has the advantage.
  * My leg! Something pulling me down. Can't see to weave, and can't breathe!
  * Can't tell up from down. Too dark, current too strong. Need something that floats—wood, or ... ice!
  * BLESSED AIR! Pretty sure I've half frozen myself to this chunk of ice, but it worked.  
  
Now where is—  
  
Whoops!
  * Under the water again, stuck beneath my own ice. But I see her! A hair-thin whip of air....  
  
That's done for her and the boat, both. Now to melt this ice!
  * How far is the shore...? Far. But there's a sandbar ahead. If I can push myself towards it with Water....  
  
Made it!
  * Light, I must be a mile south of where I started. Maybe more.  
  
Hanled, I'm fine; don't waste your strength on a gateway. Just need to rest a minute, then I'll start walking.
  * (Up the WEST bank, of course. :P River couldn't have decided to bend right, noooo.)
  * At least I don't have to walk wet. That's a weave I learned early on.
  * And the riverbank turned into a bog. Question is, will it be faster to go around, or to walk through it?
  * Yeah, we're going around.
  * Sounds of fighting ahead. Trying to decide whether to jump in or try to avoid it. For all I know, a black coat out here could mean Taim's people to these guys.
  * Burn me, I was too late. Trollocs must have cut these guys off from the army.  
  
So, we're behind enemy lines again. Fun.
  * Least I can do is avenge them.  
  
Please don't let there be a Fade, please oh please oh please.
  * No Fades. And no more Trollocs. Haven't used THAT weave in forever. Surprisingly effective.
  * Hanled just jumped a whole lot closer. Says the army has started crossing, and wants to know how long I'll be.  
  
Well there's open sky above me, so I can't be too far behind. Just need to find them.
  * Definitely a battle up ahead. Going invisible for now; not completely effective in daylight but they're bound to be distracted.
  * Light, there must be a hundred Trollocs between me and the riverbank! Fighting a contingent of ... Whitecloaks??
  * There's no way I'll walk into THAT channeling and come out alive.  
  
Only problem is, another thousand just came up behind me. I'm trapped!
  * Forward it is. Light, I never thought I'd be disguising myself as a Whitecloak.
  * I really hope nobody notices my sword has a little extra range than it should.  
  
Or that I turned a Trolloc to ice.  
  
Or sliced that one in half with Air.
  * They're fighting their way to me! I'm through, and only a moment to spare.  
  
Over the bridge, men! Over it and burn it behind us!
  * Now THIS is how you collapse a bridge!
  * There's Hanled—he's going for Queen's Guard with his disguise. Not a bad idea, if I can find a spot away from prying eyes for a moment....
  * That's better.  
  
So, what did I miss?
  * Not much, sounds like. Hanled got the last of the carts through just in time for the leading edge of the army to pretty much gobble it all up. The wagons, the carts, and all the people but us are part of the supply team now.
  * Do you think we can find Captain-General Birgitte in all this?




	60. Familiar Faces

  * Light! Are those OGIER?  
  
I never thought I'd see one with my own eyes!
  * There's the Caemlyn contingent. Uniforms looking even more battered than ours.  
  
Caseille! Oh, thank the Light you're alive! Deni is ... she's ... I buried her, west of Caemlyn. Took a Fade's sword from behind.
  * Where's the Captain-General? Is she with this army?  
  
Good. We have a lot to report.
  * She finally came to the command tent—just as Hanled was about to fall asleep on that big old rock he's sitting on. She looks really surprised to see me.
  * Yes, I'm alive. A few new scars, and my left arm will never be quite what it was again, but we succeeded. We recovered the stolen grain.
  * The Black Tower ... no longer belongs to Mazrim Taim. We took it back from him, but at a great cost. We may not be ready to fight for several days yet, but Hanled and I are here to coordinate a daily supply drop.
  * Healing? I'm afraid I'm still pretty useless there. Maybe Hanled can help with that, but not until he's had some sleep. We spent last night evacuating our home in advance of the Malkier contingent.
  * We don't need much. A couple bedrolls if you have any extra ones kicking around, and we'll gladly join the mess line. All we really need right now is rest.
  * Yikes, it's Queen Elayne. Did she hear any of that?  
  
Looks like no. She thought she heard a familiar voice from inside the tent, though. I'll need to be more careful.
  * Captain-General Birgitte giving us an excuse to leave. Keep a straight face. Salute—nice and proper in Andoran fashion. Now out through the tent flap before anything else can—  
  
Nuts. 
  * Downside of these spectacles is that I can't see a weave slice coming from behind. She got both of our illusions in one go.
  * This is not how I wanted THIS to go.  
  
Oh well. Time to face the music.
  * I'm sorry for deceiving you, Your Majesty. It was never my choice; I was acting under orders.
  * No, not the Lord Dragon's. Mazrim Taim's, Majesty. He ordered me to spy on you.
  * Yes, from the very beginning.  
  
Also, um ... these belong to you. They aren't the only thing I stole from your collection, but I haven't gotten the other one back yet.
  * Ow.  
  
I definitely deserved that.
  * Must have been something through the Warder bond that I missed, because now she's got Birgitte in the crosshairs.  
  
Hanled, don't you dare slip out on me. I might need an emergency gateway.
  * At least she's less upset about us going behind her back on the whole bodyguard thing and more concerned that she's had a man in her dressing room for the last four months.  
  
Er, about that....
  * And Birgitte said the magic word. (The magic word is ter'angreal.)  
  
I ... um, I'm getting that back some time soon, right?
  * That feels a lot like a no.
  * No, Naris is not an Asha'man—she's just married to one.
  * Uh-oh—she's got her royal decree face on.
  * She says that my ter'angreal ... is the property of the White Tower. That I should never have been given it in the first place.  
  
She also says that we are never to wear Andoran livery again. Not in this camp or outside it.
  * She says we're dismissed. Birgitte warns us not to go far—she still needs details about the supply drop.
  * So that's it, then. My life as an Asha'man is over.  
  
At least it was fun while it lasted.
  * Steal it back? Hanled—you have no idea how crazy strong she is in the Power. I'm not sure even you're a match for her.
  * I guess there's no point in my wearing this coat anymore. Was getting pretty worn out, anyway.
  * Here comes the Captain-General.  
  
Wait, she has my ter'angreal with her. AND the spectacles?!
  * She says she "talked some sense" into Queen Elayne. That I'm allowed to keep these until Tarmon Gai'don is won.  
  
Thank you! I promise to return them. I'll swear it on my life—if I fail, it's because I'm already dead.
  * Er, so how about that place to sleep?




	61. Turncoat

**Amadaine 14, N.E. 1000**

  * Trollocs tried to cross several times during the night. Had to weave sleep on Hanled to keep the noise from waking him. No sense for both of us to be exhausted.  
  
Speaking of which ... I think I need to get away from people for a while.
  * Captain-General wants us to take a bunch of the camp followers to Androl's drop site so they don't have to try preparing meals on the move. So much for avoiding people.
  * Reactions to our black coats are quite varied. Everyone seems to know what they mean, at least. Startled one EXTREMELY HOT Whitecloak when we skirted the command tent earlier.
  * The Ogier were the happiest to see us. I didn't think a person could grin that wide.
  * Breakfast acquired. Now just waiting for the cleanup crew to finish so we can transport the ... hey, no wagons! You get that stuff on CARTS, or you can take the long way to the rendezvous!
  * Ready to go. Let's make this as quick as possible, people. No telling how many more gateways we'll need to make today.
  * Hanled's all, "what's this WE business?" Sorry, love. I would help if I could.
  * Everyone through? Good. Now I think it's time to tie me to a tree.
  * Or a cart wheel. Whichever.
  * Are you sure you want me here in the middle of camp? Dolyn can get pretty nasty....  
  
If you say so. Just note for the record that I don't think it's the best idea.
  * Oh boy. Here she comes. Sorry everyone; this is not gonna be pretty.



#####

  * **She said she'd let me out. Burn you, let me out! You want to kill Trollocs? I can kill Trollocs. I can kill ALL OF YOU IF YOU DON'T—**  
  
**Mmph? Mm hmm hmm! ...Mmph hmm hmm hmph!**
  * **Mmm? Mmm hmm— Pah! Where did you stick that nasty rag anyway, your armpit?**  
  
**What do you want, Hanled? Come to see the freak show?**
  * **Talk? To me? That's a laugh. You want me to go away so you can have your precious Ashalyn back.**
  * **You're not fishing for an apology, are you? Well I'm not sorry.**  
  
**Shut up. Stupid bond!**
  * **Stupid Hanled. Thinks I only tried to kill him because something something repressed anger over his using to bond to coerce Ashalyn.**  
  
**Well it's not true, all right? I hate you!**
  * **You want to know why? Fine!**  
  
**I hate the way you pick your teeth after a meal. I hate that you think prissy Suza was anything but an airhead. I hate that smug look on your face whenever I say something without thinking about it first.**
  * **I hate that you can channel any time you want—that you're so much stronger than me with the Power. It isn't fair! We never wanted to come to the Black Tower in the first place. You got to choose, but not us. We had to follow stupid Tinya!**
  * **Shut up, Ashalyn. I can tell him off if I want to!**
  * **What are you doing? Let me go. How dare you hold us like ... like we're not something to be afraid of?**  
  
**Well I am! I'm a horrible, vindictive, murderous THING living inside your lover's head. You'll never love me. You could never love the darkness inside of us!**
  * **Burn you. Burn you for making me cry.**  
  
**I still hate you.**  
  
**"I know," he says.**
  * **Would I like to kill some Trollocs?**  
  
**I thought you'd never ask.**
  * **Burn me; the riverbank is black with them. Lucky we're out of bowshot.**
  * **Hard to pick a target from here. Most of the action going on is when they try to float across on logs and such.**
  * **This is no fun at all. Can't even see the looks on their faces when they die.**  
  
**(What IS fun is watching Hanled squirm when I say things like that. Hehe.)**
  * **Let's get up on what's left of that bridge and see whether we can pick off any of the Fades.**
  * **We're not the first ones to have this idea. Couple of those Aiel Sedai (lol sometimes I kill myself) and an old guy with a bow. A really BIG bow.**
  * **Wow, pretty nice range on that thing. Too bad it won't shoot all the way across the river.**  
  
**Although....**  
  
**Hey, guy—want to see how far those'll go with a nice strong breeze at your back?**
  * **Nice shot!**  
  
**He wants to know whether we can do that for the rest of his longbowmen, on the shore.**
  * **Sounds boring. Hanled—you handle it.**  
  
**I can FEEL you rolling your eyes at me, just so you know.**
  * **Most of the first volley didn't make it across.**  
  
**Second one did.**  
  
**Third one set the other bank on FIRE. Shyeah!**
  * **Aww, we're retreating? No fun.**
  * **Back at the supply carts.**  
  
**Not planning to tie me to the wheel again, are you? ...Good.**
  * **Rest? Don't want to rest.**  
  
**Resting feels like sleeping. Not supposed to sleep. Sleeping makes me lose myself in all of those inhibitions she has; duty, empathy, self-sacrifice. Blah.**
  * **I can stay awake forever. Watch me.**  
  
**What do you mean, afraid? I'm not ... all right so I guess I'm a little afraid I might jump off a roof again. Or ... a cliff, I guess, out here.**
  * **Of course she didn't tell you about it. You were too busy not trusting her.**
  * **Fine, I'll rest. Here's a nice flat patch of dusty, dead grass.**  
  
**No, it's not comfortable. Too many rocks.**
  * **Hanled?**  
  
**...There's something Ashalyn is too afraid to tell you. Thinks it'll make her sound weak. So I'm going to tell you about it, just to shut her up.**
  * **We're ... afraid of ending.**  
  
**This sky, this world, turning to dust and blowing away.**  
  
**It terrifies us.**
  * **I'm glad you agree.**
  * **Have we rested enough, yet?**
  * **They need us back at the river. Sweet.**
  * **How did so many of these flaming Trollocs get across so quickly?**  
  
**Wait, I see it. They've made a pontoon bridge across the river.**
  * **Weaving fire is no good. There's water right there for them to put it out with.**  
  
**Hey Hanled—do you remember that story about the boatman whose skiff got cut in half by the ice floe coming down the Mora?**
  * **Ice isn't getting big enough before it hits. We need to start further north.**
  * **Now THAT'S an ice floe. Don't let it run aground; keep it spinning!**
  * **Hah! Try and stop that, goat face!**
  * **Ka-PLOW! It's like bowling for Trollocs!**  
  
**You know, I think we make a pretty good t—**  
  
**Hanled, watch out!**
  * **Burn me, they've got an Asha'man over there. He's seen our flows. Run!**
  * **Hanled thinks we lost him. He felt him weave a gateway to this side though, so we're not in the clear yet.**
  * **Spent so long playing cat and mouse in the woods that we let ourselves get cut off. Don't want to risk leading him back to camp with our gateway, though.**
  * **Hanled thinks he might have an idea for how to get us out of both predicaments. He thinks he can weave an inverted blast of Earth and Fire that will trigger when a Trolloc gets close.**  
  
**We'll just leave a nice trail of them behind us, and obscure our actual location.**
  * **You'll have to show me that weave when we're not trying to be all stealthy and stuff.**
  * **First couple just went off. About scared the stockings off me.**  
  
**Let's see if he bites.**
  * **There! Get him!**
  * **Got him pinned down behind a rock. He's trying to run.**  
  
**Don't let him finish that weave!**
  * **Sliced his gateway. Hanled has him shielded! Good, now let's finish him—**  
  
**Oy! What was that for?**
  * **It's Fian?!**  
  
**The traitor! I'll murder him. Don't you stop me! I'll tear him to pieces for what he did to me!**
  * **No, I will NOT calm down! It's HIS fault! HE told Taim how to break me. You made me, Fian; wouldn't you like to see what I've become?!**
  * **Hanled, NO. You can't give this backstabber another chance! He's already turned on us twice!**
  * ARGH.  
  
**Fine. You win, Hanled. Let me go.**
  * **Sike! I still have my KNIFE!**  
  
**Heal THAT, if you can!**



#####

  * Fian...? Light, what have I done?  
  
FIAN!
  * You idiot, Fian. Why did you have to be such a coward?  
  
Hanled, tell me you can save him. Tell me I didn't just murder my friend?
  * Fian—stop moving! I can't hear what you're saying. Lie still, and....  
  
He's ... Hanled, what did he say?
  * He said ... "I always knew it was going to be you."
  * Hanled thinks....  
  
He thinks I made the right decision. The one he couldn't make.  
  
Burn me, did it have to be like this?
  * I wouldn't have made that choice. Not if I weren't...  
  
But it WAS Fian who did this to me. He was right.  
  
He created the means to his own destruction.
  * I can't do this anymore tonight. I need rest. Someone else will have to take over here at the river.  
  
Yes, I can ... we should bury him first. We'll rest after that.
  * I couldn't speak the words. Neither could Hanled. We gave him the Last Embrace, but couldn't give him the blessing.




	62. To Change the World

**Amadaine 15, N.E. 1000**

  * All I could think about while Hanled was sleeping was Fian. If there was some way to save him, keep him away from Taim in the first place. Did we really have to bring him back to Caemlyn?
  * Then I realized ... if he hadn't given my secret away, Taim would probably have killed me.   
  
I'm alive BECAUSE he betrayed me.
  * May the last embrace of the mother welcome you home, Fian. And may the Creator forgive you, and grant you shelter in the palm of his hand.
  * The army is on the move already this morning. We've given up on the river, and are hoping to get as far as we can from it before the Trollocs finish crossing. We did earn a day of needed rest for the Caemlyn contingent, so there's that.
  * Androl sent a message with this morning's drop—from the Lord Dragon to all of the Black Tower. He said he was wrong; we are to be men, not weapons. Soldiers yes, but men (and woman) all the same.
  * That wasn't the most amazing part, though. The messenger was Naeff, a man long with the Power who had scars from the days when saidin was tainted.   
  
HAD scars. Until an Aes Sedai named Nynaeve al'Meara healed him.
  * Hanled thinks we should find her. She was with the Lord Dragon last Naeff knew; if we could find her....   
  
Light, that would change everything.
  * Androl's morning drop has all been loaded. Now we're off to the command center at Merrilor. Hanled figures that's the best place to figure out where this Nynaeve Sedai is fighting.
  * There's no one here. Practically no one. I mean, I can see where several large armies WERE camped, but they've gone now. All that's left are a group of what looks like farmers, training with weapons.
  * Also, there are some VERY tall trees that Hanled says grew while the Lord Dragon was meeting with Queen Elayne and the other monarchs. Wish I could have seen that.
  * I suppose it figures. No need for a central camp when you can just send instructions via gateway.   
  
So where is the Lord Dragon?
  * According to the officers in charge of the training ground, he could be anywhere. He's been seen with the Malkier contingent, the Amyrlin's contingent in Arafel, and even with Elayne's army—though I guess not while we were there.
  * Hanled wonders if this Nynaeve might be with the Amyrlin's contingent, but I'm ... hesitant to go anywhere near that one. Let's just go back to Elayne. Maybe we can ask the Lord Dragon when he comes there again.
  * Sounds like we're back just in time for things to get hot again. Ready for some frontline fighting?
  * The Captain-General has assigned us to guard the "dragons"—that's what they call those long bells they shoot supercharged fireworks out of.   
  
Super loud. Have to use a weave of air to block our ears when they fire.
  * They're EFFECTIVE, though. Do as much damage as Hanled can do with an RREF, and they never get tired. Need to be reloaded, and I hear ammunition is going to be an issue eventually, but for now ... they're something to watch.
  * In between shots, the dragoners are busy trading stories about their commander, Lord Cauthon. (Remember Hat Guy? That was him.) Pretty sure they're making these up as they go.
  * I mean really—traveled across Altara in a circus wagon with the Seanchan princess? Who do they expect to buy that one?
  * Falling back to rest. Light knows we need it. Whitecloaks and Ogier are rotating to the front again, covered by those archers with the super long bows.
  * Was too exhausted to find lunch before we were up again. This time against a handful of Dreadlords. If not for the Kin, we'd have lost the dragons to that lot.
  * That was grueling. Had to let Dolyn out for a while to make it through.   
  
Nothing interesting to tell—just weave slice after weave slice for me, while Hanled tried to get his own weaves through the enemy defenses.   
  
And we have it easy. The others have been doing this for DAYS.
  * Hanled made me promise to rest while he goes around healing what he has strength for. I don't have the energy to argue.
  * And back in again. Didn't think I could do another, but the enemy Dreadlords are lazy, or maybe waiting for something. Either way, they have yet to show themselves again.
  * Need to toughen myself back up. Have gotten soft since my days training in the Black Tower; pretty sure Hanled worked me harder than this every day.
  * There's the order to retreat. Thought it would never come.   
  
Trolloc lines have been a mess for a good while. I imagine they'll need time to regroup before they follow.
  * I have never been thanked or patted on the back by so many people in my entire life. Hanled is getting the same treatment.
  * These are people who a month ago would have seen our coats and spat at our feet. Even a few Whitecloaks giving nods as we pass.   
  
We're changing the world.   
  
Now we just have to see that it lasts long enough for that to matter.
  * ...There's still no amount of congratulations that will get me to go near the command tent.
  * Hanled, wake up! They're attacking already!
  * Orders! What are our orders?!   
  
Some light? Consider it done! 
  * Hanled and the Wolf Guard (that's what those archers call themselves) made short work of the Trollocs. Had most of them down by the time the dragoners were in position. It wasn't a large force—just something to keep us tired and wear down our resources.



**Amadaine 16, N.E. 1000**

  * Finally ran into Neald and Grady again in this mess. They've either been on a different rotation than us or moving supplies from Merrilor for the last few days. Passed on the Lord Dragon's message, and the news that we'd liberated the Tower.
  * Didn't have long to chat before we were told the wounded would be our responsibility for the next couple days.   
  
So it's gateways to Mayene all day for Hanled and ... I dunno, lookout duty for me?
  * I'm sure there'll be plenty to do, just keep wishing I were strong enough to make gateways.
  * Yeah I shouldn't have worried. Getting the wounded out of the melee without letting them get stepped on is way more than enough work to keep me busy.
  * Aww fish guts; the Queen is headed this way.   
  
Hanled—I think there are more wounded on THAT side of the battlefield.
  * I can, in fact, avoid her forever. She officially fired me.
  * Not good. I sorta blanked out there for a minute and almost got run over by a Trolloc. If it wasn't for the Wolf Guard I'd be done for.   
  
Don't tell Hanled, but I don't think I've got many more days of this in me.
  * Hanled doesn't think he can weave another gateway without a break. We've passed the emergency cases off to Sumeko and are doing what we can with bandages and tourniquets.
  * I used to think Dumai's Wells was as bad as it could possibly get.   
  
What a child I was.   
  
At the Wells, the enemy broke after our second or third volley. Here, our only respite is when the Trollocs get tired of dying, and fall back until the Fades whip them back into action.
  * Lost so many people today. Have started to be able to tell when someone is too far gone for healing, and it isn't a happy feeling.
  * Finally a breather.   
  
Hanled, don't sleep yet. I know you're tired but you need to eat.
  * Did it again. Blanked out. I think Hanled noticed this time.   
  
No, you promised you wouldn't weave sleep on me, and you have to keep that promise. I have no idea what I'll do if you break it, but it won't be anything good.
  * Which one am I right now? Good question. I think we're both too exhausted to tell for sure at any given moment.




	63. Mayene

**Amadaine 17, N.E. 1000**

  * Message came from Androl this morning that he's up to making two drops today. The Captain-General suggested we make the second drop with the refugees from Caemlyn, assuming Androl can find them. We would help, but the fighting's already hot here and we're needed.
  * Fighting isn't the only thing that's hot right now. Where's a river when you need one?
  * Wow, those Kin know some pretty useful weaves. Just watched one use weaves of air and water to cool our soldiers, then unleashed the resulting steam onto a Fade. Wonder if I could reproduce that with saidin?
  * Well that was less than stunning. Seems like it would be much more efficient if I just drew the heat out directly with Fire, and then....  
  
Oh yeah! That's what I'm talking about!
  * I told her "thanks," and she looked at me like ... uh, like she doesn't know I have a ter'angreal that lets me see her weaves. Lol, sorry.
  * Haven't blanked out yet today, but starting to make stupid mistakes. Like weaving at Trollocs that aren't there.  
  
I know I need rest, but so does everyone else. How can I make excuses for myself when there are people dying out here who I can help save?
  * Spoke too soon. Knelt to check someone for a pulse and the next thing I know I'm surrounded. I don't think any of these Trollocs realizes I'm still alive, but as soon as I move....  
  
Light, how do I get out of this?
  * Hanled headed this way—he's realized I'm cut off.  
  
Stay calm. Play dead and wait for the battle to shift.... No, it's shifting the wrong way!
  * Light, there's Trollocs grabbing corpses and dragging them off. It isn't safe here anymore.  
  
Will have to weave myself invisible and hope no one notices the blur.
  * Almost back to the front line. Hanled trying to push them back or cut his way through, but there's so many. Will need to fight my way—  
  
A Fade! Must have seen through my ... ARGH!
  * I'm hit! Lost my weave. Bleeding ... so much blood. Hanled....
  * ...There you are. Why ... why is it so cold? Was so hot ... just a minute ago.
  * A gateway?  
  
Where are we going? Have to ... stay and fight.
  * So many people in white. Tar Valon? No. The White Tower was empty.
  * It hurts. Light burn me, it hurts!  
  
Hanled ... don't go. Can't leave me ... to die alone....
  * **Wake up. Ashalyn—wake up! They're keeping us asleep. We can't sleep. Don't let them!**  
  
**We wove in our sleep before. The very first time, remember? Don't need to be awake to slice their weave.**  
  
**DO IT!**
  * Dolyn? Wha...?  
  
Ugh, I feel like I was run over by a wagon train. Why did I want to wake up again?
  * Some kid in a white dress trying to put me back to sleep.  
  
I can slice your weaves all day, little girl. Knock it off.
  * Ordered ... by who? It wasn't Hanled, was it?!  
  
Oh. Good. Well I'm ordering you to stop now. I promise to lie still, if you'll tell me where I am.
  * (Not that I could move if I wanted to right now....)  
  
Mayene, huh? That makes sense. Explains the humidity, too.
  * I'm not gonna eat you. I'm an Asha'man, not a monster. I'm only a little bit mad.
  * How do YOU know I'm not a....  
  
Hey, where's my coat? And my pants??
  * "Probably being sewn back together."  
  
All right, I forgive you. As long as someone DOES bring them back.
  * Ahh, Light. I feel as weak as a day-old kitten.  
  
And also starving. Is there food in this place?
  * I can feel Hanled close by, but he's sleeping. Best not to wake him.  
  
Now where is my ter'angreal? I know it must be close, because I'm using it to ... ahh, a belt pouch. Clever of him. No one will look twice at that.
  * Here we go. Stern face, yellow-fringed shawl ... must be an Aes Sedai.  
  
Please, stop doing that and tell me how long until I can eat something?
  * I'm being spoon-fed by a novice.  
  
This is humiliating.
  * So stupid. How could I let a Fade sneak up on me? Bad enough I let myself get surrounded. I ought to be dead, with how deeply he cut me.
  * I can feel the scar. All the way from my stomach to my hip. Must have been a near thing if they couldn't even heal it completely.  
  
Light, with a wound like this I wouldn't have even sent myself to Mayene. Hanled must have done some fast-talking just to make someone try.
  * Yellow-fringe is back. Wants me to go back to sleep now that I've eaten.  
  
Yeah sorry, not unless you've got someone here who can safely remove Compulsion?
  * Of course you can't see it. It was woven with saidin.  
  
Well I didn't exactly ask Mazrim Taim to have it placed on me, did I?
  * She doesn't know much about the weave, but has heard of people breaking Compulsion on their own. I just have to be "stubborn enough."  
  
Well that's great. I don't know how to be any more stubborn than I already am.
  * Sorry. Thanks for trying.
  * A shield? Why would you—  
  
No, don't weave sleep on....




	64. Novices

**Amadaine 18, N.E. 1000**

  * Ugh, I feel even worse than the first time I woke up.  
  
Hanled! Is she gone? I heard you arguing with her.
  * No kidding I was thrashing in my sleep. I kept having arguments with the people in my dreams about whether they were real. They lose, I guess.
  * But Hanled, shouldn't you be with the army?  
  
Reassigned to healing duty. Ok I can get behind that. As long as you're not just watching me like a lovesick puppy the whole time we're here.
  * Duty is heavier than a mountain, love.  
  
And so are my limbs. Are they serving breakfast yet?
  * That Fade was using Thakandar steel? Light, I really SHOULD be dead.  
  
Hanled thinks it was the bond that saved me. He could actually feel it drawing strength from him when they healed me.
  * The Aes Sedai think my recovery will be long and slow. I wasn't exactly in proper health to begin with, and the weave for healing takes most of its strength from the body.  
  
Burn me, I can't afford to be laid up like this.
  * Did they at least bring my coat back yet?  
  
No, I'm not going to try to get dressed. At least not on my own. Feel like I'd fall right off this bed if I tried to sit up.
  * I'll lie still, I promise. Now give me a kiss and go do some good.
  * And again with the spoon-feeding. At least it isn't broth today.
  * Now is when I really wish I could ask someone to weave sleep on me.  
  
Stubborn enough, huh? I can do stubborn. I can stubborn myself right to sleep.
  * Yeah, turns out it doesn't work that way.
  * Hang on, I know that voice....  
  
Naris!
  * Come on, lungs. Give me a proper shout!  
  
There, she's heard me now.
  * Yes, I feel as horrible as I look. You should see the other guy though. Heh.
  * FYI, I ran into Queen Elayne in her command tent the other day. In my black coat, yes. She was Not Happy. So, fair warning.
  * Venson, on healing duty? I would never have pictured that. Though I don't blame him for wanting to stay out of the fighting. It's ... well, you've seen the aftermath, I guess.
  * Sorry, I ... think I need to rest again. Tell Essande hi for me, if you see her. 
  * Yay, my coat is back!  
  
You know, I hadn't really realized how many holes I had in it. Not just from that Fade and the spots where Mazrim Taim pinned me to the wall, but all kinds of little nicks and burns and such.
  * Argh ... nope. Still can't put it on by myself.
  * Oh hi, Hanled.  
  
Me, trying to get dressed? Whatever makes you think that?
  * Come on, I'm bored. Can't I at least mess with some novices while I lie here?  
  
No, I am NOT Dolyn right now. How rude!
  * You know, I've realized that holding things back is what's giving her so much fuel. All that time in the Black Tower, and then in the palace.... Maybe if I let myself BE myself, I won't have to fight her so hard.
  * Never thought it would feel so good to put on pants.  
  
Uh, they're a bit loose. You sure these are mine?
  * Coat is loose, too. Guess it's been a while since we had proper meals.
  * Where'd they put my boots, anyway?  
  
Of course I'm not going to put them on. I just want to know where they are.  
  
"Somewhere safe?" I guess I'll have to take your word on that.
  * Said I wanted to prank the novices, but it's actually sort of annoying having them stand outside the doorway and whisper.  
  
Apparently Mayeners don't think much of doors.
  * Might as well find out what they're whispering about. How did that weave go again?
  * Heh. They're wondering what an Asha'man is doing in the "women's wing." Didn't realize that was where I was.
  * "Well I'm recovering, obviously."  
  
Ok so it definitely was fun watching them jump.
  * We've got a brave one. Wants to know why I'm impersonating an Asha'man when obviously I'm just a ... wilder? What's that mean?
  * "Not Tower trained." Heh, she thinks I'm channeling saidar.  
  
Got real indignant when I laughed at her.
  * Ow. Shouldn't have laughed so hard.  
  
You think you're so smart, don't you, kid? Well guess what; I earned this sword pin, and I'll fight anyone who implies I didn't.
  * Fighting isn't ladylike? Do I look like a lady?  
  
Also, do I look like I care?
  * All right—look, little miss snoot. Who I am or what I am doesn't matter. All that matters is that we fight the Shadow with whatever tools we've been given.
  * If you can't wrap your tiny little brain around the idea that maybe a woman exists who can channel saidin, then maybe you aren't cut out to be an Aes Sedai, either.
  * Here I thought snubbing that one's nose would make the others go away, but apparently I've impressed them instead. Great.
  * They're asking all kinds of questions about what it's like to train in the Black Tower, and whether saidin is really clean now, and such.
  * I told them what training was like, and they couldn't believe it. They were horrified when I said how many people we'd had burn themselves out while I was there.
  * Now they're asking about Asha'man warders. Sorry girls; I'm already taken. Also ... I really need to rest now.  
  
Though I wouldn't say no to some dinner first? I seem to have developed an endless void in my stomach.
  * My fan club has brought me dinner. Like, lots of dinner.
  * Now the important question—am I up to sitting yet?  
  
Ow. Not without help. Fortunately I have lots of that.
  * Uh, hi Hanled. Not on dinner break by chance, are you?  
  
I'm fine. I'll lie back down when I'm done; I'm just tired of being spoon-fed.
  * He is ALSO taken.
  * Yellow-fringe—Edesina, someone called her—came to check on me, but didn't try to shield me or put me to sleep this time. Hanled must have had a talk with her.
  * Bit quiet here, now the sun's down. (Other than the groans of the wounded, anyway.) Nothing like the silence on the battlefield when night falls and you're not sure whether the enemy is sleeping too or just waiting for you to.
  * Still people walking around, but the rush of people being sent in has slowed. Most of what we're getting in are coming from the Malkier contingent, which is losing ground by the hour.
  * I should be out there. It burns that I'm stuck here, barely able to sit up without help, while our people are out there dying.
  * Who's this creeping into my room? I think she's trying not to wake me by walking soft, but all that nervous shuffling kind of defeats the purpose.
  * A shield! Light, she's fast. Doesn't know she needs to cover my belt pouch with it though.  
  
If that's Edesina trying to put me to sleep again, I'll kick her in the teeth. Just a step closer....
  * Whatever that weave is, it isn't sleep!  
  
Phew, sliced it. But now she knows I'm awake!
  * Not Edesina. That bratty novice from earlier. How can she weave this fast??  
  
Help! She's trying to— Oof!
  * You like playing with Air, do you? Well how do you feel about weaves you can't see??
  * Can't shield her—she's too strong. Can barely defend myself against her weaves; pinning her to the wall didn't even seem to distract her.  
  
Dare I use anything lethal?
  * Tried to weave sleep on her but she's flailing about, trying to catch my weaves and slicing anything else that gets close.  
  
Footsteps coming. Finally!
  * I'm shielded! For real this time.  
  
Light, I'm not the aggressor here! She's the one who snuck in and tried to kill me!
  * Whining about how I went mad and attacked her. Well what's she doing creeping into my room without a light?
  * Aes Sedai—I swear I'm not mad. I got plenty of sleep last night.  
  
I can show you the weave she tried to use on me, if you'd just take off the shield.
  * And now they think I'm threatening them. Hanled, please wake up!
  * I'm telling you, that's no novice! I know Dedicated who can't weave that fast.
  * Here's Hanled. Tell them I'm not mad!  
  
That girl tried to kill me, that's what! If her shield hadn't misfired, I'd be dead already.
  * Oh good—one of these Aes Sedai can read residues. She'll be able to see what this kid tried to—  
  
She's weaving a gateway! Don't let her go through it!
  * They got her, thanks to Hanled's quick reflexes. If there's one thing Asha'man can do better than Aes Sedai, it's fight.
  * Light, I didn't even think to check for a disguise. Not woven by her, I think; I saw flickers if the weave as it dissolved, but only through my saidin lens.  
  
Black Ajah, masquerading as novices. Burn me.
  * Sounds like I'm not her first victim. Been targeting wounded Aes Sedai, making it look like they died in their sleep.
  * Um, now that we've settled that, could anyone help me up off the floor?




	65. A Brief Respite

**Amadaine 19, N.E. 1000**

  * Feeling much better this morning. Pretty sure I'm up to walking around, but Hanled isn't going for it. Neither is Edesina.
  * Come on; there has to be some way for me to not lie around anymore. The only reason last night was not the most tedious of my life was because of the assassination attempt.
  * How about the laundry? I've washed bandages before.   
  
I don't even have to move; I've been doing chores with the Power since I was a Soldier.
  * So this is kinda cool ... they've set me to grinding herbs with a bunch of wounded Warders. I've never hung out with a Warder before. I mean, yeah Birgitte is one but she's pretty unconventional.
  * They have strict orders not to let me stand up or do anything with my hands. They're taking it pretty literally, which they find hilarious.   
  
No, really. Even the cranky one is grinning.
  * Never thought I'd have to use saidin to scratch an itch, but here we are.
  * I say wounded, but crippled is probably the better word. Some of these guys will never fight again. A couple have already asked their Aes Sedai to release them from the bond and choose another Warder. A few more are considering it.
  * I've been inducted into the elite "cut up by a Fade" club. I guess I'm one of them now. ;P
  * Hanled! Come meet all my new friends. That's Tarkand, and there's Rolen and Sethric, and that one over there calls himself "Steve."
  * Hanled reports that Androl found several different groups of refugees out of Caemlyn, and is having them transported here. There are thousands of them though, so it will take time to move everyone.
  * Someone's Aes Sedai giving me some serious side-eye.   
  
No Dolyn, we are not going to prank her.
  * Ok so I did mess with her a bit—by introducing myself.   
  
She was all, "Ashalyn—isn't that a woman's name?" and I told her with a completely straight face, "Yes, it is."   
  
So now she looks very confused and these Warders are seriously all biting their tongues and it's hilarious.
  * They waited until she was gone to bust out laughing.
  * The time has come to admit that I need to lie down again. Seeya later, guys. I'll kick some Trolloc tush for you once I'm better.
  * My novice fan club poked their heads in briefly, but didn't stay long because they got chewed out for wasting time yesterday.   
  
My own fault, really.
  * Now would be the perfect time to finish that book Hanled got me ... if freaking Mishraile hadn't kept it.
  * Hanled fell asleep quick once his shift was over. They worked him hard today; almost as hard as he did on the battlefield.
  * Word from Elayne's faction is they're making steady progress eastward toward the Alguenya. Should cross the day after tomorrow.   
  
It's about the same everywhere. Losing ground, falling back, giving up good positions for hopefully better ones.
  * The Lord Dragon continues to dart from one battleground to the next. It seems Taim is hunting him, holding back his Dreadlords until they see the sky clear and then trying to take him.
  * I have to wonder, why? What is the Lord Dragon waiting for? Everyone says he'll have to face the Dark One at Shayol Ghul. So why is he flitting from Shienar to Arafel to Cairhien and back?
  * Is it because he's afraid? The Prophecies say he'll die there. I wouldn't blame him for putting it off, except that every hour he waits, thousands more die fighting the Shadow.
  * I worry that it's something else. That ... that he can't go there as long as the stolen seals rest in Taim's hands.   
  
Are those lives on my conscience after all? Have I doomed us to fight until every last drop of our blood is spilled?
  * ...I need to take a walk.
  * Ow. I think the stairs were a mistake.
  * Yeah definitely a mistake. But the view is nice.   
  
I think I'll just ... rest here for a while.



**Amadaine 20, N.E. 1000**

  * Whoops, rain. Better get off the balcony before I make myself sick and we're here even longer.
  * Oh my gosh I found the palace kitties!
  * Aww, Hanled scared them off. He says cats have always hated him, ever since he was little.
  * I guess we'll have to get a dog.
  * Hanled says I'm allowed to walk as much as feels comfortable today, but no lifting. If I behave myself (and eat properly), I can be "discharged"—whatever that means—from this place, which they're calling "the Hospital."
  * I'm like, why would I need permission to leave if I'm recovered? Impede me at your own risk.
  * (Though why I'm so eager to go back into that meat grinder, I couldn't say. Guess I'm a glutton for punishment.)
  * I guess I'll join Hanled at the Traveling ground today. Maybe I can help triage.
  * Got kicked out of triage for trying to help somebody walk. Now I'm meditating beside a pond, under this really weird tree that's growing IN the water.
  * There's these birds here that are HUGE. Like, think of the biggest goose you've ever seen, and double it. You'd think they were too fat to swim!
  * Then add to your mental goose image a beak that is longer than its neck, and has a flap of skin like a net hanging from the bottom part. Saw one scoop up like six big fish in it.
  * Starting to get hard to stay awake again. 😭 I need something to DO.
  * Here we go. Kitchens are working day and night, and need someone to clean fish for them.   
  
For the sake of not scaring anyone, I'm going with my old Sephanie disguise ... minus the Andoran colors, because I value my life.
  * I realize this will also make it harder for Edesina Sedai to find me if she starts wondering whether I've slept. Dolyn and I are OK with this.




	66. Bridges

**Amadaine 21, N.E. 1000**

  * Managed to make it through the night without cutting myself on a fillet knife. Feeling a little more alert now that the sun is up.
  * Aw, come on! Why do we have to see Edesina before we can get back to the fight?
  * Are you kidding me??  
  
Turns out they COULD have healed me all the way three days ago, but didn't. Something about the "shock of healing" being too much for my body.
  * That final healing also took the edge off my mental exhaustion, so we'll see how long that lasts.
  * Took us a while to find the gateway we needed. Most are coming in straight from the battlefield with wounded, but we need to acquire orders before we jump in.
  * By which I mean, Hanled can go to the command tent and ask for an assignment while I stay as far away from that as possible.
  * Looks like we're with the bridge team, guarding for attacks from Taim's Dreadlords.
  * Hanled says he did see Queen Elayne, and thought there was a brief moment of relief on her face when he asked where "we" should be fighting, but I'm pretty sure he's just saying that to make me feel better.
  * I didn't realize we'd have to build so many bridges to cross this river. I guess we do have a lot of people to transport.
  * Most of these are just as makeshift as the ones the Trollocs built. Pontoon bridges, for the most part.
  * There's a pair they're trying to build with log piers that are a bit bigger. They take the logs and weigh down one end with stones, then build onto it. Still not very permanent, but they'll be a lot wider and safer.
  * First of the pontoons are over. We're crossing with half the bridge crew to start working from the other side.
  * You need more trees? I can cut trees.
  * Yikes! I totally did not expect it to fall that way. At least no one got hurt.  
  
Maybe I should pay attention to these logger guys for a minute before I try that again.
  * Ok, so you've gotta cut out a wedge on the side you want it to fall toward first. Got it.
  * We've got it down to a system. I chop the tree down, the loggers move in like a mob to strip the branches, and then Hanled hauls it to the riverbank.  
  
Someone gonna have to come back later and collect the branches for the cookfires, but that can wait.
  * Spending too much time standing around in between trees—feel like I'm about to fall asleep. Need to get walking.  
  
Hanled, you've got this covered, haven't you? How about I run back across the river and see if there's news.
  * Light, where am I?  
  
Crossed the river and just ... kept going.
  * I hear something up ahead. The sounds of battle.  
  
I guess if fighting can't keep me awake, nothing will.
  * I've reached the battle line. Trollocs are pressing hard, trying to breach our line and hit us before we can cross. It's not the whole army though—just a vanguard. The rest are miles behind.
  * I shouldn't be here. I should be at the river, doing everything I can to get us across before they catch up.  
  
Light, why can't I make myself leave?
  * My feet keep taking me to where the fighting is hottest. I can't keep this up for long—my body has been too long with sleep, no matter how clear my head may or may not be from Hanled's weaves.
  * Dolyn, help me! You have all my cowardice—all my will to run from battle. Why are you holding it back now??
  * I felt Hanled's concern for me rising, and suddenly became perfectly calm. I don't want to be calm. I want him to come and stop me. Why can't I make myself panic?
  * I just told him I was fine. I lied to Hanled, and I don't know why.  
  
Meanwhile I'm weaving up a storm. These Trollocs need killing, but if I keep at this, I'm either going to fall to a stray arrow or fall asleep and get stabbed in the....  
  
Burn me, it's the Compulsion.
  * Everything I'm doing ... I'm making sure that if I start to fall asleep, I'll die.
  * That was a close one. Grady's on the hill, took down an entire fist of Trollocs before they could surround me.  
  
I ought to climb up there with him so I can see. That would be the smart place to be. So of course I'm running in the opposite direction.
  * I don't want to die. Burn me, why can't I live! I've mastered Dolyn—or learned to work with her anyway—and I'm free of Taim's grasp. Why can't I live, and fight, and be who I want to be?!
  * That's it. I've got nothing left in me. Out of Grady's sight behind the treeline, on my knees because I don't have the strength to stand.
  * My death is walking toward me, wearing an eyeless face and a cloak that doesn't move in the wind.  
  
He's walking slow. Knows I have nothing left, or maybe is afraid that I do.  
  
Hanled, I'm sorry. This is going to hurt you, and I won't be there to hold you and make it all right.
  * Can't focus my eyes. Inches from sleep. Can see the Fade drawing his blade, but I....  
  
What is that light?
  * The sun's come out. Elayne?  
  
No. A column of light filling the sky—from the hill Grady was on. I can see him.... That isn't Grady.  
  
Grady never had red hair, or was so tall.
  * That light ... THE Light coming from him has halted the Fade in its tracks. Why didn't I recognize him before? The Lord Dragon! The Dragon fights for us!
  * I'm on my feet. The Fade ... a shrieking pile that will soon be only ashes. Strength filling my limbs as the sun warms my bones, air filling my lungs to shout for joy.  
  
To shout ... I WANT TO LIVE!  
  
I WILL LIVE!! Burn you, Mishraile—I'm free! I felt it snap as the light faded!
  * The woods are empty. No one but the old man who leads the Wolf Guard, walking toward me as my knees buckle and I hit the carpet of leaves on the forest floor. So soft. Like a bed made of clouds.  
  
Just right ... for sleeping on.
  * Hanled ... why'd you wake me? Was having such a nice dream about the palace cats.  
  
Don't need dinner. Tell me when it's ... breakfast.




	67. A Measured Retreat

**Amadaine 22, N.E. 1000**

  * Longest. Nap. Ever.  
  
I'm still not entirely sure what happened yesterday.  
  
I was pretty out of it. I do know that for once Dolyn and I were in agreement. She didn't want to die ... and neither did I. That must be what made the difference.
  * The army is nearly across the bridges. So I missed that. But Hanled and the Kin were able to fend off the bridge burners who came during the night.
  * I could probably have helped by then, but Hanled decided to let me sleep. Understandable, given the circumstances.
  * Either way, Dolyn and I are full of fire and ready to hold the Trollocs back while we finish crossing. Let's get moving, Hanled.
  * That's the call for retreat. Everyone's across but us and the rearguard.
  * So, you remember that weave I used to reach the wall of the Caemlyn palace?  
  
It's even more impressive when Hanled does it.
  * The rearguard is across! Let's go!
  * Now for the bridges. The Kin are doing for the others already; Hanled and I are weakening this one as we retreat across.
  * Light, we did our job too well! The east end cracked under the weight of the Trollocs trying to follow us. Hanled, hold on!
  * Narrowly avoided getting dunked in the river again. Now to focus on killing Trollocs as they try to cross behind us.
  * Nice whirlpool! I see what they mean about women being stronger with Water.
  * Can hear the dragons booming to the south of us. River is narrower there, I guess. Still plenty up here trying the shallows with their log rafts, though.
  * Eek, Queen Elayne riding up behind us to see how things are going. Please don't come down here please don't come down here....
  * She looked like she was about to ride down close, but then General Bashere came up, looking urgent. She's riding further up the bank with him.
  * This is exhausting. They've sent up a company of crossbowmen to split the work though, so now we're taking it in shifts.
  * Pulling most of us who can channel back to rest and eat. We'll be needed again soon to light the river up for the archers to see.
  * Haven't seen Grady or Neald in a while. Are they not with Elayne's contingent anymore?
  * Aww. Sounds like they were sent off to Kandor to help with healing.
  * I get to sleep tonight! Probably won't be for long enough, but it feels like months since I had that choice.



**Amadaine 23, N.E. 1000**

  * Another day on the riverbank. All that flowing water can't wash away the smell of blood—mostly Trolloc, but more than enough of ours.
  * Whoa, hang on a sec. You're telling me we have one of the four great captains leading our army, and yet he somehow managed to MISS that half the Trolloc army split off and headed northward??  
  
I can sense that today is not going to be a good day for me.
  * I KNEW it.  
  
The bulk of our forces are splitting off, going to try to make Cairhien before the Trollocs do. We, however, get to stay here and pound them from across the river, trying to delay these for as long as we can so the rest don't get sandwiched in between two armies.
  * No, no, no! Fist of Trollocs crossed north of us—trying to circle around. Hanled, can you clean that up?
  * We're spread too thin. They're getting across—have started fighting on the west bank of the river now. So far our lines are holding, but won't be for long, I think.
  * The bank is lost. Archers from south have formed up on our position, trying to give us enough space to get everyone out through a gateway. Assuming Hanled can manage one.
  * He thinks he can manage to hold one open long enough for everyone here to get through. Won't take us very far though.  
  
All right, that'll have to be good enough. Move on through, people!
  * Hang in there. Just a few dozen more. You've got this.
  * Ahh! He lost it. Still half a dozen of us on this side. At least nobody was hurt.
  * I think northeast is our best bet. Hurry!
  * Well we made it out of that mess. Hanled is still too exhausted for making gateways, but we should be well enough hidden here that we can wait until he's rested.
  * Chatting with these guys while Hanled learned the area enough to make a gateway, turns out the Wolf Guard are all from the Two Rivers. I knew that sounded familiar, but then someone mentions that the old guy in charge is named al'Thor.  
  
I WAS HANGING OUT WITH HIS DAD, Y'ALL.
  * Or anyway, Dolyn was. I can't remember if she said anything particularly ... Dolyn-ish. With my luck she probably did, and now he's gonna think I'm weird, and ... why am I even worried about this? It's not like I plan to sit down with him and have tea.
  * Anyway, Hanled's ready with that gateway now. He figures we'll hop out on the road ahead of the other guys we sent through, and if we're really lucky he'll be able to catch the lot of us up to Queen Elayne later tonight.
  * The rest of the Wolf Guard were incredibly happy to see our black coats.  
  
This is a wonderful feeling but also I'm not sure I'm prepared for this kind of responsibility.



**Amadaine 24, N.E. 1000**

  * Back with the main army, I'm told we only made 20 miles of progress yesterday. Have been on the move since first light.  
  
So this is what "forced marching" feels like.
  * You know what would be really awesome right now? A bunch of gateways. Not like the handful we can manage between Hanled and the Kin linking all up to make theirs. Like a TON of gateways.  
  
Hanled, I think it's time we talked to Androl again.
  * So, Androl says he can't convince Logain to commit the Black Tower's strength to helping us. Something about battle plans found in Taim's chambers.
  * Hanled thinks he might have better luck going in person. In the meantime, I've gotten permission to head to Kandor with a request for help from the Aes Sedai there.  
  
I would really rather face Logain than the Amyrlin Seat, but I'm not the one making the gateways. :P
  * Come on. How long does it take to draft an official request?  
  
Ahh, here comes someone. With my horse! I thought for sure some soldier had claimed him by now.
  * So this is Kandor. Looks about like everywhere else, to be honest. Dying and full of Trollocs.  
  
Now to figure out which of these is the command tent.
  * Found the tent, but there's nobody in it except a blue-eyed Aes Sedai who keeps looking at me askance.
  * You know what, I'm just gonna wait OUTSIDE.
  * Here comes someone important-looking.  
  
Uh, so I'm used to people staring at my coat, but this guy's more interested in my horse?
  * Light, it's HIS horse! I stole Gareth Bryne's horse. I am so dead.
  * For the record, sir, I probably saved it? Trollocs aren't known to be picky eaters.  
  
Also, I really hope they didn't burn your house down on their way past. It had a really cool library.
  * He says I can borrow the horse. And his second-best saddle. Which now that I look at it does have his sigil on it.
  * He doesn't have any Aes Sedai to spare who aren't exhausted.  
  
Also, he's not on great terms with Queen Elayne right now. Why does nobody tell me these things?
  * If you'll forgive me General, I'd rather not go back empty-handed. I already watched Caemlyn burn, and that's a thing I'd rather I never had to see again.
  * I'm not shirking my duties. I'll fight here where you need me, but I can't weave a gateway myself. If you can't lend us anyone who can, I might as well wait here until you do.
  * Er ... no, I can't heal, actually. Linking? Uh, well I've never tried it before, but I'm thinking no.  
  
I'm really good at killing stuff. Just point me in the right direction.
  * He's paired me with a unit of light cavalry. He says this horse isn't a proper war horse, but it should keep a level head as long as its rider does.
  * We are a lean, mean, Trolloc-destroying machine.
  * Hanled trying to tell me something but I'm too busy keeping our flanks clear to catch most of it. Hope it's nothing urgent.
  * Time to breathe the horses. And us, really. Still hot, too, even if nowhere near what it is down south.  
  
Ok Hanled, what were you trying to tell me earlier?
  * Well if that isn't the stupidest.... So, Logain had him arrested—for helping me escape. I mean yeah, he totally would have if they didn't have him SHIELDED the whole time, but seriously??
  * Once again my brilliant idea leaves us in a worse position than we started. I might as well just quit now.




	68. Ambush

**Amadaine 25, N.E. 1000**

  * Great news! Lord Bryne thinks he has a few dozen Aes Sedai to lend us after all. He does have to approve it with the Amyrlin, though. She's still out on the field somewhere.
  * I'd rather miss that meeting if possible, so I'm going out on another round of Trolloc-sniping.
  * What's that noise? Sounds a bit like an RREF, but I can't see any flows....   
  
Is that coming from the camp??
  * IS THAT A GATEWAY?!   
  
It's as wide as the camp itself! I don't think even Androl has ever made one that big!
  * Soldiers pouring through ... never seen uniforms like that. And those women in black with tattoos on their faces—they're all—   
  
Watch out!
  * I DO NOT LIKE BEING RREF'ED, NO SIRREE.   
  
Think I'm ok. All my limbs intact ... Light, my horse!
  * Nobody move! They're hitting anything that moves.   
  
Light, this guy's bleeding out. It would be really great if I knew healing right about now!
  * On second thought—they're also hitting anything that channels. Not just women—definitely men among the tattoos.   
  
Good old-fashioned tourniquet will have to do for now.
  * Someone stop that horse from thrashing, before they notice us!   
  
Light, this is ... it's a disaster. We were barely holding the Trollocs back, and now some new army comes out of nowhere?
  * Rider coming. Don't move!   
  
Thank the Light—she didn't see us. We've got to get away before another one swings past.
  * Trying to think like Aielmen—using every bit of cover. A bush is cover. Dead horse is cover. A cavalryman's corpse ... still cover.
  * I think we're far enough to risk a bit of channeling.   
  
Um, but just to be sure, you guys go a bit further before I start.
  * So far so good. This will look a bit like we're all wearing warder cloaks, so try not to walk TOO fast.   
  
I've got this guy. You two worry about yourselves.
  * Made it back to the main army, which is getting orders from somewhere. Not sure where. We're to move out with all speed—through gateways.
  * What do you think the odds are that these Aes Sedai can move an entire army twice?   
  
Light, and that's not even considering how many we lost back there. Those tattoos put down at least two dozen Sisters before I couldn't watch anymore.
  * I'm pretty sure Queen Elayne is on her own. 😭
  * Where is this place?   
  
Arafel? Burn me, that's a lot of ground to lose.
  * Nothing for me to do but tend wounded again. Hanled can't come get me—though he thinks he can convince Logain to let him go soon—and nobody in Queen Elayne's camp knows I need a gateway.
  * Nearly a third of the Aes Sedai missing, including the Amyrlin. Soldiers are still coming in but estimates put them at as many as half dead or captured. And nobody seems to know where the enemy soldiers came from.
  * I mean, there can't be an entire nation of Darkfriends, can there??
  * This guy says "Shara." What's a Shara?   
  
He doesn't know. Just repeating what some Aes Sedai told him.
  * No but really, are we sure we're safe here??




	69. Suspicions

**Amadaine 26, N.E. 1000**

  * The camp is all happy again because their Amyrlin returned in the middle of the night.  
  
That's great, really. She seems like an OK person, I guess. But there's still an army of Trollocs headed to crush Cairhien.
  * Still nobody available to send me back, and Logain hasn't so much as stepped inside the building where Hanled is being kept. If I could get word to Androl he might be able to do something, but still need a gateway for that.
  * I know there are Asha'man here, but aside from Neald and Grady, I don't know that I can trust any of them. Even those two might have orders to bring me to Logain, for all I know.
  * I hate this. The Black Tower is finally free, thanks in at least part to Hanled and I, and we still can't call it home.
  * Maybe I can at least find that Nynaeve person who's supposed to be able to heal madness. Dolyn, you're not going to hate me if I do that, are you?
  * Figures. She and the Lord Dragon left for Thakandar about midday yesterday. Even if I could find a gateway there I doubt she'd be in any position to look at me.
  * I'm half tempted to go find some Asha'man to arrest me for Logain. At least then I'd be close to Hanled.  
  
Of course, they also could have orders to kill on sight....
  * Maybe I shouldn't be walking around with my own face on, actually.
  * You know, this is a really stupid idea, but I'll bet an Aes Sedai wouldn't be turned away from the Traveling yard.
  * There was the one blue-eyed Sister in the command tent yesterday. I'll bet she's important enough that no one will ask questions.
  * I am so gonna get caught.  
  
Here goes nothing.
  * Hi, I need to speak with Queen Elayne somewhat urgently. Would you be so kind as to make me a gateway? I'm er, tired out from all that healing.
  * Of all the ... I didn't know Aes Sedai could be RUDE like that. Lady snickered at me and muttered something about putting on airs. I guess I picked a really weak Aes Sedai to imitate.  
  
She DID let me through, thank the Light.
  * Looks like she dropped me at the outside edge of the camp. Managed to drop the mask of mirrors before anyone saw me impersonating an Aes Sedai, because another dressing down from Queen Elayne is exactly what I do NOT need this morning.
  * Gah, the Captain-General is in the command tent. With the Queen.  
  
I'm still not ready for that.
  * Sumeko! Thank the Light. Could you weave a gateway to the Black Tower for me?  
  
Er, not to the Traveling ground, no. Let me draw you a map....
  * Uh, Hanled which cell are you in?
  * Extraction successful!  
  
I know Logain is gonna be livid, but for real. There's people dying over here.
  * So ... I don't suppose you could give our report to the Captain-General for me?  
  
Yes, I know I'm pathetic. I also know how long Queen Elayne can hold a grudge, though.
  * Hanled's joking that I always find work for him. Can't even get some rest while he's in a cell.  
  
So honey, I know you haven't been in a lot of cells, but most of them aren't incredibly restful.
  * No, but do we really need to move the camp followers EVERY day? I mean, like the laundry for example. How many of us even HAVE a spare shirt at this point?
  * "Never underestimate the value of clean stockings," Hanled says.  
  
Well OK, but we wouldn't NEED so many if we weren't doing so much WALKING.
  * Rather than trying to push our whole army this fast, couldn't we like ... gate a strike team to slow the Trolloc army?  
  
No I don't actually know how to run an army. I'm just wondering if anyone's thought about it—that's all.
  * Fine, I'll shut up about it. I'm sure General Bashere knows what he's doing—he is a Borderlander, after all. 
  * Spent the day feeling mostly useless again. With no fighting to do, there aren't too many chores I can do faster with saidin than with my hands.  
  
At least I did NOT have to spend the day marching. Hanging with the camp followers Hanled and the Kin keep bringing through gateways.
  * I feel like we're barely keeping ahead of the Trollocs behind us, let alone getting ahead of the ones across the river.  
  
Hanled, I hate to suggest this, but ... do you think Logain might be willing to help transport the army if I turn myself in?
  * He thinks it's actually more likely that he'll come here hunting me, but since he hasn't already there must be something else holding him back.



**Amadaine 27, N.E. 1000**

  * I feel kinda bad watching these guys stagger into camp after walking all day, knowing I would be among them if not for Hanled.
  * How many more days of this are we expecting?  
  
Oy, for real?? How are we supposed to fight at the end of that?!
  * Caught Birgitte outside the command tent and asked why we aren't sending troops directly to Cairhien all day. She said General Bashere is worried about the army behind catching up to us, and that it might leave us without enough fighting men.
  * It seems weird to me that the plan instead involves leaving our most tired troops as the first who will feel the brunt of such an attack. Why not at least gate up the most exhausted of us each night?
  * Hanled says I should quit making more work for him and the Kin. I mean yeah they're already tired, but if it gives us a chance to rest before we fight, wouldn't that be enough?
  * He wants me to come through with the supply team.  
  
No thanks, Hanled. I'm going to hang out with the rearguard today in case we do get hit from behind.
  * Looks like the heavy foot (heavy means armored) are furthest behind. At least they're well equipped to handle an assault from the rear.
  * They won't let me hang out on the fringe where I might get struck by a stray arrow. Very nice of them.  
  
Currently I'm walking right between two companies—one Andoran, one Ghealdanin. Every now and then someone will drop back or hurry forward to ask me about the Black Tower.
  * I guess I've become a recruiter. 😆
  * Whoever said an army marches on its stomach clearly never did any marching.  
  
These are my best pair of boots, but I think I'm getting blisters anyway.
  * I need Hanled to show me the weave for healing again. Haven't given it a try in forever. Who knows? I might be able to heal like a sunburn or something by now.
  * Oh my GOSH I am so late to the party.  
  
So you know how Queen Elayne was all coy about who the father of her twins was? Well apparently she announced it back while I was stuck at the Black Tower.  
  
I thought for SURE the Lord Dragon was with that girl in the embroidered breeches.
  * I guess it does explain why she always calls him by his name.
  * Southlanders, amirite?
  * It's official; I can heal a blistered toe. Takes pretty much all my concentration, and Hanled says this is the most basic form of the weave he knows, but I did it!
  * Hanled says that after the war is over (assuming we win), he wants to go back to Mayene, or wherever they're doing healing then, and learn some more.
  * He's been thinking about what the Lord Dragon said about us being more than just weapons, and he feels like that's what's next for him.  
  
I suppose I could handle living in Mayene. As long as it wasn't forever.



**Amadaine 28, N.E. 1000**

  * Thought for sure I would sleep like a stone after all that marching, but we set up our bedrolls too close to the farriers, and they were pounding out horseshoes all night.
  * Kept waking up from stupid little nightmares. There was one where this bug-eyed cat had stolen a lit candle and was running everywhere with it.
  * Won't be much walking for me today. Once we're done moving the camp followers we need to grab some more ammunition for the archers and the dragons.
  * Seems stupid to do that now. Why carry all the extra weight when we're trying to move quickly? But General Bashere seems convinced that we'll need it before we get where we're going.
  * See? This is EXACTLY what I said.  
  
So we went and grabbed the supplies like we were told, and we come back, and the Wolf Guard were like, we've already got plenty of arrows. Those must be for the Band. So we go to the Band, and they're like, our quivers are full—ask the Aiel.
  * (Which of course ends up being my job, because Hanled's all, well you're the only one of us who has actually spoken to an Aielwoman.) So I go ask one of the Wise Ones and she says she'll ask the "spears," but none of them need arrows either.
  * So after this I'm all, nuh-uh. We're not moving those dragon eggs until we know somebody needs them. Sure enough, the dragoners got more than they wanted to haul yesterday.
  * Finally convinced Hanled that we should take the arrows AND the extra "eggs" and deposit them at Cairhien, where they'll ACTUALLY be needed, instead of hauling them back to the depot at Merrilor.



**Tammaz 1, N.E. 1000**

  * This is a bunch of bull!  
  
So I get up this morning, dew still on my face from sleeping without a tent, and this messenger comes up, asks for me by name, and says, you're wanted in the command tent.
  * First of all, not a pleasant wake up call. Second, I'm thinking maybe Queen Elayne changed her mind about the ter'angreal, or about not hanging me or something. Which, it wasn't that but it's almost as bad.
  * I get there, and Queen Elayne is there, and Birgitte, and Tam (aka Lord al'Thor) and some other dudes I don't know, but the one who puts me on the hotseat is General Bashere. He wants to know why Hanled and I didn't deliver the ammunition where we were told to.
  * I can see which way the wind is blowing by this point, so you better believe I laid out my complaint about walking the whole camp twice trying to figure out who needed arrows. Couple of the guys there nod because I'd talked to their staff about it already.
  * Queen Elayne just sitting there like I'm some stranger she doesn't even know. Birgitte at least looks concerned for me as Bashere goes, first of all if supply orders are getting passed out twice then it's command I need to talk to instead of just making things up on my own.
  * And second, the dragon eggs I moved are a highly-kept secret, and I risked giving them to the Seanchan or the Shadow by leaving them outside the officially sanctioned depots.
  * I mean, I talked to the Band guy about it and everything. It's not like I just dropped them in a field! But Bashere is all, "you may have tipped our hand if the Shadow has people watching Cairhien."  
  
Tipped our hand on what?? They HAVE to know where we're headed by now!
  * This is of course when my mouth decides it's going for broke, and instead of apologizing I double down. I laid into Bashere for overloading the dragoners' wagons and for wasting Hanled's time moving supplies when he and the Kin could be moving our entire flipping ARMY into place.
  * How was I supposed to know he's trying to convince the enemy we can't move as quickly as they can? It's not like anyone's keeping us in the loop!
  * Then the hammer comes down. Bashere goes, "if this uppity Dedicated can't follow orders and do as he's told," (I guess he didn't get the memo that I'm a woman), "then maybe he needs to be stationed somewhere else." Said if I can't heal OR make gateways then I was useless to him.
  * At this point everyone starts arguing. The Captain-General has my back at least, and Tam and the Band guy are headed that way, but I know they've got no say in it.
  * The one person whose opinion actually matters just stares at me, then in her royal proclamation voice suggests I be sent to Mayene.
  * To Mayene! Where the most useful thing I can do is boil water and crush herbs.  
  
I mean, I knew she hated me, but I didn't know how MUCH. 😭
  * The worst of it is, Hanled is staying here—so long as he promises to follow his orders to the letter from now on and not make any decisions without approval.
  * He did get in one parting shot when Bashere wondered why a full Asha'man was listening to a mere Dedicated, then explained that first of all I HAD been promoted, but chose not to take an honor granted by a Darkfriend.
  * And second, unlike Saldaeans he didn't make a habit of arguing with his wife.  
  
I thought Bashere was going to have his ears for that one, but he just muttered something about madmen and stalked off.
  * I knew I loved this man.  
  
Hanled isn't taking me to Mayene as ordered. He's taking us BOTH to Shienar, to find the Malkier contingent.
  * He left a message with Sumeko to let Birgitte know that she can report us as deserters if she likes, but we were made for fighting the Shadow, and there isn't any of that happening here.
  * Since we don't know exactly where the army is, we've started at home. Had trouble gating here because so much of it has burned to the ground, but managed it eventually.
  * Trollocs have clearly been through here. No dead sheep in the fields—just piles of half-charred bones.  
  
There's not a living thing to be seen except birds.
  * Now we're doing ten-mile gate hops, moving southwest. Have to find some sign of them eventually.
  * Hanled says he felt someone channeling to the east of us. Hunkering down for a minute to see whether they felt his gateway.
  * No change. He thinks there are Dreadlords fighting there. Which terrifies me to the core but also tells me this is where we're needed.
  * I've heard that Trollocs call the Waste "the Dying Ground." Let's make them apply that to Shienar, shall we?  
  
A kiss for luck, and a gateway just beyond the fighting. Off we go.
  * Got yelled at right off for not being where we were "supposed" to be, but cleared it up quick by explaining we've been sent up from Mayene to join the fighting.  
  
(I mean, we WERE there, once.) 
  * Do we have horses?  
  
Er, not anymore.
  * I guess now we have horses. "Dai Shan wants you up where you can see."
  * We've been assigned to a unit that lost both of its Aes Sedai yesterday. They're on reserve rotation now, waiting their turn to cycle back in. Hanled says he can use the break after all those gateways.
  * Clouds are pretty crazy up there, but nobody is weaving lightning. I'm grateful, but from what I've seen it's a pretty powerful weave compared to the energy cost, so why nobody using it?
  * Ahh. Hanled says it's too hard to pick your target when you're down on the same level with them. Much more useful from a tower, but that also makes you a target.
  * We're going in.  
  
If the Light wills, we'll come back out again.
  * That was every bit as grueling as I expected. Watched a lot of people die. They'll stand in front of us because they know we'll avenge them tenfold (probably fifty for Hanled), but it's still pretty heartbreaking.
  * No time to bury the dead. It's just hit and fall back. Hit somewhere else and fall back. Catch that stray group of Trollocs between you and another unit, then fall back.
  * Then tag someone else in so you can take a rest, grab a bite of whatever's handy, refill your waterskin if you can. Me I'm going to lie right here and see about a nap. As tired as I am now, it'll be worse by the end of the next one.
  * Back in for another round in the meat grinder.  
  
I say that, but it's actually really comforting knowing most of the soldiers here are seasoned veterans. Only people who gave off that vibe in Elayne's camp were Bashere and some of the Band. Maybe a couple officers.
  * And it's not that they were inexperienced. I know most of the Wolf Guard were at Dumai's Wells, and there's not an Aielman this side of the Dragonwall who hasn't fought a dozen battles, but everything gets done so much more efficiently here.
  * It's like everyone's speaking the same language here, because they've all done this a hundred times before.
  * They've even got signals worked out using the Power—different colored sparks in the sky for different maneuvers. A bit easier to decipher than the horn calls, though I think I've finally gotten those figured out.
  * Hang on—is that HIM?  
  
I think it is. Look Hanled, there's his banner!  
  
Dai Shan!
  * Omigosh he saluted back. 😱
  * Ok, enough fangirling. Giddap, horse!
  * It's a good thing Trollocs still gotta sleep.  
  
They're pulling us back for the night. We get first watch though.
  * Hanled wants to know how I can feel so content in a war zone.  
  
I don't know if content is the word I'd use. "Useful" is a better one.
  * I mean, we gave up our old lives to become weapons for the Lord Dragon. Weapons to fight the Last Battle.  
  
I guess I felt a bit like a sword on someone's wall, down south. There to be seen, not to be used.
  * Now he wants to know what I'd have become if I had never gone to the Black Tower.  
  
I mean, I pretty much was doing it already. Carding and spinning, and sometimes milking the cow.
  * Oh, the sky's the limit, he says.  
  
I don't know. I like to think I could have become a Hunter for the Horn. General Bashere's daughter did that, had you heard?
  * If I hadn't felt held down by family and other obligations, I feel like I could have become a wanderer—like my half-sister Lironah.  
  
I've mentioned her before, haven't I? She just up and left one day.
  * What about now?  
  
Hmm. I guess out of all the things I've done that don't require saidin, being the Queen's bodyguard was my favorite.
  * I don't know if you've noticed this, Hanled, but unless you're like a Lady or an Aes Sedai, people don't pay much attention to women. They dismiss us. "Not a threat."  
  
But as a Guardswoman, wearing that uniform, I never got that look.
  * Some people thought we were decorative, sure, but stare them in the eye long enough and they'd back down.
  * Hanled says if he suddenly couldn't channel, but knew what he knew now, he'd probably choose the merchant life himself. Travel the world a few times before picking a spot to settle down.
  * That's the end of our watch. Going to slap a refresh weave on some of the guys getting up. With consent of course, because this isn't the Black Tower and even sensible people can get weird about the Power being used on them. 




	70. Lances and a Spear

**Tammaz 2, N.E. 1000**

  * Learned something before our first rotation this morning—apparently Mazrim Taim has been spotted here, on this battlefield. Dolyn wants to go hunt him down, and if he didn't completely outclass me, I might consider it.
  * The one thing I do miss from Queen Elayne's camp is the food being fresh. There's no circle of sunlight here, no strange force holding back the Dark One's hand.
  * I'll bet it's his children doing it. The Lord Dragon's unborn babes. It makes sense that they'd have the same power to hold back the Shadow, doesn't it?  
  
...Hanled says no, but he can't think of a better explanation, so I still win.
  * Of all the things I expected to pick out of a horse's hooves, Trolloc guts were never one of them. 🤢
  * This is definitely not the same saddle I had this morning.  
  
Which of course I don't notice until it's too late to fix the stirrups without climbing off and making everybody wait for me.
  * We're already moving out.
  * Horse is not happy with me. My bottom is also not happy. Why did I have to be too embarrassed to stop and shorten my stirrups?
  * And now we're galloping. Because of course we are.
  * Our unit's Aes Sedai came back from Mayene just now, so they've put us with a unit of Shienaran lancers. I made sure my stirrups were properly adjusted this time. >_>
  * Our support tactics are a lot different with this group. Lancers move more slowly than light cavalry does, but also hits harder and stays in one place longer. We're doing a lot more holding ground and much less hit and run.
  * For this reason we're not sticking to the center anymore, but rather back about half a stone's throw from the main lines, watching for holes and shoring them up from a distance.
  * This kind of tactic almost puts Hanled and I on equal ground. It's about speed and precision rather than damage and raw power, though he is tossing in a bit of RREF whenever he can get a clear view of the enemy through the melee.
  * AHH!  
  
I hear Hanled shout "Dreadlord!" and all of a sudden I'm flying through the air, to land on a pile of Trolloc corpses.
  * I can't see Hanled, but I can feel that he's injured. Only pieces of our lancer unit—they're falling back.  
  
No! Hanled's still in there!
  * Let me go! Burn you, I won't leave him!
  * You don't understand. I KNOW he's alive, because he bonded me like a Warder. I can find him. Please, just let me look for him!
  * Finally convinced them, but now the battle lines have shifted. I can feel him behind them. He's conscious ... I think his leg is broken, and maybe pinned. He can't channel because that guy is still out there, weaving so much saidin I feel like EVERYONE should be able to see it.
  * Light, how am I going to get through that? 😭
  * This isn't working!  
  
Lancers have formed back up, but we can't seem to gain any ground, and I can't risk channeling to help them.
  * Burn me, here it comes again!
  * Lancer unit's broken. Retreating even further. Where are the reinforcements? We're going to lose the hill too, at this rate!
  * Here they are—too late. That Dreadlord still countering everything the Asha'man send at him.  
  
Light, he's so strong. Could that be Taim?
  * They've pulled what's left of my unit out of rotation, but I'm not going with them. If there's any chance of getting to Hanled, I have to take it.
  * Hanled says he's pinned beneath his horse, but well enough hidden. His leg is definitely broken, but it's a clean break, not bleeding that he can tell.  
  
It's definitely excruciating, though. T_T
  * Light, this must be how Hanled felt when I was nailed to the wall in Taim's palace. 😭
  * I've gotten permission to hang out beside the mobile command center, on a hill overlooking the one we just lost. They know I'm off rotation, but I promised I would pitch in if this position is threatened.  
  
Now I just wish I'd stuffed a loaf of bread in my pocket or something.
  * It's a tiny bit distracting that Agelmar Jagad is over there somewhere, coordinating this battlefield. If I didn't have more important things to do, I might be tempted to walk over, just to say I'd seen him in the flesh.
  * Whoever that was has quit channeling for the moment. I don't believe he's gone, though. Neither does Hanled.
  * Light, he's back—and even closer to Hanled than before.
  * I can just see him from here ... can't tell who it is though.
  * Burn you, quit fighting and pull back for the night already!
  * They're not pulling back.  
  
I should have known. They're not giving up that hill now that they have it.
  * I'm going in. Hanled keeps getting weaker ... if I wait any longer he might not have the strength to come back out with me.
  * Cleared it with the watch commander, because it's not a good idea to simply assume our side isn't going to try retaking the hill now that night has fallen. Tried not to sound as desperate as I am, because if he knew I'm not planning to come back without Hanled, he might say no.
  * Now would be a great idea to come up with a plan.  
  
...Any time now.
  * Great. The watch commander thinks I need an escort? It's going to be hard enough sneaking myself in there and back out again! Who does he think is going to....  
  
Oh. OK then. I did NOT know there were any Aiel with this contingent.
  * Don't look nervous don't look nervous don't look nervous.
  * Oh my gosh is he tall.
  * Says his name is Suvan.  
  
Uh, I see you, Suvan. (Did I say that right??)
  * Yeah, actually I've spoken with some of your Wise Ones before. Do you know Aviendha?  
  
Figures he doesn't know her. Oh well.
  * Telling me about his brother going into the Blight. Something about "spitting in Sightblinder's eye." Sorry, I have no idea what that means. Can we walk while we talk, please?
  * Oh. It means his brother found out he could channel. He says it's ... it's their custom, for the men, to journey to the Blight and die fighting the Shadow.  
  
I'm so sorry.
  * Sorry. Something in my eye. I'm good now.
  * Reached the edge of our camp. Here goes nothing.  
  
Suvan; I'm going to weave something on both of us which will make us silent and mostly invisible. I'll still be able to see where you are, so it would be best if you led the way.
  * Hanled, we're coming!
  * "Who is we?" he wants to know. If he's still alert enough to feel jealous, then we should have plenty of time.
  * Ugh, Trollocs everywhere. The stench is overwhelming. Hard to keep from gagging.
  * Suvan moves like ... like I don't even know what. Like he's picking daisies in the park. Makes it look easy.
  * Ok now he's just showing off.  
  
Come on, wise guy; Hanled is this way.
  * Light! They've started dragging horses toward the cookpots. Hanled thinks they'll find him any minute now. We need to run!
  * Almost there. I recognize ... uh, what's left of that soldier. Burns me to leave them like this. No choice.  
  
Hanled's right over—  
  
NO!
  * They've got him! He's shouting at me not to channel. Swords it is!
  * Light, Suvan is fast! Took them down without a sound, but more coming because of Hanled's shout.  
  
Got him inside my stealth weaves; I can change what I've already got inverted, just can't weave anything new. Let's go!
  * Hanled hissing in pain with every step. Are you sure we can't use a gateway from here?  
  
...He says he can feel someone out there, still holding the Power. So no.
  * Bit of a ruckus behind us. They've found the bodies.  
  
Hanled says the Dreadlord is coming closer. If he realizes we're here and starts trying to slice my weave, we're dead.  
  
Suvan, can you carry him?
  * Almost out again. Almost....  
  
Burn me, they've thickened up their front lines. No gaps to slip through this time.
  * Definitely channeling behind us. Saidar AND saidin! There has to be a way through before they reach us.
  * There—they're keeping their distance from the Myrddraal. But can we risk it?
  * Brilliant! Suvan threw a stone at some Trollocs and got them fighting. The Fade is moving to break it up.  
  
We're through!
  * None too soon, it looks like. They're rallying for a night attack.  
  
Hurry! Before someone sounds a charge!
  * There they come, but we're almost back to our own line. To arms! Trollocs coming!
  * Better drop the illusion before we get trampled.  
  
Hang in there, Hanled. We'll get you healed in no time.
  * Right. Hanled, this is Suvan. Now you can say you've met an Aielman.
  * Found an Aes Sedai. Now to convince her we're not going to bite.  
  
Come on, please? I'm not strong enough to heal this.
  * No we would NOT rather have a gateway to Mayene. Can you heal him or can't you?  
  
Light. You'd think I was threatening her life or something. We're not even channeling right now.
  * Finally. Paranoid Aes Sedai.
  * Light, I'm glad you're safe! 😭 Look at me; I'm so relieved I'm shaking.
  * I don't know whether a kiss will make it better, but you're certainly welcome to try.  
  
Better have another, just to be sure.
  * Yikes! I didn't realize Suvan was still here. Guess he didn't even need that silence weave.  
  
Uh, so why ARE you here? ...Do we owe you a life debt or something, now?
  * Should have seen that coming.  
  
He wants to know whether the Black Tower would take him.  
  
Hanled?
  * He's a bit too tired to test anyone right now. Sorry; I don't even know the test.  
  
Ok, that's not too hard ... I can handle the channeling then.
  * Am I doing this right?  
  
Hanled says yes.  
  
But ... I'm sorry, Suvan, you can't learn to channel. I've heard sometimes it can run in families, but it's never a guarantee.
  * Uh, thanks. My water is yours too, I guess?
  * I hope I didn't offend him. Everyone says Aiel are so touchy, and I really don't need any more people out for my blood right now.
  * Now we really should sleep before Dolyn decides it's playtime.  
  
Sorry Dolyn. We can kill more Trollocs tomorrow.




	71. A Broken Hill

**Tammaz 3, N.E. 1000**

  * Dolyn got her wish after all. Trollocs attacked twice during the night, trying to push us off the other hill. Nobody got much sleep, so we're all riding on refresh weaves right now.   
  
We did hold the hill.
  * That guy is out there again already, hitting anything that channels saidin. Hanled and I have a plan, though.
  * We're going in with disguise weaves already in place and inverted, so we can get close before we strike. Rather than unraveling the disguise when we need to change it, we'll alter the weave that's already in place. A lot harder, but we've both had enough practice to make it work.
  * Right now we're disguised as foot soldiers, looking for a way through the lines, or maybe around them. Mounted would be faster, but we're planning to disguise ourselves as Trollocs once we're close enough.
  * We've agreed that retrieving the seals is the most important task here. More important than either of our lives. If one of us ends up trapped like Hanled yesterday ... the other has to try to complete the mission anyway.
  * There! See that burned-out barn? If we can reach it, we can come out on the other end with our disguises in place. Ready?   
  
Run!
  * Made it. Disguises tweaked.   
  
How do I look? Disgusting? Perfect.
  * Wait for a gap; we have no mass to back up these illusions.   
  
There! Go, go, go!
  * Got in. Working our way back through with difficulty. Have to avoid actually touching another Trolloc while they're pressing toward the front, which is tough.
  * Hanled did invert a couple weaves of Air which are coming in handy; I don't really have the strength for that sort of preparation but he's covering me while we're together.
  * Another thing we have to watch out for are Fades trying to keep the Trolloc lines from balking. Hopefully we've kept them hungry enough that they don't need much motivation, but it's always a risk.
  * Ooh hey, someone just left a pike here. Mine.
  * Light, this is going to take forever. We've barely moved a hundred paces.
  * Past the front ranks now. Little more freedom of movement. Keep having to stop and pretend we're waiting our turn as Fades walk past. I keep worrying that they'll sense my weaves even though they're inverted, but so far nothing.
  * Taim—I'm just going to assume that's him for now—is easy to pinpoint when he channels, but he keeps moving around. Hanled reluctantly suggests we split up.
  * Hanled got real close there for a minute, then one of ours started flinging fireballs and Taim jumped again. Hanled thinks he's using gateways.
  * I think I see what he's doing. There's a little platform here, enough to get a good view from without being an obvious target.   
  
Problem is, there's three Black Ajah here using it.
  * Taim wouldn't strike against someone weaving saidin from here, right?
  * How to take out all of them at once? Do I even have a weave for that??
  * I guess I do. Now I need to dispose of three headless bodies. 😬
  * Or ... not. Trollocs just hauled them off. Didn't even ask permission first.
  * Got several nasty surprises inverted for the next person to show up here. Only a couple I can use on Taim; have to be precise, in case he still has the seals.
  * Hanled says he's jumping again. Gateway is opening....   
  
That's not Taim. It's Mishraile!
  * Light, he must be using that angreal I stole. Burn me for a Light-blinded idiot.
  * I could kill him right now—he's looking around for the Aes Sedai, plenty distracted even if I didn't have these all inverted—but Dolyn won't let me.
  * I've been relying on her too much today. Didn't lose that much sleep, but ... she's almost as attached to him as I am to Hanled, and she unraveled my attack weaves while I hesitated. Burn you Dolyn, I know I promised, but he almost killed us yesterday!
  * How in the Light...?!   
  
Mishraile knows I'm here. He seemed focused on the battle, but he says, "M'Hael's going to be pissed at what you did to those Aes Sedai."
  * My ter'angreal. He must have had finders on one or both of them. I'm so stupid!
  * "I take it by the fact that you haven't attacked yet that you're still Dolyn."   
  
Missed the mark, but only by a hair.   
  
Ok fine. I can do Dolyn again for a while if it'll give me a chance at Taim.
  * Changed my disguise to one of the guys Logain executed. Couple of them were too weak for gateways; I'll go with the short one.   
  
Don't know what his name is; maybe Mishraile does.
  * I feel so exposed on this platform, but it's better than being surrounded by Trollocs. Don't even look at me like that. This is far from the stupidest thing I've done this week.
  * I swore at Mishraile. Seemed like the right thing to say. He goes, "I'm glad to see you, too," and throws another ball of flame at our ranks. Burn me, I could knife him in the ribs right now, if Dolyn weren't holding on so tightly.
  * I told him he was an idiot not to kill me when the M'Hael ordered him to. He says he knows. Then he turned to leer at me before he remembered I'm in disguise. That look was priceless though.
  * Wants to know why I did that to the Aes Sedai.   
  
"Uh, they looked at me funny. Also, I'm not as in control of myself as I used to be. The line between us is thinner."
  * I asked him if he planned to kill me, or turn me in. He said it depends. On what, I think I can guess.
  * Sorry Hanled. I need to seduce somebody now.   
  
I promise you can kill him, next chance you get.
  * I guess I could do an Aes Sedai disguise, but then somebody might expect me to channel saidar. Let's go with one of the maidservants from the Black Tower—a Darkfriend for sure; she tried to knife me.
  * Pretty enough face ... and just enough cleavage to distract him from the battle, if I hang on his arm like I'm scared and helpless.
  * What do I want? Boy, it's like he knows me.   
  
"I want those things I stole for Taim. I know what they are.   
  
I want to break them. If I break them, I'll be free from Ashalyn forever."
  * Hanled is NOT happy.
  * Mishraile says, "It isn't the right time to break the seals." Thank the Light—Taim hasn't done it yet. But what is he waiting for?
  * He doesn't know, exactly. Taim's explanation is that the "Great Lord" can wait forever, but that "al'Thor" is only a man.   
  
It sounds like they don't want to let the Dark One free until the Lord Dragon is dead?
  * Maybe not dead, Mishraile thinks, but vulnerable.   
  
I can wait, I promise. Just help me get to them, and I'll do whatever you like.
  * I think he bought it? Says to wait by that cleft hill—it's well back from the battle lines, unfortunately—until he can get free. He warns that it might not be any time soon.
  * Now I get to explain myself to Hanled. This is not going to be fun.
  * Hanled says he doubts he could have come up with a better plan than mine, short of assassinating Mishraile and taking his place.   
  
That would have been a pretty good one, I gotta admit.
  * He also says that it's still a stupid plan, and he hates it, and he's going make Mishraile pay for every time he touched me.   
  
Fair enough.
  * We're at the cleft hill. Plenty of good hiding places, especially for someone well versed in mask of mirrors. Added an unscalable boulder to the terrain.
  * Check it out: I brought lunch this time.
  * Two hours later, and Dolyn is already bored. Wants to start sniping at these Trollocs by the hill.   
  
Chill, D. Remember when that Fade nearly sliced us in half? We start channeling out here and we'll draw them like flies to a midden heap.
  * So when Mishraile said he might be a while, do you think he meant hours, or like, days?
  * Can't even see how the battle is going from here. Could someone else have killed Mishraile already?   
  
Hanled thinks no. He still feels him channeling out there.
  * Hanled, you'd better get some sleep if you can. He's probably waiting for nightfall at this point.   
  
Yes, I'll take a turn sleeping, but you were healed yesterday and I can feel how weak you still are from that. You come first.
  * Sun's gone down. Getting dark. Should I wake Hanled now, or...?
  * Something going on below.   
  
Hanled, wake up. It might be a good idea to ready some inverted weaves before whatever that is gets closer.
  * Settled down now.   
  
Burn me, I can't stand all this waiting. Mishraile better not have forgotten about us.
  * (By "us" I of course mean Dolyn and I. He doesn't know about Hanled.)
  * Got a disguise weave readied? Good, because I think that's him.
  * Our plan is for Hanled to stay inside this illusory boulder while I talk to Mishraile, then choose an appropriate disguise and follow us. We'll get to Taim, and Hanled will have a gateway readied so we can grab and go.
  * That's Mishraile all right. Looking around for me.   
  
Heading out.
  * Oh yeah—and Dolyn is supplying me with dialogue.   
  
"What are you thinking, making me wait this long? Do you have any idea how mind-numbingly boring that was?"
  * "As long as you weren't sleeping," he says.   
  
Yes Dolyn, you may flip him off.
  * He's surprised I survived this long.   
  
Yeah well, let's just say Queen Elayne found out who I really was all this time, and she wasn't very happy about it.
  * How did I escape her?   
  
Uh ... I still have some gullible friends in her employ.
  * Just shut up and show me where Taim is.
  * Mishraile warns me not to try to kill M'Hael. He's one of the "Chosen" now, and has "Moridin's" favor. Who the heck is Moridin?
  * Look, I have no idea what a "Nebb-liss" is either. Can you speak in Common, please?
  * The heck is with all these new Forsaken?   
  
Isn't it bad enough that the originals are loose??
  * Hanled says he's disguised as a Fade and following. He can't get close enough to hear what we're saying though.   
  
Probably just as well. Kind of freaking me out here.
  * Going into some kind of tent. Mishraile suggests I do that maidservant disguise from before.   
  
Well I'm definitely not going in there as me.
  * Loser just wants an excuse to put an arm around me. Hanled is seething.
  * Lots of uncomfortably familiar faces in here.   
  
Probably not a bad idea to keep my gaze lowered, disguise or no.
  * Mishraile is ignoring snide remarks about bringing his "eye candy" into the command tent.   
  
Burn me, we could take out half their leadership if we blew up this tent. Wish I had a weave strong enough readied.
  * Can't do it yet anyway. Have to make sure those seals are secured first.
  * Holy ugly. Who is ... wait, why are we bowing??   
  
Light, that's another of the Forsaken! Hanled, don't even come in here!
  * I can't breathe. I am literally too scared to breathe.
  * She's gone. Has given orders to push again tonight; nobody here looks like they've had nearly enough sleep.
  * Mishraile leading me to a side partition. Is Taim in there?   
  
Can feel Hanled going around. Good. Better than trying to walk through that.
  * There's nobody in here but a pair of Aes Sedai. Are we waiting for him here? Why are—   
  
I'M SHIELDED!
  * HANLED, IT'S A TRA—   
  
AHH! Stabbed me in the back! Can't breathe. Knees going weak....
  * Mishraile caught me. Get your hands off me ... filthy Darkfriend!   
  
He says ... did I think he didn't notice his weave was broken?
  * Hanled's here! Tore up the tent—Aes Sedai dead. Mishraile dropped me so he could fend him off. I can't get any air into my lungs. Want to shout for him to run!
  * More coming. Mishraile is hurt—doesn't look fatal, more's the pity. Just run! Don't try to— Oof!   
  
Ok, gateway. We're back at the boulder?
  * No! They channeled through it before he got it closed. He's hit too!   
  
Ahh! Got some air into my lungs. Can't stop here. They'll have felt—
  * Another gateway. Where? Can't see. Smells of ash, but not blood.
  * Light that hurt! Hanled pulled out the dagger. Healing me ... ahh, air!   
  
Still blood in my lungs. Can't stop coughing. Hanled, how bad are you....
  * It's bad. We have to take you to Mayene. Open another gate to—   
  
HANLED!
  * He collapsed! Bleeding everywhere. Hanled, speak to me! Can you weave another gateway??
  * I can't ... this is all the healing I know! It's not enough. Light, why can't it be enough?!
  * Hanled, PLEASE! Just one more gate! Open your eyes and WEAVE!
  * I'll have to do it. I've never been able to make the weave work, but I can do it tonight, can't I? Just need to make the flows finer. Open. OPEN, burn you. WHY WON'T YOU OPEN!!
  * I can feel him slipping. Light, he's dying!   
  
Can anyone hear me?! HELP ME, SOMEONE, PLEASE!
  * Don't leave me. Burn me, Hanled hold on!   
  
It wasn't supposed to be you. I'm the one who's supposed to die for my stupid mistakes! Why did I let you hold on to me so hard?
  * A smaller gateway. Like Androl did—all I have to do is tell someone where we are. They'll come and ... I have no idea where we are. Hanled, why did you come here? Where is this place??
  * I can't stop the blood. All over my hands. And he's ... don't stop breathing. Light, you can't die. You can't....   
  
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!




	72. Alone

**Tammaz 4, N.E. 1000**

  * Nnng. Why am I lying on the ground? Did I pass out from....?  
  
HANLED! He's gone cold. Light, why can't that have all been a dream?! 😭
  * AHHHH! Someone wake me from this nightmare!
  * The bond ... it isn't just gone this time. I felt it snap, felt it break something inside of me. Ahh, Light! You can't ... you can't be dead. Please, someone tell me this isn't real?
  * I recognize this place. It's ... Hanled's farm. What's left of it. Why did you have to come here?  
  
WHY?
  * **Uh, Ashalyn? Hey! Why am I in charge??**  
  
**Don't hide in there—I don't know what to do either!**
  * **Stupid Hanled. It hurts. He's gone and it HURTS. I didn't even ... didn't even like.... Ahh!**  
  
**Burn you for making me care about you!**
  * **I'll kill him for this. For making me feel like this. If I kill him, will you quit sobbing and tell me what to do??**
  * **Should I ... should we bury him? Burn me, now she's incoherent again.**
  * **I can't ... can't figure this out on my own I need someone else to....**  
  
**Androl. He would help, wouldn't he? If I can reach him.**
  * **Come on, tiny gateway. Argh!**  
  
**Take it slow. Have to weave the threads finer ... THERE! WE DID IT, ASHALYN! Our very first gateway!**
  * **But is anyone there? Androl?!**  
  
**They haven't left the Black Tower finally, have they?**
  * **Who the heck is this? ...Pevara?!**  
  
**I don't need some Aes Sedai! I need Androl here, to read my weave before I lose hold of it!**
  * **She says he's coming. Coming where—to his shop, or to me??**
  * **Ahh! My weave is gone. I'll need a rest before I can weave like that again.**
  * **Come on. Come on ... got it! Androl, are you—**  
  
**Yikes! That was quick.**  
  
**And he brought a Red with him. A RED!**
  * **What happened to Hanled? He's dead, genius! Mishraile ... he tried to kill both of us. I couldn't ... I'm no good at healing.**
  * **Am I all right, he asks. Does it look like I'm all right?! Ashalyn clocked out some time ago. She's a basket case, so you'll have to deal with me for a while.**  
  
**Yes, I'm the crazy one. Deal.**
  * **Wha...? No this isn't a trap! I'm stranded in the middle of nowhere, and the guy I count on for gateways is ...** Hanled is.... Oh Androl! I couldn't save him. Why couldn't I save him?!
  * Where? ...Shienar. This is Shienar. We were fighting with the Malkier contingent, but they outnumbered us. Why weren't you there? We could have beaten them if you were there!
  * Pevara is getting me cleaned up for the ... for the burial ceremony. I know she wants to ask questions, but she isn't.  
  
Light, I still can't stop crying long enough to explain anyway.
  * The Compulsion weave. That's what Mishraile meant. It was invisible to everyone else, but of course he would be able to see whether it was still in place.  
  
Dolyn, why couldn't you just let me kill him? 😭
  * They did it nice and proper. One of them must have seen a Shienaran burial ceremony before.  
  
I had them bury him here, at his farm. Androl carved the headstone using tiny little gateways. Put on a Dragon and everything.
  * "Here lies Hanled Amaru  
Husband & Asha'man  
981—1000 N.E."
  * Where do I want to go now?  
  
...  
  
Nowhere.
  * Leave me. Just go, Androl! I don't ... I can't go back into the battle. I can't fight anymore, don't you understand?!
  * Don't call me a child. Stupid Aes Sedai. The only thing I ever wanted is right here, buried beneath this stone.
  * Figures. They won't leave me here with nobody to watch me. Smart. If I weren't me, I would do exactly the same right now.
  * Please ... just a few more minutes.  
  
Doesn't seem right to leave him on this barren hill. There was a weave he showed me once ... how did it go?
  * I don't see any flowers, but at least the grass is green for now.
  * Not Mayene. Too many memories of Hanled there.  
  
Merrilor? I suppose. Not in this coat, though. If they see my coat, this pin, they'll wonder why I'm not fighting.
  * There. Now I'm a woman again. No one will even look at me twice.
  * On second thought, no. I should find a real dress. I don't want these anymore. Take them back to Queen Elayne for me—tell her I'm dead. She'll probably throw a party or something.
  * Just ... just take them! I can't do this anymore. I never belonged in the Black Tower in the first place. If I'd never come, Taim would never have gotten his hands on Logain OR the seals.
  * Pevara didn't know about that. Pretty sure that little gasp was an Aes Sedai's version of panic.  
  
We tried to get them back. That's how ... how Hanled....  
  
So, you see why I can't go back in again.
  * I'll leave my coat here with Hanled's. I'll look strange wearing breeches and a man's shirt, but at least no one will think I'm an Asha'man.  
  
All right, I'm as ready as I'm going to get.
  * Androl and Pevara doing the talking for me. Which is just as well, because I'm a sobbing mess again.
  * They found me a dress and a place with the fletchers, making arrows.  
  
Explained that I'm an Asha'man's widow. Light, I hate that word! Explained what that meant. So now I have a minder.
  * Androl says he'll check in on me.  
  
Don't bother. Wouldn't want Logain to find out and lock you up like Hanled for hiding me.
  * Please, just go. I ... can't stand to look at your coat right now.
  * It is really hard to cut goose feathers properly when your eyes are full of tears.
  * No thanks. I'm not hungry.
  * Everyone seems to have forgotten about me already. That minder Androl set is nowhere to be seen.  
  
No one at all would notice if I just disappeared.
  * These trees ... Hanled said they grew miraculously while the Lord Dragon was speaking.  
  
There are no miracles here for me. No redemption. No forgiveness.
  * I've lost the trust of everyone I've ever given my loyalty to. Queen Elayne. Logain. The villagers. Even the Lord Dragon himself, if he knew what I'd done.  
  
What is there left for me?
  * The knife I used for cutting fletchings glitters with the light from someone's distant fire. No other light here among the trees.  
  
Except....
  * There is something. More like ... a memory of light. Of the last time I stood at the edge between life and death, with my feet set to cross it.
  * The Shadow all around me, walking toward my death, and then the light came. The sun shone, and the Lord Dragon—so much brighter.  
  
And it wasn't just about the sunlight. It was about joy, and hope, and forgiveness.
  * Why can't I find that light again?  
  
Why do I always end up back here, in the dark?
  * Someone has come looking for me. Not my minder, but one of the other women who were cutting feathers with me.  
  
If I stand still, she'll never see me. If I keep silent....
  * I'm ... I'm here. I'm right here.
  * She took the knife. Didn't say anything, but gave me this look, like she knew exactly why I had it.
  * I didn't ask her name. She didn't offer it. Just led me to the pallet they had laid out for me.  
  
I might as well sleep, if I can. There's always tomorrow.




	73. Arrows

**Tammaz 5, N.E. 1000**

  * My new friend—someone called her Sherrin—wouldn't leave me alone until I ate my breakfast. She's almost as obnoxious as Dolyn.
  * Felt guilty eating. The world is ending and it's at least a little bit my fault. I don't deserve this full-belly feeling.
  * Not cutting fletchings today. Instead they have me attaching them. A bit more precision required, and a lot less access to sharp objects. 🙄
  * Are you kidding me with these arrow shafts? Who decided to call this straight??
  * Not, it is NOT good enough. You look down this shaft and tell me you don't see that bend.
  * Clearly none of these ladies have actually shot a bow before.  
  
It's not my job.
  * Light, that's Sumeko. Did she spot me??  
  
Looks like not.  
  
She looks exhausted. Just like everyone who has come for arrows today.
  * I wonder, have they reached Cairhien? Was it in time?  
  
I can't ask her. But maybe ... if I grab a bundle of arrows and keep my hair down over my face....
  * Made it through the gateway. Looks like the fighting hasn't started yet, but they're all in ranks beside the city like they're waiting.
  * Wasn't sure where I was going until I got here. The Wolf Guard is about the only place I can blend in without a uniform. Don't have a weapon yet, but it shouldn't be hard to find one once the fighting starts.
  * Dolyn wants to know how this is any different than standing here with my black coat on. Why did I bother giving Androl my ter'angreal if I was going to end up here anyway?
  * It IS different. I can die here, and nobody will notice. But watching an Asha'man die ... we've seen how they idolize us. That would hurt morale in profound ways.  
  
Better they never realize I was here.
  * Light! Someone HAS spotted me. Calling me by my ... SHERRIN?  
  
What on earth are you doing here?! You're supposed to be with the fletchers!
  * Go back to the Traveling ground. I'm sure someone will take you back.  
  
Don't think you can out-stubborn me, missy. I'm a ... well, I'm more stubborn than you, that's what.
  * The sky? Well yeah, it does this around Queen Elayne. And around the Lord Dragon, so I've heard.
  * "But why is it still so dark?"  
  
You're right. It isn't any brighter here than it was at Merrilor, even though the clouds are gone. Why isn't....  
  
THE SUN. SOMETHING IS EATING THE SUN!
  * It's as dark as midnight. Oh Light, it's the end of the world!
  * That voice ... that's Queen Elayne. Using the Power to be heard this far, surely, though I can't see it.
  * "We cannot merely resist," she says. "This place is ours, and we claim it. We will not retreat. Our task is to spend our blood, to die advancing."
  * It was a good speech. The others raising their swords. I don't have a sword, but I have a fist.  
  
I'm sorry, Sherrin. I can't sit pining away with the fletchers. I'm here to spill my blood for Elayne and the Lord Dragon.
  * Those horns ... here come the Trollocs. We've got to get you out of here before their lines meet ours.
  * Light, here comes the first volley! Get down!
  * Looks like you're stuck here for a while. Here! Help me gather arrows for the archers!
  * Stop panicking. Dying is just like living, except that it hurts less. Yes, we're in the line of fire, but if we stay calm we triple our chances of making it out alive.
  * Hand off your arrows—that's right. Now duck!
  * Found a swordsman down ... arrow through his leg. Sorry, I'm taking this. Sherrin, help me pull him back to the healing tents!  
  
Put that down—you don't have the training. If you need a weapon, grab that pike!
  * Not, not like ... OK, not the pike. How about you go through to Mayene with the wounded?  
  
No? Fine. Put on this shield at least.
  * The sun! It's back!
  * Chill out. That noise is the ... well they call them dragons. They shoot something like fireworks, only deadly.  
  
Yes, they're on our side.
  * Well this is peachy. Can't go down and fight where I want to because Sherrin won't quit following me. Will have to stick to "safe" things like gathering arrows and hauling wounded.
  * Volley! Raise your shield!
  * Good! You're getting the rhythm now.
  * This is a lot more work than cruising the battlefield with ... with.... Light, this is no place to start crying!
  * Fine, we'll take a breather.  
  
Lunch? What are you talking about, lunch? This is a battlefield. Consider yourself lucky you had breakfast.
  * "Do all Asha'man's wives go into battle with them?"  
  
Light, no. I was the Queen's bodyguard, until she dismissed me.  
  
Well for lying to her, first off. It's a long and complicated story.
  * Enough of a rest. There's people fighting out there, and they need arrows.
  * Burn these skirts.
  * Word on the field is the other Trolloc army is at least a day's march behind. I guess Bashere knows what he's doing after all.
  * I think ... we might actually be winning?
  * I can't see the flows or anything, but it looks from here like Queen Elayne is the only one attacking with the Power. The Kin are all at the traveling ground, making gateways to Mayene.
  * On the plus side, there don't seem to be any Dreadlords here either. I can hope that those are all with Taim, fighting in Shienar. If that's the case ... maybe Queen Elayne is all we need here.
  * So, ready to go back yet?  
  
Of course I meant alone. I'm not done here.  
  
Stubborn, stubborn, stubborn. Well we'll see who out-stubborns who.
  * Ow!  
  
I'm ok, I'm ok. Just grazed me. I'm barely even bleeding.
  * Shaking? I'm not shaking.  
  
Light, I am. The blood on my hands, just like Hanled's ... what was I thinking? WHAT WERE WE THINKING, trying to take down Taim all by ourselves?!  
  
Ahh, Hanled!
  * Where ... are we? Where are you taking me? Healing tent? No! Not there. Somewhere ... I n-need to sit, but not there.
  * Took me back against the wall of Cairhien itself. I think I've got control of myself again. Gonna give it another minute before I try walking.
  * All right, you win—I shouldn't have come here. I'm not ready.  
  
No, it's too late to go back. Let the Kin use their energy to help the wounded. This should be settled by nightfall—we'll leave once they've rested.
  * Why do you care so much, anyway? You'd never met me before yesterday.
  * ...  
  
She says she recognized the eyes of a woman who'd lost everything.
  * So it sounds like she's also been through a lot recently.
  * Amadicia, huh? Yeah, I'd heard about the Seanchan there.
  * Lost her husband and BOTH of her grown sons ... trying to protect her daughters.  
  
Seanchan. The Light burn all of them.
  * Tell you what. Since you've saved my life twice now—don't even argue; you know why I came here—I swear that if I survive the Last Battle, I'll do everything in my power to find them.
  * Please don't try to talk me out of this. I need something ... a reason to keep on going. If I don't find one soon ... this grief will destroy me.
  * Ahh, Light—here it comes again.
  * I ... think I'm up for more arrow gathering, if you are.
  * No. No no no no. Please tell me my eyes aren't seeing a second Trolloc army breaching those hills.  
  
They weren't supposed to be here until tomorrow!
  * "Is that bad?" Are you kidding me?! We were almost outnumbered to start with. Now we're outnumbered AND flanked!
  * We're dead. Even if we retreated behind the walls, I doubt we'll last for long.  
  
I have to get Sherrin out of here before that army closes with ours. There's no way out of this. Unless.....
  * Sherrin, will you take a message to the Black Tower for me?  
  
No, I absolutely can't take it myself. You're the only one who isn't needed here.
  * I can't promise you'll be any safer there than here, but someone has to go.  
  
Someone has to tell Logain that if he doesn't come now, Cairhien will fall just like Caemlyn did. That if he's not here by nightfall ... there may be no one left to save.
  * I'm not going to charge in and die—I promise. I'll be up on that hill where they're gathering the dragons. There won't be a safer place on this entire battlefield.
  * She's on her way. I hope the Kin have enough strength to send her.
  * I need arrows. And ... a quiver. And, if I can find one that hasn't been broken....  
  
There. Not the nicest bow in the world, but it still has a string.
  * Now a kerchief to hide my face because some of the dragoners know me ... and that's the best I can do.
  * Here's where I wish I'd practiced my archery more as a Guardswoman.
  * The army on the north is done for. At least we won't be pinned in between. The one on the south has already closed ranks.
  * Light, I forgot how loud those dragons are up close!
  * The heavy cavalry is just ... gone. There's too many Trollocs. I was wrong—this battle will be lost well before nightfall.
  * They're pushing forward toward the dragons—figures. Looks like I'm up.
  * Pretty sure one of those arrows hit ... something. This is way harder than Captain-General Birgitte makes it look, over on that other hill.
  * The dragons have stopped firing. Why...?  
  
Light, they're out of ammunition!
  * That Illuminator calling for people to bring whatever bits of metal they can find. I guess since I'm already out of arrows, I might as well help.
  * Arms full of abandoned swords. If I trip I'm sure to stab myself rolling down this hill. Might only take a sneeze.
  * Boom! One giant sneeze coming atcha!
  * Can't find any more swords. How about armor? As long as it'll fit inside the mouth of the dragons, she says.
  * Why does armor have to be tied on with so many straps? Argh, this is taking too long!
  * The Ogier are falling. Light, they're the only thing left between us and the Trollocs! If they go down, the dragons are lost.
  * They've broken through on the left. Draw swords!
  * A fireball? That's not going to—  
  
Ahh! What kind of weave WAS that! It looked just like....
  * It is. An RREF! Dozens of them, shredding those Trollocs like paper.  
  
He came! Logain brought the Black Tower!
  * I see him—he's on the hill with Queen Elayne.  
  
Light, he still looks like death warmed over.
  * I think it's time for me to get off this hill and out of sight.
  * Black coats. Too many. I'm glad to see them, but at the same time it breaks me. Will I ever be able to look at one again and not cry?
  * What is everyone gasping about?  
  
...By the Light and the Creator himself! Those gateways are as big as the one the Sharans came through in Kandor. Bigger!
  * And what IS that pouring through? It looks like liquid flame!
  * Sherrin! Why did you come back here? You should be at Merrilor, where it's safe.  
  
Not without me, huh? All right. If it'll keep you happy.
  * The battle isn't over, but we're regrouping anyway. The Traveling ground is active again, mostly grabbing dragon eggs and sacks of that powder from Bear Lawn. ...Baerlon? Oh.
  * Still, it shouldn't be hard to slip through, as long as I keep my face hidden.
  * Sherrin wants to know why I didn't tell her not to mention me by name—Logain nearly changed his mind when he heard it.  
  
Didn't I? Sorry, I could have sworn I said something about that.
  * Made it through without anyone recognizing me, but now Sherrin wants to know why Logain thinks I'm a Darkfriend.
  * Er, the taint on saidin—you've heard about that, I'm sure—well it's gone now, but it still touched a lot of the Black Tower before that happened.  
  
So, sometimes the taint can make you think things, do things, that you wouldn't otherwise do. Well, I—
  * Hang on ... no that's not what I was going to....  
  
Uh, she's all, "Oh, so Logain thinks those things because he's been touched by the taint."  
  
You know what, sure. That's a much shorter explanation.
  * No but really, he still has plenty of reason to be upset with me, so maybe don't do anything that might remind him you know me?
  * She assures me THAT won't be a problem, as she never wants to go near an Asha'man again after today. Eh, they're not ALL crazy.
  * We're lucky—they had a few scraps left from dinner when we got back.  
  
I still didn't really feel like eating, but I'm not willing to fight Sherrin on it right now. And I do feel better now that my stomach isn't trying to gnaw its way through to my liver.
  * This is all right, isn't it Hanled?  
  
You'll forgive me for living—for wanting to live on, even though you're gone—won't you?



**Tammaz 6, N.E. 1000**

  * I had actual ambitions for what I was going to do today, but woke up with my insides so twisted with grief that I couldn't force any breakfast down. Sherrin assures me it'll pass.
  * Word from Cairhien is that they'll have things wrapped up by tomorrow at the latest, and then they're coming here? So maybe this isn't the best spot for me anymore....
  * What?! Bashere, a DARKFRIEND?  
  
That can't be ... he wouldn't....  
  
But everything makes sense now. The extra supplies, the refusal to use gateways until the last minute ... even sending me away when I made trouble.  
  
Light, it still can't be. But what other explanation is there?
  * Strong urge to walk out every time I see a black coat and turn myself in. Resisting, but it's hard.
  * I have become the arrow QA person. Nobody notches a shaft until I've approved it.  
  
Though I've noticed they let through a lot fewer sub-par ones since I spoke up about it.
  * I get the feeling none of these people ever made an arrow before coming here. I mean there must have been someone here teaching them at some point but they probably moved on to teach a different group?
  * And now with the crooked fletchings? Ugh.  
  
Look, I know we're going for quantity here, but if you hand this kind of work to an archer who's not paying attention, the only thing he's going to shoot is his buddy's back.



**Tammaz 7, N.E. 1000**

  * Getting busy around here. The Malkier and White Tower contingents are both marching here, and Elayne's forces keep coming by gateway. We'll be making our final stand at Merrilor.  
  
Light, I'm not ready for this.
  * Ok, getting it all out there. I want to teach these gals to shoot a bow (so they can test their own arrows), but every time I think about doing it I get this horrible queasy feeling in my stomach.
  * I know if I teach them, and they join the fighting and die, it'll be my fault.  
  
I can't deal with the thought of any more deaths being my fault.
  * But then I think, what if they die because I didn't teach them?  
  
So that's why I nearly threw up my breakfast again.
  * (It has nothing to do with what Sherrin thinks it does. Sorry.)
  * I'll just ... I'll test all the arrows myself. That's what I'll do. I still have the bow I found at Cairhien; now I need a bale of hay or something.
  * Hay bale acquired. Now to walk off ... we'll say no more than fifty paces. I'm no Two Rivers archer.
  * My aim is nothing to write home about, but I think we can safely ship out all the arrows that hit the bale.  
  
(Except for this pair that lost their heads on impact. They definitely need to be redone.) 
  * Sherrin asked where I learned to shoot, and without thinking about it I said, "Birgitte taught me."  
  
Had to explain that it's the name of Queen Elayne's Captain-General. I didn't say Warder because that's a topic which I really don't feel like talking about right now.
  * Really though, she does look just like the real thing. Most people figure she was a Hunter for the Horn.
  * She thinks I'm pulling her leg. Just one more reason not to tell her the rest of it.




	74. To Be Forged Anew

**Tammaz 8, N.E. 1000**

  * I'm in a stare-at-the-wall mood today. Just let me alone, Sherrin. They can't complain that I'm not working if I don't eat anything.
  * Light, she called in an Aes Sedai on me. I really don't want to be lectured right now.
  * What can I say to make her go away?
  * I promised I would try to eat some broth. It was a lie though. My stomach is still in knots because it was my fault. I killed Hanled. If I hadn't been so arrogant, so naive, so careless, he would still be here.  
  
It's my fault. It will never not have been my fault.
  * I don't want to do this anymore. It hurts too much. I remember how it felt when he died ... I'll always remember.  
  
It's time to end this. Logain will do it. I have to find Logain.
  * Black coats everywhere, but none of them see me in this dress. A glance, and they've forgotten me already. Have to find someone who knows me.
  * There's Gabrelle. Can I catch up to her?
  * Lost her. I do see another familiar face though, maybe—  
  
Ahh fish guts, it's Pevara.
  * And she spotted me.
  * Er hi, don't mind me. Just looking for Logain....
  * No, please don't call Androl, I—  
  
Nuts.
  * Trying to convince them I really need to speak to Logain, but neither of them is buying it.  
  
...Might have something to do with the fact that I can't seem to put two sentences together right now.
  * They've taken me to Pevara's tent, which is in the Aes Sedai section of camp. I don't think I'll be getting out of here with a promise to drink some broth.
  * Tried to insist I didn't want to waste their valuable time, but just my luck—they're off rotation right now.
  * Now Androl is trying to defer to Pevara's "expertise" when it comes to severed bonds, and she's all, Reds don't usually take Warders, so how would she know?  
  
Light, they're bonded, aren't they. Should have seen that.
  * And now I'm blubbering. Just absolutely lost it.
  * I asked how they would feel if one of them lost the other. I may have screamed a bit. Then I told them if they really cared about me, they'd let me end my suffering however I wanted.  
  
That's when Pevara slapped me.
  * They have to go back on rotation. They're trying to decide which is the worse idea—to leave me in the care of a random Aes Sedai, or to let one of the other Asha'man in on the fact that I'm still alive.
  * They decided Canler was the best choice because he has a wife. Androl has gone to look for him.
  * I asked Pevara why she cared so much.  
  
She said she was among those who were freed from Taim's dungeon that night. So another good deed come back to bite me, I guess.
  * I tried to convince her that I just happened to be there at the time. It was Androl who lit the spark, weaving that impossible tiny gateway so we could hear him.  
  
Then Canler walks in right at the worst moment and says no, without me he wouldn't have known where to look.
  * Then of course he does a double-take because I'm in a dress. He's trying to play it cool but I see the numbers crunching in his head.
  * Androl's not even going to bother explaining? He's just like, "Taramar is on suicide watch. Don't let him kill himself before I get back."
  * Pevara says, not in her tent. So now we're going through a gateway to ... wait, this is the Black Tower!
  * Canler weaving a disguise on me without asking. I guess that figures.
  * He says we're going to his shop, where his wife can help him keep an eye on me. He assumes since I'm not shielded that I've either burned out or been gentled. Says he "should have guessed" when I needed help weaving a disguise all those weeks ago.
  * I think I'm off the ledge again. It helps that I'm not surrounded by complete strangers right now.
  * He wants to know if I'd like some "proper" clothes, or if I'd rather stay disguised as a woman. I told him I'm fine like this.
  * Looks like Canler has been practicing. I mean, this face isn't lopsided at least.
  * Is this wine? Light, I haven't had wine in ... feels like months.  
  
I don't even mind all these herbs they put in it. Would rather be asleep than miserable.
  * Not sure what woke me up, or what time it is. Definitely night. I think I see a light down the hall....
  * I really messed up this morning, didn't I.
  * Definitely someone in there. I hear Androl, Canler ... couple more that sound familiar but I can't place.  
  
I think they're arguing about whether to turn me over to Logain.
  * I could run, but I doubt I'd get far. Might as well just knock and get it over with.
  * The others are Emarin and Jonneth. We've met, but never really chatted.  
  
They've definitely never seen me in a dress before.
  * Sorry about this morning. Or maybe it was afternoon by then? I wasn't thinking clearly enough to tell.
  * I asked them what they'd decided to do with me. Emarin says they haven't decided. Jonneth keeps blushing—I guess I'd better put the poor kid straight.
  * I said if they were interested in making decisions for me, they might as well know the whole story.  
  
First off, my name isn't Dolyn Taramar. He's a fabrication. My real name is Ashalyn Amaru.
  * No, I'm not Hanled's brother OR his sister. I am ... I WAS, his wife.  
  
Ahh Light, here I go again.
  * I think Canler gets it. The others aren't married, that I'm aware.
  * "So you weren't Gentled?"  
  
No. I can't channel—not saidin OR saidar (according to a very rude Aes Sedai who now that I think about it turned out to be Black Ajah).
  * They're all very confused. Canler was there when Taim had me tested that second time, and Jonneth and Emarin have seen me channeling.
  * It was Taim's doing—all of it. I guess he thought it was amusing at first, to make me sit through all those lessons when he knew I couldn't channel.  
  
I don't know whether he had the ter'angreal then, or if that's something he found later.
  * Light, Androl still has it with him?  
  
I told you to give those back to Queen Elayne!
  * He thought I might want it back someday.  
  
How can you think that's ok? After all the terrible things I did, you really want to give it back to me??
  * I'm still mad, you know. Just because I can hold her back now doesn't mean she isn't here in my head, waiting for another sleepless night to set her loose.
  * Be quiet, Dolyn. You don't get a vote.
  * They want to know how it works.  
  
Fine. One of you pick it up, but don't grasp saidin. Instead, picture the weave you want to make in your head and sort of ... project it through the carving. I don't know a better way to explain it.
  * Yeah it does take some practice. I'm sure whatever you wove was great for your first try.
  * Don't give that back to me. I said I didn't want it.
  * Androl says he and Pevara figured out the spectacles already, and that he's surprised Taim would give away something that let him see saidar as well as saidin.  
  
Er, Taim didn't give me those. I found them in Queen Elayne's private collection after he set me spying on her.
  * Why is everyone staring at me?  
  
...Well yeah, I did learn to weave before I could see the flows myself. Don't look so flabbergasted; I had help.
  * Yes, I COULD show you the weave Hanled came up with to make the flows visible, but I'm not going to. I'm not an Asha'man anymore.
  * All right, Jonneth is over there falling asleep ... you were too; I'm not blind ... so why don't you all get some rest and make your decision in the morning?  
  
Canler, could I get more of that wine? Or even just the herbs? I don't trust myself not to do something stupid again.



**Tammaz 9, N.E. 1000**

  * Woke up this time and Emarin was sitting with his back to me across the room at a desk. I thought he was Hanled. 😭
  * Emarin hasn't taken his eyes off me since I woke up. I'm pretty sure he's the one who wanted to turn me in to Logain.
  * ...Did you even sleep?
  * Here come the others, finally. Master Grump here won't talk to me.
  * Androl chewing me out for doing stupid, risky things like walking into the Asha'man section of camp, and running into a battle without so much as a weapon.  
  
Hey, I borrowed a sword. And unlike most of you, I know how to use it.
  * All right, I'm sorry. I've had a couple of really bad days since ... since you found me in Shienar. I definitely haven't had any good ones.
  * Androl has been talking to people who know more about the bond than he does. They claim the best way to save a Warder who's lost his Aes Sedai from this self-destructive spiral I'm in is to bond them to someone else and give them something to occupy their time.
  * If you think you can replace my HUSBAND with some random Asha'man, you have another think coming, sir.
  * He's trying to convince the others that I'm valuable because of my knowledge of Taim's plans.  
  
I already told you everything I did while I was trapped behind my own madness. Taim hasn't trusted me since the day I got six of his people killed on a wild goose chase.
  * I shouldn't have mentioned that part. Stupid big mouth of mine.  
  
...That was still pretty awesome though.
  * Canler thinks he remembers which day that was. Taim was in such a fury that even his own people were walking on eggshells.  
  
Yeah that's because he had me pinned to his wall like a trophy all day. That never did heal all the way.
  * Emarin doesn't believe a word I'm saying. I can't really blame him.  
  
I wouldn't believe most of it if I wasn't me.
  * YOU DO NOT GET AWAY WITH ACCUSING ME OF KILLING HANLED!  
  
LET ME GO. I'LL PUNCH HIS TEETH OUT FOR THAT!
  * I'm in time-out while they talk about me. Trying really hard not to kick holes in things.
  * Androl has given me two choices.  
  
1: I can go back to fletching arrows or whatever it is I want to do, by myself, and no one will bother me or stop me when the depression hits and I do something suicidally stupid again.
  * Or 2: I can let one of them bond me like they do the Aes Sedai, I take my ter'angreal back, and I fight like the Black Tower has trained me to.
  * This decision is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
  * Could you give me some time to think it over?
  * Everyone but Canler has gone back to transporting troops from Cairhien. Except I think maybe Emarin went to sleep someplace. Either way, he's someplace I don't have to look at him anymore.
  * Hey, is it ok for me to go take a walk?
  * Canler says only if I let him weave a finder and a disguise on me.  
  
Yeah sure. I'm cool with that, just really need to get outdoors for a minute.
  * So incredibly empty. A few people tending to horses or children, but otherwise it's so very quiet.
  * And the really stupid thing is, I want this to be home again. Now that Taim is gone, the Shadow purged from our walls, and I've mostly reconciled with the Shadow inside myself, I almost feel like it could be.
  * And it isn't that Hanled and I don't have memories here. There are too many to count. But we never talked about here like it was where we wanted to stay. It was always, oh we'll have a farm, or maybe I'll work in Mayene or something.
  * This is the last place that felt like home before we were "us".
  * Burn me, I've started thinking of myself as an Asha'man again. I thought I was done with wanting to belong here. With wanting to fight. All I was really doing was pushing away everything that reminded me of him.
  * But I can't tear those parts of myself away without becoming something that isn't me any longer. Maybe that's why it was so hard to do. Somewhere deep inside, I knew I couldn't live without those things I've been trying to cut out of myself.
  * Maybe ... no, there's no maybes about it. It will hurt to jump back in and do the things we used to do together. I'm not sure I'll be able to. But I know now that if I don't try, I won't live long enough to see this final battle so much as begin.
  * Here comes Canler, looking for me. Good. I was just about to head back anyway.  
  
Tell him ... tell Androl I'll do it. I'll be the weapon I was forged into, no matter that it was Taim who did the forging. I'll make him regret ever deciding to use me.
  * I asked Leish if she had anything I could work on until the men reconvene. She found some laundry for me to do.
  * It's weird because it's been so long since I did this completely by hand.
  * Laundry's hung, nothing to do for it now but wait. I hate waiting.
  * Leish...? Could you do something for me?  
  
I know this is going to sound weird, but ... would you cut my hair?
  * No, like REALLY short. Like ... like Hanled's.
  * I don't mind that it'll show off my scars. It isn't going to be an issue.
  * I'm afraid to look.
  * Definitely going to take some getting used to. Feels like I'm running around naked.  
  
A lot cooler, for sure.
  * Sounds like they're back. Earlier than I expected.  
  
Now I'm afraid to go out there. I mean, what if they've changed their minds and I cut my hair for nothing?
  * Are they coming in here? ...No, it's just Leish.  
  
Oh. She has my uniform. At least it looks like— Yeah, that's mine.
  * Going to need to cut another hole in my belt, though.
  * Here goes nothing.
  * If you thought Jonneth was uncomfortable when he thought I was a man in a woman's dress, you should see what his face looks like now.  
  
At least the hair feels more like it belongs now that I've got my coat back on.
  * So who's it going to be? Androl and Canler are already bonded, I guess, so that just leaves....  
  
No. Not Emarin. Why can't it be Jonneth? He's not bonded!
  * Great. Some newly-raised Aes Sedai has her eye on him already.  
  
Ok fine, just get it over with. At least I don't have to worry about any funny business from a man who isn't into women.
  * Oh right. The kiss.  
  
Yeah, on the cheek is fine.
  * Now before I forget....  
  
Yup. That was a solid punch.  
  
Also, ow my fist.
  * "Don't attack me," he orders, a bit late.  
  
I definitely won't be, now. But just so you know, if you want this relationship to be anything besides painful, you'll never talk to me like that about Hanled again.
  * He didn't apologize, but I can feel him sorting through what's coming through the bond from me and reevaluating some things. I guess it'll have to do.  
  
Now, have you got some real work for me?
  * Androl gave me the spectacles, but Emarin gets the horse carving for now. I'm not to use it without permission.  
  
That could bite someone later but I'm not gonna say anything. I knew what this deal entailed when I agreed to it.
  * They just noticed I'm not wearing the dragon pin, and are wondering why.  
  
First off, it doesn't make sense for a full Asha'man to be taking orders from Dedicated.  
  
Second, Taim can bite me if he thinks I'll take any honor he wouldn't give the rest of you.
  * Third ... I sort of gave it to Hanled. I know it's not my place or anything, but it felt like the right thing to do.
  * Emarin is taking me with him to do transport for the Malkier contingent. There won't be much to do besides watch his back, but at least I won't be sitting around.
  * Er, aren't you forgetting something?  
  
I can't go out there as Dolyn Taramar. Not unless you want this whole escapade to have been for nothing.
  * That's more like it. Though he did order me to give the carving back once we're done.  
  
Yeah, I think all of you knew I was going as Hanled.
  * Er, Androl did you grab my sword?  
  
Come on, guys. Emarin could literally order me to die if I betrayed you, and it would happen. I won't go out there without some insurance against becoming Taim's plaything again.
  * Emarin definitely doesn't trust me. Good. I'm still cheesed off at him.
  * Made it through the evening without anyone asking why I wasn't weaving gateways. Emarin thinks I should claim a head injury that left me dizzy. I suppose it's a reasonable idea.
  * Now we're back at Merrilor. They're sleeping us two to a tent, and Emarin asked whether he needed to fabricate an excuse for me to have my own.
  * I said it was up to him, and that I wouldn't have any trouble keeping my hands to myself. He was more worried that people would think we were doing something besides sleeping, given that he and I and Hanled all share that particular reputation.
  * I told him I'd been accused of sleeping with Mazrim Taim before, and if that didn't ruin my reputation then there wasn't much that could—but if it bothered him, I'd go sleep on a pallet with the fletchers tonight. I've got one I need to talk to anyway.
  * He gave me permission to talk to Sherrin, but he's going with me.
  * Look, could you wait over there a few paces?  
  
She's a bit scared of ... us. No I won't let her see my coat, either. Going to make myself look like I did yesterday, so holler if, say, Logain comes close.
  * Sherrin is definitely happy to see me.  
  
Wait no don't hug—  
  
Aww nuts. She noticed the coat.
  * Sherrin, don't freak out. It's just that the camp is full of people who think I'm a Darkfriend, and my uh ... Asha'man friend over there is helping me live long enough to prove I'm not.
  * Yes, I've got people keeping tabs on me now. I'm ok, I promise.  
  
I'm still going to look for those girls of yours—if I'm lucky, I might even have help. Just stay safe over here, ok?
  * If you need anything, just ask for Androl. He's good people; hardly mad at all.




	75. Into the Storm

**Tammaz 10, N.E. 1000**

  * Didn't sleep much. Kept waking from dreams that Hanled was alive and having to cry myself back to sleep.   
  
Emarin feels decidedly grumpy this morning. I'm pretty sure I kept him up despite being in a different tent.
  * Emarin ordered me to eat breakfast, but my knees are still shaking. Might have something to do with how close we are to the front lines.
  * I can't ... I just need a breather. Sorry, I'm not usually like this.
  * He thinks I should sit things out for a while.   
  
Ahh Light, I'm not ready for this yet. I want to be, but....
  * Enough sitting. It doesn't matter how I feel; it's Tarmon Gai'don out there.   
  
Let's do this.
  * Fun fact: since I'm not actually doing the channeling, I can use my strongest weaves over and over again as long as they're simple. You know what's really simple? Making Trollocs explode.
  * You focus on making gateways, Emarin. I've got a score to settle.
  * Mishraile, I know you're out there! Come out and fight me!
  * No sign of him today. Plenty of Dreadlords out there, but Emarin wouldn't let me get close.   
  
Probably for the best.
  * We're off rotation for a couple hours, so Androl and them came by for a report.   
  
Emarin thinks I'm unhinged, etc., etc., and I'm like, I could have told you that.
  * Yo, I'm right here. Y'all want to talk about me in front of me, at least put up a ward.
  * Androl wants to know how I'm feeling.   
  
I don't know. Better. Angry, so angry. I want ... not revenge, exactly. Justice. I want Mishraile to feel what I'm feeling. But if I can't manage that, then sure, revenge is fine.
  * Word is we're making the final push to get the Malkier contingent through gateways tonight. Or rather, one big gateway, Androl-in-a-circle style. So after this break, those of us not in that circle will be the line that lets the army disengage.
  * Time to go. Emarin wants me to stay clear of the circle since Logain will be in it, so we're to wait on the fringe and move in as soon as the retreat sounds. There will also be a couple of roving circles to clean up trouble spots; we're to shoot up red sparks if we need them.
  * There's the horn call.   
  
The cavalry is pulling out past us, riding toward Androl's gate.
  * Now the infantry going through by turns. Trolloc lines advancing. Now it's just a line of Asha'man and Aes Sedai, spaced every thirty or forty paces across the blood-soaked ground.
  * You can see the Trollocs balking. They know what's coming.   
  
Fades trying to whip them up ... they're not easy to spot anymore, wearing brown cloaks to hide, but where the Trollocs are moving forward, you know there's one somewhere.
  * And there's the order, called by Logain using a weave to amplify his voice.   
  
Here comes my very first proper, honest to goodness Rolling Ring of Earth and Fire!
  * Light that's a sight to behold.   
  
The Aes Sedai don't know the weave, but there's plenty of fireballs and other interesting things I might try to replicate later.
  * We're churning through the front lines, but they just keep coming. Only half of our forces through the gate. Has to be some way to actually slow the enemy.
  * Emarin! Don't just weave randomly. Let's cut a trench—like this!
  * It didn't do much until the others caught on and started helping. Now it's definitely fouling them up.
  * Ooh, nice! One of those roving circles opened up a big crack in the ground.
  * And here come the Dreadlords, trying to slice Androl's weave. Eat fire!
  * Light, what IS that?!   
  
Big old web of black cracks in the ground. Thought it was a weave, but there's neither saidar nor saidin anywhere near them!
  * Emarin says it's balefire that does it. I'd wondered why only their side was weaving it.
  * The black spiderweb stuff isn't like, an attack or anything. Just really freaky-looking.   
  
I'm thinking I'm still not going to stand next to it though.
  * Most of the army through. Our trenches aren't doing anything anymore; they're too full of bodies. Emarin says to fall back toward Androl's gateway.
  * Emarin, watch out!   
  
Light, that was close. Last thing I need right now is for him to go down while I'm bonded to him.
  * The gateway is gone. Did Androl get hit??   
  
No, he's just released it so he can lay into the enemy Dreadlords while the rest of us skedaddle.
  * Nice tornado!
  * Emarin and I are through. He's holding his gateway for a few of the scouts that waited until the last minute.
  * Hey, it's Suvan!
  * Jonneth is through ... and here's Pevara ... and looks like Androl's group is back.   
  
Now all that's left is to heal the wounded and count the casualties.
  * Oh yeah—and we get to do the same for the White Tower contingent tomorrow. :P
  * Battle rush has worn off. Now all I feel like doing is lying in a corner.   
  
Emarin definitely annoyed at me. For the mood swings, or something else?
  * You know what's wrong with this war camp?   
  
There aren't any kitties. I think we would all be a lot less stressed out if everyone could spend five minutes watching a cat play with string.
  * Look at that. Emarin CAN smile.
  * Sounds like they're serving dinner finally.
  * Emarin said he wouldn't order me to eat tonight.   
  
Decided to follow him to the line anyway. Gotta keep my strength up if I want to blow up Mishraile tomorrow.



**Tammaz 11, N.E. 1000**

  * Aes Sedai and White Tower soldiers pouring into camp already this morning. Emarin says eat or don't but be ready to move out in fifteen minutes. I guess I'm up to stuffing something in my stomach, for a change.
  * We're doing mostly fire support against the Sharan Asha'man—or whatever they call themselves. A good portion of the Aes Sedai are still paranoid about saidin, and they can handle gateways themselves.
  * Some news that I haven't decided yet whether it's good or bad yet is that Bashere wasn't the only general acting in the Shadow's best interest. They suspect someone was using the One Power on them; so they're probably not Darkfriends.
  * So now they're talking about giving command to Hat Guy—er, Lord Cauthon—which if half the stories are true about him then it seems a solid choice.   
  
Also I know for a fact saidin won't work on him, and have my suspicions about why.
  * Whoa, whoa! Since when is the White Tower working with SEANCHAN??
  * Emarin sees me watching the damane and goes, there's nothing we can do.   
  
He's wrong. There's plenty of things I COULD do right now.
  * Come on. Don't tell me that the very idea of putting leashes on PEOPLE doesn't infuriate you. How could the Lord Dragon agree to work with these people??
  * He says the Lord Dragon hates it, too. Seems to have first-hand knowledge.   
  
Light, I didn't know you KNEW him. I mean, I met him at the Wells and saw him once after, but I've never had a CONVERSATION with him.
  * Emarin didn't realize I was a veteran of Dumai's Wells.   
  
Yes, that was before I could channel. It's ... complicated. But it's the reason I never go anywhere without my sword.
  * Hanled was there, too. ...That was the first day I ever saw saidin used for healing.
  * Ugh, what hit me? One minute I'm on the front lines, the next I'm back at the tents, waking up with a pounding headache.
  * Emarin says he doesn't know what the weave was that hit me; all he knows is that I sliced the one that was coming at him but didn't get the other one in time.   
  
I have no memory of this whatsoever. :P
  * Ow. Whatever it was, I haven't had my bell rung that hard since the day I started going mad.   
  
I suppose it's too much to ask that Dolyn is gone now?   
  
...Yeah, thought so.
  * Emarin getting all snipey at me about taking hits I don't have to just to prove I'm on their side.   
  
Chill out, all right? I can only see saidin through one eye; I probably didn't notice the other in time.
  * He says the healers took one look and said I'd probably wake up on my own. He wasn't sure he believed them until just now.
  * If I didn't know any better, I'd think he was actually worried about me.   
  
Beyond the obvious consequences to himself if I died, I guess.
  * Anyway, I guess we're off rotation until I can see straight again. Emarin claims he's not much of a healer or he'd have done something by now.
  * Well that took the edge off, at least.   
  
Hah, you didn't know I could heal myself, did you? I mean, obviously not very well, but it's better than nothing.
  * Oh, you thought you were getting a little break in, did you? Toughen up, old man.
  * I'm just kidding. Looks like our rotation is coming back in anyway.
  * Emarin says I'm too much work.   
  
Yeah, well you volunteered, so.
  * We're on rotation again in a minute, but Emarin decided to grab some sleep and hasn't woken yet. I kind of feel bad waking him with how exhausted he feels.
  * I guess I do have a weave for that....
  * Well he's awake now, but I'm not sure he noticed. Probably just as well.
  * They've posted us next to a unit of Seanchan with damane. Really not ok with this.
  * Emarin has ordered me not to channel at them. Says it would violate the Dragon's Peace.
  * I must grudgingly acknowledge that the Seanchan know what they're doing.   
  
Even if they are doing it WRONG.
  * I don't think that battlefield we fought on is ever going to recover, and we took casualties almost as heavy as we caused, but we got the White Tower forces through to Merrilor.
  * The Sharans could probably attack us here whenever, but it will be several days before the Trollocs there and the ones coming from the northeast will be able to reach us. We believe the Sharans will wait until that time so that we're not able to focus on them fully.




	76. The Stedding

**Tammaz 12, N.E. 1000**

  * Nothing specific for us to do this morning—in fact, we have orders to rest—which is making me very anxious. Emarin is fed up with me and has done that fuzzy thing with the bond so I can't really sense him.
  * I guess that's tacit permission to find something to occupy my time by myself.
  * There's this palisade going up east of camp. I'll bet I could help with that.
  * Well this isn't helping. 😦
  * Had to get away from people before I broke down again. Found this nice copse of trees. Almost as tall as the ones in the middle of camp.
  * They get taller the further in I go.
  * Grass is greener, too. I wonder if someone has been weaving—  
  
Light! What was that?! Felt like I walked into a pond....  
  
Eek, and my illusion weave is gone!
  * A stedding. This must be a stedding. I vaguely remember somebody mentioning one now.
  * Well I guess I'm not walking back through camp until Emarin starts missing me and brings my ter'angreal.  
  
Assuming the bond even works in here??
  * I'll figure it out later. At least there's no one here to watch me cry.
  * That was over quicker than I expected. Something about this place ... I dunno. It's very soothing.
  * Now I really need to find a creek or something so I can wash my face.
  * Aww nuts. Stumbled upon this very sweet-looking Ogier couple chatting in the woods, and that set me off all over again.
  * They've taken me to the ... city? Village? ... inside the stedding. A very polite lady Ogier is serving me tea.  
  
I tried to insist I didn't need anything, but they're all, "your kind is always welcome here," and started treating me like an invited guest.
  * I guess "Your name sings in my ears" is the Ogier's "I see you."
  * So no one can channel inside here at all, huh?
  * That ... was a much longer and more complicated explanation than I expected. Something about the stedding being pieces of another world where the One Power doesn't exist at all. That's the only bit I really understood.
  * Not quite sure how, but this Ogier lady got me talking about Hanled.  
  
Why does crying always make me so cold and thirsty?
  * (I mean I get the thirsty, I guess.)
  * I guess the bond DOES work in a stedding. I mean, I can't tell what he's feeling, but now that he's quit fuzzing it, I can tell he's coming closer.
  * Feels like he's stopped at the edge? I guess I'd better go see what he wants.  
  
Thanks for the tea. And for letting me talk your ear off.
  * That Ogier gal I met in the woods—Erith is her name—is escorting me out. Even though I don't really need the help, with Emarin hovering out there.  
  
I hope she doesn't end up like me by the end of all of this.
  * Kind of funny watching Emarin stare at the edge of the stedding like it's some kind of snake.
  * Just walk through. It's nice in here.  
  
No thanks, he says.
  * Anyway, thanks for coming to get me. Thought I was going to be stuck until night fell and I could walk through the camp without my mask of mirrors.
  * Now he's looking at me all suspicious, wondering if I did it on purpose.  
  
Whatever, man. What did you want me for, anyway? Have they got something for us to do?
  * Heh. He just got paranoid that I was off spilling all our secrets to one of Taim's.  
  
First off, that only ever happened when I couldn't sleep. Second, Dolyn was never loyal to Taim. She's only looking out for herself, and he tried to have us killed, so she's done with him.
  * I'd let her tell you herself, but she doesn't think that highly of you and I'm afraid she'd say something I'll regret.
  * Funny? No, I don't think it's funny that I can't even trust myself. Why do you think I agreed to let you coerce me?
  * So that I could channel again?  
  
Look—I'm nothing like you, all right?
  * I mean sure, using the Power is useful, but I've never held it myself. I don't see things like you can when I use this ter'angreal. The way Hanled always said the world seemed emptier when he let go ... that's my whole life.
  * And don't you think for a second that I wouldn't walk away and never look back if it meant I could have him back again!
  * You know what? If you only came here to insult me, I think I'm going to go back and hang out with my new Ogier friends.
  * Hum de dum, la la—can't hear you!
  * For a minute there I thought he was actually going to follow me inside the stedding.
  * Feels like he stalked off.  
  
I feel kinda bad for shouting at him, but he always manages to get under my skin.
  * Not really anything to do here. I mean, I asked if they had any firewood to split, and they gave me this look like I was being rude for asking.  
  
Maybe I should have gone back to the palisade instead.
  * Emarin's coming back. Or at least coming this way.  
  
Burn me if I'm going out to meet him again. Walking alone through the trees is still more fun than trying to have a conversation with him.
  * Heh. He's pacing back and forth at the edge.
  * Give it up, dude. I'm not coming out until I'm good and....  
  
Light, he actually stepped through.
  * *sigh* No idea what he wants now, but I might as well wait here and get it over with.
  * Guy looks as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.  
  
I hope it's not me you're afraid of. Since I'm still physically incapable of attacking you, and all.
  * He relaxed a bit. Light, he IS afraid of me.
  * Probably just walked in so he could order me to stay out where he can channel.  
  
No? Why then?
  * I think he's trying to apologize?  
  
But he's not very good at it.
  * Now he says it was a mistake for him to bond me, and that if I'll step outside the stedding he'll release it.
  * I ... I guess if that's the way you feel....
  * But ... what will Androl say? Does he have someone else lined up to keep me in check?
  * Emarin says he's the one who insisted on that part. He thought Androl and the others were fools to trust me.
  * So now what? You're just going to dump me back in camp fletching arrows, wondering whether each day is the one in which the grief will be too much for me?  
  
Do you hate me so much?
  * He really is horrible at apologizing.
  * I'm sorry I'm so hard to get along with. I'm trying to get better; I promise I am. I know you never asked to have some weepy kid stuck in your head.  
  
I'm not who I want to be right now either. But I don't think I can fix that without someone's help.
  * If you can't stand me anymore, I won't blame you. But please, PLEASE don't just cut me loose! I don't think I'll survive being alone again.
  * He has agreed not to release the bond until he can find someone else trustworthy. So that's a relief.  
  
Also I can keep the horse ter'angreal with me for now. So I don't get stuck in the stedding again, he says.
  * You know what's weird, though? The way the bond still works inside a stedding, but my tied mask of mirrors dissolved completely.  
  
Makes me wonder whether there are other kinds of weaves which would stay active in there.
  * Ok, sorry I'll go bug someone else.
  * Looking for someone in the Asha'man camp who I've talked to like twice. This would be way easier if I remembered what his name was.
  * I know it started with an R. Or was it an M?  
  
No, pretty sure it's an R.
  * And we're going wide of Logain's tent. No need to stir that pot.
  * Light, I hope this guy wasn't one of the ones who died in the fighting. Or worse—turned out to be one of Taim's.
  * Wait, was that.... Yes! There he is.
  * Ramish. I knew it started with an R.  
  
No, we haven't really met, but you talked to my uh ... my friend Taramar once, forever ago.
  * He remembers the incident. That will make things easier.  
  
So, um ... I was wondering if you were seeing anyone?
  * Me? Ah, Light no. I actually got married. But I was thinking you might want to talk to this guy I know. Friend of Androl's, Tairen, a bit older than you but nice. Lots of polish.
  * Yeah I know, not the best time for that sort of thing. Just, if you get the chance.  
  
And don't mention me. I'm not his favorite person right now.  
  
...No problem.
  * Well that's one mission accomplished.  
  
And now I've got nothing to do again.
  * Wait, I've got it!  
  
Hey Jonneth—want to come help me teach some people to shoot?
  * So that's the Aes Sedai that's been following him around. She seems nice, I guess.
  * Took a while to find enough bows, so I guess we're not starting tonight.  
  
Er, mornings aren't always great for me, but you have permission to prod me awake anyway.




	77. Peace Offerings

**Tammaz 13, N.E. 1000**

  * Actually not feeling too bad this morning. Really stiff though. Must have been tossing and turning a bit.
  * Anyway, archery time.  
  
Er, Jonneth—they're a bit intimidated by Asha'man, so I'm going to go in first, as my old self.
  * Sure, you could weave mask of mirrors on your coat if you like.  
  
Oh, sorry. The weave goes like so.... Now you've got it.
  * I'm starting to realize how few people can actually weave a passable illusion around here.
  * Now for mine ... my own face but with longer hair, and let's do a better-fitting dress than I was borrowing before. Maybe some riding skirts.
  * Eek, your Aes Sedai followed us.  
  
Well, not yours yet I guess. What's her name? Theodrin. You want to explain, or should I?
  * He's not going to explain because he wants to see what she does when she sees him hanging out with some woman she doesn't know.  
  
Cheeky, yet clever. Kinda reminds me of that day Hanled sent me a....  
  
Never mind.
  * Shake it off, self. We're here to do some archery.
  * Sherrin! ...Yes, I ate breakfast. This is my friend Jonneth, from the Two Rivers. He's going to help me teach you gals to SHOOT those arrows.  
  
That? Um ... Jonneth's girlfriend-ish. She's just watching.
  * (Well what did you expect me to call her? Your sister? Trust me, you'll have all of these gals flirting in a minute if you don't imply you're taken.  
  
Yes, flirting is bad. It distracts them from learning how to not die.)
  * I was wrong about Theodrin just being here to watch.  
  
She has decided to learn with us.
  * And now she's flirting with him. I can't watch this right now.  
  
Sorry, I'ma take a walk.
  * I think I'm all right now. As long as they're not still ... good. She's off practicing by herself now.  
  
Really weird watching an Aes Sedai shoot arrows like a normal person. But then, I still wear a sword, so there you have it.
  * Jonneth asking why I left. Clueless.
  * So far so good. A few of them are better shots than I am.  
  
Which is actually not a high bar to clear, because I really need to practice. >_>
  * I've always wanted to try shooting a Two Rivers bow. May I?
  * Light, that's ... I either need longer arms or bigger muscles.  
  
Yeah I'm not pulling that to full draw any time soon.
  * Uh, Theodrin wants to talk to me about something. In private.  
  
Time to place your bets on why.
  * No I'm not trying to poach him. I just needed his help.  
  
'Cause I mean, have you seen how bad my aim is?
  * Also, I've seen those tiny little weaves of Spirit you've been putting on the others when they look at him too long, and frankly, it's not cute.
  * Yeah, that got her attention.  
  
My advice to you, Theodrin Sedai, is that you quit taking things—and people—at face value, and that if you're interested in him then quit hovering and start actually talking to him.
  * But not during my archery lesson, please.
  * Lessons done for the moment. Jonneth has instructed them each to practice for an hour a day for as many days as we have left.
  * Don't forget to unstring those bows when you're not using them, y'all. And keep a spare string on you at all times. More if there are any to spare.
  * Should I throw Theodrin for a loop by altering my illusion in front of her?  
  
Naw.
  * In fact, let's head back via different routes. It's high time I check in with Emarin anyway.
  * Made the mistake of sitting down to rest instead of looking for something to do, and now I don't feel like getting back up again.
  * Resignation from Emarin. He's coming this way?  
  
Probably to tell me to cheer up and stop interrupting his break with my gloominess.
  * Hi.  
  
Am I thinking about going to find Logain again?  
  
No. I was just....  
  
Ok, maybe.
  * Great. He has ordered me to disguise myself as a woman, go into the Aes Sedai section of camp, and ask for someone named Berenicia.
  * Berenicia turns out to be a somber-faced Aes Sedai with a yellow-fringed shawl. She told me to follow her.  
  
Does Emarin think she can heal me somehow? 🤨
  * She's brought me to this big tent. They have much nicer ones here than we do. Can even stand up inside, I'll bet.  
  
She wants me to go in.
  * OH MY GOSH IT'S FULL OF KITTIES.
  * Who brings their kitties with them to a war camp??  
  
...Eh, who cares? They're so fluffy!
  * I guess he does care about me. 😭
  * My favorite is the little gray one who sits on me and purrs. 😻
  * Looks like kitty therapy is over. The Aes Sedai who lives here needs her tent back.  
  
She and Berenicia get my best curtsy.
  * I tried to give Emarin a hug, but he said to get away from him until I've washed my coat because he's allergic. 😆



**Tammaz 14, N.E. 1000**

  * A grim sort of bustle about the camp today. Scouts say the enemy will be here by midday the day after tomorrow.
  * Not a day for groaning about my own problems, I know, but apparently Logain heard about "Hanled" being in the camp, and Androl bustled me out of it so fast he might as well have used a gateway.
  * Now I'm sitting at the edge of the stedding, because it's probably the last place Logain will think to look. Pevara is here, in case he does actually think to and I need a gateway.
  * She didn't realize the stedding was so close to the camp, either. She seems to think the Trollocs will go around it instead of through? I wouldn't know.
  * That will be nice if they do, because it means the Trollocs will have to cross the river TWICE to reach us from the north.
  * Why yes, I AM bored enough to channel random weaves at the stedding.
  * When I channel from outside in, the weaves melt just like they do with Lord—sorry, GENERAL Cauthon. He must be as good as his men say, because they put him in charge of the whole army.
  * Can't do anything from inside; no surprise there.
  * Pevara is curious now, walking through the edge to see what I meant about the bond.
  * We found another one! The finder weave still works if you go in and come back out again with it.
  * Heh. Tried weaving while I was inside the stedding but my ter'angreal wasn't. Did nothing. So I guess it uses the Power to read my thoughts?
  * Now she's telling me about something called a Well, that can be used to actually weave inside a stedding. (Theoretically. Wells are rare and she's never used one herself.)
  * Now she wants to see whether you can link with someone who's outside and use the Power that way.  
  
Sorry I don't think I can link with this thing. I'm willing to try, though.
  * No dice. Either it can't be done or I'm doing something wrong.
  * Pevara is grilling me about the Black Tower now. Wants a woman's perspective.  
  
I think she's just asking to keep me talking so I won't have time to mope, but whatever.
  * She's very disdainful of our training methods.  
  
I mean yeah, I have some problems with them myself, but you can't say they weren't effective.
  * Maybe if we make it through the Last Battle we can look into something less aggressive, but we didn't really have a choice these last few months.
  * Androl is back. He says I have Canler's permission to use his likeness inside the camp, but only if I'm just walking through. Too many people know him for any kind of conversation to pass muster.
  * Now Pevara has talked Androl into trying out that linking thing inside the stedding.
  * It sort of works? They said they lost the link the first time they tried it, but the second time it held!  
  
Not the sort of thing they want to rely on, of course. They'd rather stay out of the stedding altogether.
  * I don't get it, myself, but I guess if you can channel then being stuck in a stedding would be a lot like gentling.
  * Oh hey; my spectacles still work in here.
  * Pevara's saying something about "an active link, tethered to a corporeal object," and I'm getting none of it. Blah blah One Power is weird, yadda yadda.
  * Oh. She says basically the spectacles must work because when they were made, the weave was fixed permanently to the object. With the horse ter'angreal, it doesn't do anything unless ordered to.
  * So a ter'angreal which has to be activated will never work, but one that is "passive"—that means "always running"—will continue doing its thing, we guess?
  * And a finder and a bond work because the weave is both "passive" and attached to something that you can touch. (That's what corporeal means. I learned two new words today.)
  * Anyway, I'm going to go make arrows for a while. Disguised as Tinya, I think.
  * Thought I could make the glue dry faster on these fletchings by pulling water out with the Power, but it didn't do much. Apparently it doesn't need to dry so much as it needs to cure, which involves air getting in as much as it does water getting out.
  * I could try a weave of Air, but I think I'd just blow the feathers right off the shaft if I did that.
  * Can't sit here anymore. Need to get moving.  
  
Think I will practice with my sword for a couple hours. Been too long since I did that.
  * Found a group of Dragonsworn to practice with. Even some women here.
  * They do their drills a lot differently than I'm used to. Not as much finesse, a lot more focus on repetition.
  * My shoulder is really not liking me right now. T_T
  * Ok that's close enough to two hours. Ow ow ow.
  * I almost made it a whole day without crying. Then I started feeling guilty that I'd spent a whole day without crying.  
  
Guess what I'm doing now. 😭



**Tammaz 15, N.E. 1000**

  * Understandably stiff this morning. I'd better lay off the sword practice today or I'll be useless for anything but channeling tomorrow.
  * Hung out in the kitty tent for some morning meditation, but they're all going back to Tar Valon now. Everyone's preparing for the possibility of a pre-battle ambush, with Asha'man and Aes Sedai posted at all strategic points except the command post, which just has damane I think.
  * Now I'm at the edge of the stedding again, waiting for someone to bring me the details of Logain's morning instructions.
  * Feels like it's Emarin coming. I didn't see much of him yesterday.
  * He wants someone to look at my sore shoulder. Oh right—healing is a thing people can do around here. Though I doubt there's anyone who can heal the underlying injury. That's where Taim had me pinned to the wall after I tricked him and killed six Dreadlords.
  * It was almost worth it, too.
  * Emarin wants to hear the story.  
  
What, you don't think I'm lying anymore?  
  
...He says he'll reserve judgment.
  * ...So that's how it was. Really most of it was Hanled's doing; I only did for the one Aes Sedai personally. The Blight got the other guy.
  * He's impressed. Like, actual I-think-he-maybe-believes-me impressed.
  * See, that's where I got cocky and stupid though, going back to Taim afterward. I should have bailed.
  * It isn't the punishment I regret. If he'd killed me then, I'd have counted us square, no matter how he tortured me first.  
  
It was what came after.
  * See, because once he ... broke me again, he took me to steal something from the White Tower. I didn't know what they were then, but I think I do now.
  * Felt a spike of dread from Emarin. He knows?  
  
Logain's morning orders included a message from the Lord Dragon—instructions to recover the seals at all costs.
  * So now you know my greatest sin. Worse even than what I did to Logain, though it nearly broke him.  
  
If the world dies because of the seals, it will have been my fault.
  * If you can't stand to be linked to someone like me anymore, I'll understand.
  * Yes, Androl knows.
  * Forgive me? How can you forgive me when I can't forgive myself?? 😭
  * No, you shouldn't ... but, your cat allergy!  
  
He was lying??
  * Light, every time I think I'm done sobbing my eyes out, something else gets me started again.
  * Apparently he was also lying about his inability to heal me. :P
  * All right, let me go. I'm not done yet but I ... I'm getting your coat all wet.
  * Anything else you'd like to set me straight on?
  * Emarin isn't his real name??  
  
A lord? Oh. Well I can see ... yeah I understand why you wouldn't want people knowing that.
  * No, I get it. I know how hard it is to pretend you're someone else.
  * We've negotiated a truce. By which I mean he'll continue to let me lean on the warder bond, but I have to let him know in advance if I elect to do something suicidal like seek out Logain or go hunting Mishraile tomorrow.
  * We did briefly discuss dissolving it before the battle, but he pointed out that I wouldn't be able to sense Shadowspawn without it.  
  
I don't really know how much difference that will make when we're surrounded by Trollocs, but I'll take it.
  * I think that we're both secretly terrified about tomorrow, and we're clinging to this one small connection because neither of us has anyone else. 
  * We might not have chosen this, but now that we have it we're going to make the most of it.
  * I've decided to teach him the ear-pinch code—not the complete one, because that takes days to master, but the original, simple one. If we're split up, which seems likely given I can't go near Logain, it could come in handy.
  * So now what? Did Logain give us any orders for today?
  * Just the same for today, sounds like. Rest, conserve our strength as much as possible.  
  
Plenty for tomorrow though. Emarin has a circle assignment—with Androl, big surprise.
  * Hang on—I just had a brainwave. Emarin, can I drag you around for a bit?
  * Because I need someone who can weave a gateway for this to be worth anything—that's why.  
  
Yeah, might as well grab Androl, too.
  * Also, how good are you with Earth?
  * Ok, so here's my thinking. The enemy is going to come in from the west, right? So wouldn't it be a good idea to find some places we could make a gateway to and come up behind them? Spots that would be sheltered, where we could come and go without being seen.
  * Like, there was a cleft in the rock where Hanled and I waited when we....  
  
Anyway, things like that. Cracks in rocks, or little caves beneath the terrain.
  * Ahh, this is no good. The whole southern half of the field is one great bog. Even if there are caves, they'd probably be full of water.
  * How about that ridge though?  
  
Polov Heights? Did they name every little bit of hill out here? Because.... Oh. I guess if there's a village out that way, then yeah it would have a name.
  * Emarin thinks there's lots of little crags and caves along the heights, but most of them are deep. There's a few he isn't sure connect to the surface at all.
  * We've picked out three that seem likely. Two are cracks in the rock and another is a low cave. I crawled in and tied an inverted vermin-chasing weave in there just in case there are like, scorpions in there.  
  
Yes, we have scorpions in Shienar. Why wouldn't we?
  * Though I guess we're on the Arafel side of the river ... anyway, that's done. I think we need to find a few more down on that plain, though. From what I heard, the battle plan involves holding this ridge at all costs.
  * Like we figured, most of the gaps down here are full of water. We did find a big split rock. Our only other possibility is way the heck out here in a thick copse of trees, but it's not very secure.
  * Still, we found four spots that might do the trick. If we get good use out of even one of them it will have been worth the walk out here.
  * "Know the terrain," Androl says. Hey, that could be like, a saying.  
  
Oh. It already is.
  * Ok let's get back to camp before my face gets any redder.
  * Storm is blowing in. Whether it's going to rain, I don't know, but the gap above Queen Elayne is slowly closing. A wind that no one can feel tearing at that perfect circle and trying to shred it.
  * One more night, and they'll be here.
  * They say the Lord Dragon has been fighting at Shayol Ghul since that day the sun went out. Maybe before.  
  
I hope he finishes soon. There's no retreat from this battle. They also say the food stores will run out soon, win or lose.  
  
This is our final stand.
  * Never realized how silent this place is. I mean, I'm obviously not the only one who can't sleep, but there are no crickets, no night birds calling from the trees. Just the hammering of some farrier, trying to get all the horses reshod before tomorrow.




	78. The Last Battle

**Tammaz 16, N.E. 1000**

  * Didn't sleep much. Neither did anyone else. Trying to eat as much breakfast as I can stomach, because I might not get anything else today.
  * Not sure where to position myself today. For now I'm hanging out with the Wolf Guard while Logain reviews the battle plan with the others. Will get details from Emarin soon.
  * What's going on? Everybody running around in a hurry all of a sudden?  
  
Light, they're here! They weren't supposed to be here for hours yet!
  * Emarin, where do you want me?  
  
He doesn't know either. Logain has him and the others in a big circle down by the ford.
  * Plenty of Asha'man going to other posts ... I think I will put myself up by the Dragons again. Good view of the flow of battle from that ridge.
  * Here they come! It's the Sharan army in front, no sign of Trollocs yet.  
  
AHH, SO MANY FIREBALLS!
  * No way in the Light I can slice them all! Have to stick to the ones that will hit near me and the dragons.
  * Burn me, almost half of those hit. This is not a good start!
  * Logain has his circle in place now. Just took out a monster of a fireball in an eyeblink.
  * And now he's just showing off. Lifted THE ENTIRE RIVER out of its bank so Dai Shan's cavalry could ride across dryshod.
  * Smoke everywhere. Looks like most of those fireballs that hit landed in the camp.
  * Army has closed enough that the archers and dragons can fire. Quite thunderous up here.
  * There's a whole pack of Aes Sedai over there, cutting weaves that come close to the dragons. Guess I'll move to the edge of the ridge where I can pick my targets better.
  * And here come the Trollocs. Eat fireballs, Fade!
  * Burn me, that one moves quick.
  * Got him with a wire of Air around his throat. Can't dodge what you can't see!
  * Time to weave smarter, not harder. The archers are focused on close targets, the dragons lobbing volleys at the far ones. I'll take the gap in between.
  * Light! Someone's weaving something huge over—  
  
AHH LIGHTNING I HATE LIGHTNING!!
  * It hit the dragons! And the Aes Sedai! And the dragons again! Ahh!
  * NOW THERE ARE FIREBALLS!
  * So fast! Couldn't slice even one of them.  
  
Ahh Light, the dragons are in PIECES!
  * And now BALEFIRE? They're calling the retreat. How can we be abandoning the heights only an hour into the fighting?!
  * Can feel Emarin moving closer. Worried about me.  
  
I'm fine. I'm not his target. I don't dare channel a hair until I'm back off the edge, but I'm all right.
  * There's a monster of a gateway open at the far end. People coming through—one of them shouting for the Lord Dragon.  
  
Oh Light! Oh LIGHT! That's ... that's the one they say is Demandred!
  * He's coming closer. Can't just sit here like a frightened rabbit ... come on legs, MOVE!
  * The dragons ... Light, the carts are in shambles.  
  
Move, you fools! Your lives are more important than some shattered bits of metal!
  * He's arguing with me. Says most of them can be fixed, if they can only get them moved.  
  
I'm sorry, I can't weave a gateway. But maybe....
  * Emarin, I need you!
  * He's here. Demandred—ahh Light, one of the Forsaken is RIGHT THERE!—but he's distracted by the Aes Sedai trying to flee.
  * Emarin, I need Androl to drop the broken Dragons into the caves beneath us. As many as he can!
  * He's off to deliver the message. I hope he can get it to Androl before Dem—  
  
Ahh! Burn me, I will never get used to being dropped through a gateway.
  * Safe inside the caves, for now. So dark ... should be safe to weave some lights this far underneath the hill.  
  
No, there's no way out. Only by gateway. They can't find us.
  * Androl won't forget about us. I'm sure he'll send someone soon. In the meanwhile, is there anything I can do to help put these things back together?
  * I think we're all still in shock that we survived that. I'm not the only one whose hands are shaking.
  * Not one thing has gone according to plan since the sun came up. There's probably only a handful of these that will still fire. This Talmanes guy thinks he can get most of the rest repaired, but it's going to take hours.
  * Here's Emarin, finally. Er, with someone I don't know to make gateways for the dragoners. Guess I need to be Canler for a minute.
  * Talmanes giving me the side-eye. Whoops.
  * Did ... did Emarin just compliment me? I'm not really sure.  
  
He said that for someone so ignorant, I was pretty good at thinking on my feet. (Though to be honest, I was on my belly the whole time after Demandred showed up. Light, Demandred!)
  * He and Androl, etc. have been helping the last of our troops escape the heights, which are now overrun. I'm working with them for the moment, but the actual Canler is here and Logain is all over the field looking for Taim. I need to find somewhere else to be before he spots me.
  * Emarin—I think it's time for me to go looking for Mishraile. I can disguise myself as one of those Sharans....  
  
I know it's dangerous. That's why I'm telling you first—so you can dissolve the bond and not have to worry about my death distracting you.
  * Are you sure?  
  
...He says a better plan would be for me to find Mishraile, then summon him and Androl to help take him out.  
  
I have to admit that their idea is much less scary than mine.
  * All right—take me to the Sharan army. That split rock in the middle of the field is best.
  * Androl is coming too? ...I guess they want a look around from this side of things.
  * Not good—one of those Sharans sensed our gateway. He's headed over.
  * I can get out there, but it'll look suspicious. Maybe we should try a different spot?
  * Androl thinks he can take him, since he's still leading a circle. Thinks he and Emarin can cause enough of a distraction for me to get out of this gap without being noticed.  
  
All right, that's what we're here for, I guess—to find the enemy's Asha'man etc. and kill them. Go for it.
  * There they go. Making quite a mess. Now to slip out....  
  
They got him. So I guess I know which guy I'm disguising myself as.
  * Light, they're drawing a lot of attention. Get out of there, Emarin! They're drawing their bows!  
  
Phew. They're gone.
  * And I'm on my own again. Smack dab in the middle of the enemy's reserves, with only an inverted mask of mirrors between me and certain death.  
  
So, just another average day for me. >_>
  * These people keep calling me Freed. I thought at first it was this guy's name, but now I'm thinking it's more like a title.
  * So far no one has challenged me. It's mostly, "Make way for the Freed!" and then everyone backing away like they're afraid of me.
  * Was that...? Yes! I think I see Mishraile's blond head over there. Need to get closer to be sure.
  * Whoever it is keeps moving away. Not sure where he's headed.
  * Burn me, that IS Mishraile! I saw him look over his shoulder straight at me!  
  
Somehow he knows I'm coming for him. I don't know how—I hit these ter'angreal and everything I had on when I last saw him with enough weave slices to cut FIFTY inverted finders.
  * I want so badly to take a potshot at him, but I promised to wait for Emarin. We've moved almost to the ridge, so they should be able to join me here in just a few—  
  
Light! I almost didn't slice that weave in time!  
  
I've been made!
  * The other Freed—or whatever they call the women in Shara—held him back long enough for me to switch my disguise. Mishraile decided to gate somewhere else rather than confront them. Argh!
  * I already summoned Emarin, so I need to go check in. Hopefully there's enough saidin flying around this place that no one will investigate the gateway this time.
  * It feels like they're busy. I might as well make myself useful while I wait.  
  
No male Freed nearby, and Mishraile took the other three Asha'man with him. Time for a few more of those nooses that worked so well on that Fade.
  * That's five of the Sharan women down. I'd better quit there before I draw attention to myself.
  * There's Emarin. Now to reach him without being mistaken for an actual Sharan.
  * I'm pretty sure he's figured out which one is me. Now to make sure no one is watching ... and, made it inside the gap.
  * Where is this? Did we gate outside the stedding?  
  
Androl is here, with Pevara, Jonneth, and Theodrin. They look like they've been waiting for us.
  * Yes, I did find Mishraile—but he knew I was there somehow. It happened last time I got close to him too, but I assumed he'd woven a finder on my things. I don't know how he's doing it.
  * Has Mishraile ever healed me, Pevara asks?  
  
You know I think he did. After Taim was finished using me as a scarecrow.
  * She says healing can leave a sort of link to a person. Like the faintest of Warder bonds.  
  
Burn me, how am I supposed to avenge Hanled if he can sense me coming?!
  * Androl says there's more important things than vengeance on the field right now. He wants to go after Taim and recover the seals.
  * Well yeah, but how do you plan to get close?  
  
Oh. That's my job?
  * He wants me to disguise them all as Taim's closest cohorts. Then they'll gate in, get close, and steal back the seals.  
  
I say "they" because clearly I can't go with them. If Mishraile is there and senses me, he's likely to hit anyone who comes close enough with a weave slice.
  * I hate it. This is exactly the kind of job I've spent the last half a year training for, and I can't go anywhere near it.
  * No, I'll do it. I have to, don't I? I'm the only one here who has enough practice weaving disguises to make them believable.
  * Inverted and tied off, as close as I can make it.  
  
Jonneth, you'll need to ditch the bow. None of Taim's people carry them, and it would look suspicious.
  * Stubborn idiot.  
  
All right fine—you get to be Random Darkfriend #5. But don't you dare grasp the source, or you'll blow everyone's cover!
  * Now get your skulk on. You're not an Asha'man anymore; you're surrounded by people who might kill you if you breathe wrong.  
  
That's better.
  * Where's Canler? Is he not coming?  
  
Ahh. He's gone to Mayene for healing. I might as well borrow his face for a while then.
  * Good luck.  
  
And Emarin? ...Don't die out there.
  * Yeah, I'll do my best. Want to drop me off at the ruins before you go? Assuming that's where the Wolf Guard is, still.
  * No time to get depressed. The Wolf Guard has their hands full keeping the Trollocs from crossing the river.  
  
Er, where did the river GO? There's barely more than a muddy trickle down there!
  * Pretty near exhausted after an hour and a half of filling gaps at the ruins. If those units of Andoran archers hadn't come up just now, we'd have been done for.
  * Feels like Emarin has moved halfway across the Heights, but I don't think they've found anything yet. All I get from him is wariness and frustration.
  * Found a nice little spot behind this half-ruined wall; it has already stood up through three attacks from the Sharans above. Going to sit here for a minute with some of the archers and catch our breaths.
  * Light, that's a thick column of smoke. Is that coming from the command post?
  * A spike of wariness and fear from Emarin. Wish I knew from what, or had some way to help.
  * Now he's headed back the other way?
  * No time to worry about it. Trollocs are getting across the riverbed again.
  * This position is lost! Back! Back to the palisade!
  * We barely made it. Thank the Light we're only fighting Trollocs; if they had Sharans with them this rickety thing wouldn't hold up long.
  * Too tired to hold my illusion. Doesn't matter. I think Logain has the rest of the Asha'man out pounding the Sharans' Freed.
  * Can't attack indiscriminately anymore. It's hard to pick out the Fades, but where I can, leadership falters.  
  
Wish I had a weave to identify them before they got close. Now that would be something.
  * When I can't find Fades, I go for the big ones, and the ones with axes to damage the palisade with. In a minute I'm going to have to start chopping axe hafts instead. Just too many, coming too fast.
  * Brief reprieve as another group of archers fell back to join us. Sorry, gonna sit here with my eyes shut and just breathe. Holler if anyone tries to knife me.
  * A Fade? Ok, I'm up. I'm up. Point him out for me.
  * That scream they do is really horrifying.
  * And now we're out of arrows. Haha, this is fine.
  * Light, they've swung around the palisade. We're surrounded!
  * The order has come to form up on the ground with weapons. Tried to join them but the Wolf Guard won't let me go down. Because I'm "not out of arrows."
  * I have to give Lord al'Thor credit—he knows how to fight. Formed them up into wedges and went to back up what's left of the Whitecloaks.
  * We'll be overrun in a minute, and all I can do is watch. Watch and give it my all—no more conserving strength.  
  
At least it isn't hard to find targets.
  * My weaves aren't reaching anymore. I can't do anything but watch.  
  
Ahh, arrows!
  * Some Fade must have spotted me. Another volley coming!  
  
Can barely weave a shield of Air right now. No place to hide up here. Climbing down.
  * Alone and surrounded. The palisade might shield me from their arrows, but it won't hide me for long.
  * Ahh, Trolloc!
  * It's down. Thank you, Master Haslin, for teaching me how to fight a larger opponent!
  * More coming—the ones with bows. They've spotted me.
  * I'm hit! Trolloc arrow through my sword arm. Lost my shield of Air.  
  
This is it. Hanled ... I'll be with you soon.
  * They've stopped shooting?  
  
A thunder of hooves. Cavalry coming!
  * Dai Shan! It's Lan Dai Shan and the Borderlanders!
  * Emarin asking whether I need him. I should have called him when we ran out of arrows. Too exhausted to think of it.
  * No—I'm fine. Stay there, do what I can't do.  
  
Light I can barely stand though. Arm feels like fire. Can't get the arrow out myself. Need to ... reach someone who can help.
  * Knees buckled. Can't see what I tripped over. Maybe ... just a little rest ... right here.
  * Hands grabbing me. Someone talking ... let me sleep. My arm... Why is my arm so numb?
  * Walk? Don't want to walk. Feels like fire. Everything but my arm.
  * That's right—there's an arrow in my arm. A Trolloc arrow.  
  
Light, I've been poisoned.
  * Carrying me now. Such bright colors. Is it a festival?  
  
No, shouldn't be colors like that. Only color on a battlefield is blood.
  * Fresh air. Something about salt?  
  
Don't want to tend wounded in Mayene. Want to fight. Please, your Majesty, let me fight!
  * Ahh, so cold! Why does healing have to feel like being dunked in an icy pond?  
  
I'm sorry. Thank you, Aes Sedai. Now I have to get back to—  
  
Light, still wobbly-kneed. No, you're right. I'll sit. I promise.
  * Sun went down when I wasn't watching. Or maybe it's because we're so much further east here?
  * Can feel Emarin's relief, just faintly. He was worried about me.
  * Probably just as well that I rest. I don't think I could channel more than a....  
  
My spectacles! Light, they must have fallen off when I passed out!
  * I ate what they brought me and now my knees are less wobbly but I'm still stuck here until someone approves a gateway back to Merrilor. :/
  * I could ask Emarin, but he seems very tense and focused on something. I won't risk interrupting him if he happens to be close to finding Taim.
  * I need intel. Nobody here knows how the battle went after night fell.  
  
I wonder if Naris is still here?
  * It's a good thing I never needed the spectacles to weave an illusion. Lots of Asha'man here for healing.
  * There's Naris. She doesn't know this face, and I'm feeling mischievous.
  * Just gonna wait for her to be alone, then sidle up close ... nice politely annoyed face she's got now that I'm blocking her way.  
  
So, how's Venson?
  * Haha, she jumped like half a pace. Sorry, I couldn't resist.
  * She says Venson is at Merrilor, fighting. She's worried about him, but hasn't had any updates in a while. Not surprising, really.
  * Oof. I should have expected her to ask after him.  
  
No, he's not out fighting. No, he isn't here either. ...Please, stop talking for two seconds!  
  
Naris ... Hanled's dead.
  * She's ... taking it a lot harder than I expected.
  * I'm ok. I'm ... it's been over a week now. I'm holding on. What else can I do?
  * Ahh, I can't watch that. Venson got worried because she started crying, and she's explaining via our code.  
  
One more thing I'll never be able to do again.
  * I need to go. I've got someone new now, and he'll worry if I don't come back.  
  
Don't look at me like that. I did what I had to do.
  * They're calling for the Wolf Guard to return to the field. Perfect. I can be a Two Rivers man, if it gets me away from ... from things that make me feel.
  * I'm sorry, Hanled. I'll cry when it's over.
  * Where are we? Is this even the same part of the field?  
  
Light, how am I going to find those in the dark?
  * There's the ruins. That looks like the river, there. The palisade must be ... this way?
  * Got turned around in the dark. Dare I risk some light?  
  
Nope, that was a bad idea. Run!
  * Hid among the corpses and lost them. Upside is, I now know that I've been going in exactly the wrong direction.
  * Found the palisade. Now to figure out where I was standing?
  * Was it in this little nook? Or that one?  
  
Light, there are arrows peppering the whole wall. How am I supposed to remember which part I almost died at??
  * I think ... it was here. Probably?  
  
And then I stumbled this way ... maybe ten paces before I collapsed.
  * That could be my blood there. I don't see them though. I don't see them anywhere!
  * Could they have fallen off after those Tinkers picked me up?  
  
I don't even know which direction they walked me. Or how far.  
  
Argh, this is hopeless! I'm just wasting time!
  * I feel so blind. I know there's a storm of the Power over there on the Heights, but I can't see it. I could get myself killed out there, without ever realizing I was in danger.
  * Something from Emarin. He feels ... shocked?  
  
Now elated. Did they find something?
  * He's jumped this way, feels like out by the stedding again. If I run, I can be there in a minute.
  * Phew. Note to self—don't try to run right after being healed.
  * They're here. All the ones I wove disguises for.  
  
Thank the Light you all made it back. But why do you look so solemn?
  * Androl holding a familiar-looking pouch. ...Did you find them, or didn't you?  
  
They don't know. I was the one who stole them—they want me to confirm whether they're the same ones.
  * I'm afraid to look. What if they aren't?  
  
Please, Light, let them be real!
  * They do LOOK the same. And there are three of them—that's good. But I have to touch them to know for sure. If they radiate the same darkness as before....
  * They do! Oh, Light, you found them!  
  
Thank you! Androl—all of you. I haven't doomed the world. As long as the Shadow doesn't hold these, there's still hope!
  * They're wondering the same thing I did—if Taim has had them all this time, why didn't he break them?
  * I don't know the details. Mishraile told me ... on the day Hanled died ... he said that there would come a time when they would have to be broken.
  * Break them too soon, and the Lord Dragon might still have enough strength to beat the Dark One. But break them too late, after his strength was spent....
  * How will we know when it is time?  
  
I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to be the one to break them.
  * Logain will know—that's the consensus. And if he doesn't, the Amyrlin will.  
  
You go find him. I'll ... I'm not sure what I'll do. I've lost my sword as well as my spectacles. There's no place for me over there, at the Heights.
  * No, I don't know where I dropped them—not exactly. I know it was near the palisade.
  * If only there were a weave we could use to find them, Androl says.  
  
Light, why didn't I think of that? I do know a weave, though only the saidar version. But look—we have a pair of Aes Sedai right here!
  * "It's too bad you can't show it to them?" Hahaha! I needed that laugh.  
  
My fine Asha'man, how do you think I learned to weave without being able to see saidin in the first place?  
  
I can use Hanled's ribbons to teach it to them!
  * They've got the weave down. I hope I remembered it correctly.  
  
Now we'll have to be quick, before those Sharans notice us. I know it was at the south end of the palisade, on the east side.
  * YES! Theodrin found them! Thank the Light!  
  
And my sword is right here next to them. Even better!
  * All right, I'm ready. Shall I go as Canler again? ...Great.  
  
Let's go find Logain.
  * Emarin's worried about how tired I am.  
  
I'm all right. It takes more than a missed night of sleep to lose myself. Also, Dolyn wants Taim dead as much as I do, so you can probably trust her to a point, if you have to.  
  
Definitely don't let her near the seals, of course.
  * In the meantime ... I've learned to always snitch some extra from the kitchens before going into battle. I saved this loaf for you.
  * Looks like there's an Asha'man base camp just below the bogs. Even if Logain isn't there now, he should be eventually.  
  
Also, just for the record—please don't expect me to talk when we find him. I don't think I can mimic Canler's voice very well.
  * There's Gabrelle. She'll know where to find him.
  * There he is, watching the battle at the edge.  
  
I wish I could tell him how sorry I was for what Taim did to him. Now isn't the time for that conversation, though.
  * He's not sure what to do with them, either.
  * Light, Logain just gave Androl the Dragon pin off his own lapel.  
  
Congrats Androl!
  * He's going back into the fight now. Uh, with the seals still in his pouch? Was that wise?
  * His orders for us are to hunt the Shadow's Asha'man down to the last man. Might as well get to it.  
  
Lead on, Asha'man Androl Genhald!
  * Emarin and Pevara have joined Androl in a circle again. The rest of us are to act as spotters and troubleshooters.
  * We're a whirlwind of death and destruction. Androl's gateways slicing Shadowspawn and Sharan alike. Jonneth and Theodrin slicing any weaves aimed at us. My air whips and silent nooses taking any who get close.
  * And we're nothing compared to the battle going on upslope. Such a terrifying tangle of saidar and saidin.
  * More of those cracks everywhere—the ones that open into nothingness. Balefire up above ... it's tearing through the Aes Sedai!
  * It must be Demandred. I see a man carrying that staff ... but no, that's an Asha'man's black coat.  
  
Is that M'Hael?
  * He's facing off against the Amyrlin. She has a staff of some kind, too—maybe a rod?—glowing with so much saidar that I can barely make out anything else through that eye.
  * I can't watch anymore. Too much work to be done here.
  * Two more Dreadlords down. They're tired, and we've barely channeled at all in the last few hours. We're as close to rested as anyone can be in this bloody graveyard.
  * Something going on over by Taim and the Amyrlin. Weird crystals growing everywhere.  
  
They're engulfing the Freed! The Amyrlin has done something to ALL of them!
  * The cracks in the ground sealing up. What WAS that weave?
  * Taim has stopped channeling. Is he dead??  
  
All I see are more pillars of crystal up there.
  * The Aes Sedai shouting something.  
  
The Amyrlin is dead? Oh no!
  * But what killed her? Was it Taim? And did she take him with her, or has he fled somewhere else?
  * We got close. Kind of close. It looks like she did take him with her. I outlived you, Taim. You tried to kill me, but it was you who died first in the end.
  * Androl says Logain needs to know. We're going back to camp for the moment.
  * There he is. What happened to his face? He's been burned pretty badly.  
  
He went up against Demandred?? It's a wonder he's still alive!
  * Someone else here to see Logain. Some woman ... says she has a message for Logain about the seals.  
  
"Wait for the light?" Which light?
  * Logain took the news about Taim without blinking an eye. Either he knew already, or he's too tired to take it in.
  * Someone charging up that hill. Looks like the Wolf Guard. I feel like I should be worried about them, but I'm too tired.
  * We're all too tired. Androl is worried that someone will burn themselves out if we keep channeling.  
  
We can't quit yet. I have a weave that takes away exhaustion—let me use it on all of you.
  * Pevara knows it, too. Returned the favor.  
  
Back up then. There's still Mishraile to deal with. And Demandred, if anyone can best such a man.
  * There—a flow of saidin. No time to spare watching other people's battles.
  * We're hot on their heels, giving it our all again. Not sure how long that will last. I don't see Mishraile, but those are Taim's Asha'man for sure.
  * They're trying to hide among the Sharan soldiers. Trying to run, or regroup. We can't let—  
  
Ahh! It was a trap! The whole side of the hill is collapsing under us!
  * I can't see Androl. Can't see anyone! I feel Emarin somewhere close, wounded. It feels ... like he's being crushed!  
  
He's under here, somewhere!
  * I found him. Just his hand sticking out. I've got you ... but I can't move a rock this size!  
  
Someone help us! Anyone!
  * Need to break the rock ... like the wall in Caemlyn. Light, he can't breathe! All I'm doing is taking chips out of this boulder.
  * Please, Light, don't let him die! I can't do this a second time!
  * His fingers have gone limp. Emarin, hold on—please!
  * The flash of a gateway. Is it Mishraile, come to finish me off?  
  
No, it's ... it's Canler! The real Canler!
  * It's me, Ashalyn! Please, Emarin's trapped—  
  
Oh, thank the Light. He's breathing again!
  * Here's Pevara. Can you heal him?  
  
It's all right. We've got you. Light, you had me worried there.
  * We're not out of the woods yet. Rock still sliding everywhere—I think the rest of that rise will collapse soon. Androl, can you gate us to solid ground?
  * Well the footing is solid but the terrain isn't great. Sharans spotted us immediately. Now it's all we can do to keep their arrows off.
  * Androl doesn't have another gateway in him yet, and Pevara is too exhausted from healing Emarin for a link. Same with the others. We need some cover, now!
  * What's this? Fog? It's coming up like someone is weaving it, but I can't see any flows.  
  
And what IS that beautiful sound? Some kind of horn?
  * Fog counts as cover. Move, Jonneth!
  * Sharans retreating. Wailing about some Bao being dead?
  * They've relinquished the Heights! Still plenty of Trollocs below us, though.
  * There's General Cauthon. How long has he been up here?  
  
Ahh great; Logain is headed this way. Do any of you have a gateway left in you? No? Fine, I'll be a regular soldier until further notice.
  * Sharans headed straight across the river. Going to hit Elayne's forces in a minute if no one stops them.
  * What's that? Another earthquake?  
  
No, it's the river! They've loosed it again!
  * And now the sky is full of those Seanchan flying things. Wait, where have they been all this time?
  * And here come the dragons. Talmanes got them fixed!
  * Logain calling everyone to search the ridge for some scepter. What ever happened to chasing down the rogue Asha'man?
  * Hah, Androl is going to do it anyway.
  * He and Pevara have some plan involving the stedding....  
  
Heh. Wish I'd thought of that.
  * He and the others who can weave gateways will rest here for a minute and then go bait the trap, but he's sending me in to ask a favor of the Ogier here.
  * Message delivered. About fell asleep on my feet, so going to rest under this tree while I wait for their return.




	79. Justice

**Tammaz 17, N.E. 1000**

  * Whoa, no wonder I'm tired. Sun is coming up.
  * Oh Light, no!   
  
I took a walk to keep myself awake and I found her. Captain-General Birgitte, lying dead in the field.
  * Where is Queen Elayne? She's not...?
  * I should have been here. Burn me, I shouldn't have let her drive me away.   
  
No time to grieve now. Emarin is back at the stedding, waiting.
  * Androl is here, too.   
  
Did you find them?
  * Looks like we're just waiting for Donalo to read the residue of Androl's gateway.
  * Well it won't do to have them see anyone but Androl in his disguise. Hide, or weave yourselves invisible—quick!
  * I need to be further away. If Mishraile can really sense me, I'll have to wait deeper in.
  * Here they come. There's Mishraile! Ah, if only I could channel from here....
  * The Ogier have them! It worked!   
  
...Where is Androl going? Isn't he going to kill them?
  * I guess I'll have to do it. I still have my sword.
  * Mishraile has noticed me now. That look of terror is exactly what I wanted to see.   
  
Let him go! I want to hear him beg for his life!
  * What do you mean you won't let me kill him?! Elder Lindsar—he murdered my husband!
  * Emarin, there you are. Tell her I have to kill him. I have to avenge Hanled!
  * Burn you, let me go!   
  
Mishraile, you'll never be safe from me! You set one foot outside this stedding and I will find you! There's nowhere in the world you can hide from me!
  * It isn't fair. Emarin, you promised we could kill him!
  * Justice? He thinks it's justice for Mishraile to suffer the emptiness of the stedding for the rest of his life.   
  
I lied! I don't want justice—I want his blood spilling across the ground. Soaking it, like Hanled's did!
  * Burn you, I want to watch his life bleed away. Why can't they give me that for my pain?
  * Not inside the stedding, Emarin says. We have to respect the Ogier's ways.   
  
But what if he escapes? He still has that angreal.
  * Emarin says he thinks he knows a way, but we'll need a link.   
  
Let's find Pevara or Theodrin and get it done.
  * What is this?! Outside the stedding, where the refugees were gathering arrows an hour ago—it's full of Trollocs!
  * They're being slaughtered. Emarin—I hate myself for saying this, but Mishraile can wait. We have to let someone know what's happening here!
  * Androl and the rest who can use gateways have gone to find help. Emarin is staying here with me to fight.   
  
Light send they return soon.
  * A few pockets of resistance. Old men and women picking up swords from the fallen. We'll join them.
  * They sure are glad to see us.   
  
You, with the hair like Elayne's—drop that sword and pick up a spear! I recommend that one with the crossguard.   
  
Can anyone shoot a bow? There's plenty at the palisade. Grab arrows as you go and form back up on me!
  * I know those coats!   
  
Emarin—that pair of Tinkers caught with nowhere to run. Let's cut them a path!
  * Not today, Shadowspawn! They don't belong to you. They saved my life, and I claim them!
  * Get behind me! If you won't pick up a weapon, then run for those trees. You'll be safe inside the stedding.
  * Light, it's a slaughterhouse. I can't save them all. We can barely save a handful like this. Androl, please find someone soon!
  * I see ... gateways. Gateways of saidin, everywhere.   
  
The Black Tower is here!
  * They're all here. Logain brought them all!   
  
I thought Dumai's Wells was unforgettable, but this ... Asha'man killing Shadowspawn with precision attacks, not risking any harm to the women and children below.
  * This is what we were truly made for—I see it in the eyes of every man in black on this field.   
  
To save lives, not to take them.
  * It's done. The Trollocs are routed, drowning themselves in the Mora—which came crashing down right before dawn, they say—just to escape us.
  * No, don't thank me. Thank that man over there—his name is Logain.
  * Everyone's staring northward all of a sudden. Something shining like the sun!   
  
The light. That's what that woman said. The time to break the seals....
  * He's done it. Logain broke them and dropped the pieces on the ground.   
  
I hope she was right. That woman said her message was from the Amyrlin, but I'm still glad it wasn't my responsibility. I have enough blood on my hands.
  * Logain called my name. He knows I'm here. Do I run?   
  
But it was Amaru he said, not Ashalyn. If I face him as Hanled, maybe I can convince him that I'm dead.
  * Emarin is coming, but it's too late to run. Some of the others have seen me.   
  
Androl might weave me a gateway to freedom, but Logain will know it was him if he does. Better to let him think Hanled was responsible for the last time.
  * Asha'man and Dedicated closing in around me. Hanled is still considered a deserter. All I can hope is to ask for mercy.
  * Light, he saw right through my disguise! Sliced it and forced me to my knees.   
  
I don't even dare look up at him. Is there fury in his eyes, or something else?
  * Am I going to beg for my life?   
  
It's yours to take—I beg only that you spare the man who holds my bond. Let him release me first.
  * They're letting Emarin through. He tried to ask Logain to forgive me, then cut off when he looked at him.   
  
I feel the bond unraveling. It's all right, Emarin. I did what I came for. I made it to Tarmon Gai'don, and I made a difference.
  * His judgment-passing voice is almost as terrible as Queen Elayne's.   
  
For the crime of treason, I am to be ... stripped of my pins and cast out of the Black Tower? Is that all?
  * No, that is definitely not all. I dared a look up at him, and the fury in his eyes is almost as terrifying as it was to stand on that ridge when Demandred marched down it.
  * He's preparing a weave I don't recognize. Please, let it be quick.   
  
Down it comes—
  * What ... what was it? I didn't feel anything. All I heard was a loud crack from somewhere.
  * A ripple of horror going through the Asha'man. They're saying....   
  
That was the weave for gentling?? But Logain knows that won't do anything to—   
  
My pocket. That crack came from my pocket!
  * The horse ter'angreal ... it's cracked. Split right down the middle.   
  
He knew exactly what he was doing. No, I can't be gentled, but now....   
  
Without my ter'angreal, I'll never channel again.
  * Androl and Emarin collecting my coat and sword pin. The other Asha'man backing away. They won't even look at me now.
  * Androl says he'll take me wherever I want to go.   
  
I don't know. It's hard to think....   
  
Wait—the stedding. I still have business there.
  * No need for a gateway. I can walk.
  * They're coming with me. Emarin, Androl, Jonneth—everyone who knows who I really am.   
  
I had to show them the pieces before they understood. My link to saidin is broken.   
  
I'm an Asha'man no longer.
  * Emarin says he'll go into the stedding with me. Wants the others to link with him so he can channel inside.
  * I'm trying so hard not to cry. I don't want Hanled's murderer to see anything but my anger.   
  
Let's do this quickly.
  * The Ogier have Mishraile and the others locked in a little house built inside the trunk of a living tree. They made me leave my sword outside.
  * It's cozy in here. Nicer than any of them deserve.
  * The one in white—Alviarin?—tried to threaten me. I don't know what she saw in my eyes, but it shut her up.   
  
Where's Mishraile?
  * He has his own room. A tiny window, even.   
  
It just doesn't feel right. At least he seems to know I'm not here to play around. In fact, I think he's a little bit terrified of me.   
  
I can work with that.
  * Mishraile ... you have something that belongs to me.
  * Light, he still has it. The book Hanled gave to me.   
  
That's not what I'm talking about though. The angreal, now.
  * I won't kill you. Even though you deserve it. Emarin has convinced me that living without saidin will be almost as hard for you as it is for me to live without the man I love.
  * Mishraile trying not to smirk. He has every intention of escaping this place at the first opportunity.
  * Now Emarin has some words for him. He's the only one who knows how deep my pain is. He wants to make sure that Mishraile feels the way I did.   
  
Not sure how he intends to do that. Mishraile isn't bonded to anyone, is he?
  * He's weaving something. Mishraile trying to run, and can't. He expects the worst.
  * I see. I understand now.   
  
That really is justice. The same weave Logain used on me.   
  
Even if you do escape, Mishraile, you'll never be whole again.
  * Let's go. I don't need to watch him howl.
  * Emarin released the link as soon as we were outside. A troubled look on his face.   
  
I know what he's thinking. I thought getting my revenge would make me feel better, but it doesn't. I feel ... dirty.
  * The sun has come out!   
  
And the flowers! Emarin, look at the FLOWERS!
  * He's done it. The Lord Dragon has won!   
  
The Last Battle is over.
  * We told Androl what we did to Mishraile. I think he already knew. It made the others sick to think about it, and I sort of understand.
  * I once said I would give up channeling in a heartbeat if it meant I could have Hanled back. It was true ... but that doesn't mean I won't miss it. It became a part of me, and now that part is gone.
  * I should have Androl return the angreal and both ter'angreal to Queen Elayne. Doesn't matter that the one is broken—I gave my word.   
  
And yes, losing the spectacles on top of everything will hurt. Even if seeing the weaves does me no good anymore, I'll miss it.
  * I feel privileged to have been one of you. In the coming years, people won't understand what it was like—knowing we were going to go mad and being brave enough to do what we had to do anyway. That fear all by itself may have turned many of us to the Shadow.
  * I'm going to leave you, now. I'd only be an inconvenience if I stayed. Don't worry; I've mastered my grief. I even have a new purpose—a promise I made to one of the people who saved my life.
  * I have only one last favor to ask. Will you help me find the woman called Nynaeve?   
  
Dolyn knows she lost. She's as tired of being trapped inside my head as I am of having her. If our madness can be healed ... we'd like to see it done.
  * I haven't properly thanked you all.   
  
Emarin—for making me angry enough to care again.   
  
Androl—for believing in me even when I couldn't.   
  
Canler—for letting me crash at your place and borrow your face all those times.
  * Pevara—for slapping some sense into me. I needed that.   
  
Jonneth—for helping me teach my friends to defend themselves.   
  
Er, and Theodrin ... I don't know what to thank you for really, but it was fun hanging out and killing Dreadlords with you.
  * Theodrin thinks I'm the strangest person she's ever met, but she'll remember my advice. I guess my legacy is secure.
  * They've located Nynaeve Sedai. She's at Shayol Ghul, tending the Lord Dragon, so I'll need to go to her.   
  
That's only a little bit scary.
  * Androl is going with me—says he has his own shadows to take care of. Also, he found me a coat so I'm not walking around in my shirtsleeves.
  * This is Shayol Ghul?   
  
...It's blooming as green as Merrilor was!
  * The Lord Dragon's tent is pretty well guarded. Androl gets a pass because of his coat, but I have to wait here.   
  
This is going to take some getting used to again.
  * There he is. Waving me inside.
  * Dai Shan! Light, I never thought I'd see him this close. Nearly curtsied by accident.
  * And he's got a crown on.   
  
Taishar Malkier! That charge saved my life.
  * He told me, "Taishar Shienar!" 😱   
  
That's it, that's the bucket list. I can die happy now.
  * THAT'S Nynaeve Sedai? Why, she looks barely older than I am!   
  
AND wearing a crown ... that makes her el'Nynaeve, doesn't it? 
  * And just beyond her ... the Lord Dragon.   
  
He looks so pale. Is he...?
  * He's dying, she says. Neither the Aes Sedai nor the Asha'man have been able to do anything for him.   
  
Light, I didn't come here to cry.
  * No, I didn't know him—but he saved my life all the same. He saved all of us. I suppose it's only reasonable that we should shed a few tears for him.
  * Yes, I did come here for healing. I'm quite mad, Your Majesty.   
  
No, I'm ... not an Asha'man. But I did live at the Black Tower, and there was an accident with a ter'angreal....   
  
It's broken now. It won't harm anyone else.
  * I expected this to feel different. For Dolyn to disappear and take all of her dark memories with her. But they're all still here.
  * She never was a separate person, was she? Everything she did ... those were things I might have done anyway, if I let myself succumb to the darkness inside.
  * I'll have to remember that. What I hated about her is still part of me. Her bloodthirstiness, her greed, her selfishness. I can suppress them now, but I can't say they aren't inside of me, deep down.
  * Thank you, Your Majesties, for letting me intrude. I won't waste any more of your time.
  * How does it feel, Androl wants to know?   
  
It feels ... good. It feels impossible. We survived ... so many others didn't. Light, there are parts of the world that probably don't know what happened, yet.
  * How about you? Are your shadows gone, too?   
  
His smile tells me they are.
  * Light preserve us! Am I seeing a ghost??   
  
Captain-General....   
  
You're her. You were always her, weren't you?
  * Queen Elayne, is she...?   
  
Thank the Light! I thought, when I saw you dead on the ground ... I thought the worst had happened.
  * Androl, this is ... well obviously she's Birgitte—one of the Heroes of the Horn. Captain-General Birgitte, this is Androl Genhald, one of the noblest Asha'man I've ever had the honor to fight beside.   
  
Go on, Androl. You can shake her hand.
  * But you're ... are you dead, then?   
  
So that really was you I saw.   
  
I'll miss you. Thanks for taking a chance on me.
  * Birgitte—I have to know. Are the dead really reborn? More than just you, I mean.   
  
Will ... will Hanled come back someday?
  * That helps. Coming from you ... I think I can believe it now.
  * Queen Elayne is down there? Uh, no. Nononono I am not ready for that yet.   
  
Oh, but can you give her these for me?   
  
I'm sorry that one's broken. I know she wanted to figure out how it was made.
  * I suppose this is goodbye, then. I'm sure you have ... heroing to do.
  * A job for me?   
  
...This isn't some sort of trick to get me to talk to Queen Elayne, is it?
  * Escort mission. I suppose I have a little time before I get started on my new life.   
  
So who is this Olver guy, anyway?
  * Apparently he's a scrawny little kid with a sack full of ... something largish. Needs to dump whatever it is in the ocean where no one will ever find it.
  * Birgitte cautions me not to touch the sack. The thing inside it could be dangerous.   
  
No yeah, I know better than to mess with ter'angreal and such. If the kid wants to carry it, that's fine by me.
  * Androl, what do you think? Want to give us a lift?   
  
I know this great stretch of beach along the Shadow Coast. Should be easy enough to find someone there with a boat who will take us out.
  * Nah, no need to come with. Just drop us off anywhere—looks like there's provisions enough here to last us for weeks.
  * Tell Emarin and the others goodbye for me, wouldn't you?   
  
...Until we meet again, my friends.




	80. Epilogue: Three Years Later

**Tammaz 17, Dragon's Era - Year 3**

  * I've been hearing stories about myself lately.  
  
They call me "The Shienaran." Sometimes a man, sometimes a woman, but always with a scar like tongues of flame across the left side of the face.  
  
And everywhere this scarred Shienaran goes, damane disappear.
  * It's a shame, really. I was hoping to do this a while longer. Still haven't found Sherrin's daughters.  
  
At the very least I'll have to move out of Amadicia. I could try Tarabon, I suppose, or Almoth Plain. Not Altara, I think; I've done too many runs there already.
  * A knock on the roof of the carriage. They're coming.  
  
Settle down, girls. Nothing to be afraid of. You're just visiting your uncle Ivon across the river. And you—you're supposed to be a boy. Slouch more, look bored. That's right.
  * We're in luck—Denna only knocked twice. Three would mean they have a sul'dam with them, but two means they'll be relying on forkroot. Which, if Olver did his job properly this morning, shouldn't be a problem at all.
  * Always makes me a little nervous when they've got morat'lopar with them. Does help excuse a little skittishness, but I've SEEN those things run.
  * Come on out, ladies and gent. Show them we have nothing to hide.  
  
I'll take the first sip, if you don't mind. ...You do WASH these cups, I hope?
  * Tastes like Olver made the switch. Good.  
  
Drink up—show them you're not a scary marath'damane.  
  
...And the Light bless you folks for patrolling the borders so diligently. I heard about the mess they made in that Sally Dar place. Terrifying.
  * (I love Amadicia. It makes kissing up so much easier.)
  * They've got a list. I hope it isn't current. We rode the horses so hard that first leg I think Jasin might have to put one of them down, but if someone thought to send a raken ahead with an update, it doesn't really matter.
  * Light, it IS current. Please let Jessi's haircut be good enough to fool them.
  * Phew. Looks like the forkroot swap threw them off.  
  
Back in the wagon. Denna—go ahead and drive us right onto the ferry if you please.
  * Relax—it's only Aiel on the other side, and you've done nothing wrong.  
  
(Me on the other hand ... well, you can't make an omelet without breaking an egg, right?) 
  * They didn't even give us a second glance. See? Nothing to worry about.
  * No, no stops. We drive until nightfall, and break camp with the dawn. Don't let your guard down until we're safe in Jehannah.
  * Yes Jessi, you can change back into your dress now. And don't grouse at me about your hair—I've had to cut mine shorter.
  * No, not your gray dress. Light no. We'll burn those when we make camp. Got a little ceremony and everything.
  * I know it's not the best fit. We'll fix it later.  
  
You aren't having second thoughts, are you? Good. I hate when that happens.
  * Olver, there you are. Get in.  
  
And keep your eyes where they belong, or you'll be up on the seat with Denna. You're way too young for these ladies.  
  
Burn me, if I knew who taught him to leer like that, I'd smack the fellow's eyes right out of his face.
  * All right—Denna, turn aside. And go deep; I don't want anyone spotting our campfire from the road.
  * Here are the rules.  
  
One: Stay near the wagon. Two: Stay near the wagon. Three: Don't let that bloody wagon out of your sight. Got it?
  * I'm going to walk the perimeter. Olver, grab me my sword belt?  
  
No you may not. We've had this discussion already.
  * Now go gather up some firewood before it's too dark to see anything.
  * Denna, you need any help with the horses? All right, just let me know.
  * This is my favorite part. Walking back in after I do a check and eavesdropping on the new rescuees while they speculate about me.
  * This batch can't seem to decide whether I'm a Hunter for the Horn, or some disgruntled member of the Low Blood.  
  
Really? Why do they think a Shienaran would be Seanchan nobility?
  * Ooh, Jessi thinks I'm a former Aes Sedai who burned out. So close.
  * Ahem. You ladies ready to burn your old dresses?
  * Where IS Olver with that firewood?  
  
Never mind. It's more fun when they use the Power anyway.
  * Just a trickle, mind. No reason to let them sense you from across the Eldar.
  * It's too bad I can't figure out how to destroy the a'dam as well. Of all the things I wish I could still use saidin for, that's the only one I can't manage the old-fashioned way.
  * My scars? Yes, it was lightning. How did you know?  
  
An Accepted. Don't think I've rescued any of those before.
  * I'm sure the Yellow Ajah would still love to have you.
  * Of course, you could always go Red. Hard to go wrong with an Asha'man Warder.  
  
...Light, you're behind the times, aren't you?
  * Burn that boy. Thinks he's a Warder himself, sometimes, practicing his skulking when he ought to be doing chores.
  * I think it's time I went looking for—  
  
Who screamed?! Wasn't Olver. Light, Bette is missing!
  * Jessi, Shuan, stand ready! It's probably just a ridgecat, or....  
  
What do you mean you're shielded??
  * Men stepping out of the woods. Thank the Light—they're Asha'man, not Seanchan!  
  
Denna, stand down—don't you know what a black coat means?
  * There's Bette. Terrified, but unhurt. Still no sign of Olver.  
  
We surrender. There's no need for shields—we'll come quietly. Won't we, Jessi?
  * Light, this is a mess. Nobody I recognize here, but they all have red armbands. They knew we would be here, knew some of us could channel. But how?
  * Back across the river? No! You can't send them back—the Seanchan treat them like animals!  
  
Please, arrest me for breaking the treaty but let them go!
  * Taking us all through a gateway. The Peacekeepers will sort it out, they say.
  * Don't panic. Keep a level head and do what they say. There's too many to fight anyway.
  * They've put me in a room by myself. No windows, but it smells familiar somehow. Could be Andor. Lots of Aiel stationed in Andor.
  * And here I thought they'd wait until morning to hold my trial. So much for the stories.
  * What's the punishment for treaty-breaking, anyway? I don't even know.  
  
On second thought, I think I can go a little longer without knowing.
  * This much is like the stories. Five Aiel standing as judges, all with the red armband. Two men, three women.  
  
And ... Jasin?! Are you the one who told them where to find us?
  * Light. The Seanchan caught him and turned him in to the Aiel. It's a wonder they didn't come after us themselves.
  * Jasin is being very thorough in listing my crimes. Telling them about damane smuggling runs I didn't even think he knew about.
  * Thirty-five damane stolen from the Seanchan, including the three who crossed the river today. Have I really freed so many?
  * I get to defend myself now. Peachy.
  * Yes, I remember each of those women. I confess. Not only that, but I'm not sorry; they deserved to be free. Not just those thirty-five, but all of them.
  * Hang me if you must, but my only crime was compassion.  
  
...And maybe some occasional horse-stealing.
  * Well, the penalty for treaty-breaking is death.  
  
They've decided not to convict me of that, though. Since the Seanchan treat damane as property, my crime as they see it is theft.
  * Thirty lashes per damane, plus ninety for the three horses.  
  
Oh, and they'll heal me in between sets. How very ... civilized of them.
  * But what about the women? Please tell me you're not sending them back!
  * They won't even tell me what they plan to do.  
  
Burn me, I should have told them to fight. Better to die fighting than live as property.
  * I'm to have my first thirty before they send me back to my cell.  
  
Thirty's not so bad, is it? Never heard of anyone dying from thirty lashes.  
  
Well, almost never.
  * Ahh! I swear they're waiting so long in between lashes just to make each one hurt more. 😭
  * Is it done already? It doesn't feel like enough. I haven't saved enough.  
  
Tell me, if I take more than thirty each time, will I be free any sooner?  
  
Give me thirty-five then. One for each of them.
  * Light, why do I always have to open my big stupid mouth?



**Tammaz 18, Dragon's Era - Year 3**

  * Sleep was difficult. They won't heal me until right before my next set, though they washed my wounds and bandaged them. Couldn't stop thinking about Jessi and the others, either. Are they already on their way back to Amadicia?
  * Sounds like they prefer to mete out punishments in the morning, when there are more people to see.  
  
Here comes the healer; a yellow-band Asha'man. He seems vaguely familiar?
  * Watching me closely as I eat breakfast. Does he recognize me, or is he deciding whether I'm healthy enough for another thirty-five?
  * We're going outside this time. Now I really wish I had on a dress that unbuttoned in the back. At least I've got a good thick shift on.
  * Satisfying little murmur through the crowd as they read my crimes: "stealing thirty-five damane and three horses." At least I have that.
  * Hang on, is this Caemlyn? The paving stones look really familiar.
  * Light, here we go.  
  
One for Tirina. One for Karrin. One for that poor little thing who would only answer to "Vex."  
  
One for Tica. One for Rubi. One for....  
  
Hey, why did it stop? I have thirty more coming.
  * One of the red-bands pushing through. Flaming red hair ... Lady AVIENDHA??
  * Where are we going? If I only take five, it'll be half a year before I'm free!
  * Sephanie Pelden. Light, I haven't heard that name since before Tarmon Gai'don.
  * I'm sorry for lying to you, Lady Aviendha. That isn't my real name. I took it so I could spy on the Queen of Andor for Mazrim Taim.
  * Flaming Aiel and their bloody unreadable faces.
  * She says the rest of my sentence can wait, because there are other people who have first claim on me.  
  
Yeah, this would be why I never came back to Andor.
  * And now I'm in a wagon. Heading ... south? Hard to tell.  
  
Light, the Black Tower is to the south. Logain didn't change his mind about executing me, did he?
  * The smells of the city and now the countryside bringing back such vivid memories. I didn't think I was in Andor long enough to miss it this much.
  * We're stopping. Wish I could see where we are.
  * And moving again?  
  
Going much slower though. I think we're moving through busy streets.
  * Pulling into some courtyard, judging by the echoey sound of hooves. Less people noise.
  * They're letting me out. The black stone walls tell me exactly where I am, even if the pile of Asha'man in front of those big doors weren't evidence enough. Mostly red-bands.
  * Is that Taim's (former) palace? It looks so different now that it's finished!
  * Aviendha coming out through the doors. Of course she didn't ride on the wagon—she can weave gateways.  
  
Wait, why didn't she just walk me through with her, then?
  * She wants to know why I asked for an extra five lashes.  
  
I told her. No use hiding it.
  * Yes, I'm going to go right back to what I was doing before. If you want to stop me, you'll have to kill me.  
  
She just gave me this little smirk and tossed the keys to my manacles at one of the Asha'man.
  * Now I'm waiting inside the main audience chamber. What used to be the main one, anyway—this is just one small wing of the palace now.
  * I'm pretty sure I'm not imagining the chip in the wall beside the door. Not a pleasant memory.
  * Someone coming in. Finally.  
  
Emarin?!
  * He says it's Algarin, now. Went back to using his real name.  
  
He unlocked my manacles with the Power. Now he's muttering something about Aiel humor.
  * Em ... Lord Algarin, what's going on? What did she mean when she said someone had a claim on me?
  * Says I don't need to call him a Lord. If I need a title to use, I can say Shain'M'Hael, which means "Peace Leader."  
  
I was wondering what the gold trim on his red armband meant.
  * He says he's been looking for me for a long time. Three years yesterday, to be exact. Has it been so long?  
  
They've been hearing the rumors about me, too. He says he knew immediately that it was me.
  * I wasn't imagining things. The wall is definitely chipped.
  * He wants to know if I'd like him to have it filled in.  
  
No. It's a good reminder that sometimes getting caught doesn't mean a quick and easy death. Sometimes it just means more work for me later.
  * He's smirking like he knows something I don't.  
  
Algarin, when are you going to tell me why I'm here? What are you waiting for?
  * "For everyone to be here."  
  
...Who is "everyone?"
  * I'm not anything close to presentable. I can't go meeting people like this....
  * Yes, a washbasin would be great. And a hairbrush. The Aiel took mine.
  * Algarin wants me to stop pacing.  
  
Sorry, can't. I've got nothing to do.
  * He says he remembers that about me. :P
  * "They're ready," says the kid at the door. Can't be older than twelve, but he's in a black coat.  
  
How I envy him.
  * Taking me to some kind of ... amphitheater? Light, the entire Black Tower is out there. Hundreds of Asha'man and Aes Sedai. Maybe thousands.  
  
I'm not ready for whatever this is. Can I go back to my cell now?
  * I was afraid you'd say that.  
  
Seeing more faces I know. Jonneth and Theodrin in the gray coats of the Bound, with green Gardeners' armbands. Androl and Pevara have blue armbands over theirs; no surprise they're among the Travelers.
  * I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that Queen Elayne and her retinue are here either, considering where we are. They've got their own private box, even.
  * Lady Aviendha joining them, still with that smirk on her face.
  * Someone in the front row waving at me. Couple of Wise One apprentices, a handful of Accepted, and ... that's Jessi!  
  
They're here! All thirty-five of them are here!
  * Light, now I'm crying.
  * They're crying too, so I guess fair is fair.
  * Eek, there's Logain. I'd heard he was named Aman'M'Hael after the Lord Dragon's death, but I was really hoping I'd never see him again.
  * They've seated me on the stage with Androl and Algarin and the rest of the unit leaders. Logain getting up to speak.
  * He's going on about the taint on saidin and how it used to drive men mad. Explaining how the taint manifested in different ways among all of us—that the use of objects of the Power could even corrupt those who couldn't wield saidin itself. Lists the Ways as an example.
  * Now he's talking about me. About how I found that ter'angreal and became an Asha'man even though I was a woman, and suffered from the taint as well.
  * The crowd is on the edge of their seats. Most of them have never heard this story, I think.  
  
It's all I can do not to squirm.
  * Logain says that the taint drove me to do terrible things, for which I was cast out of the Black Tower and denied the ability to channel ever again.
  * He says that was a mistake.
  * That despite the madness, he has learned that I was instrumental in freeing the Black Tower from Taim's grip, feeding Caemlyn's armies during Tarmon Gai'don, and ultimately repairing the damage I'd done when I gave the seals to the Dark One's prison into the hands of the Shadow.
  * He has ... he has reinstated me as a member of the Black Tower, and grants me the rank of Asha'man?!
  * Emarin—I mean Algarin—pushing me toward the podium. Logain's eyes boring into me ... he's still angry at what I did, but I don't think he's angry at ME.  
  
He seems a lot more ... mellow, I guess.
  * Androl bringing out a coat for me—gray, not black. Logain pinning the sword and dragon on my lapels.  
  
I don't know what to say. I can't ... how can I be an Asha'man when I can't even channel?
  * Looks like Queen Elayne has something to say. She's still on her podium, just weaving to be heard.  
  
She says ... I'm pardoned of all crimes committed against the throne of Andor.
  * That for my service to the throne, she has a gift for me. Ter'angreal that she crafted with her own skill in the Power, and with the help of her counterpart in the Black Tower—Fager Neald.
  * Someone coming with a silk-lined tray. There's a pair of spectacles! They're not the same ones, but I can guess their purpose. Bit less obvious, too.
  * The other looks like a pair of fingerless gloves. Androl helping me put them on.  
  
I couldn't help myself. I tried weaving Hanled's ribbons ... and it worked!  
  
Light, it WORKED!
  * I've never heard such a cheer in all my life.
  * Logain says I can sit down. If my quaking legs will carry me back to my seat, lol.
  * I'm dreaming. This has to be a dream. All I need is for Hanled to walk up to me—then I'll know it can't be true.
  * No sign of him. Maybe this is real after all.
  * The rest of the meeting was just everyday announcements and such. To be honest I don't remember half of it.  
  
I guess it will take me a few weeks to get up to speed on all the changes.
  * A sort of reception back at the audience chamber. Just the people who knew me personally, for the most part, though Emarin introduced me to all the other unit leaders. Sorry, Algarin. I'll get it right eventually.
  * Now he's gone off to join ... is that Ramish?  
  
They look happy together. At least that's one good deed that didn't come back to bite me.
  * The former damane are monopolizing most of my attention. They all want to tell me what they've been up to since I freed them.
  * They're making way for Lady Aviendha. She says I have no toe toward her? Is that ... am I standing wrong?
  * Now she's gone off to talk to some tall guy—Aiel tall, but with black hair. Thought he was an Asha'man at first, but his coat is just really dark brown.
  * Queen Elayne making her own entrance. Some familiar faces among her guards.  
  
I found myself looking for Birgitte, but of course she isn't here.
  * She stopped to talk to Tall Guy first. I still want to run but I guess I've put this conversation off too long already.
  * Hoo, boy.
  * A hug?!  
  
I'm being hugged by the Queen. 😳
  * But I thought you hated me? Sent me to sit out the war in Mayene.
  * To keep me safe?  
  
With all respect, Your Majesty, I didn't become an Asha'man to be "safe." I did it to protect the people I care about.
  * "That's what Birgitte thought you'd say."  
  
She knew me better than I realized.
  * Bit of a silent moment after that. I can tell that losing her warder—and friend—still hurts.  
  
I guess we do have that in common.
  * Now she's off to do Queen stuff. It's funny, but I feel like I know her so well, and yet we've never had a real conversation before.
  * Androl has come over, finally. Wants to know what I think of all this.
  * I think overwhelmed is the only word that fits.  
  
Yesterday I was an urban legend at best. Now, everyone in the Black Tower knows my name. My REAL name. And these gloves, and this coat ... it's too much to take in right now.
  * But Androl ... why is this coat gray instead of black? You know I'm not Bound anymore.
  * He says the gray coat isn't about being bonded to someone. If it were, every Asha'man with a spouse would wear it. It's about the union of saidin and saidar.  
  
I still don't understand.
  * "You haven't tried the other glove?" he asks.  
  
OTHER glove?  
  
...YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
  * Light! Only the left glove weaves saidin. The other weaves saidar!
  * I don't even know where to start. I barely know any weaves at all with saidar.  
  
"You'll learn," he says.
  * Finally got away to one of the practice yards to test out these gloves.  
  
All in all, they seem to be about on par with the original ter'angreal. Maybe a little stronger. Probably not enough to make a gateway large enough to Travel with.  
  
Unless....
  * I don't get it. I've seen the weave done with both Powers before. It SEEMS to be working fine, but then it dissolves instead of opening.
  * Ahh, that's what I'm forgetting. I don't know this place well enough anymore. Too many changes.  
  
Yes! The weave for Skimming works! Except ... there's no platform. I guess you have to actually be able to channel to make one of those?
  * There has to be someplace that hasn't changed. Don't know where, though. Even if my old room weren't in use, the furniture is sure to be different.
  * Heh. I do know one place where I've spent enough time. The audience chamber. If I'm lucky, it will be empty by now.
  * Just one of the Soldiers, sweeping up. Except, no—they call them Trainees now.
  * Nice weave. I might have to steal it.
  * Here goes nothing....  
  
It opened. Looks different than I remember on the other side, but ... yes, there's the tree. And a new farmhouse where the old one used to stand.
  * There's the grave. Someone's been tending to it, so I'm willing to bet his parents came back here.  
  
I didn't come to see them, though.
  * Hello, Hanled.  
  
I'm doing well. Have been keeping busy since I lost you, but sometimes the tears come anyway. I'll see someone with your shoulders, or your smile, and it all comes rushing back.
  * Androl says there's a monument somewhere to everyone who died at Tarmon Gai'don. He made sure your name was on it, even though some people thought you were a deserter.
  * I brought you something. Olver and I went beach-combing after he dropped that whatever-it-was into the ocean. I kept enough for both of us.
  * I suppose I'd better go back now. Not sure how long I can hold this gateway open. I'll be learning a lot of new things soon, I hope.
  * Someone in here. Not the sweeping boy. A Seanchan woman!
  * Of the High Blood, by the looks of her. And that tall guy from earlier is behind her, watching me.  
  
Don't mind me. I'm just going to go find out where I'm staying tonight....
  * Ahh, great. She knows my name.  
  
Hang on ... Light, I know you! You were at Dumai's Wells, hanging on the Lord Dragon's arm!  
  
(Can I tell her I loved her breeches? Would that be too weird?) 
  * She's something called a Doomseer. She says that at the Wells she saw that I would go on to break something. Either a damane's leash or three black and white disks. The Pattern couldn't decide which.  
  
Wow, I did not need to know that about myself. Creep-out factor: Maximum.
  * She says that while the Black Tower and the throne of Andor may have pardoned my crimes, the Seanchan Empire has not. However, she may have a task for me which will balance the scales.
  * Ok, I'm sorry, but what makes you think I care what the Seanchan think of me? Are you two here to drag me back to a cell? Because if not, I don't see what difference it makes.
  * And before you tell me you'll hunt me down, I'll warn you that I can change my face twelve times in the space of turning a corner. You'll never find me.
  * That's what she's counting on??
  * She knows I won't stop freeing damane. She's counting on me to continue?  
  
Ahah. There's the catch.  
  
There's a high-ranking Seanchan who has gone missing. A sul'dam, who may have been collared and made damane herself. If I can find that woman, she believes all will be forgiven.
  * This Doom lady suggests that I choose the Diplomat unit—the gray-bands—and that if I do she will see me appointed as a Seanchan liaison. She'll give me the details after that.
  * There they go. Can't help feeling I've seen that tall guy around somewhere too, but can't place him. It'll come to me or it won't.
  * Darn, I should have asked her about my crew. I'll have to have Algarin look into it for me.  
  
I'm a bit worried about Olver. None of the red-bands mentioned anything about him. Hope he doesn't get into too much mischief on his own.
  * I think I'm actually considering her offer. To have an actual, official reason to be in Seanchan-held territory ... maybe even access to records, like where damane were captured? It's incredibly tempting.
  * Got my room assignment from Androl. He says I can come and go as I please—they won't reassign it to anyone else even if I'm gone for a month or a year.
  * I don't have much to put here. A few things recovered from our wagon, but I've always traveled light. The book Hanled gave me, of course—I've read it so many times I can practically quote it, and it will be nice to have a place to keep it safe.
  * I did it. After dinner ... I signed on with the gray-bands. That Doom lady was right there, like she knew I would come. I dunno—maybe she read it in the Pattern.
  * There'll be a week of orientation, and some paperwork, yadda yadda, but there's no reason not to get started on my REAL job as soon as I've got this room good and memorized. I've been inside plenty of damane kennels, and I think I know exactly which one to hit first.
  * Sun's down, room memorized, everyone else is asleep.  
  
Let's go free some damane.
  * ~*{ THE END }*~




End file.
